Chapter 7 - Swing or Get Stabbed

Chapter Seven - Swing or Get Stabbed

I clenched my fists to my cheeks, admiring the igloo I had built around my senpai to shelter him from the cold as he snored softly on deck.

THWOMP!

My eye twitched as I turned around, eyes darkening as Usopp turned to whistle at the sky whilst Luffy clutched his stomach and laughed.

'"That wasn't aimed at my senpai by any chance, was it?" I hissed, scooping up snow to make two snowballs.

"No."

"Yes," Usopp and Luffy declared respectively.

I nodded, throwing a snowball full force at Luffy that hit him in the face before launching the other at Usopp, grumbling when it only skimmed his head before he fell to the ground.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?" Usopp screamed, teeth sharp as he picked up the knife I'd hidden in one of the snowballs.

"You tried to hit senpai!"

"That was Luffy!"

"Well, I forgot which one I put the knife in!"

"THEN DON'T THROW IT!"

As a full on war broke out on deck, I defended my senpai with my life by using my body as a human shield. I was almost a little grateful when Nami called all hands on deck. Whilst Usopp went below deck to fix a leak, I used a bowl to try and stop the drips of melting snow from hitting my senpai.

"GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT, EVE!" Nami yelled at me, whacking me on the head before violently shaking my senpai in desperation at the ever-changing climate on deck. "Zoro! Wake the hell up!"

I laughed as my igloo chose that point to collapse inwards, meaning Nami got the brunt of the avalanche.

"Ah, Nami! Thank you for shielding senpai!" I chirped. "How can I repay you?"

"Oh no, the sail's tearing!"

"Go fix that!" she growled.

I nodded, finding myself shimmying up the sail's pole with a needle and thread as I expertly sewed up a hole before another would appear in its place. As I sewed at a violent pace, finding multiple needles had been embedded in my arm, a flash of lightning filled my vision before I was hitting the deck, my nose picking up the faint smell of burning flesh.

"Must run in the family," Luffy shrugged, one hand on his hat to prevent the wind from carrying it away.

In response, I just groaned.

"Looks like they've fallen asleep, after all that partying…"

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me,

We kindle and char and in flame and ignite,

Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

We burn up the city, we're really a freight,

Drink up me 'earties, yo ho."

"All except for one," the curly haired man frowned, one that had ever-so-kindly, without any evil ulterior motives at all, invited us into the welcoming town of Whisky Peak.

I cackled, twirling on the rock face overlooking the ocean with grace as I lifted my head up to the sky with my sake in hand. Clearly it was starting to rain. My arm was all wet. Thankfully, I had a nice new hat to protect me from all weather conditions!

"Looks like there's about 100 of you. You'll be a fine opponent for me, Baroque Works."

My ears twitched.

"SENPAI!" I called excitedly, achieving what I believe to be instant teleportation. "HEY SENPAI! I HAVE THE BEST IDEA!"

It seemed my teleportation abilities needed work though, since I had found my senpai, but was sprawled out with my back against the ground, legs rested up against his own sturdy ones.

"My hat!" I cried as I wormed across the ground to the hat that had fallen from atop of my head.

"That's a damn treasure chest, you moron!" Zoro huffed, drawing my attention to him.

"Oh… I have a great idea, senpai!" I chirped, beaming up at him as he lifted an eyebrow. "The swords are the bats and the knives are the balls. I call it… SWING OR GET STABBED! WHO WANTS TO PLAY?"

The citizens of Whiskey Peak sweat-dropped, most likely appreciating the impression of a T-Rex I was doing with my throwing knives shoved between the spaces of my fingers, hands clasped to my chest as I roared like a beast with intermittent laughter.

"Clearly you've miscalculated," curly hair announced, pointing towards me. "That girl is a liability who will only get herself killed. Surrender, or watch her die."

"And you have no idea what you've let yourself in for," senpai grinned as the citizens surrounding us cracked out their weapons, "because not even I can deal with her when she's like this."

"GAME ON, BITCHES!" I exclaimed, flicking my T-rex arms out to release my knives.

I cackled as the many citizens stepped up in what I was sure to be eager anticipation to try out my new game. I wasn't too sure if they understood the concept, though. Quite a lot of people got stabbed.

"SENPAI! WHERE ARE YOU?" I called out. "THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW TO PLAY, SENPAI!"

I blinked, finding myself suddenly swept off my feet. Lifting my head, I watched as the distance faded away before my head bobbed back down to view a very strange sight indeed. Mainly a fluffy duck's butt. Sasuke?

"Karoo! Why is that girl riding on your back?" Ms Wednesday exclaimed, blinking at me as I grinned, eyes fixed on the rooftop.

