Pirates of the Outer Rim

I don't own star wars

…My head was fuzzy… I groaned as I pulled myself off the floor. What was happening? What was going on? Why did my head hurt? I fell over. As I heard several muffled sounds and firm wookiee arms pulling me to my feet as Nike approached me, she was soaking wet. From her ears to her toes and still in her street clothes as she checked me. Barradowwa towered over her as a smoked-stained Seis grabbed his arm and shouted at him before they dashed off together out of the kitchen.

Nike grabbed my face and made me look into her red eyes. "You have a concussion!" she shouted as the buzzing and the throbbing headache dominated my mind, "Stay awake! Traps! I need a medkit!"

Suddenly everything was loud as a light splash echoed around us "Working on it!" he shouted from somewhere on the ship. "X-E get my bro a med kit!"

"Certainly, Master Rattletrap." X-E suddenly entered the kitchen carrying a medkit, handing it to Nike as she injected me with some sort of chemical that burned my insides but cooled my head, wrapping gauze around my throbbing ache.

"What hit me?" I mumbled as I got back to my feet and I was led out of the kitchen towards the hold as we saw Seis, Barradowwa, and Killa trying to patch a leaking hole in the ship. A small torrent of water spilled inside as Barradowwa held a firm piece of sheet metal in place and the girls sealed it to the wall.

"… Captain Claw." Killa said, satisfied with her work on the wall and turning to me, looking concerned. "We tried to board his ship but then he rammed us…" her eyes narrowed. "Is he okay Nike?" she asked, standing up and approaching me, carefully brushing my head as she looked into my eyes.

"Hazy. A concussion, and a small case of confusion." Nike noted as the sat me down on a stool, "Somebody other than Seis remind him? I'm going to make sure our medical supplies are untouched." She rubbed my shoulder and walked towards the medbay as Killa brought me up to speed.

Babayaga giving us a job I remember. But when we had found our mark in his frigate he was a harder nut to crack than we thought. We put up a good fight, but we needed to get aboard the ship where we would obviously have the advantage. In his desperation, he crashed into us and sent both ships spiraling onto… whatever planet we were on.

"Where are we?" I groaned as Killa helped me stand. "What planet is this?"

"An archipelago planet." Seis said, "...Carriban or something. It's contested, a breeding ground for pirates looking to hide out. Last time I had Dausut check anyway."

"We landed in water and luckily the Dream is more buoyant than we'd thought. Rattletrap's trying to get the engines going so we can use the ship like a boat." Barradowwa said.

"Okay. Great." I said a little woozily. "And what about Claw?"

"At least a league from us." Killa replied, "And probably making camp with his men as we speak." She smirked and opened a viewing hatch on the hold. I didn't even know we had that. But off in the distance with several plumes of smoke hovering over it was that Captain Claw's ship the Night Reaver, half in the water and half on land. "We faired a little better than he has."

"Okay…" I grumbled, rubbing my head as I closed the hatch. "Traps? How are we doing?" I shouted, it didn't matter where in the ship I did it, he would hear me.

"…We're going to need a lot of repairs." He said, surprisingly walking into the hold like a normal person, tossing away a burnt chunk of circuits over his shoulder. "…Honestly it's a miracle we're still above water. And there is no way we're going up into space until I check every crack." He tried to maintain a serious face, but he still giggled.

"Can we get closer to the Reaver?"

"Oh yeah. In fact, we'll have too…" he shrugged, "That ship is the only place close by where we can get decent repair parts."

"Oh good. Desperation. That's the best kind of incentive." Barradowwa mumbled sarcastically.

"Oh you're just saying that because you're new." Seis said with a confident smile, tossing a wrench over her shoulder as it clanged loudly against the wall before she went to get her guns. "Have you seen us? We're awesome. Those pirates will be easy pickings."

"She's a little insane but she does have a point." Killa said crossing her arms across her armored chest, smiling proudly. "This ship is full of warriors. I highly doubt a collection of scum and villainy would stand a chance against one of us, let alone all of us."

Barradowwa snorted but seemed to grow confident at her words. "…Traps. Get us moving." He said ruffling the hooded Jawa's head before going to armor up himself. I stumbled a little after him, Killa taking my arm to steady me and frowning.

"…Perhaps Roland you should sit down…" she said, sounding concerned. "Let Nike look you over again."

