45. Archie is a freak

Knock!

Knock!

Knock!

...

...

...

Knock!

Knock!

Knock!

Just ignore it.

I just got to lay down just around two hours ago, I stayed up all night working on my latest project.

Knock!

Knock!

Knock!

They'll get tired soon, and leave.

Knock!

Knock!

Knock!

...

...

...

Knock!

Kno...

"I'm coming!"

I got up and yelled.

This what I get for sleeping in my workplace, and for not snatching back the key to the inner gate when Jay gave it to Mary.

I grabbed a bowl of stale water that was lying on one of my tables, and threw it onto my face.

I then went to the door.

Standing there is Mary, Rake, and a little hybrid boy.

He must be her adopted son Daryn.

"Can I help you?"

Mary held up a piece of paper.

"I have the to do list for you today right here."

"What?"

"Decisions that need to be made, tasks that need to be allocated, permission granted or rejected for projects, and disputes that need resolving."

She smiled as she handed me the paper, I took it and perused over it.

"I thought they hired you to do all of those things? I'm not good with people."

I can interact socially when I need to, but it's not something I desire to do, nor is it something I excell at.

The only reason I opened A Craftman's Pride was to be independent from Siel.

Dealing with customers was one of the few downsides I had to deal with.

"I was hired to handle the room and board of the boarders, but the running of all other services and needs were to be run by you I was told."

I have a gut feeling which asshole I have to thank for that.

"By who?"

"The lovely young lady who so graciously hired me."

Flora, always Flora.

I knew I should have given her faulty equipment.

"Why do we even need these other services as you called them?"

She scratched her head, loosening the bun her greying hair is in.

"Well, to be honest, y'all did too good a job building this place."

"What do you mean by that?"

She sighed, then gestured towards the other buildings.

"This isn't a rinky-dink inn, you've basically made a small town, and all of the infrastructure that needs to go into it. More people come to permanently live here everyday, each with needs to be met. Like allocation of how much water each person - or business - gets, settling disputes that occur when people gather, deciding whether they can build on the land, what can or can't be sold, and many more things."

So, this is a case of hidden downsides.

I just wanted to see if I could build all of this, not run anything.

But this is what I signed up for when I agreed to look over this place.

"Okay, I understand. What's the first thing we need to do?"

For someone of her age and wisdom she still blushed when she read what they had to do.

"A newcomer is causing a commotion with his particular... proclivities."

I nodded then started to head back in.

"Give me five minutes to get ready, then we'll head out."

I went in, got a fresh shirt, and swished some water in my mouth.

I was back out with a minute to spare.

"Should he be coming along?"

I asked while pointing at the kid.

"Yeah, he doesn't like being left alone ever since his mom... passed away."

I nodded in understanding, and we left.

We passed through the gate into Dungeon town proper.

Dungeon town, a tourist name designed to trick saps into visiting.

I don't care how or why someone parts with their coin, but any name would've been better than Dungeon town.

As we are walking through the main square I realize Mary is right, it truly is becoming a burgeoning town.

Permanent businesses have already sprung up, along with side-businesses that follow.

They all really like my inventions, whenever I'm alone here they hassle me to sell them the diagrams so that they can mass produce them.

Top of the list is the concrete, they'd make veritable fortunes selling it to kingdoms looking to rapidly expanded their tamed land by building strong walls and roads fast.

I have to say no to them at least once a day, everyday.

However all of them know not to bother me when I'm busy, or annoyed.

All of them, except...

"Hey, there's my favorite Dalian!"

Him.

Claud, the vexatious human merchant who has yet to learn no means no!

"No."

Instead of taking the glaring fact I was not going to do business with him at face value, he presses on, and keeps following us.

He drapes his arm over me as we walk.

"Don't be like that champ. Just give me the secret behind the special rock you make, and I'll make us both rich!"

I shrug him off.

"No."

