Chapter 8 - Mama, Just Killed a Man

Chapter Eight - Mama, Just Killed a Man

As we arrived at Little Garden, Vivi, Luffy and Karoo headed out on their adventure as Zoro and Sanji headed out for their hunting contest (of which my senpai was sure to win). I loudly slurped at my drink, watching Usopp and Nami as they yelled at each other on the deck of the Going Merry.

"Why does everyone on this ship have to be like that," Nami wept, tears streaming from her eyes, distraught that so few of us had opted to stay on the Going Merry where it was 'safe'.

"I know exactly how you feel, Nami," Usopp sympathised, his tears similarly staining his own face, "Don't cry - at least I'm by your side."

Nami and Usopp suddenly came to a realisation as they exchanged a look.

"Why can't you be a little more reliable?"

"That's MY line!" Nami barked, eyes white and slanted as she bared her teeth towards Usopp. "Wait a second, why are you still here, Eve?"

I ceased my slurping, a sly smile slowly growing on my face to stretch my cheeks wide as I began to laugh meliaccily. Before me, Nami and Usopp cowered, arms huddled around each other as they watched me laugh, lightning cracking in the background of my form as I laughed up into the sky, fingers curled.

"What's going to happen to us, Nami?" Usopp whimpered.

"Tell us!" Nami demanded, gripping me by my branded yellow shirt and violently shaking me back and forth as my eyes began to spin. "Tell us what's going to happen."

"Don't kill her!" Usopp blubbered, "she's our only hope of protection!"

"Didn't you read a book about something like this, Nami?" I chirped, letting out a 'tee hee' as Nami ran below deck and Usopp began running back and forth, preparing the canons, and placing a helmet on his head before latching himself onto my arm.

"Please don't let me die," he whimpered as he began to cut the circulation off in my arm.

"Course not," I promised, patting him on the head like a good little doggy.

"Usopp!" Nami called, running out from below decks. "We're in trouble! On this island…"

A distant rumble sounded in the distance, my eyes lighting up with stars at the shadowed form of the giant. Together, Nami and Usopp screamed, my laughter echoing amongst their high-pitched tones as I clutched my stomach before bellowing out into the distance:

"What's that coming over the hill?

Is it a giant? Yes, it's a giant!"

"Nice to meet ya, mister giant!" I called, waving my arm in the air with great vigour.

"Gabababa, you sure are a spritely one, aren't you little miss?" mister giant commented, snapping the palm tree as he leaned against it. "I don't suppose you have any rum, do you?"

"Oh sure!" I grinned as Nami and Usopp cowered behind me.

Almost a shame really. Now Captain Jack Sparrow had no questions to ask.

"Oh, you do?" the giant grinned before he let out an almighty roar, making the skin on my face attempt to peel from my skull as I beamed at his outburst.

Behind me, Usopp and Nami screamed and began to stammer about dinosaurs, which did so happen to be latched onto the backside of the giant. I turned to them, tilting my head to the side as I ran my finger across my throat and let my tongue fall from my mouth as the dinosaur was decapitated. Usopp and Nami screamed once more, crashing to the ground whilst I applauded in pure awe.

"I am Elbaf's strongest warrior, the mighty Brogi!" the giant laughed into the air, holding his severed dinosaur head in his hand with great pride, "and now that I have some meat, I can welcome my guests!"

I scooped up Nami and Usopp's limp forms, throwing them over my shoulders as they continued to 'play dead' whilst whispering hushed death threats into my back.

"Lead the way, gigantor!" I beamed, pointing out a barrel of rum I had heaved onto the deck. "The rum is over there, and if you see any dinos along the way, be sure to stand real still, okay?"

"Are you crazy?" Nami hissed into my back. "Don't you realise this guy is going to eat us?"

"But what a way to go, eh?" I beamed, jumping off the boat and onto land as they attempted to escape from my grasp and crawl back to the safety of the boat.

"Oh, let me help you out there, little miss," the giant offered, plucking a struggling Usopp and Nami from my shoulders.

Both of them cried a river of tears as they desperately reached out towards me as I waved them off to enjoy the view from the giant's grip.

"Alright, let's eat!" I declared, lifting my foot to follow the giant before I was suddenly mowed down by a high-speed stampede of velociraptors.

"Nooooooo-" I cried, hands stretched towards my crewmates. "I wanted to see you suffer!"

Both of them sweat-dropped, barely catching the final words of their crewmate as she was carried away on the wind. Their wide eyes fixed on the yellow pom-pom as it disappeared from their sight and into the distance.

"Well, she's dead."

