Chapter 13

Severus stretched his long form across his settee, his bare feet perched upon one arm, his head propped on the other. It was uncharacteristic for him to lie across his furniture like this but Severus hadn't felt like himself in months anyways.

He stared at the far corner of the wall. It was late, but his mind was too busy to attempt sleep.

Severus couldn't understand. Why him? How was it him? If the prophecy, as he and Hermione now interpreted it, was to be trusted, then he loved Harry. What more, he loved him more than anyone else. More than his friends, or Molly & Arthur, even more than the dog and werewolf loved him.

Love was an emotion Severus couldn't understand. Anger, panic, fear- those were the emotions Severus knew well, and clung to.

Severus could occasionally admit to himself that he cared about Harry. And it was beginning to be well-known that he'd do anything to save him... but love him? He wasn't so sure.

He wasn't so sure he was capable.

Although, when Harry, just a few hours earlier, told Severus he loved him, his stomach flipped like he was being pulled through a portkey- not in a completely unpleasant manner. And in fact, Severus hated pulling himself away so that their evening lesson could begin. Physical proximity to Harry was now where Severus felt most comfortable.

He thought back to the evening's occlumency lesson and tried to make sense of it.

Harry was locking Severus out of his mind longer and longer each time. He was close to a breakthrough. Severus needed Harry to perfect the skill immediately. It was getting harder to be patient. His life, and the lives of others, depended on this.

When Severus finally broke through to Harry's mind tonight, Severus was surprised to see his own image. It was disorienting.

Harry's mind played out his memory of seeing Severus at Grimmauld, battered and bruised. But this memory twisted away from actual events. Instead of letting the matter go and beginning their lesson, Harry reached out a hand to run a calming stroke over his bruised cheek, before leaning in and kissing Severus amorously.

Severus wanted to stay there in that memory-turned-desire and Harry's mind quit fighting as if wanting Severus to see it- But in his panic and confusion, he lost his grasp.

Severus emerged from the other man's mind. Harry did not seem embarrassed, or angry. He simply met Severus's gaze blankly.

It was welcomed to see him on his feet and composed rather than panting on the ground.

"You said a few weeks ago..." Harry began, but trailed off as if changing his mind. Harry looked down and smoothed out the front of the white t-shirt he wore, then made to turn towards the door.

Severus stopped him, grabbing his elbow.

"What?"

"Why? That night that I saw you'd been beaten... you said you'd tell me why. Can you tell me yet?"

"No."

"I don't like seeing you hurt. I worry about you more than I should."

"Yes. Certainly more than you should."

"But you worry about me, too." Harry blinked, those thick black lashes falling and rising slowly. Severus swallowed hard.

"Yes. Certainly more than I should."

Harry looked determinedly into Severus's eyes. He seemed much older than his years in that moment.

"To care about me isn't a weakness, Severus. I've found that caring about you has become my strength, actually."

Severus adjusted himself more comfortably on the sofa.

Perhaps it was time to admit that he did, in fact, love Harry Potter.

What a goddamned fool he was.

This would likely, in his usual fashion, be the time to mentally berate himself. Instead, he found himself wondering what Harry was doing in this moment. Had sleep come easily for him tonight or was he lying awake thinking of him, too?

Severus snorted out a derisive laugh and ran his hand over his face.

He was falling apart.

The seventh year Gryffindor-Sytherin class entered the potions classroom just after lunch the next day.

Severus feigned being busy at his desk as they filed in, unable to look at Harry.

Once they'd settled in, Severus begrudgingly gave a quick lecture and set them to their work. All the while, his eyes avoiding Harry.

Back at his desk, a pile of first year Ravenclaw essays before him, Severus allowed himself to watch the young object of his newly found affections.

Harry worked fastidiously, measuring each ingredient with utmost attention and precision. Severus had always known he'd be capable of succeeding at potions, if he'd found the desire.

Harry pushed the sleeves of his robe up past his elbows, then slid his glasses back into position on the bridge of his nose. He stirred the bubbling cauldron with the long handled aluminium ladle the instructions called for.