He puts on his best salesman grin, and tries to coax me into saying yes.

"As a show of good faith, I'm willing to give you three hundred gold for it!"

If I was selling It in the first place, it would be worth at least ten times that much.

"No."

"Ah, come on."

He lightly jostled me.

Mary decided to speak up on my behalf, not that I needed her to.

"When a person says no, he means it! You should respect him, and leave."

He blatantly rolled his eyes at her.

"Hahaha! You're old, so I'll forgive your apparent lack of common knowledge.

No has absolutely no power in Dalian culture.

It's why the saying goes 'there's nothing looser than Dalian cooch.', all Dalians are sluts.

No is just foreplay to them, if you got a dick, you're getting laid.

This guy knows what I'm talking about, right player? Hehehe."

He his fat thumb in my face.

Speciesist jerk-wad.

"Would you like me to handle him for you?"

Rake asked me, right in front him.

He would do it too, ever since I freed him he became extremely loyal to me.

I told him I'm not a good person I just needed help, but he's still protective of me for some reason.

I shook my head.

"No, it's fine."

We just kept walking.

Leaving him stunned by us casually discussing kicking his ass.

"You know it's not polite to keep walking when someone is talking to you!"

Just ignoring him, I still just kept walking.

"Hey!"

He angrily sped up to grab my arm, bring me to a halt.

In a split second I thought of a dozen ways I could incapacitate him, but I realized that it wasn't worth it - or even necessary.

Thonie - who always follows me around - quickly slithered up, ripped him off of me, coiled herself around him, and started to constrict - and sap his heat from - him.

"Guuh! Eeelp eeee!*"

*Guuh! Help me!

"Don't kill him, but a few broken bones will do him good."

I said to Thonie, as we continued on our way.

We went past the buildings, new constructions, and construction underway all the way to the wall.

Standing there surrounded by twenty goblins was a young man with red hair and freckles.

The goblins were all running fight drills.

Punching and kicking the air in choreographed unity.

I looked over at Mary.

"Is this the reason everyone is complaining about him? Because he trains gobilns?"

She looked confused, then embarrassed.

"What? Oh, no! In fact, the reason no one has advocated for him to be kicked out is because he offered to use his goblins as scouts, and they do a fabulous job."

I heard of people using monsters for that, but he's controlling all of these goblins?

There's at least thirty goblins here.

That many monsters would be hard for a beastmaster, never mind a simple man.

"Then, why?"

"Great job, Gobiee!"

The man picked up a female goblin who mastered a set perfectly, and gave her kiss on the lips.

By the look of it, and with tongue.

"That's why."

Mary said pointing at the act.

"Oh, he's a monster fucker."

Mary looked at me, then at Daryn.

I nodded, I'd watch how I speak.

"Not only that! I know some people lean that way, especially with human looking monsters like witches, but with goblins? And he's so open about it too! Just the other day a few adventures saw him... doing it with a goblin... in the open!"

It's a sex thing, of course.

They are overly sexually repressed here.

They have whores, but pretend most of them don't go to them.

"Hey."

I called out to the man, waving at him.

Once he noticed me, he came over with the female goblin.

"Hi, name's Daley, but my friends call me Archie."

He extended his hand.

Both of my companions ignored it, but I took and shook it.

"If your name is Daley, why do they call you Archie?"

He pointed at his face.

"Red-hair and freckles? Weird mysteries."

"..."

Something clicked in his brain.

"Oh, right, different world! Y'all don't know who Archie is."

Oh, he's like Jay, from another world.

"See, messing around with goblins have made him touched in the head!"

Mary tersely whispered to Rake, he in return nodded emphatically.

"So, y'all here about the complaints?"

"Yes."

"I know y'all won't understand this, but where I'm from we don't have magical creatures. So, when I got here..."

Mary cut him off.

"You decided to mess around with goblins?!"

"No, I decide to make love to as many monsters as possible. There was this minotaur girl, a kobold, a slime...."

