Your truth

Frankie

'' I wanna tell my dad about us ''

'' Why?''

He is playing with my hair ''yeah...he doesn't seem to be pissed at me anymore. He says a lot of good things about you. He likes you and I really don't like keeping this relationship a secret.''

When we started dating, we felt it would be better if no one knew about us. It was mostly me but he agreed to it. I don't really want people knowing about this and judging. I like my privacy and being in a relationship with Ace Burton screams anything but privacy.

''I thought you were okay with it being just between us.''

He nods his head and disentangles from me. He lets go of my hair and sits upon the bed ''I am, but I've been thinking. I'm not going to need you to tutor me very soon. What's going to be our excuse for hanging out together then?'' he has a point but I don't think I am ready to come out with this.

''Your dad hasn't said anything to me yet.''

He nods again ''I know babe but he'd eventually figure out that my grades are getting better. I know its thanks to you but he's going to stop paying you and you wouldn't really have any reason to come over anymore,'' his expression is sad.

I smile ''we should worry about that when it happens.''

He frowns ''Why are you so insistent on us being a secret? You won't even let me tell my best friend Frankie,'' he is pissed. He never calls me Frankie unless he is angry. I don't want him to tell Scott because I do not like the guy. I don't really know what it is but something screams at me to back away from him. He has this vibe that terrifies me.

''It's not like that,'' I try to explain but he is shaking his head and getting off the bed. I know to let him be whenever he is angry. There is no point trying to explain things to Ace whenever he is pissed.

I get up from the bed and grab my bag from the floor. I take off my shorts and grab my jeans from a chair next to the bed. I can feel him watching me, he doesn't want me to leave but he is scared to speak. I pull my jeans over my legs and button them up. His baggy shit covers half of my jeans but I like it that way.

''You are leaving?'' he speaks calmly and I can tell he is counting his breaths.

I nod ''You are pissed at me,'' I am watching him. He is looking at me but he doesn't make a move to come closer to me. He is breathing heavily. If this was any other situation, I'd be turned on.

''I am not pissed at you, red.'' he is calling me red again. That's a good start ''I just don't understand what you are afraid of...this is normal. No one will judge you for being in a relationship, not even my dad,'' he brings up his father again.

''Your dad wouldn't want us dating.''

He furrows his brows ''How do you know?''

I remember the day his dad told me to tutor him, he hadn't really come out to say it but he implied that I would be the perfect tutor because I wasn't attractive like other girls ''He chose me because he never imagined you'd be interested in me.''

He shakes his head and walks closer to me ''Did he say that? ''

''Not really.''

''Then why would you think that?'' I shrug ''You know me...I am not that shallow. We have been together for months. Have I ever acted ashamed of you?''

I don't know what to say. It's really not about him, it's all me. I am messed up in more ways than he could ever know. Ace doesn't really know anything about me. I don't know why I haven't been able, to be honest with him. He needs to know everything about me before he invests in this relationship but I haven't been able to tell him.

''I've never felt this way about anyone before,'' he grabs my hands in his and kisses my knuckles, I close my eyes.

''I don't want to scare you off...there are things about me that would make you run for the hills,'' I decide to talk to him. I open my eyes and he has a smile on his face '' I am not that shallow red. I wouldn't judge you I promise.''

I know he wouldn't judge me but he wouldn't want to be with me when he finds out.

''I am going to tell you something I have never told anyone...you know, to get the ball rolling,'' he leads me to the bed and I sit next to him. He rests his back on the headboard.

''Remember when I told you the dean is not my dad?'' I nod and he takes a deep breath ''I don't live with him. He has never really been a father figure,'' he looks at me and continues ''he left my mom when I was six. That's messed up you know. He just up and left us.''

''I can't really say I missed him at one point in my life. He had so many issues, you know. He used to get angry a lot. He'd hit my mom a lot. I'd hear her cries and try to understand why she stayed with him. She didn't have the courage to leave him and I don't think she'd have ever left him if he didn't abandon her.''

This seems like a painful memory and the fact that he is telling me makes my heart ache ''My mom was miserable at first. The first month was hell for her but somehow she got her life back together. She went back to work at a law firm. She upped her game. Took care of me. When I was twelve, she got married. I was scared at first, you know because I didn't want anyone to hurt my mom again but tom is different. He makes her happy you know. He makes me happy. He is a better father than my father ever was.''

He runs his hands through his hair and laughs nervously ''God, that was harder than I thought. Anyways, he is my real father. The dean's not my father even though he is trying to make up for his past mistakes.''

''How did he come back?'' I ask.

He shrugs "He begged my mom. Said he wanted to get to know his son. She refused at first but along the way, she gave in. I didn't really want to have anything to do with him but here we are '' he huffs'' that's it red, that's my darkest secret.''

''You kept his name.''

He smiles ''Yeah...mom didn't want me to change it. She said he was a good man once. I guess I just didn't see the point of changing it.''

I nod ''So does that change how you feel about me?''

I scoff ''not even a little bit.''

He chuckles '' then why should yours change my feelings?''

''Because yours is just the icing and mine is the whole cake,'' I tell him honestly. I don't know if I am ready to tell him the truth about me but a part of me is aching to be honest for once. I want someone to know the real me. I am tired of only showing a little part of me.

'' Tell you something,'' I look at him ''Why don't we start by telling each other one truth every day.''

I look hesitant ''Why don't I start?'' he suggests and I nod my head.

He takes a deep breath and speaks ''Today's truth, my mother was in an abusive relationship,'' he tells me what I already know but I guess it's allowed because he did just tell me today.

I smile because somehow his words leave me happy. I know it's messed up to be happy that he has problems but the fact that I am not the only one that has problems makes me ecstatic.

'' Your truth, red ''

I take a deep breath ''I was molested.''