Save Me... From Myself

The girl in a neat and tidy uniform looks like one of those perfectly molded models of purity. She has silky smooth straight hair, clear, pale skin, a small face, and thin body. Recently she has started experimenting with no make-up look, which makes her look prettier. I look at her from a distance and hide behind the pillars, hoping my best that she hasn't seen me. 

She is not a bully. She is just another teen who chooses to ignore the people who do not interest her. She is vicious to the ones who bother her or try to harm her. She is also unbelievably sweet with the ones she thinks she can be friends with. She has a good heart, although people only see the generic pretty b*tch whenever they see her. At times, I feel bad about it, even though she is not aware of it. 

Her name is Rosemary Collins. That pretty girl was my best friend a year ago. No, she didn't unfriend me. If anything, she tried to help me. It was me who hurt her, broke our friendship, and forgot everything she had done for me. 

Aunt Josette was probably right about me. When I close my eyes, her words ring in my ears. 

"You are as small as a fly to me. I don't have to destroy you, you are doing it yourself, quite extraordinarily." 

Shaking my head I leave my hiding place and start walking towards the library. I take the longer route that takes me through the backyard of the school. It also allows me to have a glance at the basketball court. The boys are playing again. Somebody new has joined their team. 

"Hi, the quiet girl. Where are you going?" 

I look up at Felix standing in front of me, blocking my way. He is very tall and thin, but when he starts warming up before the games, his muscles kind of bulge out. I look at his face for ten seconds before averting my eyes. There is something about his smile that makes me uncomfortable. 

"Umm… Library?" I mumble. I know I should speak louder, but my therapist keeps on saying that to me. I don't expect him to hear me. He hasn't asked me to get an answer anyway. 

"Listen, I need a favor from you. Have you started working on the project yet?" 

The project is due next week. I nod. 

"Good, you know I was busy with my parents last week, I couldn't do shit. Do you think you can add my name to the project?"

I look up to be blinded by his thousand-watt smile. Soon, his best friend Art joins him. "Can you add my name too? It would be a big help." 

Art joined this school with Felix last year. They claim that they have known each other since childhood. Art looks similar to Felix. Tall, thin, but darker features. If you look into his eyes for long enough, you will feel like sitting in the middle of a silent place. A very silent, almost deafeningly silent place. 

The two of them are the source of many rumors, many spicy stories, and many assumptions.

I nod and start walking towards the library. I hear them laughing behind me. Art says, "Really, we are horrible people." 

"I know. It keeps me up at night," Felix says. They laugh again, a little too loudly, as though they have shared an inside joke only the two of them have access to. 

Suddenly, I hear Art's voice behind me. "Hey, Franny. You've dropped something." 

I look back at them, half expecting a nasty prank. Then I see a leather-bound diary in his hand. My heart starts beating fast. I ran back towards him. 

"I didn't know you're into journaling. Is it one of those aesthetic ones?" Felix asks curiously. I blink. Is this curiosity real, or he is trying to get some brownie points by being nice to me? 

"Th-thank you…" I say under a breath and take it back. 

"Is it private? Will you show us what's inside it?" Art asks. 

I mumble, "It is private." 

"Sorry," Art takes his hand back swiftly before our fingers make any contact. 

I nod again. "I will add both of you. Thanks." 

"Thank you, Franny. You're really sweet, you know?" 

Felix has a smooth voice. When he speaks, it sounds like a soft tune playing in a castle far away. His eyes are green like forests at night. I feel envious of him. It takes a certain amount of courage to praise somebody like that. When he says things like that, it feels very genuine. My cheeks warm up slightly. 

Somehow I gathered the courage to thank them again, this time looking at their eyes. His forest green eyes, and Art's dark midnight eyes. 

"Who is Aunt Josette?" Felix asks as I turn and start to walk. The warmth in my cheeks is gone, instead, my blood turns cold. I look at them again. Felix is holding a photograph, an old, monochrome picture of an elegant woman sitting beside a lake. At the back of the photograph, a name is written along with a date. 

"Josette Winters, 19 April, 2000. Is she related to you?" Felix hands me the photograph. "You two have similar faces." 

"No," I yell at him. The sudden outburst shocks me more than it shocks them. "I look nothing like her." 

"I didn't mean—" 

I do not let Felix finish his words. I can't tell him why I don't want to be seen resembling her. I cannot tell him, or Art, who is Aunt Josette. Or the fact that there is something wrong with Aunt Josette. 

I have known that for a very long time. I tried to tell everybody, warn everyone to stay away from her, I even tried to gather evidence against her. But like a pathetic side character of a really badly written thriller, I failed. Each time I went closer to her, she evaded me, and all the evidence I found vanished into thin air, just like alcohol lost its existence when it met air. 

I wish I could tell everyone who she really is, but I am not wise enough. 

I am not strong enough. 

I am Francesca. 

Rosemary said it last year before our fight. "You are obsessed with Aunt Josette. You are obsessed with everything she does, everywhere she goes, and everything she says. You are obsessed with the way she looks, the way she smiles, and the way she talks. You are so obsessed that you don't even see it, that is similar to the way you two look." 

I couldn't hold myself hearing that. I slapped her hard. 

Later, after she left me alone, I admitted it to myself. I am obsessed with the way she loves me, and the way she hates me. 

When I was thirteen, I realized that she was dangerous. 

And this is my story. It was a feeling at the bottom of my stomach, a tingle in my skin that told me that I should never trust this woman, even though she is supposed to be family. Since then, it has been the purpose of my life, to expose her to my family, and to the world. Since then, I have failed so many times that I have lost count, yet I did not lose my hope. 

Until Feroze died. 

They all told me that I was making a mistake. That, it was all in my head. They still do, every time I visit my therapist, or I have lunch with my parents, or I meet my cousins. 

Once I reach the corridors, I look back. Art and Felix are still standing there, awestruck, watching me running away with my fears. 

Rosemary once said that I could be good friends with Felix and Art. 

Aunt Josette's words ring in my mind once again. 

"I don't have to destroy you, you are doing it yourself, quite extraordinarily."