2 The Rescue of The Birbalinda

The wind could only move them at so fast a pace, and it didn't help there was a giant tear in one of the sails. At this rate, the two would never catch up to The Birbalinda. The pirate plopped himself down on a crate, looking even more dejected than before.

"This ship is so garbage, I could walk on water and be faster," muttered Polly. Mechanically, she re-tied her ponytail, for the repetitive motion was the only thing that could offer her solace. The pirate had little hair on the top of his head, so he settled with stroking his beard.

"You know, walking on water isn't a bad idea," replied the pirate. He rearranged his hat. "I didn't mention it earlier, but I used ta be known as Captain Pepe Trixx, often called The Frog of the Seas.

Now walking on water might be a tad tricky, but hopping ain't hard. I've done it many a time, and I guess if you plan to do some sea travelin' you best learn how to too."

"How will we not sink?" frowned Polly. From that remark, any self-respecting pirate could tell Polly had much to learn.

"Have you not heard of the cohesive forces between liquid molecules?" inquired Captain Trixx with a raised brow.

"I don't think the surface tension of water will be enough to keep us from going straight down to the deeps. Aren't we a tad heavy for that?"

Captain Trixx shrugged. "Lassie, the one thing living in the seas has taught me is that if you have enough leg muscles anything is possible."

With a grunt, he flexed, and the cuffs of his pants split apart. Thus he was able to roll them up with ease displaying his toned calves and shredded thighs.

By now, The Birbalinda was barely within sight. Captain Trixx knew they had wasted enough time loitering about, and wasted no more in jumping off the boat. Polly watched him with bated breath, ready to hear a splash any moment. After all, the pirate was no small man, but the anticipated plop never came. Instead Captain Trixx landed gracefully on the water, and threw in a toe-spin to boot. Polly still had her doubts, but her desire to whip the Lampposts in the face with her ponytail helped her overcome her fear, and so she took the plunge.

As she was free falling the 9 feet from the deck to the sea, she knew she had made a grave mistake. It was mere seconds before she found herself floundering in freezing water.

"Help," she gasped looking desperately at Captain Trixx. He looked at The Birbalinda forlornly before releasing a sigh. He frog hopped his way back to Polly and pulled her from the sea's icy mitts.

"It's been so long since I learned how to seawalk that I forgot it needed more than just buff legs." Captain Trixx then had to watch his beautiful Birbalinda drift away as he instructed Polly in the basics of seawalking, which involved figuring how to wobble just right. Polly had never been more grateful her parents threatened her with shrooms if she dared skip leg day.

Captain Trixx was hardly satisfied with his work, but if he didn't hurry, catching up to The Birbalinda would be impossible. They should have taken the cheap sloop. At least it moved.

"Let's chop, lass. Not a moment to waste; just follow my lead and we'll make good time."

Polly grunted, making a sound not unlike one that would come from a constipated pig, and hobbled her way after Captain Trixx. As they moved towards The Birbalinda, inch by inch, they noticed the stolen ship making a sharp U-turn back to them.

"Man, if those lassies weren't such nasty cretins, I'd applaud those steering skills, 'cause lemme tell you that you don't learn that kinda maneuvering in a day, no siree," whistled the captain.

The boat rolled towards them until they were practically side by side. In fact, they were so close that Polly could see the black roots of the redhead's dye job and the over lining of the blonde's lips. Polly didn't even bother to try hiding her cringe.

"Greetings Captain and Lass," called Brunette with a royal wave of her hand. "Might you be yearning for this infant?" she smirked, slapping it on the hull.

Captain Trixx let out an audible gasp. "Hold my hat," he snarled, tossing his black cap to her.

As Polly caught it, Captain Trixx crouched down, and with the power of his mighty legs and a running start, he jumped a jump so fantastic it would've put Javier Sotomayor (the dude who set the record for high jumps) and Mike Powell (dude who set the record for long jumps) to shame. With the grace and majesty of an eagle in flight, a tiger mid spring, and a penguin about to make an epic slide of a block of ice, Captain Trixx soared to his Birbalinda.

Had it happened, the professional pirate's landing would have been a beautiful sight to see. As the seafarer nose-dived into descent, Man Lampost readied himself and brushed a rather long ponytail Polly hadn't noticed before. The captain was mere feet away from The Birbalinda when Man Lamppost cracked his glossy black tresses like a whip, effectively striking Captain Trixx on his left and sending him blasting to the right. Polly gasped. Such power was unprecedented to her.

"Have you cruel beings only returned to make a mockery out of us?" cried Polly, aghast.

"Yes," Woman Lamppost replied with her mouth as straight as a side of a rectangle after she had let loose a few witchy giggles.

"You looked hilarious, darling, so we just couldn't miss out on spinning around to have a good chuckle. Besides, I'm sure you and the dude would appreciate a look at this bloomin' good ship, yes? This

girlie is quite the upgrade compared to those lumps we popped out for the auction, wouldn't you say?" continued Man Lamppost with a smirk on his face.

Polly was beginning to feel what Captain Trixx might have felt when seeing the bowl cut sporting fiend dare lay a hand on his precious. Polly felt her hands moving of their own accord, and before she knew it, she was wearing Captain Trixx’s hat. The moment it touched her head, she felt the power of a pirate rush into her very being.

