Chapter 72: Fizbo (Part 3)

-Outside the Dunphy Household-

Phil was standing in front of a young lady standing behind a white top and blue bottom minivan whose deck was open. Inside the van, multiple poisonous animals and insects inside the cages were posing seductively for the customer. However, today they encountered a picky one.

Phil said, "No, no, no, no. I want the most dangerous reptile you have got."

The young lady replied, "I have an iguana that eats crickets."

Phil replied, "That would be scary… if it were a birthday party for crickets!"

"Seriously, jungle Tanya, I need you to give me something I can work with. Is there anything that scares the coocoo out of even you?" Phil pointed to the young girl with a neck tattoo.

Ryan, who had just gotten out of his car, saw the plot had begun and become hurried.

Before leaving, Ryan told his driver, "Hey, uncle Tom can you do me a favor? Just chuck my bag somewhere and tell my mom I have gone to Alex's to help with Luke's party."

Tom replied with a stoic face, his gloved hand still on the steering wheel. "Alright, sir. No problem. Have fun- Oh, he's gone."

When Tom said 'alright,' the boy had already moved away from the car.

'Hey, it is another Alex. But from Big Bang theory.' Ryan mused himself. He shouted to Phil as he walked over, "Hey Phil, what's up?"

Phil turned left and right, searching for the source who called him. When he turned back to jungle Tanya, he saw Ryan peeking inside the van filled with animals.

"Hi, Ryan. You're early. I am…just talking with Tanya about an animal for Luke's party."

Ryan replied curiously. "I see."

Phil looked back at Tanya and asked, "So, any that scares you?"

Tanya replied, "Um, not really. I do have a bearded dragon."

"Now we are talking!"

Ryan interrupted Phil and said, "Phil, sorry to interrupt. I don't think she is talking about the ones that breathe fire."

Tanya turned from Ryan to Phil, "Yes, it doesn't breathe fire."

Lamentably, Phil asked, "What type of dragon doesn't breath fire?"

Ryan answered, "Well, that is just its name, but it is actually a small cute lizard."

Hearing Ryan's answer, Phil said in exasperation, "Well, we are back to square one now, aren't we?"

-Commentary Starts-

Cameron was sitting alone on a chair in the living room in front of the camera.

Cameron spoke in a low voice, "I couldn't get Luke out of my mind."

If Ryan were here, he would've said, 'Sounds hella sus' fam. You sure about this?'

The camera then cuts and changes to Cameron standing in front of a mirror in a white shirt, applying white paint to his eyes.

Cameron (V.O) - "I know I made a promise to Mitchell, but… some things are bigger than promises."

The camera then cuts back to Cameron sitting in his chair.

Cameron continues, "Fizbo would be at that party."

The camera then again cuts to Cameron standing in front of the mirror. However, this time he was applying white paint to his eyes and putting on a clown-red nose.

Cameron then looked at himself in the mirror, smiled, and said, "Hello, old friend."

If any camera crew existed, they would have felt chills on their back, and one of them would have definitely dialed 911 as they stood in front of a clown who had kids on his mind.

-Hospital (In the present to avoid confusion)-

Haley was looking through the glass in a hospital door, wearing a deep blue coat over a purple dress.

She turned around and said while walking, "It all happened so fast."

[Author - "Oh my, did I forget to give Ryan endurance? No, wait a sec, that was Haley, not Alex. Since when was she so worried? Oh no, this is Fizbo. Oops, wrong episode."

The Author then touched his crystal, and the scene changed to Ryan talking with Alex on a beach.

The Author said, "Ah, yes, that's the one."]

Meanwhile, back at the hospital, Haley walked past Jay, who continued right after Haley, "I keep thinking there is something I could have done."

Mitchell, who was filling a water cup behind Jay from a water cooler, hearing this, he said, "No, don't blame yourself. Who could've possibly seen that coming?"

In a white shirt and a black coat sitting in the back on a chair, Nathan said, "Well, anyone with a brain, really? Like, I know we live in America but who in their right mind gives a kid a literal crossbow as a present."

Jay skillfully avoided Nathan's and everyone else's gaze with his hands in his jeans pockets.

-Outside Dunphy Household (Earlier that day)-

Phil and Claire stood outside as a tall climbing Rockwall was placed in their yard.

Claire saw the massive 60 feet wall up close and asked in concern, "Sweety, that's a rock wall. Is that even safe? Oh my god!"

Phil reassured Claire and said, "Honey, relax."

He turned to the guy installing the way and asked a question to reassure his wife, "Hey, has anyone ever gotten hurt on one of these things?"

The wall-climbing guy in a blue shirt replied, "I dunno, man. It's my first day."

Claire's eyes were wide open upon this reveal, but Phil smiled and continued, "See? They wouldn't let the new guy do it if it was-"

Claire, holding a bunch of plastic boxes in her hand filled with arts and crafts things, interrupts, "That did not make me feel better!"

Phil argued while avoiding Claire's eyes, "Don't worry. I signed, like, a hundred releases."

Claire looked around to see multiple attractions being set up on her lawn and said in exasperation, "When did we decide all this? I... I think it's too much."

Phil pointed out the obvious and said, "See, I knew you'd say that. That's why I didn't tell you. Just relax. How about this? Go grab a snow cone."

Claire looked astonished and asked, "There's a snow cone machine?"

Haley walked over to the two and said, "Mom, just so you know, Dylan can't have mayonnaise."

Claire asks back, "That's random. Why are you telling me that?"

