9

Pranks

Snape's Personal Chambers

Severus Snape's day already got off to a rough start as he was awoken by some drunken students as they collided with the pieces of armour that were located only a couple of metres away from his door.

He'd gotten up groggily to see what had awoken him from his pleasant dreams of torture that would be inflicted on enemy number one in his eyes, Harry Potter. He strolled out his room at a brisk pace once he'd found and clothed himself with his black robes, only to find five knocked down suits of armour without a person in sight.

"Bloody Hooligans"

He walked back into his chambers, knowing that the chances of any more rest was pretty much out of the question, especially when it'd only be a nap as he looked at the clock that adorned his wall. He took the decision to get ready for breakfast and try to mark some of the poor assignments that'd been given to him, even the Slytherin's grades were pretty pathetic but he couldn't just mark them down for that, he was there leader for god's sake.

McGonagall favours Gryffindor in Transfiguration

Flitwick favours Ravenclaw in Charms

Sprout favours Hufflepuff in Herbology

So I have to favour Slytherin's in Potions, no matter how stupid they are.

He quickly began to read through parchment after parchment of sub standard work, suggesting and arguing points that didn't have any weight behind them. This made the task of marking the work extremely tedious, making the Professor glance at the large ancient looking clock every couple of seconds.

Marking

6 : 15

Continue Marking

6 : 25

"Retarded student"

6 : 30

"Argh" he yelled, chucking the foot file of parchment into the nearby fire, lighting it up in the process with his wand. "Damn idiotic children". As he looked at the fire burn he'd decided he had had enough of sitting in this cramp room, needing to get out and visit his potions storage room, the place that he found the most peaceful place in the world. Grabbing a few items, he made his way out of his room, slamming the door shut and locking as Snape cast a silent locking spell upon the door.

He walked down the long hallway that would've been in complete darkness if it wasn't for the torches that lit the hallway which lead to the Potions Storage. Finally at 6:35 he made it to the door, more than surprised when he found the door fully opened.

"Why are you open?" he seemed to ask the door as he slowly entered the room, wand drawn just encase the culprit was still inside, knowing that someone had been stealing Polyjuice potion and believing that this could have been there doing.

Walking into the room, he spun around quickly as he approached the centre, quickly realising that the culprit was well gone.

"Why leave the door open" he mused out loud as he knocked the door shut, not expecting the next events to happen as his face turned from surprised to horrified in a matter of seconds.

As the door closed the nearest set of potions to the door began to fall from the shelf as Snape tried to save them. This didn't stop as it seemed to have a chain effect as all the potions fell one by one as the door got nearer to closing point. It was like a staircase effect as the higher shelves began to drop the valuable potions, Snape was only saved as he placed a shield over his head as the glass rained down on him.

The potions continued to rain down on him until finally the door closed fully as the liquid of the potions began to form around his feet.

"WHAT THE HELL" he screamed out in absolute horror as he looked around at the mess, despairing as he ran his hands through his greasy hair.

Who would do this?

The moment of despair was disturbed as he felt an odd feeling climbing up his legs, contacting the material that was clothed around his thigh. As he looked down in confusion he found the disturbance and was horrified as a potion seemed to have gotten onto his clothing and was quickly eating away at the material, leaving the skin unscathed in the process. Currently, it'd only gotten to his knees which could be seen as the trousers he originally wore now resembled shorts.

Grasping his wand and pointing down at the affected area he began to cast an assortment of different spells, all of which didn't seem to stop the spread, in fact it seemed to speed up as it came into contact with his robes.

As he despaired about his current predicament he quickly realised that this was unstoppable and would eat all his clothing and his...

WAND!

He realised in horror as he looked at his nearly shitless arms, the potion seemingly very near the point that it would jump on his wand. In a quick bit of action he chucked his wand into a nearby corner which was clean of potions.

He now stood in the room completely naked with his hands covering his privates as he let the potion finish its job. He waited a number of minutes before he moved again, hoping that the potion was done so he could get back to his private quarters and gets dressed. Of course, luck wasn't on his side today as he tried to move his feet only to find he seemed to be glued in place, realising pretty quickly what had happened. A number of potions had mixed to form an extremely glue like substance, making it impossible to move or manoeuvre.

"I should be able to get out of this with my..." he trailed off as he looked at the piece of wood that was a couple of feet away from him "Wand. DAMN IT" he cursed.

Shit

This was a hopeless situation as he tried to get free, straining his muscles and bruising a few in the process. "I'm going to have to wait for someone to notice my absence" he almost cried out in despair. "or get the attention of a student" Jesus Christ

Kind of ironic if you think about it

Flitwick's Private Quarters

Flitwick awoke from his slumber with a loud yawn, enjoying the night's sleep he had had. He loved being lost in his dreams, dreaming of things that would probably never happen, like Minerva joining him in his bed. His heart skipped a beat as he thought of her and the dream at the same time.

