Secrets

Sitting at the dinner table, I could feel Sweet's eyes burning into my cheek as I prentended not to notice. Serving the food my mom began her true agenda for tonight's meal. I could only sit helplessly awaiting her flood of questions.

"I'm sorry to hear about Al, how's he doing now Ben?", mom asked thoughtfully. Sweets eyes darted to her.

"He's much better now thanks, he has to stay in a few days but looks like he should be fine when he comes home", he said smiling warmly at her concern.

"What a relief, he seems like such a nice man, please send my regards to his wife", she said with an air of relief in her words.

"I'll let Layla know when I get home", he smiled gently, my eyes fixed on his handsome fetures. My mom had clearly noticed me staring at him so began her motherly inquiry into him.

"So, Ben, Daisy tells me you bake", she said glancing at me periodically. Sweet tensed seeming rather uncomfortable.

"Er yes, I enjoy baking", he stumbled over his words as he began to twiddle his thumbs. "What do you do for work Mrs Harlow", he asked, she gained an expression that implied she'd be the one asking the questions.

"It's Ms Harlow actually, I work as a marketing director", she said coolly, now studying him quite intensely.

"Mom can you stop giving him the third degree please!", I snapped, I was defensive of Sweet and that was becoming evident. She was taken aback by my comment but brushed it off within a moment.

"Okay sorry, sorry, I just have a lot of questions for your boyfriend who you've been keeping away from me", she looked at me directly holding her gaze on me for longer then I would have liked.

"I wasn't keeping him away from you, we've just been, busy..", I trailed off, Sweet smiled at me with a cute embarrassment in his lips as only one side went up. "Anyways he's here now so let's have dinner", I gestured towards the table and mom sat herself down in the seat opposite us.

"Tell me Ben, do you like your job?", she asked in a much less confrontational tone this time.

"It's okay, I hope to become a patissier, I apply to a school in Paris every year", he spoke so passionately about his dreams, I felt a growing regret that I had no ambitions or hopes. "I actually applied two months ago so I should be hearing back from them soon but I probably won't get in again this year", he looked down at his plate a sadness swept across his face. My hand instinctively moved to his arm to comfort him. His head shot up and his cheerful demeanour returned.

"Well I wish you luck, Daisy has told me how talented you are", a smirk crept to his lips as he looked at me with interest about what I say about him.

"Thank you Ms Harlow, you're too kind", my mom's expression was more content, I think she had satisfied herself that she liked this guy I was dating.

A sinking feeling was building in my stomach. If he got accepted into that school he'd probably leave and I might never see him again. The thoughts rattled around in my head until I couldn't stop myself from asking.

"So if you got accepted to that school you'd have to move to Paris?", I asked hesitantly, a look of concern imerging. He shrugged his shoulders, a wince becoming more evident as he was about to answer.

"Er, yeah, it's a four year program, with a year working in a bakery after", he looked at me apologetically but his eyes brightened at the thought of going. Anger began to fizzle up, my hand started to ball up into fists and i digested his words. How could he not tell me he'd applied to a school in Paris and could be gone for five years.

"How come you didn't tell me about this before?", I snapped, with a air of betrayal in my voice. He frowned at me and shrugged again.

"I didn't tell you because it's the third year I've tried to get in and I most likely won't so there was no point worrying you about it", he sighed getting more aggravated by my questions. Mom slowly stood up from the table and without a word left us to our tense conversation.

"Even if you think there's only a small chance you should have told me!", I barked poking my finger into his chest. He lowered his eyebrows now very annoyed by the conversation.

"I figured when my rejection letter came I would tell you then, because nothing would change", he scoffed dropping his cutlery in a defeated manner. "I'm stuck here it never changes, I've already accepted that". He sighed looking down into his lap.

"I didn't realise being stuck here with me was such a terrible future", my eyes grew wide as I panicked but it was too late, my thoughts had already left my mouth. His head snapped towards me a look of disappointment and pain etched into his face.

"You honestly think that's how I feel, you are the one ray of light for me in this bleak town", his voice quivering as he spoke. "If by some miracle I got in this year you're the one reason I'd turn it down".

"But I wouldn't want you to do that!", I argued, he looked confused by my opposing ideas. "You're so talented I would never want to be the reason you throw that opportunity away".

"I couldn't be away from you for five years, what else could I do", his eyes pleading for another option, but I had none to offer.

"I won't let you choose me over your dream!", I said firmly reaching for his hand, my heart ached as he withdrew his. He sighed loudly before picking his cutlery back up.

"None of this matters I never get in anyway, so we are arguing about nothing", he started to prod his food and wouldn't look at me anymore. I sat silent glancing towards him but he never looked up. I didn't know what to say anymore. If I told him I wanted him to get accepted, he would think that I want him to go and if I told him I'm glad he's staying he would never accept the offer if he gets one.

Mom didn't come back in so we ate in silence just the two of us. I racked my brain to think of something to say but I couldn't think of anything. Hardly touched his food and I wanted to reach out my hand to him. I felt a field around him that I didn't want to cross. I had never seen him so upset before, I realised that this whole topic was deeper then I thought and I shouldn't press it further for now. I summoned all my courage and prepared myself to break the silence. Before I got the chance he spoke.

"It's getting late I should head home soon", he stated flatly. My heart dropped at his unfamiliar tone.

"Oh, right, sure I can't keep you all night", I murmured solemnly. We were talking like strangers my heart was breaking into pieces. His hand suddenly rested on top of mine, I flinched for a moment before a wave of relief washed over me.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it", he said calmly stroking the back of my hand with his finger tips. "I know that this effects you too, whatever happens", his head still hung low not looking at me. I flipped my hand over slowly until his fingers interlocked with mine.

"Whatever happens let's deal with it together, good or bad", I said softly, squeezing his hand tighter. His head turned to me, a half smile on his face he nodded shallowly.

My mom reentered the room perhaps feeling the tension had dissipated. I tried to let go of Sweets hand but he held on tighter. I pulled it beneath the table as to shield it from my moms eyeline. He curled in his lips to stifle a laugh at my childish behaviour.

"How about some ice cream?", she looked to our hands then giggled behind her hand. I blushed into my hands as Sweet seemed to enjoy my discomfort.

"Thank you for dinner Ms Harlow, sorry about my behaviour, it's been a strange week for me", he said looking guilty as he spoke.

"It's okay, I can tell you really do care about my Daisy and that's all I really care about", she smiled warmly at us both before sliding a large bowl of I cream towards us.

I didn't know what the future would bring but for now it's a bowl of ice cream.