Don’t leave me

"Yeah but that's not what you're doing is it, Matty?" I ask him looking up at him.

He snuggles down the bed to lay with me. He pulls me closer to him.

"Of course I'm not doing that to you, Taylor. I want you to know that this is real for me. I am happy being with you, more than happy. To be fair I never ever thought I would be with anyone. I think my mum was starting to think she would never have any grandchildren" he laughs.

I must be calm. He does this a lot, he makes grand statements which make me so happy and then I don't want to pursue my original questions.

"I love you Matty, I do. But I need to know, is there any reason Ross knows of that would make him think you would be doing that to me?" I ask him, just be direct. Ignore the pounding in my ears. After this I will be his forever, I cannot imagine ever wanting to be with anybody else. Even Ross I admit to myself.

My heart flutters as he threads his hands through my hair, looking into my eyes. I keep hearing Ross' words in my ear pleading with me to turn to him if I need anything, I realise he's worried about something, should I be ? Ross' admission at the party that he wanted to tell me something and him pleading with me to be careful. Why didn't I think about all of this before? Why didn't I follow it up?

I look up at him as he speaks "There is nothing Taylor, I used to be a dick but meeting you has changed that. I know it sounds cliche but I mean it. Ross has known me for a long time and he can't imagine that I've changed. I love you, I will not let anything get in the way of that, nothing okay?" He tells me and I can see moisture in his eyes.

Of all the responses that wasn't the one I expected, defiance yes but not tears.

"I believe you, I do. I don't think I have a reason to doubt you but I need to know now. I am happy to commit myself to us forever or for however long you will have me. But I want to just know it all first" I tell him holding his face in my hands.

I wipe away the tears from his face.

"I don't deserve you, I have been a complete asshole before and I know that. I know I don't deserve this kind of loyalty and commitment. I don't deserve any of it. Okay? I get that. But I want it, I didn't think I wanted anything like this. But I do. Please don't leave me." He begs me.

"Im not leaving you Matty." I reassure him.

"I shouldn't have said some of the things that I said. I definitely shouldn't have done the things I did in the past. I just want to be with you, I will happily ditch everything for you. My friends the lot just so we can be together like this.

"I've been thinking lately about our relationship, and the things that I want from life. Our relationship has literally changed my perspective on the future. I want one now, I want a future with you. I want to spend time with you and celebrate dumb things like anniversaries. I want you to be at my family parties the ones I used to avoid because I never had a date. I want to put babies in your tummy, my babies. I want to share my life with you. And I know I'm young but I also know that this is what I want from life now" he finishes.

I start to cry, ugly tears. Full blown blubbering. He just holds me close into him. And I never want to leave.

"I want all of that too, and with you. I can't imagine myself with anybody else ever. I've never felt this way about anybody and maybe I'm being somewhat naive but I know this is what I want. I feel safe with you and complete." I tell him.

He is crying too. It puts me at ease, I see how emotionally impacted he is by this just as I am. That validates it for me.

He smiles at me. We're both crying and just holding one another.

"Now do you get the whole happy tears shit I was telling you about the other day when you told me you loved me" I chuckle.

"I do babe" he laughs.

"Im not going to fuck this up. Im determined babe to do right by you no matter what" he promises me.

He kisses me once more. He runs his hands down my naked back and I shiver. He massages my waist

"I've got a plan, hear me out" he tells me.

"Go ahead" I tell him relaxing into his touch.

"We go to this party, with everyone. Then we distance ourselves from that scene. I mean Ross is fine we'll see him at uni anyways and Rhea and Malachi that's different. We focus on university and our relationship" he says.

"We can still do all the things we like. And have double dates like we did today but we just get rid of the craziness" he laughs.

"Sounds perfect babe" I tell him.

Not sure I could have gotten a better result had I of actually tried. Matty all to myself, i fall asleep with him touching me and kissing me. Dreaming about the days ahead and all of the possibilities.