Stretching in his bed that was a little big for him he made his way upright as he used the cushion as leverage. He may have been little in comparison to other Professors and students but it did have his advantages in battle. He began to stretch his legs over the bed, readying himself to make the jump to the stone floor that adorned the room.

This jump was more a life or death situation than he knew as he tried to reach for his wand that would usually be placed on the bedside table. He stretched out to where it should've been but was surprised when his hand only made contact with air, not a wooden table.

Where is that table?

He leant over his bed to get a better view of where to place his hand but what met his sight gave him a feeling of vertigo as he looked down from his view on the bed. Yes, it may've been high for him but this was different. Someone had increased the height of his bed to ridiculous proportions. The bed now stood at a good 15 feet, his bedside table only rose to 3 feet in comparison as he looked down upon it, recognising his wand laying there.

"I can't get down" he gasped. "Without my wand I'm like a child trying to get out of bed"

How am I going to get out of bed?

Potion Storage

20 minutes

20 bloody minutes

20 bloody minutes had passed by as Severus Snape stood naked in the Potion Storage room, hugging himself as he tried to warn his body. For the past 20 minutes Snape had been thinking of all the different forms of revenge he would inflict on the person that'd done this to him, legal and illegal. He didn't really focus on who could have done it because that wasn't any fun, he needed to think of something that would get him through the time that someone would get here to help him out.

He was eventually knocked from his thoughts as he heard the recognisable chatter of some students passing by, making him shout out to them in the process while trying to make his voice sound as calm as possible, injecting some venom into his tone to add effect.

"Professor Snape, is that you" a student asked from the other side of the door.

"Yes you moronic child."

"Do you mind me coming in Sir"

"NO" he exclaimed in fear.

"No Sir?" the student questioned.

"No means No" he injected a lot of steel behind his voice as he spoke "I need you to get Professor Dumbledore"

"Professor Dumbledore" the student questioned, making sure that she'd heard the Professor right.

"Yes, Professor Dumbledore you impeccable moron. You know who he is right" he questioned the child that seemed to be listening intently on the other side of the door.

"Of Course Professor" which seemed to come out a little strained.

"Well what are you waiting for, GO NOW" he screamed, pleased when he heard the patter of feat as they ran away.

I so hope Albus doesn't make a big deal of this

Flitwick's Private Quarters

The bed sheet was rolled up and hanged over his bed in a desperate attempt at freedom. He'd thought of this after hearing about it through a friend, princesses in Muggle fairytales would use a rolled up bed sheet to escape from a castle or something along those lines. So this was what led him to this idea as he tied one end to the bed post and left the other hang of the side.

He tried to look down to see how far it reached but was caught out once again by the height of the situation as he began to feel dizzy and sick as he looked downwards, on his upcoming death if he wasn't careful.

He grabbed onto the sheets and began to slowly shimmy down the 'rope'. He made his way down slowly but steadily, reducing the distance to the floor.

14 feet

12 feet

10 feet

8 feet

8 feet

8 feet

That was all he could achieve as he ran out of rope to go down, leaving the small Professor to dangle mercifully from the rope.

"Help" he eeped as he dangled halfway down his bed.

Great Hall

Dumbledore sat at the staff table as he nibbled on a piece of toast while McGonagall and Hagrid made their way through their breakfasts. He was surprised that Severus wasn't there because he would usually be in his seat before he'd arrived, and he was the Headmaster. Dumbledore put this absence down the Severus having a lie in for once.

Always good to have a lie in every once in a while

The enjoyable breakfast was interrupted a couple of minutes after with a small girl approaching the desk, when reaching the staff table she explained to him why she was there, and what the trouble was.

"That is troubling" he stroked his grey beard "I will be there in a minute"

"I'll go if you want, Headmaster" McGonagall spoke as she stopped eating. "I should be able to deal with the problem"

"No no, that's quite alright but he asked for me especially so I will go" McGonagall bowed her head while Dumbledore stood. "Now, would you mind leading me to the incident, dear" he asked the small girl who nodded and began to walk down the hall, a number of eyes were glued to the pair while others gossiped.

Dumbledore was quickly led to the point of interest as the girl came to an abrupt halt. As they stopped he looked around to see a crowd of students looking upwards, following there eye line he found the sight of the commotion.

"Get away from me, you pests" Filch screamed, suspended 10 feet in the air, underwear hooked up upon a nail in the wall. "All of you can serve detention with me" the students still remained as some out right laughed while others pointed and took photos. "Argh, stop that Mrs Norris"

Dumbledore didn't notice the cat that was on top of the caretakers head until he pointed it out to the crowd which only seemed to aid the laughter. Mrs Norris seemed to be petrified of heights as the cat's leg shook with fear, claws grasping the poor caretakers head in an effort to stay on.