My eyes sparked as I leapt to my senpai's side, feeling as if I was walking on air itself. Miss Wednesday probably would have protested to that statement, seeing as her head was not air, but in fact very tangible and now sporting a triple bump.

"HEY SENPAI! GAME ON!" I shouted, launching a throwing knife at him.

I laughed as Zoro slammed his knees to the floor, dipping his back as the blade flew over him. The vein on his head popped as I cracked out another knife, my smile as wide as a Cheshire cat as I flicked it towards him. His eyes narrowed as he swiped his blade upwards, a bellowing war cry from behind soon interrupted our game as the throwing knife bounced off the sword and hit its source. Mr 9 went flying off the building at the knife's sheer force, resulting in him being embedded into the side of a building, dangling by his shirt.

"WOOO! THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT, BITCHES!" I grinned, punching two fists into the air.

I even joined Miss Wednesday in a victory dance, jigging about and flapping my arms as she twisted and turned in her 'Dance of Dizziness' from on top of Karoo. I let out a yelp as I fell backwards, only to be caught by the wrist by senpai.

"I feel embarrassed at myself for having to fight these losers," he grumbled as Karoo dashed off into the distance, going completely the wrong way.

"Awh, don't be too hard on them, senpai. I'm sure they tried their best," I snickered. "Even YOU didn't get the game at first."

"I GOT IT FINE!" he shrieked, doing a mighty fine impression of a dinosaur himself with his sharp teeth - but what can I say I learnt from the best.

"Says the man who dodged instead of swung," I scoffed, puffing up my cheeks as Mr 9 reappeared to encase Zoro's wrist in iron wire.

"Don't move a single muscle, or consider your precious friend's life forfeit!" Miss Wednesday threatened, holding a blade to a rounded and content Luffy as he slept.

"Hmm, should hostages be allowed?" I frowned, rubbing my chin as I brought out my dual knives.

"Now, now," Miss Wednesday tutted, eyes narrowed. "Surely you wouldn't want to lose another companion. What was the name of that beast you left behind? MoMoo?"

I blinked, mouth wobbling as I tried to hold it together.

"MOMOOOOOOOO," I cried, keeling over on the floor to cradle my legs, rocking back and forth in a puddle of my own tears.

Well, I tried. Low blow, Miss Wednesday. Low blow.

I rocked back and forth, clutching my knees to my chest as I lay in a puddle of my tears.

"Get a hold of yourself," Nami yelled, clapping me around the head to make me freeze, look at her, and then return back to my blubbering as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Come on, Eve. If you don't stop crying, you're gonna miss out on a fight."

I stopped my rocking, eyes fixed in Nami's direction.

"A fight?"

"That's right, all you've got to do is protect a Princess," Nami declared as beli signs appeared in her eyes.

"Not gonna," I huffed, puffing out my cheeks and folding my arms across my chest. "She's a meanie!"

"Who cares," Nami yelled, teeth sharp, "both you and Zoro owe me for the money you borrowed back in Loguetown."

"I already paid tha-"

"COOKIES DON'T COUNT!"

"I didn't pay you in cookies, cus you don't deserve them," I said through pursed lips.

"Well, it looks like you've made your choice," Nami sighed, looking at her hand to observe her fingernails before flicking her eyes to mine with a serious expression on her face. "Zoro would be so disappointed in you, he's already joined-"

"I'M COMING SENPAI!" I screamed, already sprinting away.

I shifted the weight to my other foot as I attempted to round the corner, hopping around like a kangaroo on a single foot before losing my balance and face-planting the ground. I coughed as the dirt settled around me, my arms stretched forward. I turned my head back towards Nami, her face sweat-dropping.

"Don't tell senpai," I muttered sheepishly, face flushed.

"It's gonna cost you."

Cue ex-machina of a green and white cheerleading uniform, an emblem of three swords crudely drawn onto the front. I did a rather splendid duck-face (Sasuke?) as I alternated wiggling my hips and shaking my matching pom-poms up and down to each side as I encouraged my senpai in his battle against Luffy.

"Go senpai! He's our man! If he can't beat you, no-one can," I cheered, doing a cartwheel and landing with my arms in the air to wave my pom-poms enthusiastically, "gooooo senpai!"

"GOMU GOMU… BAZOOKA!"

"ONI… GIRI!"

Stars appeared in my eyes as I clenched my pom-poms to my cheeks, looking between the two as they squared off against each other, testing each other's strength. Zoro generated a tornado of violent winds, Luffy retaliating with a Gomu Gomu Pistol as both were sent flying backwards into the buildings, sending large debris flying about the place as the dust was kicked up to form wide mushroom clouds.

Deep within his content and vivid dreams of beautiful women, Sanji began to thrash, seemingly distrubed as if he was having a nightmare. Meanwhile, out of the ocean blue, Brook felt a missed opportunity as he ceased in filling out his lawsuits to have an exorcism.