Letting out a sigh, I recalled all the glorious moments I was missing as I rested my elbow on a velociraptors head and continued to be carried at speed amongst the rabble. Right now I could have been chilling with the skeletons at the giant's camp, maybe asking them to sing me a song or whether they wanted to see my panties. I was even missing the big reveal that the log pose would take a year to set. Well this just wouldn't do, would it? Grabbing the scaled neck of the velociraptor, I heaved myself up on its back, ripping my belt free from my waist and wrapping it around its neck to tug it to a halt. The velociraptor reared up, waving its adorable little T-rex arms in the air as the horde of beasts came to a stop.

"Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha, you're mine now, bitches!" I cried gleefully, waving my pom pom hat into the air like I was at a rodeo.

I stalled, my body freezing as I had an awful sense of deja-vu, turning around to view a giant eye blinking at me through the foliage. I sweat-dropped as the eye shifted. The biggest damn dinosaur rose from the jungle, likely to be twice the size of the one that had bitten the giant on the ass.

"Oh, hello."

I attempted a smile as my greeting was met with a mighty roar to cause the trees behind me to crack before hitting the ground in a deafening crash. I winced, shrieking as the velociraptor I had chosen as my noble steed ran up to the mighty beast. It's gaze fixed on me as the mini version rubbed his head against the dinosaur's toes with affection.

"Oh crap, I angered Mama!" I yelled, scrambling off the velociraptor as I hid myself amongst the dino's babies, hoping she wouldn't crush me if I blended in…

Huh, if I blended in…

I strapped my belt back to my waist, cracking out my throwing knives as I shoved them between the spaces between my fingers and drew back my elbows to emit a loud roar. My brethren joined me in my attempts, the big eye of Mama beast coming to evaluate me once more before she turned her head, directing nostrils that emitted hot air into my face. I gulped and prepared for life in a dino's stomach, hoping it was similar to the inside of Laboon. The dino sniffed, and I attempted to not smell appetising or give Brook the satisfaction of filing a lawsuit against me. Then, of all things… the dinosaur licked me, and I was left wet and dripping with saliva, flattened against the ground from the sheer force of the action.

"Gross," I dead-panned before erupting into deranged giggles.

"Ya-hoooooooo," I cried, the very earth trembling as I rode my velociraptor towards the candle structure in the distance, Mama in tow. "Let's go, Blue!"

Mama dino threw her maw into the air, my army of velociraptors following her call as we charged into the clearing. Mama loomed in the distance, her beady eye fixed on the group as I charged up to Mr 3. My eyes narrowed as he laughed, declaring that senpai was soon to become a candle.

"Hold it right there, Mr 3!" I bellowed, pointing a single finger in his direction as I stilled my noble steed by his side, the others speeding about the place as I turned my finger towards the candle structure. "I was just wondering if I could purchase that majestic candle form of my senpai. I'll offer you 1 million beli for it!"

"Chuh, I'm worth more than that!" Zoro huffed from his position utop the candelabra, sword suspended in the air.

"Five million!" I haggled.

"Stop spending my money and save us, you idiot," Nami demanded, doing a rather splendid impression of Mama with her sharpened teeth on show.

"You're just jealous I'm worth more than you," Zoro scoffed. "Told you it was all in the pose."

"Mr. Luffy, please hurry!" Vivi cried, prompting Luffy to exchange blows with Mr 3 before he was sent flying into the distance with a Gomu Gomu Hammer.

"Does this mean I can have candle-senpai for free?" I bellowed after him, stepping from my steed to cup my hands around my mouth.

"Great job," Nami called out with a smile on her face. "Now hurry up and destroy this thing, Luffy!"

"No."

"Stop fooling around!"

"We don't have time for this Luffy! Hurry up and destroy this thing!"

"I know."

"If you know, then do it!"

"I know, but I don't want to."

I charged in, kicking the rubber man from within the black paint set at his feet. Luffy blinked.

"Eh, what happened?" Luffy questioned, hand rested on top of his straw hat.

"Sorry about the hit, Luffy, but you better watch out. Miss Goldenweek can use her paint to mind control you," I warned, wiggling my fingers in front of his face as I used a haunted voice to say 'mind control'.

"Colour trap: yellow of laughter," Miss Goldenweek announced, making me push Luffy out the way as the paint coloured my t-shirt, making me burst out with uncontrolled laughter.

"Eh, what's so funny?" Luffy inquired, scratching his head at me.

"Now you can't move," Miss Goldenweek stated.

"Yeah right- hehehehe - I do my best- haha- work whilst- hahahahaha- laughing!" I managed to gasp out between fits of laughter, tears streaming from my eyes as I clenched my aching stomach just as Usopp came screaming into the battle riding Karoo. "Oh- teehee- stop it Usopp- haha- you're not helping!"

"Colour trap: red of the target!" Miss Goldenweek announced, using my distraction to paint a target on my face.