I frowned but nodded as she pressed her lips gently against my cheek before heading for her own locker. I sat down with a grown in the kitchen, finding Nike there already handing me a bag of ice. "Sit." She said, checking me over as we felt the ship move in the water. "…I'd like to put you in a Kolto Tank but SOMEBODY HASN'T SET ONE UP YET!" she shouted.

"…I'm working on it!" Rattletrap replied from the cockpit as she started tending more thoroughly to me.

"…Roland you might have to wait on the ship." She said, standing up as I looked at her indignantly.

"But I'm the captain!" I whined unintentionally, "I need to fight Captain Claw… for…" my head throbbed, "…Reasons." I added lamely.

She sighed, "And I'm the doctor. And in situations like this Roland, I outrank you." She said firmly but obviously concerned. "Its risky to try and fight in your condition. Barry can take the lead, its what he's here for." I grumbled incoherently, but she gently stroked my face getting my attention before giving me a kiss and slipping her tongue into my mouth as she moaned. Pulling away panting before smiling again, "…You won't do us any good if you're DEAD."

"…Doctor's orders?" I asked.

"Doctor's orders." She repeated. "We'll leave Rattletrap to keep an eye on you."

"Seriously?" I asked with a laughed, "Why not leave X-E?"

"Because we're going to need her if what Rattletrap says about her combat abilities is true." She said, "Claw is said to have at least fifty men under his command. Assuming some of them died in the ship crash we're going to have to bring the best we got. Minus one." She said, stroking my hair. "Now sit here, and don't fall asleep." She said, pointing firmly to the couch and walking off to get ready.

I frowned as my crew continued to get ready. Armed and armored the ship suddenly roared like a dying animal, coming to a stop as the ramp dropped open onto dark sand. Nike; armored up in a durasteel armor vest lifted her Rattletrap-made Bowcaster as Seis and Killa checked their respective gear.

"Stay loose and low." Barradowwa said, "I'll go ahead to scout the terrain." Then in the darkened night, he vanished, his darkened fur providing a natural camouflage.

"So. Killa…" Seis said casually, "…Bet I get more than you." She said flatly.

"While I appreciate your confidence." Killa replied smugly, "…Don't be stupid." She said dismissively, smirking at her.

"Ooh ho now that's a challenge." Seis said with a bit of swagger in her stance, "Competition round two?"

"Winner gets an evening with the captain." Killa said quickly as they shook hands.

"Wait, what?" I asked. My concussion might be acting up while Nike walked down the ramp.

"Girls come on! We can't let Barry get too far out, we need to meet him halfway."

"What was that about-"… I began but they were already gone. "…Well… at least they aren't kidnapping me." X-E bowed slightly to me.

"We shall return soon Captain. I suggest you stick next to Master Rattletrap, so he may protect you." She said without any sort of humor in her voice as she dashed off after the others with alarming speed.

"Yep!" Rattletrap shouted cheerfully, slamming his hand on the ramp as it struggled to close. "You just stick by me bro and I'll protect you!" ignoring the fact that he had appeared once again out of nowhere and packing some sort of long barrel lightweight blaster, he frowned as the ramp halted to a stop, just barely closing. "Darn it…"

"Do I need to point out that I'm not incapacitated?! I just got a bump on the head!" I replied indignantly as he followed me around the ship. "Traps can you even fire that thing?" I asked, the blaster was as tall as he was.

"Uh. Yeah…" he said dismissively, "This thing would punch a hole in the wall." He grinned, aiming the blaster. But naturally having a little trouble keeping it level.

"Traps. Less is more…" I mumbled, "Shorten the barrel." I added contemplating his odd look as I went into my room, getting dad's rifle and moms lightsaber.

He frowned as he eyed the barrel once returned but shrugged and sat down on the couch in the kitchen. Pulling out a datapad and stretching it into a holo-screen. That was cool. "Want to watch the show?" he asked as five different cameras activated on the screen.

"…What is this?" I asked, watching as a weequy appeared and just as abruptly disappeared in a spurt of blood as a vibroaxe slashed into him.

"OooH!" we flinched, looking away as two of the other cameras began firing hails of blaster bolts into crowds. And another got in close and rammed a gauntlet claw into a Gran. The last screen was moving too quickly but leaving broken bones and still bodies in its wake. Like a hardcore horror-holo.

