Chapter fifty five

Stefan

Three days passed and no one uttered a word. She had been placed in her casket, yet no one dared move her. Not everyone cried. We had our own way of handling the grief, processing it. Kol disappeared. He was roaming around the streets of London unleashing his violence, his anger on anyone that crossed his path. He lost his wife and his unborn child; I didn't blame him. We made no effort to derail him. And Damon; He barely moved. He remained rooted in his seat by the fireplace, staring blankly ahead. He spoke to no one. He drank and drank as if it was going to drown out the pain, but it didn't. He spiralled out of control, smashing whatever he had in his hands. Once again, I made no action to stop him.

I wanted to spiral. I wanted to die. I wrote in my journal, but it did nothing. When overcome by frustration I threw the book across the room and cried out. She wasn't here and I needed her. I didn't want to lose control but there was nothing I could do. Yet I found myself losing control in a slow and painful manner. We needed her. I needed her. I hated everything because it was a reminder of her. Sitting at my desk with my hands covering my face, footsteps approached but I made no movement.

"Stefan?" Caroline with her voice soft and soothing. Oddly, it didn't have that effect now. When all I wanted was my sister back. Removing my hands and placing them flat on the desk, I met her gaze. I felt the flicker of the switch, I wanted to do it. I was so close to it. She jumped and held me tight. "Don't do it Stefan. Don't." Running her hand down my back, comforting me and reminding me she was here, and she needed me too. Please Sophia, please come back. I need you. I cried.

Rebekah shut herself away in her room, surrounded by everything that belonged to her. She would stare at the items and looked back on the fond memories. They were best friends. Just like everyone else, in her own way she shut the world out. Klaus kept himself in his room, painting away furiously. Elijah and Marcel couldn't bear to be in the presence of her casket, where she lay indefinitely. They spent their time hunting down escaped witches that rose from the dead. But to what end? She was dead. What did it matter? What did it change? Nothing. No amount of death would bring her back. No act of vengeance would bring her back.

The smashing of glass continued. It no longer made me flinch. It was Damon's way of releasing his anger and he was feeling heaps of it. "I killed her." Is what he kept muttering to himself over and over again. Every time I squeezed my eyes shut, I would hope so hard that when I reopened them, she would be standing before us, smiling. But she never came. Yet without fail, I did it anyways. I stared at the empty space before me. I begged her to come back and hold me, but she didn't. I was slowly drifting away. All this talk of Salvation but in the end there was none. Life went on for others, but we remained stuck. Closing my eyes, I recalled our last memory. It was fresh as though it only just happened.

I watched her ghost run around the house, jumping on all the furniture as she giggled and poked fun at me. She was exactly like Damon, taking my journal and reading out entries for everyone to hear. I nipped upstairs in search of her journal and thinking she would follow, I frowned. She knew I wouldn't find her journal and when I returned, she laughed in my face. "Here," she handed the journal back. "I'm sorry." Pecking my cheek, she ran off to bother Damon. I blinked and was transported back to reality.

Elijah returned with something in his hand. Narrowing my eyes, it was a dusty pink journal he clutched. Her journal. Walking up to me, he pushed it into my hands. In his other hands he held a stack of letters in cream envelopes. It was then I noticed, a similar envelope was sticking out of her journal. "I thought you'd want this." He motioned toward the journal.

It was unbearable standing there, so I went to where she lay in her coffin. Freya and Bonnie worked relentlessly to find a way to bring her back. They examined every magical book there was, flicking through page after page. She said so herself, Sophia was cursed and there's no way to bring her back and it was our fault. We let it happen. We didn't deserve her. She was too good for us. "I don't know why you bother!" I spat out. "She's not coming back. We did everything, why torture us further with keeping her here! Haven't we suffered enough?!" I glanced down at the journal in my hand. What had she written? What use would it make?

Freya shook her head refusing to admit defeat. "I'm not giving up! I know there's a way and I will find it!" Bonnie didn't utter a single word. She picked up book after book. It was too late for them to do anything. A little too late. I swallowed thickly but the lump in my throat remained. She furiously read through the pages, her finger following each word. I walked over to the burgundy casket where Sophia lay with her hands overlapped. She was as pale as a moonbeam. It pained me to see her laying there so still and so soundless. Running my fingers over the open top, staring for a little longer before I slammed it shut. I didn't want to see anything. Nor did I want to feel anything. Just turn it off. I couldn't hold on, I closed my eyes, ready to give into the voice.

"I got it!" My eyes snapped open to a hysterical Freya. Bonnie lifted her head and drew her brows together. She giggled through breaths. "I got it!" She repeated twice more.