"Having sex with a slime is impossible! They'd melt your... um... man parts."

He flung his arm forward at us in a get out of here gesture.

"You just cover yourself in baking soda, it neutralizes the acid."

"What's baking soda?"

"Oh, the guy I got it from called it salt of hartshorn, I think. Point is, bases stops acid, and I got to feel the warm and wet embrace of that slime. It was better than any fleshlight back home!"

He raped a slime?

"I don't even want to know what that is!"

"It's..."

"I said I don't want to know!"

"Why's that goblin bald?"

I stopped their useless prattle to ask a real question.

Fighting amongst the other goblins is a goblin that looks different from the others.

He's more muscular, has better posture, and has his head completely shaved.

"Oh, you mean Saitama? I have him on a special fighting regimen."

"And that requires him to be bald?"

"Yes, but as I can see y'all don't believe me, I'll give you a demonstration. Saitama!"

The bald goblin looked at his master.

Daley nodded, and the goblin went to a large boulder that was dragged here.

Evident by the rope tied to it and the drag marks.

The goblin started powering up.

I could feel the heavy pressure of mana, like the air before a big storm.

Then, the goblin punched the boulder.

It shattered into many tiny chunks.

"How did a goblin do that?!"

Rake exclaimed.

"That ain't nothing, just wait until I get him to evolve into a hobgoblin!"

"You can do that!"

"Yeah, it's a part of my cheat."

"Cheat? What's That?"

"Oh, I wasn't supposed to tell y'all about that! I meant it is my magical powers!"

Are all men from Jay's world like this?

"How about this. I build a place by the wall for you and your goblins to live, and you stop having sex where others can see you."

I told him, ready to be done with this.

"Deal. Also, question, are elves considered monsters here?"

"No, why?"

"Dang it! I'm on a mission, a mission to fu..."

"Hey!"

Mary interrupted him, and pointed at Daryn.

"Oh, sorry. A mission to make love to every monster girl there is! And I wanted to ask if you were available?"

"I'm not an elf."

"You aren't? But the pointy ears?"

"More than elves have pointy ears, and mine are shorter than theirs. I'm a Dalian."

"Oh, then are Dal..."

"Also, he's a man!"

Mary interrupted him before he could finish that thought.

"He is? I was sure... never mind, it doesn't matter anyway, I'd still do yo..."

"No. Look, I'll start work on your place tomorrow, just don't 'celebrate' in public."

He picked up Gobiee and started rubbing her breast, until he saw my face.

He smiled, stopped groping her, and walked away.

"I can't believe people like him willingly choose to... have relations with goblins!"

Mary said.

"I heard the honey from the Jadians cause it!"

Rake stated.

"That's just a baseless rumor, but..."

"Don't allow it to come here? Already done. I already told every beastman that works the gate to warn every merchant they are not allowed to sell it here!"

"So, both of you believe the rumor?"

I asked.

Mary's cheeks grew red.

"Not really, it is just a rumor after all, but rumors get started for a reason, right? I mean would you take the risk if it's true?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"If it's true?"

"It's just a precaution, but why would anyone start a rumor like this for no reason?"

I can think of plenty of reasons to start the rumor, namely to give your competitor a bad name, and sell more product yourself.

But I rather just end this conversation here.

"What's next on the list?"

"A business owner wishes to know if they can build a monster dismantling station here."

That's a novel idea, I could build a semi-automated one.

"Okay, let's go to him."

"Uh... her, it's a lady."

I shrugged.

"Okay, her. Let's go to her."

____________________

Hours later we were done.

Well, I was done.

There was still plenty left to do, but I have others things to do.

I told Mary to tell everyone the hours I'd be willing to help them is between ten in the morning to one in the afternoon, and I get my weekends off.

Right now I'm just outside of the wall.

I used one of my secret exits to leave undetected, so I could test my latest project.