When possessed by the spirit of a pirate's hat, one is given access to the strange and often illogical world that is the world of pirates.

Polly, however, who had yet to own any sort of head gear, saw for the first time that the ocean was just as sturdy a surface as asphalt and that walking on it was easy peasy lemon squeezy. The same force led her to take off her clogs and hurl them at Man Lamppost. They flew through the air like extremely dull and oddly shaped shurikens thrown by a professionally trained ninja. Man Lamppost's smirk grew wider as he readied his ponytail, the unnaturally tall figure still brimming with confidence from his last hit.

Unfortunately for him, he had another thing coming.

Polly's shoes whistled toward their victim while Man Lamppost's glorious rope of hair swung in preparation to land the fatal strike. The dark strands swung skywards aiming to knock the spinning footwear to where they sent poor Captain Trixx, but the clogs were having none of that and instead, in all their magnificent brown glory, they sliced through Man Lamppost's ponytail of mass destruction with a sharp swish.

He gasped. Polly gasped. The four on The Birbalinda gasped. Captain Trixx, who was somewhere out in the water gasped. A single tear welled up in Man Lamppost's right eye as he crumpled like a napkin with sorrow.

Woman Lamppost was prepared to avenge her partner in crime, just as Polly expected her to be. She grunted and flexed and pawed the floor of the ship with her foot like a bull about to charge. And then, just like a bull, she charged.

Polly had never seen, nor expected to see a person storming straight towards her like an enraged beast, but thankfully she had Captain Trixx's hat to instruct her. Just as Woman Lamppost was about to destroy Polly with her brawn, Polly let herself fall face down and barrel rolled her way to safety. Somehow as she barrel rolled away, a barrel ripe for crashing into had appeared in front of Woman Lamppost.

A crash loud enough to make Polly's ponytail stand straight up ensured. She peeped cautiously only to be greeted with the sight of a completely wasted wooden container and a pair of legs and cringed.

"What savagery," trilled Brunette. "I had regarded our hired bodyguards as competent, but I now see that I was a fool, not unlike the current you. To think that you would dare wage war against us, the Trimmed Trinity, in our own sea. What insolence."

"Your sea? Sounds about wrong," snickered Polly, still laying down. Her two victories had filled her with some bravado that she was not hesitant to display.

Redhead shook her head with a smile. "Lass, do you know the name of the large body of salt water surrounded in part by land you stand on?"

"If that's your attempt to bamboozle me, then you need to dig a little deeper in that mind though, I'm sure you don't have far to go though. This sea has been called The BRB Cut Sea since man started drinking water."

Blonde smiled almost pitifully at Polly, as if she felt bad Polly couldn't connect the dots on her own.

"What do you suppose BRB stands for, Lass?" questioned Redhead in her characteristic, polite tone.

Realization dawned on Polly and her eyes grew like a stomach after dinner. "By Jove..."

"Exactly," sniffed Brunette smugly. "Now, if you thought you could get away with so cruelly assaulting our darling, but useless, but still darling bodyguards, you were wrong."

With a mere twitch of her nose, Brunette conjured a wave that crashed over the pathetic craft Polly and Captain Trixx had attempted chasing The Birbalinda with. The sturdy liquid surface buckled under the might of the wave, and the water tension gave way leading the poor boat to be swallowed by the sea. It was quite the sad sight.

"That was just a show of power, you know to make things more dramatic as typical villains always do. We are typical villains, aren't we ladies?" said Brunette.

She was received with enthusiastic nods from her fellow bowl cut sporters. Blonde princess-waved, causing a giant shroom made of water to rise out of the sea. She then did a jump-split which led to the shroom to start spinning dangerously fast. For the finale, she performed a jumping jack resulting in the sea shroom hurling itself at Polly, who pulled herself into the fetal position. The pirate hat could do nothing to protect Polly, for it was tragically outclassed. It was up to its master.

"Your victory is never!" screeched Captain Trixx as he knocked down the Trimmed Trinity with an excellently executed spin-kick. The distance from the random place in the sea to The Birbalinda was a long one, but the trusty pirate had made it just in time.

"And my victories are forever," cackled Captain Trixx smugly. He threw the boat thieves overboard with ease, and they bounced a tad on the water. Polly made her way onto The Birbalinda alongside Captain Trixx. Now, he was far from dejected; his face glowed with the kind of pride one gets when having defeated foxy enemies by simply being the superior being.

"Leave us now," hissed Brunette. "You have defeated us, and we do not need you to mock us with your presence."

Because Polly and the captain were understanding souls unlike their adversaries, they did not tarry any longer and began the sail back to the mainland.

"I suppose The Birbalinda is yours to keep now that we've recovered her," said Captain Trixx. "I couldn't be more thankful for yer help, lass, and I'm a man of me word."

Polly beamed with joy. Her dream was becoming a reality.

"By the way lass, I never got your name," remarked Captain Trixx.

"Folks used to call me Polly," replied Polly, "but now that I've got this ship backing me, you can call me Polly the Pirate."