I stared at her blankly. "What?"

"Another life, Bonnie! We can't bring her back in this life but look!" She pushed the book to Bonnie, opening her mouth but not speaking she took it and peered down at the open page. Pressing her palm to her heart, she let out a shaky laugh.

"What?" I repeated sharply.

"Qetsiyah has a spell where if one is dying and can't be saved then you can grant them rebirth. This spell won't raise her from the dead, but she'll be born again—same face, same soul! We have to try it!"

I paced around the room with my hands behind my neck demanding she repeat what she said again. It was a mixture of hope, relief, and joy. "Do it"

"I have to tell everyone else!" She placed the grimoire down and skittered out the room.

~

He sat with his head hung low, tears helplessly spilling out. He fought so hard to not feel but in the end he lost. The pain of losing her struck him hard. He lost many before her. Cami. The mother of his child. His daughter and it had chipped him down. He was left broken and just when he thought he had no room for love, for life—she crossed paths with him again and he fell hopelessly in love. He loved her more than what words could convey. His friend. The woman he loved. His brother's girl. He had been the reason she died. He couldn't get over her premature death. His sister had been right; she would die at their hands and that is what happened. He held himself wholly responsible. Maybe if he acted rationally, if he acted like a good being, thoughtful, then he could have avoided her fate.

He closed his eyes, travelling back to the day he went searching for in that cemetery and how when she saw him, she ran into his arms, holding onto him for dear life. Her touch. Her warmth. The way she laughed and how she would smile at him. She loved him as her friend and that love was enough for him. It was enough for him to go on with his life but now that she wasn't here, she wasn't before him he couldn't go on.

He went through canvas after canvas expressing all his grief and anger. With his eyes still closed, he visualised dancing with her. He saw another life where she was his and they were happy. She was alive. She would call out his name and he would answer. Seeing him she would run to him and throw her arms around him. He would lift her off her feet and they would spin around, and their home will fill with laughter. When he would lower her back to the ground, he devoured her with a kiss and a kiss that she would return with equal measure.

It was all a lie. He peeled his eyes open and met with reality. She wasn't here. The biggest truth, she wasn't meant for him. She was Kol's. His brother lost his wife, his unborn child and it drove him beyond insanity. Kol couldn't differentiate between reality and make belief. When forced to face the truth he left, leaving a trail of bloodied bodies in his wake, and burning streets. Feeling the surging rage, he shot to his feet and sped away.

~

He dragged the screaming man by the leg as he stalked through the small neighbourhood. They fled upon hearing the screaming and the deranged man's vicious snarls. He didn't know how to react anymore. He had felt it all. The only thing that could distract him from feeling the pain was to kill and kill he did. Tearing through neighbourhoods, feeding on their blood, and burning them down. He was a monster, and he wouldn't stop. She was gone and being good didn't matter anymore.

The one person who truly understood him, who loved him even with all the darkness he harboured. She overlooked the fact he had done intolerable and egregious things. She didn't want to change him and nor did she force him to change. She was his light. For a thousand years he never knew love or what it felt to love and then he met her. Now she was gone. His lover. His wife. His light. He never got the moment to celebrate being a father, a phenomenon he believed could have never occurred but yet it did. He lost his unborn child. He went from having everything to nothing all at once.

He would punish everyone. It was attack after attack. Kill after kill. The only thing giving him life. "Shut up!" He gnashed his teeth at the man that begged and pleaded. Having had enough of his pathetic screams and squealing, he lifted him off the ground by the collar and sunk his fangs into the pulsing vein. The blood oozed out and trickled down his throat. Warm and metallic. He threw his head back before tearing back into the throat. "That's better." He smirked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Staring at the bag of bones, purely amused, he kicked at it repeatedly. The joy was brief, and it needed to be replaced with another, fast. He came to an abrupt stop when the air cut past him. Watching the air in front of him, waiting for the air to cut again he struck, sending the assailant flying into the brick wall opposite him.

"That was harsh." The voice provoked.

He turned to face his brother. "What do you want Nik? Are you here to stop me?" Klaus looked his brother up and down and smiled wickedly, swaggering closer. It was then that Kol noticed the blood dribbling down from his brother's chin.

Klaus grinned. "I'm not here to stop you brother. I'm here to join. Who cares whether these pathetic excuses live?" His voice grew rough and spiteful. "Why should they get to live when she doesn't?"