In Jay's world I saw it driving down the road, and I instantly wanted one.

A dirt bike.

It uses electric glyphs to power it.

I used self-adapting metal for the suspension and other small parts of the bike.

The seat is designed to hold the rider in place as they lay prone when going really fast, or up right when going at a casual speed.

The rubber was the hardest to manufacture, but I did it.

And by adding self-adapting metal into the rubber it not only increases the tires durability, but allows the tires to minutely change their shape to fit the terrain.

I do another once over to make sure everything is as it's supposed to be, and then put on my helmet.

I can't take Thonie with me on this trip because if this works I'd outpace her quickly.

So, I had Rake take care of her while I'm gone.

She likes him, or rather she likes the fact that he's so terrified of her that he gives her extra helpings of rats.

She deserves it too, the amount of broken bones Claud got means he won't be bothering me for a while.

I got on my bike.

Funneling my mana through the mana channels, I start it up.

It accelerated incredibly fast, throwing the bike off balance.

Luckily, the self balancing system I have in place kept me upright.

I came stop a complete halt.

It was a dumb mistake.

I built the bike so the amount of mana you put in will dictate the speed, and I pumped too much in too fast.

I started it back up again, and took off a little bit more slowly this time.

I went into the forest, steadily going faster until I'm travelling around fifty miles per hour.

The wind whipped past me as I sped along.

My helmet is a solid piece of metal with hundreds of tiny slits on the faceplate and sides as to not obstruct my view, but to also protect my eyes from bugs and other debris.

As I flew through the forest too fast for any beast to stop me, I felt free.

Like my problems just melted away into the background.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaah!"

I pressed the breaks and skidded to a abrupt halt.

The scream came from the east, that's the direction of the main road leading to Saltwater.

That most likely means it's bandits attacking a caravan.

As I was just going for a quick test drive I only have my pistol with me.

I have extra ammo, but without knowing how many bandits there are I'd be risking a lot.

"Aaaaaaaaaaah!"

I started my bike and sped east.

When I burst through the bush I saw the caravan consisted of mostly women, children, and non-warrior men.

There are a few mercenary guards, paid probably with most of their life savings.

The mercenaries must have been cheap because a big chunk of them are already dead.

The attackers are definitely not bandits, as they are not taking anything, just killing to be killing.

"Diiiieeee!"

A man came straight at me with an ax raised above his head, the idiot.

I pulled out my gun and shot him in the head.

More people came at me, men and women that were obviously very recently farmers, trappers, seamstresses, or things very similar because they are not very skilled.

I shot many of them before one with a war-pick got close enough to swing at me, I drove out of the way, but it gave another man with a spear enough leeway to throw his spear.

I jumped off my bike just in time as it was impaled and got engulfed in flames.

It blew up.

The spear is enchanted with fire.

"It took me weeks to build that!"

I yelled in frustration.

The main killing force started to surround me.

They are all equipped with enchanted gear, but all of them are as weak - or weaker - than me.

However, they do have numbers on their side, but I can even that up.

I started firing with my gun again, while running to avoid getting hit.

That effected my aim drastically, as I missed more than I hit my targets.

Due to their inexperience I am able to avoid them, but the real problem is the enchantments they have.

I need to touch their armor to use my ability, but the moment I do I'll get burnt, electrocuted, or numerous other things.

Not for the first time I'm envious of Jay's ability to use natural materials.

I dropped the empty clip from my gun, and pulled a full one out a small capacity bag on my side.

They must have realized that reloading was my weak point because as soon as I dropped another clip a guy charged at me recklessly, and slashed his electric sword at me.

He hit my gun, but I let go just in time to not get my hand cut off.

Well, this isn't a very satisfactory outcome.

"Dumb elf bastard! Not so tough without your magic object, huh?!"

Why do I get myself into situations like this? Maybe I'd go to Jay's world when I die.

I'd like that.

