A death full of regrets

'SSS Class Suicide/Revival Hunter. 

A story that has one of the most cliche setups in the webnovel community. Copying the abilities of your enemies. infinite regression. And using these super abilities you'd all expect that the MC would be an overpowered protagonist with an almost infinitely large harem.

Yet, reading it has made a young 22-year-old uni student cry unstoppably. Out of happiness for the MC, out of compassion for the pains of the MC, and out of sadness for the many tragic side characters that the MC gives his everything to help.

A beautiful masterpiece.'

-Wrote Rick as he finished the script for his YouTube video titled, "SSS Class Revival Hunter, an unexpected piece of diamond in a genre of predictable trash."

"Phew, that took a long time to make. Now recording and editing and I'll be done."

Rick looked away from the screen as he usually stared at it for too long without blinking. A really bad habit for his eyes that he has been working hard to fix. 

"Hmm, why does that look blurry?"

He removed his glasses from his eyes and rubbed it clean using his t-shirt.

"Hmm, still not clear."

He tried to stand up. 

Tried. 

He fell over his chair and soon realized that it wasn't his spectacles' fault that he was seeing the world in a lower resolution than he was used to.

He was unable to move. And soon everything turned black. 

Rick died in his small studio apartment laying on the floor. His death was likely due to a Heart attack caused by a myriad of causes including caffeine overdose, a sedentary lifestyle, and an overall disregard for health. 

A tragic preventable death. 

Something that many people experience every day, everywhere.

**

A White plane. Everywhere you look there is nothing but white. 

Up, down, left or right everywhere Rick looked he saw nothing but white. 

He looked at his arms, his legs, and his body. His skin was chalk white and eerily white. 

He tried to speak but no sound came out. He tried to breathe and succeeded. But it was completely irrelevant. he had absolutely no need for air. 

The dead need not breathe, nor speak. 

Such was the case for Rick. Yet he wasn't truly dead, was he?

He could think. His mind was alive. The dead shouldn't have been able to do that, right?

-Right?

Rick was reminded of a YouTube video that he watched a long time ago. 

"Psychological torture, The White Room"

In that video, the YouTuber explained how psychologically damaging it was to be in a room completely white alone for an extended period. 

-I guess I'm in hell then. Sigh...

Well, that seemed to be the case. 

...After one hour, Rick started singing in his head. 

...After two hours, he started screaming. A scream without any sound. 

...After three hours, he started to bite his fingers in an effort to feel something. Anything.

...After four hours, he curled up in a fetal position.

Long hours of TikTok and YouTube videos and phonk music had made him have extreme ADHD. 

Inaction meant torture. 

No stimulation meant anxiety. 

Anxiety meant self doubt.

And Self-doubt meant Regret.

So...so many regrets. 

And the berating of his own voice and consciousness.

"Look at you, so pathetic."

"If only you stopped listening to music all the time."

"If only you worked hard."

"No, not even hard. If only you even worked half as much as your friends."

"If only you talked with your friends more."

"If only you explained to your parents how much you hated your university subject."

"if only you..."

"If only y.."

"If only..." 

"If only..." 

"If only..." 

"If only..." 

-AAAArrgggggghhhhhhh stoppppppppppp. I did what I did. Shut up!!! You know why I did it. Stop talking!!

...

...

...

"if only you were a bit religious, we wouldn't be in this hell. We would've been in heaven."

...

...

...

**

Some cries are loud, and some are silent. Some sad yet beautiful. Some repulsive, disgusting, and ugly yet equally heart-wrenching.

**

 After some time when Rick opened his eyes, he was shocked. He didn't know how long had passed. Yet his surroundings weren't white anymore. He was in a field of grass. 

Around him was a beautiful field with beautiful weather. Neither too warm nor too cold. The sun was mild and the breeze was sweet. 

Rick was reminded of the fields of his rural grandparents' home. A place he had not visited in years. 

A time much simpler and happier.

"Hello there Rick. How have you been?"

-Morgan Freeman? What? Why are you here?

"You remember the movie Bruce Almighty?"

-Huh? 

"You know the one with Jim Carrey?"

-Oooh that one. I remember that one. Morgan Freeman acted as God there.

"It's a joke I do with everyone that watched that movie. Works great on lightening the mood. Most people break down in the reflection area."

-Huh? Is that what it was?

"Yes, it serves as a place where people can either process their regrets or break down. Very few people do the first one. The rest are like you, broken by either the past or their own actions."

-Ok then. So, what's next?

"What next?"

-I mean what's going to happen next? You are either the 'God' or a 'god' and this is probably the afterlife. So, what's going to happen to me? 

"Well, not much. For the people in the first category, I send them to heaven. The people in the second category, I leave it up to them. 

You can either live a new and different life and hopefully get closure. Which usually doesn't work either. They keep making the same mistakes and crimes. And live another life filled with regrets upon their death and come back here in the same state. Sometimes even in worse state. 

I see so many tortured souls. Psychopaths and evil people that gain consciousness and break down. 

Eventually, the weight of their sins makes them feel so guilty that I have to send them to hell."

-What? Send them to hell?

"Yeah, the reflection area makes them realize the true weight of their actions. It's different for everyone. Due to the immense guilt and the weight of their actions, they start to desire to punish themselves. Here, have a look."

A monitor suddenly appeared out of nowhere and inside there was a burning building.

**

"Mom, mom, mom, what are we going to do?"

"It'll be alright sweety. Everything will be alright."

A woman and a small child hug themselves as the fire slowly engulfs the walls around them. The smoke starts to fill their lungs and they start to cough.

The child dies first and the mother looks at his eyes with tears in her eyes. 

"what did we ever so to you? Why are you doing this? Oh God, please help us. I'll do anything. Please please please protect at least him. I'll..I'll pray everyday. 

I'll go to the church everyday. 

I'll donate everything...

please..

please..

pl.."

And slowly she suffocated in the smoke and life left her eyes. The fire came soon after. Thankfully she didn't have to suffer the pain of being burned alive. Which was all the grace fate had granted her and she died with her 4-year-old son in embrace in her home. 

**

-What?

"That woman was killed by a person who had a deep fascination for fire. To him, fire was beautiful. Death by Fire was fun and interesting.

In there, that woman was that man. In the reflection area, he experienced what his victims felt as they died to his 'games'.

This is what he is seeing and experiencing at this moment. After this woman, he would experience the life of another of his victims. Maybe even the baby boy.

So, you see, people who don't live a good life are filled with pain and regret after death. 

The people who live a good life eventually achieve piece and can accept death. I send them to heaven."

-I see. People of the second category can't forgive themselves for the guilt of their actions. 

"Yes. They want punishment for their actions. to alleviate the pain that comes from guilt."

-guilt can make even the most beautiful life into a painful hell.

"You're correct. After self-reflecting on their actions, they all desire hell. So, I made hell for them and they stay there for as long as it takes for them to accept themselves and alleviate their guilt. 

Then I send them to heaven."

-So, am I going to hell?

"Hmm, not really. Do you want to be in hell?"

-No...?

"No, you do not. Your regrets do not come from your sins. Your regrets do not come from harm that you did to others. 

They come from your inaction in life. They come from what-ifs. 

Hell would not be a salvation for you. Nor would heaven."

-So...What happens now then?

"Remember those cheesy crap isekai fanfics that you used to read all day? The setup in so many of your daydreams?"