A question that haunted Kol's mind. Why did everyone else deserve to live instead of her? Why was she condemned? She deserved everything out of life, and she was denied it all. Where was his love? Come back home he mumbled to himself, pounding his fist against the concrete wall; yelling with a rage that blinded him. Klaus looked down at the dead human on the ground, hands behind his back. Surely the pudgy and overly hairy man was a waste of human space and no good to the society. "Now brother, I propose we pluck them out one by one until there's none left."

Both heads whipped around to the sound of thundering footsteps that rounded the corner. The voice desperately called out for them.

"Freya?"

"Freya."

She panted and heaved, pressing her hand to her chest. "Come back, both of you! We found a way! Just come back with me." They exchanged glances and after a moment their tensed muscles relaxed once they allowed the hope to settle in. She ran up to her brothers and took their hands. "I found a way. Not traditional but it means we can get her back!"

"Bring her back. It's all I care about." Kol pleaded.

"We can and we will." She walked back hand in hand with her brothers, confident that everything would fall back into place.

Damon

We gathered in the large Mikaelson home awaiting the return of Freya who set out to bring back Kol and Klaus. They were on a killing spree because it was how they chose to deal with their grief. The three returned and stepped solemnly into the living room. She disappeared out the door again and returned shortly with a glass dome in her hands. We eyed her sceptically. She said she found a way to bring Sophia back, was that related to it? She set the dome down as we stood around her anxiously waiting. Giving it one last look, she turned back to face us. "This spell Qetsiyah formed won't bring her back this instant...but she will be reborn. It will give her a new life where she can start from the beginning. It's the only way! The only spell I know that will work. It must have been kept it hidden for a reason."

"How does it work?" I questioned.

She glanced back at the open, tattered book. "I've linked her body to the spell. Once her soul is ready to leave, it will find her and give her new life—See this glass dome...I have already started the spell." She ran her hands over the glass and a thick, green stem formed and a bud slowly sprouted. She continued. "The moment this bud splits, it means she's here, and the moment it blooms, is her taking her first breath. It could take years, decades, I don't know but it's worth everything! We'll have to wait...can you all do that?"

Kol shook his head, nails biting into his hands as he held back his tears. "I can't go a second longer, sister."

"You have to!" Stefan urged. "We all have to."

"The reason I gathered you all here, is because I know you will all be tempted to see her, meet her but you can't...we owe it to her to allow her to live at least a few years of her life without us. Twenty years max is all I ask." She scanned our faces and waited for our response. We nodded in agreement despite knowing how much it hurt to know we'll have to be away from her. I will have to spend another handful of years without my sister. Would she still be my sister? Several questions soared through my mind while Freya continued to speak. "I don't know whether she'll recall us or recollect her previous life—it mentions none of that in the spell, but her heart and soul will remain the same just as her appearance too will remain the same."

"That's bloody brilliant!" Rebekah remarked, throwing her arms in the air.

"We still have to be careful, we don't know the consequences of this spell or what will happen to her if she recalls anything...most of all, if she'll want us again."

I sat back in the chair, lost in a world of my own thoughts. I contemplated turning it off, but I couldn't do that to Bonnie, but I also couldn't carry on without my sister. She was the one that was there beside me, through everything good and bad. No one knew all she had done for me and how many times she had saved me. What if she didn't want me in the next life? What if she hated me to the point, she could no longer stand my face? I wasn't strong enough to wait. "I can't wait that long! I know You said we need to but she's my sister and i don't know-know how to be without her!"

"Damon-"

"Don't Damon me Bon! We're just supposed to trust that some rose will determine whether she'll be reborn—I mean has that even been done before! How can we guarantee it?"

Stefan placed his hand firmly on my shoulder. "We have to trust it; we have no other option Damon."

The tears burned my eyes, threatening to set loose. Clenching my fists tight I looked away, turning my gaze downward. "I don't know how to do it."

"None of us can." He sympathised. "Look at Kol, he went off the rails! He can barely keep it together—look at everyone else! We can't cope but we have to if we want her back one way or another."

"Even if it means decades? Or even centuries?"

"Yes!" He dropped his arm to his side and turned to face the family. "I think... we should take her back to Mystic Falls with us, bury her in the family crypt where she belongs."

I wasn't strong enough to wait. I could fake it for a day maybe a month but after that, I wouldn't be able to.

"Yeah...and we're going to remain there for some time until that bud blooms." Caroline pointed. I exhaled a breath. Returning home was the best option. Returning without her was odd. Bonnie planted a kiss on my head before leaving to gather our belongings. I wasn't aware of my surroundings, what was going on. I was too caught up in my own dreadful thoughts. All I saw was the ghost of her running around, laughing and then the sickening crack.