Weirdly enough they're hesitating to attack me.

"Why isn't he terrified?!"

"Shit! He must have something up his sleeve!"

"Stop being chicken shits, and attack him!"

The guy with the sword said.

"Why don't you attack him first then?!"

"Fine, I will!"

He ran at me, only to catch a spear right in his neck.

He fell down and his sword slide to me, a sword I promptly picked up.

"The bastard has back... Gurk!"

Sparks of lightning flew as a metal shield met the woman's enchanted armored face.

The guard scout from Saltwater then used his sword to slash the thigh of the next guy, when he went down the guard bashed him with his shield as well.

He then retreated a little bit away to take some of the pressure up off of me.

It's just what I needed too, while they were distracted I cut the throat of the nearest bastard.

His blood sprayed across his friends, scaring the shit out of them - some literally.

The guy slipped on his own... discharge, allowing me to gut him.

The others started swinging wildly, blinded by the blood of their cohort.

I stabbed one in the groin, spun around another, and ran up to the Saltwater guard, he was familiar.

"Hey, fancy meeting you here!"

Geoff smiled while parrying a blow from a sword.

"What are you doing here?"

I asked when I stabbed an elf in the eye.

"I told you I'm a scout, and that if you needed me I'd be there, didn't I?"

The remaining mercenaries - who used our intervention as a breather - joined into the fray.

"This is way outside of Saltwater's territory."

I checked a guy to the ground and impaled him.

Geoff kicked a stone into a rinea's gut, then slashed her wide open.

"Scouts can go where they need to, to warn of danger well ahead when needed. Like a group of shit-stains killing little kids!"

He spit in one guys face, then punched him hard in the throat, crushing his esophagus.

"You fight like one of my party members, dirty."

"I fight to win!"

"Where is your bow?"

"What?"

"Don't scouts get bows? It would have been more useful if you had just picked them off one by one."

He looked a little embarrassed when I mentioned his bow.

"Yeah, well, I forgot my bow."

I lopped off another head.

"Aren't ranged weapons required when you join the scouts?"

"Well, I'm new! And besides ranged weapons are overrated."

He slashed another throat.

"Retreat! Retreat!"

A najaje yelled from the back of the conflict, he was also the first to start running away.

A coward, just like the rest of his craven kind.

A rock sailed past me just as I thought that, and nailed the najaje.

It fell to the ground as the rest ran past it.

"Good aim."

I congratulated Geoff.

"Not good enough!"

He replied as the najaje wobbly got back up, and started staggering back down the road.

Seeing a spear on the ground, I ran up to it, kicked it up, caught it, shifted it into a throwing position, and threw it.

It sailed threw the air, and stabbed the lizard through the shoulder.

"Now that is a throw! I should be taking pointers from you!"

Geoff exclaimed as we walked up to it weapons drawn.

"Huh... huh... Wait! Don't... kill... huh... me! I got plenty... huh... information... huh... to sha..."

Whoosh!

Thunk!

A bolt from a crossbow flew out of nowhere and embedded itself into the najaje's head.

Then, it burst into flame, incinerating the najaje.

Looking down the road was an armored person on a horse wielding a crossbow, and on the rump of the horse was a flag.

On the flag are four words, but only the first letter of each is big enough to be visible from this distance.

"What the hell is FART?!"

Geoff stated mostly to himself.

The armored person screamed and ranted at us, but due to the long distance we didn't understand a single word.

In return Geoff loosely bawled up his fist and stuck his thumb between his fingers. An obscene gesture.

"Did you hear what he said?"

"No."

"Then why do that?"

"He's a bad guy, and when in doubt curse out!"

The armored warrior rode away.

"Asmus! No! Aaaaah!"

Geoff and I ran behind one of the wagons, where a mother is crying over her dying child.

He's no older than six.

He has a gash from the bottom left of his torso all the way to his right shoulder.

The blade must have been enchanted because third degree burns cover his body.