"Did you… put cameras on the crew?" I asked, as a sixth screen appeared showing Rattletrap who promptly waved into it. I frowned, quickly trying to find it. "Dude not cool." I replied as what was obviously Seis screen showed her dropping a few thugs with her rifle. I could even hear the faint sound of the thrundercrack from here.

"What? They don't carry sound." He said frowning as Killa dropped onto a pair of startled weequy, her claws viciously ripping into them as he promptly closed the screen. "Maaay-be that's a good thing."

I watched for a few more moments as the crew pretty much slaughtered the pirates. "…I guess they don't really need me." I mumbled, sitting down next to him. "…So. What should we do until they come back?"

"…I don't know, Pazaak?"

"You cheat." I noted, and he pouted stubbornly.

"…Well… you can help me fix the ship with what we got." He said closing the pad and heading towards the workshop as I followed. "I think I got a few sheets of Durasteel left that we can use." He did, and as we went outside to start welding the ship we could see the lights of blaster fire off in the distance. There were fewer and fewer by the moment… I never thought about it before but my crew is pretty boss. I guess a wookiee warrior in his prime, a pair of Famous Bounty hunters, a combat droid, and a medic to keep them going is a lethal combination.

"Okay hold it, steady bro." Rattletrap said as I held the durasteel sheet over a tear in the hull as he welded and added an odd adhesive sealant of his own creation to it. "We're still going to need to scavenge that pirate ship but at least we can patch the hull until we get somewhere."

"I guess we lucked out that it wasn't too bad." I said, as he patted the metal proudly. "This job was a lot easier than I expected." Rattletrap's hand slapped my shoulder hard. "Ow! Dude?"

"Don't jinx us!" he hissed pointing accusingly at me. "Are you stupid?! You're asking for trouble bro!"

"You're right. I'm sorry." I said, smiling as I blocked his hits. "I did get a concussion, so what do I know?"

"…You better hope those cancel out. Because if something tries to kill us I'm going to say 'I told you so'…" he noted sourly, climbing down the ship to get more sealant.

Then out of nowhere, something hot, fast, and devastating slammed into a collection of trees. Leaving a crater as we jumped in shock. "Holy crap!" we said together as I slid off the ship into the sand, hesitantly approaching.

"…Was that a meteor?" Rattletrap asked, scurrying ahead before I could stop him and quickly running after him.

"Traps! Wait a minute!" I replied catching up as we stared into the shallow crater, the tides throwing water over what looked like a hunk of heated metal. Steam rose up as it made contact and evaporated instantly. "…That's not a meteor…" I said as the red-hot hunk of metal slowly cooled to a gunmetal grey…

Then it fell apart. Or maybe the more apt discretion is that it unfolded on itself. One tri-toed foot clopped onto the ground. Then another. As a large bulky torso folded out like a paper fan. Then two arms pulled from the sides, three 'fingers' popping from the center of the 'hands' as a head with a cyclopean red eye popped from the top of the thick torso. It was a droid… some sort of advanced war model that had been fixed with less-than-advanced parts..

The serial number IDD-101 could be seen in faded paint on its chest.

"…That… looks so cool…" Rattletrap said softly as the head of the droid slowly narrowed on us. A scanner from the eye suddenly activated and rolled over us.

"Greetings. Meatbags." Came a mechanical, almost cheerful-sounding voice. "Scanning. Scanning." Came the voice again as the scanner rolled over us. "…Scanning. Red. hair. Green. Eyes. Jawa. Companion… Identifying. Aiden. Kane. Short. Round."

"…Traps." I said warningly, activating mom's lightsaber as we stepped away.

"…Eliminate. MEATBAGS." It said slowly. It raised his hands, the fingers suddenly transforming into blaster barrels."

"TRAPS!" I shouted, realizing immediately that we were in trouble and running towards the ship as blaster fire lit up the night.

"What did we do?! What do we DO?! What did we doooooo?!" Rattletrap shouted as we skidded up the ramp. The droid stomped behind us as its guns peppered the ship unrestrained.

"WE didn't do anything!" I shouted, dropping him in the hold as I tried to close the ramp. "IT thinks we are our dads!"

"Okay. That's great but again-what do WE do!?" he shouted, skipping in place nervously as I slammed the ramp button. "The ramp won't close!"

