Haunted by Childhood Traumas

"Is forearm-sized big? I mean, his forearm size, because he's definitely bigger than mine."

If he had been drinking something, he would have straight up choked, "Zee. Your were impaled," he chuckled even louder, overjoyed. "I'm terrified of even thinking about that. Your man is gigantic. Titan sized. How tall is him?"

"He's a lot taller than you. A lot. You're short near him," I chuckled.

His jaw dropped, "How did you fish such gold?"

"It's better to say he fished me. He came to me and I went with it," I chuckled. "His game was that good."

He raised his hands and I clapped my on his, "You did amazing, Zee. Make him yours and don't let a leg-sized man escape like that because they are rare."

His words made me choke on my tea, "Leg-sized," I gasped, in tears with the laughter. "Heaven's above, Joe, don't make me laugh when I'm drinking something. You know I'll choke on it."

"Now you finally have something better to choke on, huh?" He giggled and I turned strawberry red.

Switching up to Polish, I turned to Cyryl who was looking at us in confusion, "Come on, bunny, what do you want to do today? Big sis will do anything you want."

His eyes widened with excitement, "Cake. Choco cake."

"You want me to bake you a Choco cake?" He nodded. "Alright, big sis will bake you that fudge chocolate cake you love the most."

"Yay," he beamed. "Cake, cake, cake, cake, cake!" He danced.

Joseph gasped, "Oh man, I miss the time I was this happy with such simple things," he said in Polish.

"Same, Joe, same!" I sighed. "Life's tough."

"Zee, you took a leg-sized man, I doubt anything is tougher than that," he provoked, in Greek again, and I gasped.

"Joe!" Taking Cyryl's to wash it, I sucked on my cheeks. "There's something I want to ask you, by the way," I said in my language.

"What is it?" He switched back to Polish with me.

"Did you know mom emancipated me in secret at the beginning of the year?" I side-glared him, only to find him avoiding my eyes and pressing his lips together.

"I was with her when she did it, so, yes. I told her to tell you, but she said it wasn't important and that she would do it later. She made me promise to keep it a secret, so, I did," ugh.

I clenched my fists, doing my best not to break the damn Batman mug, "Who else knew?"

"Nora, me, Nika, and Wiky," so, Wiktoria knew it too.

Greeting my teeth, I took a deep breath, annoyed. "She thought it wasn't important," I scoffed bitterly, in Greek again, not to let Cyryl notice my gloominess. "Then she forgot to tell me for almost a year. Why am I not surprised?"

"Zee," he pressed his lips together, pity all over his face.

There's nothing I hate more than when someone pities me. "No. It's fine. I should be used to it by now, but it still fucking stings, Joe. I was 12 when you met me, you don't know how it was before. If it's bad now, it was ten times worse. Mother never really cared, not about me, she used to treat me as if I was to blame for her having to re-do senior year of highschool, because she got pregnant with me before she could finish it. Now I'm just a walking reminder of her mistakes, of my dad, and of the fact that she used to be married to Monika's older brother and even had a daughter with him, before she cheated on him with her."

Every word burned in my throat and I gulped.

"No kid should go through what I did, Joe."

He caressed my shoulder softly, "It's okay, Zee. You're strong and mature, that's what matters."

I couldn't hold the scowl, "I was a child, Joseph. I didn't need to be strong. I shouldn't have matured that fucking early. I should have been protected, taken cared of, and loved. I should have been a child and taken the best out of child-bloody-hood," biting my bottom lip until I felt the metallic taste of blood, I looked away. "Whatever, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm legally an adult now. Nothing will ever change the damage done by them. I don't need my mother affection anymore, I'm past the age of ever dreaming with some unattainable like that. I'm just bitter because she did it behind my back."

"Are you angry that you were emancipated?"

That got me laughing, "What?" I asked in Polish. "Absolutely not. I actually asked her to emancipate me when I came back earlier, then she told me it was a useless request as she had already done that a long time ago. That's why I'm mad. She did it behind my back, without my consent, and didn't even bothered telling me for almost a year, it felt violating. I wanted to be emancipated."

He gave me a naughty look, switching to Greek again, "Because your boyfriend is older than you, huh?"