He's the only child with injuries this severe, the rest of the children are huddle together in the sturdiest wagon.

"I told him to stay with the others, but when he saw that monster attacking me he charged out!"

The mother was starting to get really hysterical.

One of the other mothers is attempting to calm her down.

"He'll be in a better place, he'll be in a better place."

One of the men stepped toward the kid with a dagger drawn.

Geoff ripped him backwards.

"What the hell do you think you're going to do!"

Man shrugged Geoff off.

"Putting him out of his misery! It's too far from Saltwater! He'll still die, but he'll suffer longer!"

Geoff paused, and thought about what he was going to say next.

He looked at me.

"There might be another alternative. Jack, are there any healers capable of treating this kid's wounds at your place?"

"Yes."

The majority of adventurers at Dungeon town use low-grade health potions, but a few healers have taken up residence to sell their services to adventurers too injured for the cheap potions to heal.

"Good. It's about twenty or so miles that way, we have to do this quickly!"

He was pointing in the direction of Dungeon town.

"We'll never make it in time! He'll die before we get halfway there!"

He looked at the boy, weighing his options.

"I'm sorry Jack, but I have to ask for your bindings... Whoa!"

As he turned to face me he was surprised by me already taking off my leather jerkin and shirt, revealing the bindings I use for my breasts.

Unfortunately that is the last bit I had, the first bit Flora ruined.

And it is unreasonably expensive.

I quickly undid the bindings, and gave them to Geoff.

"You're a girl?!"

One of the people we saved exclaimed.

"Yes."

Geoff took the dagger from the guy he was arguing with, and started cutting off the rest of the kid's shirt.

"What are you doing?!"

"The cloth needs to be touching the wound, not his shirt."

Geoff started gently wrapping the boy's torso.

"What good will a cloth do?!"

I decided to answer for Geoff.

"It is stasis cloth. It uses time magic to halt deterioration."

I use it to prevent any damage caused by me binding my breasts.

"So, he won't die?!"

His mother perked up.

"Not if I can help it."

Geoff stated while picking the boy up.

"Stasis cloth wasn't designed for injuries as severe as this Geoff, he'll need to be there shortly."

I didn't want to get the mother's hopes up, this was a long shot.

The extent of the damage will cause the mana inside the cloth to expire at an expeditious rate.

"He'll get there."

Geoff didn't sound like he even doubted that the kid would live.

With the help of the men and some rope the boy was strapped to Geoff's back.

Without pausing to say anything else he took off running in the direction of the town.

The only way that kid is going to live is if Geoff runs at top speed for over an hour without stopping or slowing down.

"You're a Dalian, right?"

The kid's mother asked.

"Yes."

I responded while ripping the clothes off of the fallen to make temporary bindings.

"You don't have to worry, no one will say anything, I'll make sure of it."

Yeah, I'm not going to hold my breath on that promise.

Once it's out, it's out.

Luckily I'm not living in Saltwater anymore, and they don't know I have a teleportation circle that leads to Saltwater.

Can't kick me out of my own land, especially with the giant wall preventing them from doing so.

I'll have to hide the circle so they don't find it.

I started dragging the scraps of my bike to one of their two wheel wagons.

I can't leave anything that can be reconstructed behind.

I was not alone in this, the rest of the people also started stripping the armor and weapons off of the fallen to sell later.

Both the enemies and allies.

The dead can't use it anyway.

Next, they buried their fallen, leaving their enemies' corpses to rot in the sun.

Then, when they finished, we hit the road back to Saltwater.

The mother and others were praying to their respective gods that Geoff made it, and that Asmus lived.

I might believe in higher powers existence, but I have long since stopped praying to them.

Still, if any god up there is willing, I'd appreciate it if the boy lives.

The wagon I was on hit a pothole, and rattled the entire wagon.

Great, my boobs are already starting to hurt, this is going to be a long ride.