Haley replies as if it is a fact, "Uh, 'cause he's coming to the party?"

Claire asks, "Is that absolutely necessary?"

Haley tries to reply, "What Ryan is..."

Alex wearing a white shirt with a tree on it and a dark blue jacket interrupts Haley and says, "Yes, because she can't go ten minutes without her boyfriend's tongue in her mouth. It's like he's feeding a baby bird."

Haley retorts, "Well, not my fault Ryan doesn't want to kiss you."

Alex blurted, "He di-"

Claire stopped them as she had a lot on her mind. "Girls."

Although Claire didn't hear what Alex said, Haley did. She now has an incomprehensible expression on her face, unnoticed by the others.

Ryan, walking behind Alex, finally arrived at the scene and said, "Hey, who said I di- don't want to..." Ryan, who spotted Claire and instantly changed his sentence.

Claire looked at Ryan with her eyes squinted. Haley, the agent of chaos, who has achieved her mission to get permission for Dylan, started returning inside.

Ryan, who felt Claire's burning gaze on him, started to sweat on his back. He diverted the topic and asked, "Hey, what you got there."

His scheme worked as Claire smiled and answered, "Oh, these are supplies for the crafts table. I finally figured out what we're going to be making."

Phil, hearing this goes, "Kids bored? Haha~" feeling Claire's angry gaze, Phil continued, "I'm teasing, I'm teasing. It looks good. What is it?"

Claire smiled and showed Phil a comb inside a brown pocket. Phil recalls something and has his mouth open, but Claire interrupts him.

"I know, I know… but we made them when I was eleven years old at Donna Rigby's birthday party. At first, we thought it was stupid, and then we had a blast, so…." She said while shrugging.

Phil continued, "How could you not? You combined the two things kids love the most: combs and sheaths."

Ryan tried to hold back his laugh, and Claire stampeded off in anger upon hearing Phil.

Phil yelled at the leaving Claire, "I was kidding, I was kidding." He whispered, "Comb sheet. Can you believe that, Ryan?"

Ryan replied, "No, I can't."

"It's like getting people to read a book at a pool party." Alex chimed. Ryan turned to her and said, "You know, I could see you doing that. I don't know why."

"Shut up," Alex retorted.

Phil and Ryan then started laughing, and Alex joined them.

-Commentary Starts-

Claire was seen sitting alone on the couch in front of the staircase. She is wearing a maroon dress and a matching maroon jacket on top.

She soon started speaking excitedly after checking to see if anyone was around.

"Where's my comb? Ah ha, here it is! In my (Enunciated) incredibly convenient beaded comb sheath (Normal) that I made at Luke's awesome birthday party. It's- Hole in one, Mrs. Dunphy! Hole in one."

Ryan, who came downstairs from behind, heard this and giggled, "Truly a hole in one, Mrs. Dunphy truly a hole in one."

Claire looks at Ryan on the staircase deviously.

-Commentary Ends-

-Mitchell Household-

Mitchell enters his home, removes his coat while speaking, and places it down on a chair, "I'm home! I got Luke a video game, but it's about math, so… I guess we're those kinds of uncles. Cam?"

Cam, in a full adult clown costume, comes out and says while showing off his dress, "Don't be mad."

Mitchell looks disappointed and sighs before saying,

"Oh… Cam...."

-Commentary Starts-

Mitchel and Cameron are seen sitting in front of the camera on chairs. Mitchel is wearing a grey full-sleeve checker t-shirt with a dark purple sweater on top of it.

Cameron is wearing a dark grey full-sleeve t-shirt with white lines.

Cameron then starts speaking, "I've known I wanted to be a clown since I found out clowns are just people with make-up. Um, as a matter of fact, I was clowning if I wasn't in school or fishing by the time I was a teenager. There are four types of clowns: a tramp, an Auguste, a whiteface, and a character. I am a classically-trained Auguste clown named Fizbo."

Feeling Mitchell's gaze, Cameron asks, "What?"

Mitchell replies, "-nothing. Between the clowning and the fishing, I'm surprised you had time for the schooling."

Hearing this, Cameron becomes sad. Mitchell continues while looking at Cameron, "Ah, and there's the fifth type: the sad clown."

Cameron, hearing this, instantly corrects Mitchell, "A sad clown is a tramp."

Cameron then looks at the camera and says, "So there are still only four types."

Meanwhile, on the side, Mitchell makes a face and then drags a finger across his face from his eyes, indicating a tear.

-Commentary Ends-

Mitchell puts his hands around his hips and says, "Cam, I thought we discussed this."

Cameron tries to justify, "We did, but I…."

Cameron then moves closer to Mitchell as he continues, "I started thinking this isn't about you or me. This is about a little boy who deserves some happiness."

Mitchell interrupts, "And he's gonna get that from his weird, gay clown uncle?"

Cameron replies, "Fizbo is not gay; he's asexual."

Mitchell raises a finger and says, "Ohhh."

Cameron continues, "He's an innocent whose only drive is to bring people joy and laughter and balloon animals. He's… he's the least sexual being on earth."

Mitchell smiles and says, "Ah. Oh, okay, well, at least we agree on something."

Mitchel then walks off, and Cameron looks at Mitchell leaving; however, before Mitchell leaves, he looks back again at Cameron from top to bottom and says, "Yeah."

Cameron is left there alone, staring at the disappearing back of Mitchell, his life partner (not married as not legal yet), who just doesn't understand the funs and thrills of being a clown.