"Mr 5!" Miss Valentine exclaimed, looking towards her slack-jawed partner, eyes fixed on me as I yelped and shoved my uplifted skirt down.

"Were you," I breathed, form shadowed as I loomed over Mr 5 like a shinigami and my eyes flashed red, "looking at my panties?"

"N-no," Mr 5 meeped, the blood from his fully-deserved (and completely non-intentional) injuries pouring from his face as my eyes narrowed on the fresh blood beneath his nostrils.

"ONLY BROOK GETS TO SEE MY PANTIES!"

I then proceeded to pound Mr 5 over the head repeatedly with my pom-pom until he reached a state of unconsciousness, his pupils rolling back into his head as I panted through my rage.

"Mr 5?" Miss Valentine called, tears in her eyes as she peeked into the newly formed crater that contained her partner.

My eyes snapped to her, making her shake as she clutched her bare arms.

"And you- STOP INTERRUPTING SENPAI'S FIGHT!"

"You're the one interrupting, you lunatic," Zoro called as he butted heads with Luffy, teeth pointed.

Rather wisely, Miss Valentine began to run, my pom-pom following in pursuit as I launched it across the way and it caught fire like a comet before making contact. I grumbled to myself as a building collapsed into rubble and dust, before spontaneously combusting into violent flames.

"Oh boy!" I cried gleefully, placing marshmallows on a stick as I crouched near the flames, simultaneously achieving the delicious-ness of gooey marshmallows and the live roasting of my enemies.

'Cus that's efficiency, folks!

I sat on a barrel, content as I chomped on perfectly roasted marshmallows, blatantly ignoring the plot as Nami explained the undercover bounty hunters of Baroque Works, her contract to protect the (mean) Princess of Alabasta, and Vivi informed us of their plan to take over her kingdom (which she probably deserved). That was until I turned to find a Luffy on the end of my stick. Oh well. I became more preoccupied with fixing a pair of black sunglasses over my eyes, transferring Mr 9's crown onto Vivi's blue hair from my own blonde locks as I replaced it with a green and white spotted bandana.

"No matter how strong you pirates may be, you'd be no match for-"

"Oh, oh, can I guess?" I chirped up, watching as Nami let out a visible breath of relief as the Princess almost blurted out the name of the Barque Works leader (like the idiot she is).

"Guess? You'd never guess that-"

"Eve, no!" Nami yelled, cutting off Vivi as she attempted to tackle me to the ground.

"Crocodile of the Schikibukai?"

Vivi and Luffy's jaws dropped to unobtainable proportions, their eyes wide as Vivi's seemed to lack pupils. Nami hit me with an uppercut, causing me to fly back on top of one of the buildings. Couldn't have aimed better myself as I uprighted myself like a spring, crouching by the side of a vulture and otter duo in black sunglasses. The Unluckies exchanged a look between themselves as I pressed a paper pad and pen out towards them.

"I know you guys are busy being awesome, but before you go," I begged, fists clenched together as I clasped them to my chest, "could I have your autograph? It's for my scrapbook!"

The otter silently jumped on the vulture's back as they flew away.

"Please! You're my favourite Baroque Works agents!" I called after them, hands cupped around my mouth as they doubled back to show off their impressive art skills.

I clapped along with Nami as the otter showed off his work (he had captured my senpai's magnificence expertly) watching forlorn as they took off once more, my body spinning as they rounded high above my form, a piece of paper floating down towards me. I snatched it out of the sky, looking down to view a skillful self-portrait of the duo along with a beautiful display of penmanship that read:

'Thanks for your continued support.

Looking forward to killing you.

Best wishes, the Unluckies.'

I squealed, clutching the drawing to my chest as I waved them off, the otter flashing me a pinging smile on his way out. Oh, and then curly-haired dude sailed off into a sea of fire. I must say the sight of 'Princess Vivi' going up in flames put me in such a good mood I decided to forgive her.

"Don't worry," I smiled, patting Princess Vivi on the back, "he's fine."

"The sea is on fire!" she yelled back, eyes reflecting the violent flames.

Chuh. This girl didn't deserve my forgiveness. I was heading back to the Merry. I had a batch of cookies to make, dammit!

"Who wants cookies?"

I burst out onto the deck of the Going Merry with a plate of freshly baked cookies in my hands, beaming as a disembodied hand seemed to flash above the plate.

"Quite good," Nico Robin commented as she delicately sampled the delicacy that was my cookies.

"Don't let that mystery woman eat my cookies, Eve!" Luffy fumed, steam pouring out of his ears as he watched 'Miss All Sunday' munch away.

"Wait, that's it!" Nami exclaimed, watching me as I joined in the feast. "Eve, does Miss All Sunday deserve cookies?"