With the attractive, self-secure young man bent over his classwork standing at the back of the room, Severus could scarcely remember him ever being the scrawny eleven-year-old that he'd first laid his eyes upon.

Severus didn't break promises when at all possible but, in this moment, he was tempted to do so. He'd promised Harry to never use legilimency on him without forewarning, but he yearned to see inside his mind now. Severus's hands began to tremble.

Severus was methodical. He was logical. He was, perhaps, cold even. Severus knew his own mind quite well, but he did not know his own heart. As such, Severus attempted to examine his emotions the way he would examine anything else. He recalled the facts before him.

Harry said he loved him.

He touched him.

Frequently.

They had developed an odd sort of kinship.

Their lives quite literally depended upon the other.

These facts raised questions.

Was this a false intimacy brought about by their forced physical proximity and alliance?

Harry declared this love so easily, but was it of a guardianship nature? Platonic? Or the nearly impossible option- Romantic?

Harry reached for the jar of scarab wings before him. As he did so, he looked towards Severus, and smiled at him when their eyes met. Severus's heart pounded. Harry returned to his work quickly, adding four of the wings, then continued stirring.

Severus knew which answers to these questions he hoped for, but he couldn't determine why, when, or how these desires had overtaken him.

Perhaps the only thing Severus was sure of was that Harry Potter looked absolutely beautiful right now.

"You have ten minutes left," Severus addressed the class. "Then leave your potion sample on the shelf and get out."

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, willing the last ten minutes of this class to go more quickly.

After a few moments passed, Severus heard Harry's voice distantly and returned his eyes to the class before him.

Harry stood face-to-face with Seamus Finnegan. His hands were balled into fists, clenched tightly at his sides.

"I. Said. Shut. The fuck. Up." Harry demanded through gritted teeth. Finnegan grinned awkwardly.

"My apologies, mate. Was just joking around. Didn't mean nothin' by it, I swear."

Harry growled and pursed his lips.

"You're disgusting," Harry told him.

"I said I'm sorry, Harry."

Hermione placed a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to take a deep breath and relax.

Harry shook his head, his eyes not leaving Finnegan.

"I don't want to hear it again."

"Okay, okay!"

The Slytherins looked on at the argument with as much confusion as Severus had- except Draco, who stared at Severus curiously.

"Time's up," Severus called out.

Harry didn't look at him as he passed by him to place his potion on the shelf next to his classmates'.

"Potter, wait," Severus hissed.

Harry seemed as if he hadn't heard, and left the classroom.

Before meeting with Harry that night, Severus stalked through the Slytherin dormitories, counting heads. He was one short.

He quickly realized who it was.

"Where is Malfoy?" He demanded of the older students still sat in the common room, socialising or working on homework.

The group was silent. He searched for Parkinson. She always folded under pressure. She sat in the far corner, bent over a book, but he could see she was only pretending to read it.

"Parkinson," He barked. "Where is Malfoy?"

She looked up and grimaced. "Erm, he's, erm, with Harry Potter, I think," she squeaked.

A few of the boys on the long green sofa chuckled and jostled one another.

"You find it funny he has a friendship with Harry Potter?"

The boys looked to one another, grinning, answering his question.

"It shames me to admit I believe Potter might be a better influence on him than any of you have been lately."

"Oh, we're sure you think so," Marsan said in a happy defiance.

"You've earned yourself a week of detention with Filch."

The fifth year crossed his arms over his chest and huffed, but said nothing more.

Severus recalled, from Harry's memories, the alcove which he and Draco had claimed as their own for their little meetings.

As he approached, he could hear voices. He slowed his steps silently and hid himself behind a corner.

"Dumbledore says I can attend some of the meetings," he heard Draco say.

"That's more than I thought he'd give you, so I'd call that a success, Draco."

Draco sighed. "I don't care about any of this. I just need him to want to save my parents. I can't do this on my own."

"You aren't alone," Harry consoled. "You have me."

Severus's heart beat furiously, and his face burned with raging jealousy. He knew he should walk away, but he couldn't.

"I know," Draco whispered. The blond added, "I heard what Finnegan said today. Is it true?"

"About Severus?"

