2 PART II: Mask

"Once again I put a mask on and go to see you" from "The Truth Untold (English Translation)" by BTS

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Lily and I met a few more times, I agreed to go out with her. She genuinely wanted to learn what a relationship was. She showed me an outline of her idea for her project, and it involved understanding romantic relationships, something she has never been in. I made sure she understood that I'm not only going out with her just to help her, but to seriously try to be in a relationship. She had no objection and only smiled in response.

It was summer break, so we had a lot of opportunities to go places when she wasn't working her part-time job at the cafe we had our first meeting at. I invited her to hang out with my friends who all took a liking to her quiet nature. I brought her to all sorts of places that couples usually go to for dates: the movies, the beach, the mall, a restaurant. The more we went out, the more Lily showed more emotions. She laughed and smiled more often and started to take the initiative to bring me on a date.

I hid the memories of my past and continued onward with my new self, the one who went with the flow of things, and basked in Lily's growing happiness as she learned what it meant to be in a relationship. I was careful each time we met, conscious of the way I spoke to her. I don't want a repeat of my past relationship.

I don't think what I'm doing is completely in-genuine. I truly did care for Lily. She revived feelings that I haven't felt in a long time, feelings of a fluttering in my chest every time I saw her. My lips naturally turned up into a smile whenever I saw Lily enjoying herself. What I felt for her was real. What I showed was real. The only thing I did was hide a piece of myself. I decided I wouldn't ever show the part of me that loved math, the part of me that was curious about the inner workings of machines, the part of me that was nerdy and geeky, all rolled into one. I used to draw machines and create short animations of machines in action. My father was a mechanic and got me interested in his field when I was young.

I brought my enthusiasm for machinery into my first relationship in high school. The moment I brought it into the relationship was the moment my heart was bound to be broken. I really thought I would be accepted for my passion. I pushed away those thoughts. I needed to focus on my current relationship. No good will come from me lamenting over my past heartbreak. All I needed to do was not make the same mistake.

Right now, Lily and I were walking down a shopping street with our fingers interlaced. The street was washed over with faded reds and oranges from setting sun. Many people were out and about around this hour, most either with family or their significant other. Lily was looking for a specific shop that could only be found on the street we were walking on. She wouldn't tell me what she was looking for, so I could only wait until we reached our destination.

"Let's stop here for dinner." We were nearing a restaurant selling Korean cuisine when Lily spoke. Recently, there was a hint of liveliness in her voice. It wasn't as robotic as it was when we first met. She peeked up at me with a hopeful smile playing on her lips. I smiled back and led her inside.

►|◄

Lily always finished eating before I did. She excused herself to the restroom, but I noticed she walked out of the restaurant. Our table was next to the windows, so I looked out to see where she was headed. She walked across the street towards a store with darkened windows. The name of the store wasn't visible from my position. I returned to my task of finishing up my dinner as I waited for her return.

Lily sat down across from me just as I finished eating. Her trip to that store and back wasn't long, only about five minutes. Her hands were empty except for her handbag. I hid my curiosity and paid for the dinner. As we exited the restaurant, she started the conversation.

"I found what I was looking for during dinner. We can go back to campus."

"Ah, is that so? I'm glad you found it."

On our car ride back to campus, we discussed the development of Lily's project. Her project was progressing smoothly with her increasing understanding of relationships. She thanked me for helping her despite her strange request. Miku had her watch a few romance dramas to let her understand how people usually asked out someone they liked, which made her realize my initial reluctance to her request.

I walked Lily back to her room which was in the dorm across from the male dorm. Before Lily went to unlock her door, she pulled me into a hug. I folded my arms around her and caressed her head.

"We'll see each other tomorrow," I whispered. Even as I said that, I didn't want to let go. Her hugs were always so comfortable. It eased any sense of nervousness out of my system.

"Yeah, I know," came her muffled reply. I loosened my hold. She stepped back in response. She stood still, as if waiting for something. I lowered myself closer to her height and leaned forward so that my face was only inches from hers. I gently used my hands to hold her head and kissed her forehead.

