40: No Fomality

Fates POV,

Sitting on the veranda leaning against the cold concrete wall, I enjoy the entrancing grace of the darkness. After watching Mom's video diary I believed I can sleep but it didn't happen. in the end, I brought myself here.

The sky is clear only wrapped up with stars, there is no glimpse of rain. the moon is no erstwhile clandestine in the closet of the clouds. Protruding from the bonds of mists it has engulfed the night. The night insects harmonise themselves summoning under the darkness. A calmness of the chill breeze slowly proceeded its stint to the foreign horizon.  Sometimes it would be brushed upon my cheeks to give a drift of stability to my flash thoughts

It might be half past two in the night. If Miss Lee come right now, I will assure her not to be worried cause I didn't have any nightmare today. I'm sleepless because I really can't. Can a person spend the whole night without sleeping? Only a night owl like me.

Today, I  get to know several things about my father from the video diary, I couldn't recognise him at first since  I never want to. Yet, his other faces do surprise me, his loving gestures towards mom protecting her. And there was also once a caring father who loved his daughter

There is no lie in admitting that Miss Cane was right he loved mom, he loved me. But he was afraid of losing, a fear of being abandoned turned him aggressive. A worry that leads him to a wake from which he never gets himself out.

However, in every person's life there comes a time when he atones for his every sin. But after mom's death, he knew it was too late that's why he chooses to drown himself in intoxicant dependence. And one day, when he couldn't carry the burden anymore, He alms his end from me, and I abide what I was told. Like an obedient daughter but for that I lost a friend

Therefore maybe everyone would think of me as a terrible daughter. nevertheless, I know  I set him free from all the suffering. I  repose him into a deep slumber. The manic smile he gave me before closing his eyes forever. I used to think he was mocking me but now I realize it wasn't mocking he was relieved from the bonds. He is in peace 

His motto 'In Death, You Find Forever ', By forever he meant all those times he ever spent with mom where he could keep her close and afterall, he merged himself with the memories with her. He didn't let her go, and neither he gets away from her.

Some people can love you with all their toxicity and  bitterness

Anyway, I can never forgive him for what he did to me. At least not in this life. I know he never wanted to do this but the truth can't be denied. That doesn't mean I Hate him. NO. I don't. I am only accepting everything, Him.

But no forgiveness!

As I remained in my thoughts I was dazed off by a sudden **click** and then the lip of the outside light lit up 'someone's awake'. I didn't look behind to find who is this person. It didn't take long for the doors to slide open. With taping, footsteps came closer, I could sense the person behind me. The aroma of lavender hinted it wasn't Miss Lee. I breathe in relief

"Sometimes I get jealous of the moon and stars," I heard her say feeling her occupy the empty spot beside. A warm, delicate fragrance overwhelmed me

"Why?" I asked staring at the moon.  curious to know what the poor 'moon and stars'  did all of a sudden that makes the  idols jealous

"Because they don't  have to plead for your attention."

A smile appeared on my lips, but I did not let it slip, Keeping my formal tone of voice    "is that So?"

"Yeah."

A lull of silence shelters us in the night. even though we are sitting together, I can feel her gaze on me. this reminds me of the time when we were on the trip, we were stargazing together.

'Some things are immutable'

"I feel cold," She whines a few moments later. Of course, it's cold that's why I gave her the hoddie, don't think she's wearing it

" It's cold in here. Go inside." I mumbled back. My advice had only one conclusion. Instead of moving away from me and going back inside.

She shifted closer solely closing the small gap between us. My folded hands were fondled by her cold once. I was right she's not wearing the hoodie. Her fingertips slowly illustrate uncommon patterns, Head comforted on my shoulder "your warmth is enough" she voiced

The thumping of my heart in the silence of her being closed Somehow this gives me peace After going through stress since morning, memories of losing,gaining

I Feel

Serenity

"Fate?"

"Hm"

"Do you hate me?"

"No"  hearing my answer, I felt a little smile occur on her cheeks.

