Dark lover

Eliza nodded, "yes, of course. What?

"Have you been sexually abused before?"

Eliza gasped, the blurry image felt real again to her. It happened fifteen years ago, when she was still in school. Eliza was about to be harassed by her sports teacher. Her fear of men had not healed until now.

The trauma of the past that I don't know when it will go away. Eliza is also currently married to a man who is very rough in bed. It made her very afraid when Karan touched her, like someone would pounce on her right then and there.

"Fifteen years ago, I was verbally and non-verbally sexually abused, but not to the extent of losing my honour. Ever since then, I've been afraid of men."

Sean nodded, he understood what Eliza was feeling and the trauma was very severe. It doesn't just go away unless she finds the right man who makes her comfortable.

"So here's the thing, El. In your case, apart from the physical factors, one of which I have explained earlier. There are also emotional factors. Well, for physical factors that you feel pain when your husband's is inside can cause endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, myoma, ovarian cysts or even the impact of surgery or treatment. Such as uterine surgery, radiotherapy or chemotherapy."

"Why are you describing it so horribly, is it that dangerous?"

"Don't panic yet, we will do an ultrasound examination to find out what's inside your uterus. Because here's the thing, if it's not a physical factor, it could also be an emotional factor. These emotional factors can be psychological problems such as excessive anxiety, depression, fear of intercourse and also excessive worry. In addition, emotional factors can also cause stress and a history of sexual abuse. That's why I asked you about it earlier."

Eliza began to understand Sean's point, it was not so terrible. However, anything could happen. Therefore, Sean needed to confirm what happened to Eliza.

"El, I need to do a pelvic examination first. It looks like you really need an ultrasound. I checked that there is no problem or tear in your genital area, only stinging and also due to being forced in so it looks more swollen. But I made sure the lips are safe. Sorry, yes. If anything is touched during the CT scan or rotgen."

This time, Sean was hesitant to do so. What else could he do, it had to be done by him. Even though it was a holiday, Sean was still assisted by one of the nurses who worked at his clinic. 

His clinic was indeed fairly complete, so many people did check-ups at his place before going to the hospital. That's why Sean was very busy, although once a week he also had a practice assignment at one of the private hospitals.

"Sean, how am I going to pay for all this? I mean, there's no way I'm talking to Karan about this."

"Don't worry, right now your health is the most important thing. Your worries will only slow down the treatment process. Calm your mind."

"Actually, I don't feel happy after getting married to Karan. I don't know, I don't lack anything materially, but I feel tormented inside."

Sean stopped his routine. He looked at Eliza, the same gaze as when they first met. Unfortunately, Sean was unable to express his feelings to Eliza back then. Likewise today, he was unable to tell his feelings to someone else's wife.

Clearly in front of him, Eliza was no longer a girl. She was the wife of a well-known businessman in Jakarta. As a man, he could not possibly snatch a woman from another man. Although he was sometimes angered by Karan's behaviour towards Eliza.

His empathy is huge, no matter what people say about him. He cares deeply for Eliza, although behind that care there are other feelings that Eliza does not know. She only knew that Sean was doing good to her as a doctor.

"Don't you love him, El?"

Eliza nodded, "I love him, that's why I wanted to marry Karan and that's what made me stay with him."

"Then, after what happened in your marriage and didn't make you happy, do you still love him?"

Eliza was silent, she didn't give an answer. Her little heart was afraid of losing him, but her mind could not bear to stay with him. However, parting with Karan was not an easy choice either.

Eliza needs to think carefully about her decision, right now she is just doing things according to what Karan wants. Only sometimes, Eliza also objected when Karan started to rob her of her honour in bed.

"I don't know what made me stay with him, Sean. I don't know what to do now, staying is hard or leaving her is also very hard for me."

Sean approached her, he touched Eliza's face gently.

"You are a very beautiful girl, El. You deserve to find your own happiness, if you stay with him it will make you sick. Why did you stay?"

Eliza hugged Sean tightly, she cried in Sean's arms. Something Eliza had never done before. Only then, she was so comfortable being able to share her story with Sean. A man who understood her emotional needs better.

"I'm afraid he'll do something bad to me, Sean. Even though he's annoying, he's never once said he'd separate from me. But why, Sean. Why should it be her that I love, not you?"

Sean was shocked to hear that sentence come out clearly from Eliza's mouth. His heart was not wrong to love a man, but the man he loved was not quite right. He didn't know if Karan would change or if he would go even crazier.

"If you love Karan, that's your right. As for me, I know it's a mistake. Loving you who clearly belongs to someone else."

Eliza released her hug slowly as she wiped away tears. I don't know what was going through Sean's mind at that moment, he couldn't control himself saying his feelings to Eliza.

"El, please don't misunderstand me first. I did all this because I care about you, not just because of my feelings. Yes, I admit that I harboured my feelings for you for a long time, but I was too late to tell you. You already belong to Karan now."

"I'm sorry, Sean. I can't reciprocate the way you feel."

"It doesn't matter to me, El. As long as I can help you, it doesn't matter if you want to reciprocate my feelings or not. However, as long as I can, I will certainly help you with your difficulties."

Sean approached Eliza, slowly and closer than the previous distance. Both of them looked at each other again. Sean wiped away the tears that flowed down Eliza's cheeks, he knew the woman's heart in front of him was very painful.

The distance was getting closer, until without realising it, their lips were already together. Sean's touch was so gentle, Eliza couldn't resist it. There was something different about every warmth of his kiss.

"Can I be your lover, El? Even though you belong to Karan, I love you too."