Severus held his breath, wanting to hear every word that would come next.

"Tell me the truth," Draco said sternly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I hope it's true."

"You know how I feel about it."

It was silence for several long moments. Severus nearly thought the boys had departed. He was going to return to the dungeons when he heard Harry say, "I love him."

Severus closed his eyes and sighed.

Harry smiled a huge grin. "I did it! I've got this!"

Severus bowed his head. "It seems you have. Do you believe you can keep this up?"

"Yeah, I do. It's effortless now."

Harry had successfully blocked Severus from mind each time he'd tried.

Severus was relieved and expressed the feeling with a deep breath, and sat himself on the settee to his right. Harry sat next to him, their thighs and upper arms touching.

"We can start planning how to take him down now."

Severus nodded.

"Are you ready?" Harry asked.

"Yes."

"Are you scared?"

Severus opened his eyes and looked over at Harry. Harry's lips were wind-chapped. His cheeks tinted pink under Severus's gaze. Gods, what he would do to stay here in this moment. This moment of both relief and fear, every sense heightened, this beautiful man next to him searching his eyes.

"Yes. Yes, I'm scared, Harry." Not once in his life had Severus ever said aloud that he was scared.

Harry didn't say anything, but his face told Severus he understood.

"He beat me that night because he could see into your mind."

Harry's eyebrows rose, his lips parted. "Severus, I-"

"You didn't know. I don't blame you."

"What did he see in my mind that made him harm you?"

Severus's heart pounded in his ears. "He saw that you care about me. He wanted to beat me to remind me who I belong to."

Harry placed his hand in Severus's and laced their fingers together.

"He will never see into my mind again," Harry promised. "Now we can be friends without you getting injured for it."

"Friends don't kiss, Harry."

"No, I suppose they don't. I'm sorry if seeing that dream made you uncomfortable."

Severus leaned his head down, and stopped just an inch from Harry's parted lips. He knew he shouldn't.

Harry was of age, but he was still a student. They still had an entire war laid out before them. All of Harry's loved ones would disapprove. Severus wasn't even sure if Harry wanted this, but he couldn't stop himself. He slowly closed the space between their lips.

All uncertainty dissipated as Harry returned the kiss. The kiss communicated everything that had lingered between them for months now.

They were both trembling and breathing hard between gentle kisses that quickly turned fervent and desperate. Severus swept his tongue across Harry's and the younger man returned the motion.

Everything around them melted away. His head was spinning, heart pounding, breath ragged.

When Severus finally opened his eyes again, he found himself laid out on the sofa with Harry straddling his hips, grinding down against Severus's now hard and aching cock through their clothing. They were chest-to-chest, never breaking the kiss.

"Stop. Harry, stop." Severus turned his head, forcing Harry to pull away. Harry sat atop him, still trying to catch his breath."We can't do this."

Harry groaned in frustration and ground his hips down one last time. "You're right. I know that you're right. We have to be careful."

Severus gripped Harry's thighs. "To be clear, I am not saying I do not want this."

"Obviously, I want it too." Harry grimaced. "Erm, some of the other students have been talking already."

"Excuse me?"

"Seamus today... He, erm, said that you stare at me like you want to bugger me senseless."

"I've done no such thing."

Harry raised an eyebrow, as if to say, given their current position, he doubted it.

Severus ran his palms up and down the sides of Harry's thighs. "I wasn't sure I wanted this until tonight. Feelings do not come easily to me."

"It's been confusing for me, too. I just knew I liked to be with you. I feel safe with you and I miss you when you're gone. Remus saw it before I did."

"How did he see what even we did not see?"

"Who knows?" Harry said lamely. He chuckled, "I told him I wasn't gay."

"Aren't you?"

Harry shook his head, "I don't know. Until very recently, I was convinced I was going to die in battle and hadn't taken the time to consider it." Harry leaned forward and placed his head on Severus's collar bone. He wrapped his arms over the younger man, wishing he could spend all night like this. Harry's unkempt hair lay across Severus's neck and beneath his chin.

"You have time now, Harry. We have time," Severus whispered, not knowing if he said it to calm Harry or himself.