THIS IS NOT HOME

In the garden…

Su Bin sees Guan standing by the fountain with the latter's back facing him. He could tell he was smoking because of the smoke clouding around. Slowly, he approaches him with steady steps.

"Got any lighter?" He asks, arriving beside Guan - trying to have a conversation.

Guan gives him a side-eye and hands him a lighter without uttering a word. Su Bin just lets him be. He just stood there, feet unmoving.

"Am I too hard on them?"

Su Bin momentarily paused at the sudden question.

"What?"

It took a while for him to reply to Guan as he had been having a hard time processing the question. He did not even know what to tell him. He clears his throat and sigh.

"I think…I think you're being too hard on yourself." Su Bin courageously said. But he wasn't sure if those were the right words.

Guan snorts, and smoke came blowing out of his nose. "You think? Funnily enough, yeah, maybe. I just don't understand myself sometimes. I don't want to hate them, they're my family, but I can't help it. Maybe I'm cracked up in the head."

"Why do you hate them?"

"You know why." He purses his lips into a thin line and stares in the darkness.

"No, I don't." Su Bin puts the cigarette out. "I don't know, Guan. You never told me about it. I just…I just followed you to New York as I was told."

Guan faces Su Bin head to head, the brim of his eyes turning red. It feels like tears will come rolling out of it at any moment. But he knew Guan, he never cried in front of anyone.

"That night, you knew what was going to happen, didn't you?"

Su Bin palms his face. This conversation again? "How long are you going to bring that conversation out? For the rest of your life?"

"Try me," Guan cocks his head to the side, his brow arching upwards. "You knew what I felt towards Min Chu but you chose to conceal your mouth because you are afraid of Father."

"Ha," Su Bin sneers, not removing his eyes at his cousin. "I was just trying to protect your feelings."

"Don't make me laugh. In the end, you did not protect me instead, it left me devastated." Guan chuckles, turning to face the fountain in front of them.

The fountain is already old and full of algae. It is not working however, it is still filled with water. Calculating the water's depth, it's probably just below the knees. Guan sits on the edge and dips his fingers into the water, sending ripples. He smiles, remembering how they used to play around here after school.

Turning to Su Bin with his hand still on the water, he laughs noticing him gawking at him.

"Fret not!" he flicks his wet hand at Su Bin's face, his eyes full of humor. "I'm not holding a grudge against you."

Su Bin vehemently wipes his face. "You're a jerk, you know that?"

Guan wraps his arm around his neck while laughing.

'Now he is being playful after feeling grave from almost arguing with his Father? The hell?!'

----

Guan and Su Bin are summoned to the dining room.

Dinner is already served.

The moment they arrived, Guan Qing and Min Chu were already seated in their places.

At the long table, Guan sits on the chair next to Choi Minjun while Su Bin sits right next to him. It seems like his parents are still unaware of his brother's pregnancy. No wonder their Mother is not making a fuss about it.

The family began to eat in silence. Only the clicking of kitchenware can be heard in the dining room. It was the most uncomfortable dinner Guan had ever had in his whole life. Maybe he shouldn't have come in the first place.

Guan is thinking of finishing his food ahead of everyone when out of nowhere Min Chu lefts her seat while clutching her belly and covering her mouth. She went to the washroom, leaving everyone puzzled, particularly Choi Minjun and Niu Yizhang - who had no idea why.

"What's wrong?" Choi Minjun looks at Guan Qing, worried.

"I'll be right back." Guan Qing said instead of answering his Mother's question.

Guan met his brother's eyes before running after his wife. He wipes his mouth and remains in his seat, forgetting his initial plan of leaving the room - which is highly impossible right now.

When the husband and wife returned, Choi Minjun bombarded them with questions.

"What had happened? Is the food not to your liking, Min Chu? Are you sick? I'll ask the kitchen to change the dish right now."

"Mother," Guan Qing stops her in time. "It's fine. It's not about the food."

"What do you mean, it's fine?"

"I'm sorry, Mother," Min Chu spoke after she regained her composure. "It's just that…" she looked at her husband and smiled.