"Mss Mall Mumay musnt, muh Memo Momin moss," I garbled through a mouthful of cookies, crumbs flying from my mouth.

"Don't speak with your mouth full, idiot!" Nami screamed, teeth razor sharp as she ran a hand down her face and turned to Zoro. "Did you get any of that?"

"Miss All Sunday doesn't but… Memo Momin does?" Zoro translated, his arms folded across his chest as his eyes narrowed in confusion.

"What the hell is 'Memo Momin', idiot?" Nami demanded, body stretching as she yelled at the swordsman.

"How should I know?" Zoro yelled right back, teeth barred as a vein bulged on his forehead.

"Careful you don't choke on those delightful cookies of yours, you'll end up dying in a slow and painful manner whilst gasping for air," Robin smiled, her hollow eyes focussed upon me.

Nami and Usopp clutched onto each other as they cowered, prompting Sanji to backhand Usopp to take his place, pressing himself against Nami's form and vowing to protect her from the 'vivid beauty'. Meanwhile, I had burst out laughing and began to turn red as I actually did choke on my cookies. I grasped my throat, stumbling over the banister as Sanji rushed towards me, hearts in his eyes as he shouted about giving me 'the kiss of life'. Zoro kicked out his leg, tripping the love-crazed cook, making him crash into me as I was squashed between the planked walls and Sanji as the cookies I was choking on were dislodged from my throat to hit Sanji in the face.

"Senpai!" I wailed, throwing myself towards the man, arms outstretched as tears streamed from my eyes. "You saved my life, I'm eternally grateful!"

I snuggled myself into my senpai's legs as Luffy admired the turtle disappearing into the horizon, Nico Robin having left atop it's back.

"Get off," Zoro grunted, prompting me to tighten my grasp on his leg and fix myself onto it as he violently attempted to remove me.

"You know, I helped my fearsome battle goddess," Sanji attempted, a blush on his cheeks as he pressed his fingertips together expectantly.

I let go, this time managing to sandwich Sanji against the wall as I slammed into him, scowling as I realised the damn misogynist had enjoyed being crushed against my body if the dopey grin on his face was any indication. I glared at him, shoving my foot into his face to twist and scrunch his features.

"Come on, Vivi, I'll show you to mine and Eve's room," Nami offered to the girl, placing a hand on her shoulder as she began to guide her away.

As I began to draw on Sanji's face, everyone up on deck exchanged worried looks as Nami's scream rang out into the air. It was mere seconds before everyone burst into the woman's cabin, Luffy's fists clenched, Sanji somehow instantly revived, and Usopp cowering behind everyone else.

Meanwhile, Zoro burst into the men's cabin, swords drawn, and cursed before opening up the emergency hatch that connected it to the woman's.

"What's wrong, is that woman back?" Zoro demanded, eyes evaluating the room.

All occupants within the room suddenly sucked in their breath at the sight of Nami making snow angels in a large pile of money, practically dribbling, with golden beli in her eyes.

"Where the hell did all this beli come from?" Usopp exclaimed, mouth hanging open before pressing his finger to his chin in deep thought, "of course this is a pitiful amount compared to the millions of beli I own."

"Oh, I found this in the hat I got at Whiskey Peak. I couldn't fit it on my head because of it, so I just dumped it all here," I explained, suddenly finding myself struggling to breathe as Nami clamped herself around my form and threatened to squeeze the life out of me. "Help- Nami- too- tight!"

Zoro frowned, vaguely recalling a drunken Eve running around with a treasure chest on top of her head.

"Well, this is boring," Luffy declared, turning back to head back on deck. "Sanji, get started on my breakfast!"

"Help," I wheezed, one hand outstretched towards my crewmates as they left me to suffer a long and merciless death by hug.

A/N: YESSS! I'm so glad everyone loves Eve and Buggy. It is literally my favourite thing about this fic, which is why it comes up so often! So here's a fun thing, can you guess how it comes up in the next Chapter? I'll give you a clue: the chapter is in Little Garden and it's named: 'Mama, just killed a man'. If you get it, you get cookies.

SurgeonLaw: Yup, Ace is coming. I am very interested if you like how I've written it. The gag with it is less in your face and has a bit of a build up. So that'll be interesting! Also in the manga there is a mini-series with Buggy and Ace meeting - If I go past Alabasta Arc, just know that's happening. It has to!

Armamaril and Lily E. Miller: Buggy and Eve is life. Yeah, it's such a shame that's a long way off. I have ideas in my head how it would go and I can't help but chuckle at them, but there is the whole of Sky Island/Water 7 to get through *sweat drops*.

The-Killer40513: If you asked Buggy he would say yes, if you asked Eve, then no. They aren't biologically related at all, but Buggy has decided it's time to become a father apparently, *cackles evilly*.