Elijah rose from his seat and reached into the inside of his breast pocket. For a man I thought stoic, his face was plastered with grief. He truly did care for her and consider her his own. Pulling out a stack of what looked like letters, he presented them. "Sophia has written each of us a letter. One of the last things she asked of me, was to deliver everyone's letters." He started with me, handing me my letter along with Bonnie and Caroline's. Moving onto to his family, I watched them hesitate to pick it up due to their shaking hands.

One by one they cleared the room. Why would they stick around when there was nothing left to do? No one to speak to. No one to turn to. There was no Sophia. My head lifted to Kol's voice. He remained rooted in his spot, pain stricken, and guilt ridden.

"I wish I knew earlier she was with child. I wish I detected it...how I missed it I will never know but I'm sorry." He voiced, swallowing down hard.

"We all failed to realise she was pregnant! This isn't on you. The bitch witch did all she could. It's on all of us. It's on me, I killed that child, and I should have known there would be consequences! But no, just like every other time I didn't know better and acted on impulse! I'm sorry you lost out on your chance to become a father." One by one, tears slipped down. The wound opened up over and over again, the pain harsher each time. He had nothing more to say to me. He sat in silence, head hung low until he could no longer control himself, he shot up and left.

Stefan retuned. "The moving truck is here, and we've got everything sorted." I gave a slight nod of the head and rose to my feet, headed out the living room with hesitant movements. Everything had been prepped while I sat wallowing in my guilt and the nauseating agony. I wasn't myself anymore, I could feel it. Caroline and Bonnie packed and loaded the bags into the back of the white van. "Ready?" Stefan asked. I shook my head but carried on as we hauled the casket and marched out the house. Loading it in, I wanted one final look.

Time moved at a slow pace. Stefan climbed into the driver's side beeping the horn signalling he was ready and waiting for me. Looking back at the casket one last time, I whispered. "I love you bitsy. We'll see you soon." Sliding down the shutter I pressed my hand to it, resting my head for a moment. Maybe just maybe, it was a dream, and I would wake up any minute. Life would be normal again. The horn sounded, snapping me out of my wishful thinking.

Patting the shutter for a final time, I moved towards the passenger side door, sliding in beside Bonnie. They were seated with their heads hung low, sniffling. I shuffled closer to her and stared ahead. In the side mirror the Mikaelsons stood, tearfully sending us off. We didn't say goodbye, we were positive we would meet again, for her sake. Fixing my attention straight ahead, the truck reversed, and we rolled out the driveway. Here's to a handful of decades without our salvation. What a peculiar state we were in. Pulling the letter out my jacket, I held it and simply stared at it for some time. I wasn't going to read it, I was angry she chose to say goodbye this way, but it nagged me. Peeling off the wax it unsealed. Taking out the timeless paper, I finally unfolded it.

To my big brother,

I want to thank you for being my lifelong playmate and best friend. Even when I snapped your neck several times and almost killed you and annoyed you for as long as I can remember, you returned to me with a huge smile. You held my hand when I was afraid and would chase it away with one hug. You put me first even when I didn't know it, you were always there. You've kept me safe; you've kept me close. Without your guidance through my earliest years in this hateful world, I'm afraid I would not be who I am.

You've always found a way to bring a smile on my face, even if I said I hated you I still couldn't stop myself from laughing and smiling; even forgiving you because you've always forgiven me. You're a pain in the ass! You've set great expectations and I hope I fulfilled them all. You've always wanted better for me. You are so selfless in everything you do. You never made me feel the absence of my parents or our father. You taught me everything I needed to know about being a vampire. You showed me it can be great, and it doesn't have to be a burden. Damon, you taught me to live it to the fullest and enjoy it.

Thank you for showing me what I can and cannot get away with. Although I've made it hard and not always made the best of decisions, you've given me the greatest lesson in right and wrong. Thank you for loving me despite my flaws. You were the only one before anyone else, who truly loved me unconditionally.

I would like to say sorry for all the times I've let you down, hurt you, or overlooked just how much you do as my brother. My favourite part of being your sister has always been how you can take with great pride the thank yous and apologises I didn't give but know I meant. I'm sorry I lied to you and kept this away from you, but I just did not want you to feel the pain of my loss and I wanted you to be free of it. That is why I chose to not tell you.

I appreciate you, I'm proud of you and most importantly I love you with all my heart. Thank you for being my big brother and holding me in both your hands with the up most love.

Your sister,

Sophia

One heck of a letter.