"Actually, we didn't know how to tell you this," Guan Qing puts his hand around Min Chu's shoulder blades and breathes in deeply. "The truth is…we're pregnant."

"Oh." Choi Minjun casually says, but then she realizes what great news Guan Qing had said. She gasps, "Wait, you're what? Really?"

"Yes, Mother. We're really pregnant," Min Chu repeated her husband's words.

"Aiya! Did you hear that Yizhang? We're going to have our first grandchild."

Even Niu YIzhang is glad of the news that he managed to show a smile that Guan hasn't seen before.

"This is a piece of wonderful news! I now have something to brag about when playing golf."

"Oh, you!"

Guan Qing and Min Chu giggled at the sight of their parents being glad at the news.

"Guan and Su Bin already knew about the pregnancy. They even went to the hospital on Monday," Min Chu turns to Guan with a knowing look that caught Guan off-guard.

He did not know how to respond to it - only managing to nod.

"What? Hey, why didn't you tell me earlier!" Choi Minjun lightly smacks Guan's arm but then again, he remains silent.

"Auntie, we would have ruined the surprise, am I right, Brother?" Su Bin answers on his behalf.

"Right, that was the plan," Guan Qing explains while he looks gratefully at Su Bin.

Looking at everyone around the table being happy about the pregnancy except for him, maybe Su Bin was right. He had been too hard on himself that he could not bring himself to be happy. He felt so out of place inside his own house. Guan presses his lips hard.

He shouldn't have come here.

He should have stayed in New York for good. That was the initial plan, he shouldn't have been swayed.

"Excuse me."

Everyone is startled when Guan stands up all of a sudden. The chair rattled as well as the plates when he left his seat and went straight to the front door.

Niu Yizhang scowls at his vanishing back while his mother and Min Chu are both worried. Guan Qing, on the other hand, seemed not to care but his grip on Min Chu's shoulders tightened.

Su Bin frustratingly removes the napkin on his lap. "I'll go after him," which is always his role in these situations.

"No, I'll go," Min Chu volunteers, surprising everyone, especially Guan Qing.

"What? Why?"

Instead of answering him, Min Chu casually removes his hand around her, running after Guan – leaving him with a complicated expression.

Guan Qing is afraid of forcing her to stay; they just came from a fight after what happened at the hospital.

----

"Fuck!" Guan slams the steering wheel. He sits inside his car, wheezing; he shouldn't have done that.

Why is everything a mess ever since he came back?

He slowly raises his head. The enormous house in front comes into view.

Home.

Guan mocks himself.

He never once called this house a home, ever. Was it because his Father never acknowledged his presence all these years? Or is he jealous of his brother?

Why did he even come back? What was he expecting all these years?

Guan is interrupted by a call.

"What's wrong?"

"When will you come back?" a feminine voice resonates around his silent surrounding.

"I don't know yet. I might never go back."

"What?! That is not what you promised! What about the company?"

"You're there. You can do it. I can always visit if there's a problem. I'm always a call away."

"Guan, you can't do this."

"You know what, I'll call you back."

Guan ended the call when he saw a petite silhouette walking in his direction.

It was Min Chu.

He gets out of his car and waits for her.

"What are you doing here? Careful!" his heart almost dropped when she nearly tripped. Tripping may cause miscarriage, right?

"Guan," Min Chu pants reached out for his hand. It took a moment to catch her breath before she could finally speak.

"Why are you out here?" Guan asks her again.

"Why did you leave all of a sudden? Was it…were you sad about me being pregnant?" Min Chu's eyes start turning red. "Are you going to hate your nephew? Or niece?"

"What?" he is dumbfounded by the question. He chuckles and pats her head, "No, silly! Of course, I'm happy. Why would I…hey. Why are you crying?!"

She is already brimming with tears.

Panic-stricken, he immediately searched his pockets for a handkerchief but found nothing. He runs to his car and grabs a box of tissues - handing it to her.

"Come on, let's go back inside the house."

"But…you don't want to be inside!" Min Chu says in between her tears.

"You're pregnant and prone to colds – at least that's what I heard."

"Car." Is the only word that Min Chu could utter; she was definitely sobbing hard.

Guan removes his leather jacket and puts it over her.