Chapter 01: A Loser and Trust

There's always a question in my mind that always bothered me all the time...

Why do we trust others?

I was just a man with kind of a smart brain just having my dream job as a scientist. Science was the thing that kept me alive when my dad tried to kill me when I was 14...

Doctors eased the pain of critical bleeding that occurred because my dad shot me with a gun, the doctors gave me some painkillers, a medicine made of science.

Science piqued my interest, so much that I'm now working at one of the best science research facilities at Yokohama.

Why did my mom trust him?

My mother was also a victim of my own dad's abuse, but she still calls that not as abuse, it's clearly abuse, why does she still stand for him, is this what they call Stockholm's Syndrome?

Whatever happened in my mom's mind was just so messed up to even remarrying dad after he got back home after he was imprisoned and left me there alone.

Whatever happened in the past, and whatever on my mom's mind will have to stop bothering at that point.

I left the house when I was 15 and luckily my grandparents are kind enough to keep me in their house and even pay my tuition and helped me to get to this point.

I feel I can trust people again now since not all humans are like that... after I saw that my grandparents are that nice to me and I do have to open my eye since I have to be more mature.

That's what I think...

But all that was just torn apart when my best friend raped my girlfriend just in front of my eyes when I was just going to get home. I knew that he stalked her, but she already rejected him tons of times, but look at the condition now.

Not only that, one of the girls in the office was pointing at me at the mistake she did and I get fired at that instant, in that mistake she did, she almost burned down the office. Now I'm a neet, living by myself in Akihabara.

What happened to my girlfriend, you ask?

She's long gone, I tried to console her and be with her. And it's a fact that it's my mistake to not defend her on her way home, but she gets the rope on her neck if you get what I mean. She cannot withstand the pain.

I was not there, not to even be with her...

I'm now shoving myself with mangas and animes, something I and my grandpa loves to read and watch when I'm living at their house, to run away from what happened.

I used half of my pension money to pay the rent and bought all the things I need to fortify myself from the outside world and from anything that could remind me of what happened in my past.

Is it the end?

Did I die from malnourishment since I'm only eating cup ramen? Did I die from mental illness and get the same end as were my girlfriend got? Oh, I tell you, it didn't, I swear, it didn't end that way.

Because I often play games and watch anime and read mangas about some alchemy and witchcraft. It strikes me to do what I want since I'm young, researching new medicines.

I spend some of the pension money I used to invest on some stocks and bought a nice and private laboratory and bought some appliances and raw materials.

I will turn my anime-infested brain back to my science user self and turn my mind into researching the cure of illnesses.

That's what I planned to do for the rest of my life...

Until... I saw some of kindergarten students on a bank robbery, they're just standing in front of a guy with a gun. What I see on that scene was myself when I get a gun pointed at my head by my dad.

I run at them since they are pointing a gun at them and were going to shoot them. I stopped some bullets, withstood the pain, and grab the children and run away from the bank to the nearby police station, they're safe now, I hope so.

"Are you okay, sir? Call the ambulance!!"

I heard a voice in a tone of worry. Oh, that's the police. It's okay, that's what I thought.

At least I died protecting someone...

And I do know that is not going to amend the sin I made for not protecting my girlfriend.

I hope she's welcoming me to the other side with a smile and I expect my grandparents are hugging me and tell me that I did my best in this life.

I feel very exhausted, all my dreams and ambitions just got torn to bits and my only relationship was ripped apart by my friend. But, at least, I did my best, right?

Or did I really?

The last thing I saw, is one of the kids that I saved, and the girl was sobbing heavily.

"Thank you...for saving me..."

I smiled, it's okay... her gentle voice will be the best parting gift to the end of this life and guide me in the darkness of the death. I think I heard some quote that says:

"An elephant dies leaving its tusk, a tiger dies leaving its stripes, and a man dies leaving his name"

The meaning was "Everyone who has died will surely be remembered according to his deeds in the world"

Well, that doesn't have any meaning at all now, because I don't know what'll happen now? But at least I know...

My name is Matsuoka Masayoshi...

I died as a hero... *chuckles* no... a loser...

>End of Chapter