Panic

I find it crazy how I've lived through three quarters of my fantasies in one night. How did I go from barely knowing someone to grinding on them in the front seat of my best friends car? All in less than an hour.

"Fuck," Greene grabs me by the hips and pushes me down into him. I can feel his dick getting hard through the thin fabric  of his shorts. I can also feel my own growing, straining against my beach shorts. He throws his head back and groans, making me want to go faster. Something about the way he looks right now is making me feel... really good. There's definitely no turning back from this now. We reach a point where we're kissing so hard the music fades away and I forget where I am. Greene finally says,

"Stop, stop stop."

I immediately pull away and scramble back to my seat. Breathing heavily, I lean my head against the wheel. Greene chuckles, running a finger across his bruised lips. "We shouldn't have done that. We shouldn't have-"

"Calm down."

"I like girls. I'm not-"

"Don't you dare say you're not fucking gay. You enjoyed that as much as I did."

"I didn't-"

"No point in lying to me, Alex."

I sigh and start repeatedly banging my head against the wheel. What. The. Fuck. Have I just done.

"Fuck this," I turn to see Greene trying to adjust the bulge in his joggers. Right.

"Get one thing straight, Alex." He turns to me. "Deny it all you want, I know you want me. I probably know it more than you do. What just happened here is more proof than I needed. Now it's all about you giving in."

"What happened was a mistake. I was-"

"Confused? Bullshit. You knew what you wanted. I could've given it to you. To be honest I regret stopping you when I was so close."

"You-"

"We'll do it again, Alex. And next time, you'll be begging me not to stop."

With that, he's out of the car.

...

It takes me a minute to regain my composure. When I do, I start panicking all over again. I pull out my phone and call Louise.

"Alex? Where are y-"

"We need to go."

"I'm by the bonfire. Are you okay?"

"Yeah... No. Just- WE NEED TO GO,"

"Okay, okay. I'm on my way to the car. Where are you?"

"I'm in the car."

I switch seats and wait for Louise to get here. A few minutes later she's pulling the door open, letting in the cool breeze.

"Hey, you okay?."

I ignore her, zipping up my jacket. She pulls out of the parking lot and soon we're on the highway home.

"Alex."

"I kissed Greene." I blurt out, looking straight ahead. My statement is met with silence. Silence for a long while, until she says,

"You kissed Greene."

" In this car. In this seat."

"That's... Wow, I'm- I'm shocked, Alex. I thought you said you weren't-"

"Gay, I know. I'm not."

"Then... Why did you kiss him? Or did you he kiss you? Against your will? I swear to God I'll-"

"No. It was me. I mean, It was both of us. I was confused." I look out the window at the city lights.  "I was confused." I repeat.

From the corner of my eye I see her glance at me before reaching for the volume knob on the radio. A familiar song starts playing and I quickly press skip, frowning. I don't think I can ever bring myself to listen to it now, with all the memories I can guarantee I'll be haunted by for the rest of my life.

Louise drives me home and steps in to say hi to mom, before going back to her car. I don't miss the worried expression she gives me before driving away without saying goodbye. As soon as I'm in my room though, my phone chimes with text from her

Lou: want me to guess what you're thinking? G R E E...

I let out a laugh and sigh in relief. I don't know why I thought she'd be mad. My phone chimes again.

Lou: look, I don't know what's going through your head, but tbh I find this a good thing. You say you're not gay, so it was just a kiss, right? U didn't feel anything, it meant nothing, right? You can move on from it and act like it never happened :)

I know what she's trying to do. She still believes I'm gay, and she wants me to admit it. This is her just trying to support me even if she has her own opinions.

Me: yeah Ig ure right. Gotta go eat. Call later.

I switch off my phone and  go take a shower to wash off all the smoke. Closing my eyes, I  try not to see palm trees and hazel eyes and disheveled hair.

...