"Im sorry for what I said about your nightmares"

Sorry,   I smiled "it's okay. I have heard the worse"

She shifts from my shoulder "Fate hurtful, painful memories. those who buried them deep in their heart become passionate and flexible with emotions. They become stronger so don't think of them as worse and don't forget any of it. Don't think it's your weakness or nightmares. It is your strength"

I moved a little and look at her. Her eyes melted with a genuine sense of emotion that I witnesses when we were kids . she meant it. She meant every word.

I didn't say anything and look at the stars again   seeing my confused shock she began to speak "However, I'm not sorry for the Kiss."

She's what!

"Your very manipulative person Jennie Kim " I glared and scoffed thinking that would hurt her a little

She laughed "trust me I have heard worse.." Using my words against me she continue " It was your fault you were gawking at me. You naughty girl" she teased

Naughty? Huh! Trust me we will see about that.

"Next time if you do something like that again I will show you who's naughty between us". My words were promising I peek at her. The look on her face mixed with a frown didn't help me control my laugh, Shaking my head " are you imagining that?" I implore

"There are so many things I am imagining right now. don't ask." She smirked

What is that supposed to mean?

Just a moment of quiet, she spoke up again  "I know I don't deserve to be your friend but can we start a new beginning? Please"

My jaw clenched at the memories, of those words that she said in her house. Her brown orbs stare into mine dissolving into a different sensation of enthusiasm. I am not used to seeing Jennie Hang Kim like this usually she would keep everything to herself but now

"And what do you want me to do ?" 

"Gave me chance" Her tone was pleading, fretting.

She reached a hand on mine, squeezing the flesh gently only forcing my eyes to gaze at her. I glanced down at her fingertips " Chance?"

"Yes can we start by being friends  "

Friends?

Not again

But Then Again

With My foolish soul

"How?"  I ask

She stood up in front of me preventing my view. Holding out her hands " Hi. I'm Jennie Hang Kim ".

Eh?

Not knowing what else should I do or respond I stand up to hold her hands " I'm Fate Adierson?"

Her lips curved into her gummy smile  "it's nice to meet you Fate"

Oh okay? Is it our new way to know each other? I thought she knew my name. I mean she called me Adierson most of the time.

Wait if I think carefully she hasn't called me Adierson since she been here. Maybe it can be our last beginning because after a few months we will eventually be separated.

Knowing  In the end, it will break down me for accepting this, How blind and foolish I will be hoping to keep her by my side in the future. Maybe this is what makes me A masochist for her Love. A slave with devotion for her, just a  tool in her life but guess I will love being a part of it.

Even Miss Lee said I shouldn't ignore her efforts so why not get fall through into a mess?

" It's nice to meet you, Miss Kim "

"Jennie"

"Pardon?"

"Call me Jennie " she explained to me "Fate friends don't greet each other by using Miss "

Oh.

A smile plastered on my lips 'Jennie' I utter to myself her name again as my lips twirled  

"Jennie"

"Say it again," she orders softly. still demanding

"Jennie" I followed

"Fate"

"Jennie You should let go of my hand now," I said looking  at our  hands they are still tangled together grasping with tenderness

"What if I don't want to" She teased

I never want you too either

"Didn't I tell you not to touch me again"  I recalled her 

"Jennie Hang Kim don't listen, anyone"

Hmm is that so I grinned " But I'm your friend so You Have To" 

She raised a brow " Right, then...'' She takes a step closer, her warm breath seizing me in one place" I should obey You.." My eyes fall on her mouth as she  gently took her bottom lips between her teeth, nibbling them thoroughly "My Queen"

My eyes went wide realising what I was doing strangled for air I backed away falling on the grass. 'Merde!' My cheeks flushed red

Seeing me like this the corner of her lips quirked up, bending down a little "what? Wanna taste it?" She whispered

"No!! "

She laughed audibly "You're so bad at lying "

"I Hate you!" I whined at her

She holds out her hand again, helping me to get up "We Both Know You Dont "

'Seriously! Maybe make the wrong decision Here '