"Surrender. And. Die. Screaming. Meatbags." It said, coming closer to the ramp.

"Traps!" I shouted at him, slapping him across the face. "We are in a SHIP! It has very big guns!" he blinked at me and nodded. "Okay?"

"Okay?… Okay!" he shouted. More confidently, "Bro we need to get him around to the front of the ship! You need to lure him.

"I can do that…" I said, not so confidently… but I found myself dashing down the ramp with the lightsaber shining its red light on the sand as I fired dads rifle at the droid to get its attention as I led it around the ship. Tossing away the rifle and using the lightsaber to deflect blaster fire as best I could.

"Die. Die. Die. Die." He shouted again and again, however, the constant firing of its gatling blasters overheated the barrels. Finding that its hands simply refused to fire. It charged with surprising speed at me.

So naturally, I ran like hell as it slammed its fingers into the sand trying to hit me. However. Then came the moment of truth as I got the droid to follow me to the front of the ship, then with a swing of my lightsaber I took its head clean off. But it didn't stop it. It slammed an arm into me, sending me into the sand as its slightly cooler blasters trained on me.

"Altora. Says. DIE." It said before exploded in metal and fire as Rattletrap used the ship's blasters and peppered the droid into utter scrap. Screaming like an action hero as he overdid it. The only thing left intact of the battle droid was a long finger, the rest was scattered scrap across the beach as Rattletrap scrambled out and stared at the mess, panting excitedly.

"…I… Told you so!" he shouted, pointing at me. "Jinx!" he added as I nodded.

"Yeah… Yeah okay, you're right…" I said, conceding the point and just deciding to keep my mouth shut. "…Where the heck did it come from though? Attack Droids don't just drop out of the sky." Together we looked up, and frowned as a large sleek frigate could be seen over the planet, but before we could try and get a good look at it, it hyperjumped away. "…What the heck?"

Rattletrap scratched his head, frowning thoughtfully as he raised his hands and threw them down in an 'I don't know' motion. "…Bro… let's just… fix the ship." He said defeatedly, picking up the droid finger before tossing it back into the sand.

It was another hour before the others returned. Barradowwa had a bandage wrapped around his arm, but other than that they were all intact. Rattletrap leaped into X-E's arms cheerily, the dour mood he had had with the Battledroid gone as she carried him up the ship. Killa, holding a crude cybernetic limb waved it at me.

"I am victorious!" she said grinning, "I killed the captain."

"Yeah but I got more of the crew!" Seis shouted childishly, shoving Killa, "So I won the game!"

"I got the captain." Killa repeated smugly, "So I got more points." Then the patted Seis on the shoulder with the limb, "And the trophy."

"Oooh…" Seis snarled as Barradowwa pushed them on.

"Go on you two we'll debate on that later." He scowled at the wreckage of the destroyed droid. "…What happened here?"

I looked up at the empty night sky, and frowned. "…I think the captain was here to meet somebody. And they dropped that droid on us…" I said, pointing at the wreckage. "…We got it though."

Nike hugged me, kissing my cheek as she pulled me to her chest, purring softly. "Well, it's a good thing you are cool under pressure." She praised, trying to butter me up. I suppose she was trying to make me feel better for being left behind while they did all the work.

"Rattletrap killed it with the ship." I noted, but she rubbed her soft cheek against mine and grinned sultrily.

"I think I like the version where you take me to bed and we reward each other for a job well done…" she cooed as Barradowwa rolled his eyes.

"Oh get a room…" he said abruptly, waving a paw as he walked up the ramp. Nike grinned, purring as she silently agreed.

End of Chapter

I frowned coldly at my lieutenants as they returned with the news. Claw was dead, and the prototype was destroyed. But it was a poor concern as I watched IDD-102 being built skillfully by my science droids. That prototype was just a hunk of scrap my scavengers had recovered. IDD-102 will be more… useful.

Not like my lieutenants who decided not to attack my halfbreed grandson. But I suppose the data they brought me back was worth their lives. I sat in my control center, watching as the construction droids continued to build my command station. Watching the asteroids slowly float around us as my mining stations hollowed out their minerals. My position of power will soon be complete. And the first thing I'm going to do with it is destroyed that annoying hutt Babayaga…

There will be one queen of the underworld soon enough…

End of bonus