"Goodnight Lily. Sleep well." I let go and winked at her before turning around to walk to my dorm. I didn't want her to see my face turn red. I wonder if she's blushing as well. I was nervous about kissing her. Our relationship has been so smooth so far, I started to doubt myself. How long can this go on before I mess up? I was already thinking about failure before it even started. I mentally scolded myself to get a grip and just appreciate that things were going well.

That night, it seemed my scolding didn't work. My memories came to haunt me in my dreams. I saw a girl around seventeen-years-old with black hair and hazel eyes standing in front of me in a park littered with yellow flowers from the trees. There wasn't a trace of a smile on her face. Her eyes were dead-set on mine. I was frozen in place. My heartbeat and breathing quickened. Her mouth opened, but I couldn't hear anything. However, I knew what she was saying. Her lip movements were so defined that I could read every word that came from her mouth.

"There's nothing interesting about you. I get you like machines, but I don't need that in our relationship. We're breaking up."

I felt myself walk towards her. "Dawn, I won't bring it up anymore. We can always talk about other things too," I cried out. It didn't make sense for a relationship to end just because I was passionate about something that my crush found boring. Couldn't we just avoid that topic and talk about other things?

"We can't match. I don't feel anything for you anymore. I don't know why I liked you in the first place. There was never anything interesting about you. I'm sorry, but this is goodbye, Aiden." She didn't cry, she didn't look sad. I was hoping that she would look sad for my sake. My heart was pounding heavily, trying to punch its way out of my chest so that it could join the flowers that would wither on the floor.

"Rrring, rrring." A shrill sound pierced my ears. It sounded again and the view of the park changed to a ceiling. I sat up and turned off my alarm. My heart was still pounding. I got around my morning routine in a dazed state, sometime tripping over nothing. What was I doing? Get a hold of yourself, Aiden! It's not going to happen again, it definitely won't.

I was in the midst of eating cereal when there was a knock on my door. I walked over to my door, and before opening it, I asked aloud who it was. "It's Lily." I unlocked the door to see Lily wearing sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. There was a small box in her hand. "Can I come in?" She asked, tilting her head. I stepped aside and motioned for her to come in.

"Ah, you should finish eating. I'll wait on the couch." Lily saw my unfinished breakfast and walked straight to the couch in the corner of my room. I quickly ate, washed my bowl, and sat down next to Lily. I didn't hide my curiosity for the box she held her in hands.

"Happy birthday, Aiden. This is my present to you." She placed the box onto my lap. "Can I open it?" I asked. I masked my excitement. She nodded. I slowly took off the box's lid and took out the tissue paper that covered the present. My heart froze when I saw what it was.

"Do you like it?" Lily leaned down to look up at me. I didn't reply. A bitter memory resurfaced from my high school days. It was Dawn's birthday and I had her open my present to her. It was small metal cube, but it could expand and fly around. It was something I created out of my passion for machinery. I asked if she liked it. She didn't hide her honest thoughts.

"Ah, it's cool, but I don't like it. Do you like this kind stuff? Honestly, this is boring for me. You should've gotten a watch, something more useful, you know?" She spared no mercy in her response to my question.

I pulled myself back to the present time and looked at the gift in the box. It was a metal cube. It seemed to be hiding something inside it. "It's a watch, but it can fold into a cube. Cool, right?" Lily explained the object to me. I nodded and pulled Lily into a hug. "Thank you for the gift. Thank you so much." My voice was slightly shaking. I felt her hands rubbing up and down my back in a comforting motion.

Lily pulled away first. Her posture was straight with her hands folded on her legs that were tilted in my direction since we were sitting side by side. "I've been meaning to talk to you about something for a while, but I needed to think about it for a bit. I hope you won't hide anything from me." I was comforted just seconds ago, but now I was starting to sweat. I rubbed my palms on my pants.

"We can talk, yeah," I replied.