"Gomu Gomu-"

"Pahahahaaha!" I laughed, tears streaming down my face as I wondered what I had done to deserve such punishment.

"-Bazooka!"

Luffy's fist hit me square in the jaw, sending me sprawling through the air, blood gushing from my mouth as I hit the dirt and my body folded from the impact. I was dead. I mean - Luffy had hit me, of course I was dead. Ever so slowly, I lifted my hands to my bleeding and bruised face, pinching my cheeks.

"WOOOOO, I'M ALIVE!" I cheered, cutting out into hacking coughs as I celebrated my survival from a hit from Luffy!

However, it seemed Mama dino was not, I repeat NOT, happy, and I had to rush back to the clearing. Or at least that's how it happened in my head. I think I might have walked around in circles for a bit before a velociraptor came and scooped me up onto his back.

"Ma! No eating the Straw Hat," I yelled into the floor, the velociraptors picking up on my call as they began to relay the message back to Mama.

In the distance, Mama huffed, rolling her one beady eye as Luffy delightfully sipped at his tea from where he was having a picnic with Miss Goldenweek.

"Look senpai! I survived, aren't you proud!" I beamed up at him.

"That's a damn plant, you idiot!"

I sweat-dropped, squinting at the green blur before me. Sighing, I rolled off the velociraptor, face-planting the floor as my throwing knife buried itself into the ground.

"One shot and I'll defeat you! Just watch, senpai!" I bellowed, standing up with all my strength, the knife that had been plunged into the ground coming away dripping with the still wet black pain from Miss Goldenweek's black of betrayal.

I launched the knife towards the girl, the blade brushing against her cheek to leave a black smear across her face as I fell back to the floor and tried not to die.

"I don't wanna work for Baroque anymore," Miss Goldenweek declared, folding her arms in a huff.

"Good."

I crawled across the ground towards the picnic set up, tutting as Luffy bawled his eyes out whilst sipping at his tea.

"None of that now," I scoffed, whacking him a good one to release him from the effects of the green of tranquility, before taking the cup and saucer from his hand for myself. "Now give me a kick ass show. I got tea to drink and no entertainment."

"Right, you just sit there, Eve," Luffy growled, making me beam as his eyes hardened, panting as he approached the situation like a true badass Captain. "Let me take care of the rest. It's pay back time!"

"More tea, Eve?" Miss Goldenweek offered, thermos outstretched.

"Of course," I beamed, sipping the steaming tea before helping myself to another rice cracker as Mr 3 crashed back into the clearing, a suit of candle wax armour encasing his body.

Even Mr 5 (the damn pervert) and Miss Valentine had joined the party - joy.

"Miss Goldenweek, can you paint my Candle Champion?" Mr 3 asked.

"No."

"But I want a cool colour."

"I don't wanna," Miss Goldenweek protested, making me wheeze as I clutched my stomach in laughter.

"Fine! I don't need your help!" Mr 3 boasted, face battered and bruised as he ranted towards Luffy, whose face was filled with boy-ish admiration towards the armour. "My body is covered in candle wax that's stronger than steel! I don't have any weak spots!"

"Cool!"

"This is not the time to admire them! Prepare to fight!" Usopp bellowed, mouth hitting the ground, "and why do you keep staring at me like that?"

I may have been glaring at Usopp like a ghoul for quite some time now. I intensified my glare, hoping it would get his mind into gear. He might have had a bit of a breakdown, rolling on the floor and crying as Karoo patted him with his wing. Suddenly, he stopped, freezing mid-whimper as his eyes widened. He bellowed out his realisation they could still save everyone by melting the wax to Luffy, a realisation confirmed, ever so helpfully, by my new best friend Miss Goldenweek.

"Explosive Breath Bullet!" Mr 5 yelled, giving me enough time to scoff at the advanced warning before throwing myself into Usopp's way, arms outstretched.

"Damn pervert," I coughed into Usopp's face, falling forward into his arms. "Trying to see my panties again, I bet!"

"Eve..." Usopp breathed, his knees knocking together as he fixed his eyes in a determined gaze. "Karoo! Take care of the rope."

Karoo took off, the oil-soaked rope trailing behind him.

"What are you planning to do?" Miss Valentine smirked, expression sickly-sweet. "I bet you won't be able to do anything under my weight: 10 kilograms, 100 kilograms, 200 kilograms!"

My eyes bulged as the weight on my back increased, making me splutter as Usopp was crushed underneath me.

"Get your fat ass off me, bitch!" I gurgled.

"Luffy, light Kuroo's rope!" Usopp wheezed, prompting Luffy to grab a handful of Mr 3's hair, dragging him towards the outstretched rope.

A wild torrent of fire surrounded the wax structure, reflecting in my eyes as the intense heat hit me like I was in the Alabastan desert. Mr 3 pegged it, Luffy hunting him down like a wild dog.

