Neverender
Yo, fro here~~~!!! This is interesting, an old man get a chance to experience excitement again lol. Its so funny reading his thought when he was just summoned to another world. Its logical and make sense, but at the same time so comical. You should add more old man features in the story, like his habit as old man, complaining about back ache, but realized that wasnt there anymore. The flow of story was too rushing I think, because I felt like the story was about to end when the demon champion appeared, but it is okay since the story started at a war. It is exciting to see battle immediately in the story. Just world background was still abit vague, the demon things, like where they came from hadnt been explained clearly, though it is still early chap, so maybe it will slowly unravel later. The game system, like the skill is okay, but Im still confused about MC's class, he was summoner but can buff like an enchanter? Should the buff more for his familiar instead? Overall this story has good beginning, the narrative also easy to read, just the grammar is still a bit bad, you mixed the past tense and present tense, better use one consistently instead. Well, this story has good potential, keep the hard work!
*Remember, this review is based on the first five chapters* Constructive Criticism: For me, it was hard to get past the first chapter, because it felt like a monologue style information dump... better than just a pure info dump, but hard for me to keep reading past. Positive Feedback: You did well in how you wrote... the development of your story and characters... and on the background of the world. Also, you sped up the pace of the story like a snowball rolling down a mountain.;,;. Personal Feedback: Like said above, I struggled to get past the beginning, but I'm glad I did, you made a really good story here that I will continue to read.;,;.
Hey there! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact rebecca.review@outlook.com. A brief introduction, some sample charpters or links will be appriciated when reaching out.