A cat which doesn't like heights, now I've seen everything

Filch finally spotted the Headmaster as he struggled against his underwear that were placing pressure in places he'd rather have intact just encase. "Dumbledore" Filch all but shouted. "Get me down for here so I can round up and punish these children"

Dumbledore didn't seem to want Filch to do anything harsh as he decided to leave him up there for the time being. "Who did this to you?" he questioned, a number of students had left when they saw him while others stayed for the show.

"One of these" Filch pointed his dirty fingers at the students that sat underneath him "knocked me out last night, suspending me and Mrs Norris up here" Dumbledore nodded, understanding what'd happened, planning on getting a thorough report later. He quickly held his wand out, casting silently as the form of Argus Filch and Mrs Norris were levitated to the ground.

"Why don't you go see Madam Pomfrey, she can sought out the 'pain' that you're feeling" he suggested as the caretaker glared daggers at the students who seemed to get the message as they gave him a wide berth, allowing them to flee if he did attack.

"Fine" Filch all but growled as he held Mrs Norris within his arms. "Let's go Mrs Norris. We can deal with this vermin later" he walked away slowly, adjusting his underwear in the process.

Dumbledore chance of a rest was ruined as another student called to him. "Professor, Professor" he called upon again as another girl tried to get his attention. "Professor Snape asked for your assistance, he's in Potion Storage"

He sighed loudly "Thank You" he thanked to girl and walked in the direction of the Dungeons with one thought in his mind.

What has he done this time?

Potion Storage

Cut them into small pieces

Give them a lifetime of detention

Torture and kill them

These were a few of the ideas that ran through his head as he waited patiently for Dumbledore to get here. Over the past 5 minutes his thoughts had changed somewhat to who could've done this. Straight away he thought of the one boy, who had it out for him,

Harry James Potter

His skin crawled just to think of the name. He thought that the boy would be the most likely candidate but when he really thought about it Potter wouldn't really know how to do all this, whatever spell that'd been used to make the potions fall was advanced, he couldn't even feel any leftover magic when he entered the place. The unlocking of the door would have also been beyond any student that was taught in this place. That led him to think that it may have been a student from one of the other schools. It had to be a student in his mind because of the stunt, unless it was done to weaken him which would make everyone fair game.

Meanwhile, the room was getting an extremely pungent smell , fumes were rising of the floor as they mixed with ones that shouldn't under any circumstance. His musings were finally ended as he heard a knock upon the door.

He quickly covered his privates with his hands as he tried to look as suave as he could. "Dumbledore" he called.

"Yes" Dumbledore spoke from the other side of the door.

"Come in" he replied nervously as the door opened. As Dumbledore walked into the room, the old man caught sight of the blushing Professor, catching a glimpse of his 'wand' in the process.

"My oh my, Severus. Wait a couple of months and this could be my Birthday present" Dumbledore mused as he licked his lips which Snape didn't miss as he tried to back away, forgetting the potion that held him in place.

"Dumbledore" he tried to sound angry, only to the stopped as Dumbledore stepped forward, placing a finger upon his lips.

"Shhh, Severus. The time for speaking is over" Dumbledore removed his robe from one of his shoulders "The time for loving is about to begin" Dumbledore shrugged of the other shoulder.

"What are you..."

He was quickly knocked into a state of shock as Dumbledore shrugged out of his robes, leaving him naked, wrinkled body on show for Snape to look over, his eyes trailing over the Headmaster as he couldn't help himself.

"I wanted to do this for a very long time, Severus" Dumbledore placed his hand upon the door, slowly closing the door. When the door closed all the only sounds that could be heard were the muffled screams of Severus Snape.

Dungeons

Dumbledore wandered down the hall as he made his way to the room, the smell that was coming down the hall seemed to be coming from the same room Severus was occupied in. It wasn't a pleasant smell he would have to say, it kind of reminded him of the hallucinogenic that he'd tried when he travelled when he was younger. He was knocked from his thoughts as he heard screaming, screaming that seemed to come from the same room that Severus was in. He took off in a run as he heard this, knowing that if Snape was in pain then it was serious, probably the Crucio curse.

"Severus" he slammed on the door as the screaming seemed to increase. "SEVERUS" he shouted "I'm coming in" he announced as he'd heard enough. He raised his wand, blowing the door to pieces; the sight which greeted him both excited and horrified him.

Severus Snape held his hands upwards, looking like he was trying to force an unknown person of him. This gave Dumbledore with a perfect sight of Snape's wand, not helping himself as he licked his lips.

Snape seemed to come back down to the real world as his eyes connected with Dumbledore's. "Please Dumbledore" Snape begged. "not again. I like women"

"I like WOMEN" Snape's voice rose.

"I LIKE WOMEN" Snape repeated hysterically as he finally fainted, leaving him in an unusual position as his legs stayed upright while his body hit the floor.

That was unexpected