"This is all your fault," Miss Valentine growled, eyes manic. "I will crush you to the ground - 10,000 kiligrams drop!"

"STOP, OR USOPP MIGHT THINK I'M THE FATASS HERE!" I yelled, teeth clenched as Nami and Vivi jumped through the flames, launching Miss Valentine into next week, whilst I just bawled on top of Usopp.

Usopp's fight notes:

- He promises me he doesn't think I'm fat.

- Don't eat wasabi - that stuff's nasty.

- Straw Hats 2 - Mr Pervert 0.

- SENPAI IS SOOOO COOL!

"Hey, I thought you were taking notes on me!" Usopp scowled down at my notes.

"But senpai is so cool!" I beamed, limbs wobbling like Bambi as I attempted to stand and just ending up clinging to the bottom of his feet. "So senpai, notes?"

"Pretty embarrassing you ended up in this sorry state with one hit from Luffy," he scoffed, arms folded as he flicked a shadowed eye from under his bandanna towards the giant behind us, "but you're alive, and that's the best thing in the world, right?"

"Right!" I chirped, beginning to wriggle as I attempted to remove the top layer on my clothing to leave behind the black cami.

"What the hell are you doing?" Nami shouted, teeth barred for she blinked at the offered yellow tee in my hand. "Oh, thanks E- eh? GET ZORO TO CARRY YOU!"

My head slumped over Nami's shoulders, clinging to her back in an attempt to shield her body as she looked over her shoulder.

"No."

I held on tight, my head slumping onto her shoulder as I began to emit soft snores.

"Look! My lizard is clearly bigger," Sanji snarled, teeth gritted as he directed a finger towards Zoro.

"Are your eyes just for show or something? The bigger animal is my rhino," Zoro argued back, mimicking Sanji's actions.

BOOOOOOOM!

The ground quaked as my offering was dropped on the ground, a goldfish exceeding the size of both Sanji's and Zoro's offerings put together, which was spat out from the mouth of Mama Dino that have ever-so-kindly offered to carry my prey back to the boat.

"Tadaa!" I cheered, arms flung out to emphasise my offering from the back of my noble steed, Blue.

The two men stared at my offering opened mouthed, chins brushing the ground as their eyes bulged.

"Looks like Eve wins!" Luffy grinned, elbows rested on the Merry as he began to drool at all the food.

"Most magnificent, my warrior goddess, truly you've bested us in our little hunting contest!" Sanji cooed with hearts in his eyes.

"Huh? So you're saying Zoro won?" I blinked at him, making his jaw clench

"Damn right I did, especially since we were hunting dinos," Zoro scoffed, body tensing as Mama snarled at him.

"Awh," I cried, the blue lines of depression running down my face as me and my velociraptor stared into the corner, heads hung in shame.

That was when Mama let out another whine, her snout directed towards me so I could give it an affectionate rub.

"Awh, I'll miss you too Ma, but you know how it is," I sighed, stretching my arms wide in an attempt at a hug, "there comes a time where every little T-rex has gotta make their way into the jungle of life."

"Your mum is awesome!" Luffy exclaimed starry-eyed, looking towards the gigantic dinosaur that appeared to be blushing, the space above her pointed teeth glowing a vivid pink. "So, how did you and Buggy meet?"

"I don't even know where to begin with that one," I face-palmed, shaking my head.

And so after the creation of a new river in Little Garden as Mama shedded tears, being dog-piled by twelve velociraptors, and a couple of heart-felt goodbyes, we sailed off into the distance...

"Just keep swimming,

Just keep swimming,

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming,

What do we do? We swim, swim straight ahead!"

… or rather the mouth of a HUGE ASS goldfish.

A/N: Just when you think Eve's parentage couldn't get any weirder, Luffy goes and assumes Buggy had sex with a dinosaur. I think I must have been drunk writing this chapter! Next chapter diverges from canon for the pure sake of comedy, so it makes me wonder what you'll think. I guess we'll see!

The-Killer40513: This is probably just going to be canon. It's basically a crazy ass OC story, however I do think if I get so far as the two year time gap, Eve would have some wonderful adventures on her own that I would love to write about. But Lord knows if that will ever happen.

Armamaril and Surgeononlaw: Big Ace fans I see... spoiler alert - so is Savage T. Eve.

Iris my Beloved - everyone loves drunk Eve! Maybe she should become a master of the drunken fist or something, ha!

Lily E. Miller: Ahh, yeah I don't think I'm great at setting the scene either, sorry about that. I read too much Naruto fanfiction for me to not bring up duck-butt when there is a duck in the scene. Also how did you like the plot twist of Eve not saving Zoro, but wanting to buy his statue - lol! XD