Gasping, I pushed him away, "It's not just because of that."

"So, it is in parts because of that," he blinked, naughtily.

"Ugh, stop messing with me, Joe!" I growled in Polish.

"Can't be helped. I waited a long time to be able to mess with you about this. Deal with it," he beamed. "Can you make me a Irish Coffee?"

Don't let the name fool you, that's a alcoholic drink made of coffee, whiskey, and cream. Mom's Espresso Martini is also alcoholic but with vodka instead. It's pretty good, but it's a bomb of energy to hyperactive people such as me, mom, and my dad. My dad loved Irish Coffee, most of his family does and it's like a tradition, Monika does too, and it was the first drink I learned how to make with him even if I couldn't drink back then, just so I could make it for him.

"Aye, fine," I rolled my eyes. "Want some ginger biscuits too? I feel like baking," Joseph loves those.

"I want it, I want it, I want it too," Cyryl clapped his little hands, as Pop/Stars by K/DA began to play. He loves K/DA songs because they are all very energetic and catchy, even if he doesn't understand the lyrics.

He beamed, "Ugh, you're the best!"

"I am, aren't I?" I grinned and winked. "I know."

۞۞۞۞۞

Now that I know how it feels to sleep with somebody so perfect, nestled on his warmth, I was unable to fall asleep alone in my room, even though I was using his hoodie. Then I made myself three Aged Cubans (aged rum, mint leaves, simple syrup, lime juice, Angostura bitters, and a Champagne floater), opened a box of my beloved classic Oreos, and decided to research some decorations ideas for my home, while polishing my nails metallic orange to match my hair.

As Cyryl only wakes up 10 am in weekdays, at 4 am I was up to do my morning training, by 6 am I was ready and dressed in my black leather dungarees with a dark red turtle-neck shirt underneath, my long ginger hair in two root braids with a black hood over my head, covering my ears, and a pair of black fluffy socks on, my heelless black winter boots in hand for me to put on before I leave.

I took my phone, my black leather Prada backpack with a small stuffed white owl on the keychain that used to be my dad's─ one I got him when I was 7 and he used on his backpack every time he went out with me─, and went to the kitchen.

With my red heart-shaped ear pods on, I put Oh My God by (G)I-dle to play on repeat, and prepared a batch of cinnamon rolls, a batch of full-cocoa cookies, Swizz cheese sandwiches, a jar of purple grape juice, for mom and Monika to eat on breakfast. I put the 3 litters of Irish Coffee on my red and black House Targaryen thermal bottle, the big batch of Oreo brownies I made for myself on three red silicone containers, two of the sandwiches on another, put it on my backpack and left the kitchen after cleaning everything and covering the food for them.

As I walked to the garage where I had parked one of the old classic Harleys on my dad's collection, which I inherited together with thirty two cars which I keep on the underground garage of our childhood home, I walked towards my Harley and picked my helmet from the side.

Yes. Mother and Monika didn't need to give me a car when I have all of my dad's precious collection of cars, motorbikes, and also all the vehicles he had. However, they insisted on it, probably because it would be too much to see me on a car that used to be dad, so, as I'm not stupid and I took dad's love for cars, I asked for the Mercedes I had my eyes on, and they bought it for me.

I'm not stupid to refuse such an offer. The car is expensive after all, and I understand how valued money is, as I was neglected my whole life exactly so my parents could make more and more money. Greedy bastards.

Money does buy temporary happiness though, so, fuck you but thank you.

But before I could leave, the second I put on my black leather gloves and opened the garage, Monika walked inside as she was running outside... on winter because she's that ridiculous. "Are you leaving?" She asked in Irish.

"Leaving? Nah, I'm just turning my bike on for the sake of it," I scoffed sarcastic and when she gave me a disapproving look, I rolled my eyes. "Yes. I'll take a look at how the reform in my home is going. I had some new ideas."

Crossing her arms, she stared at me concerned, "I passed by your room to check up on you at night, you weren't sleeping. Are you still having night terrors?"

Yes? But that wasn't the reason. "No," I lied. "I just felt like researching stuff for my home instead. I'll relax after I go to Switzerland."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I blinked, "About what?"

"What is stressing you, sweetheart!"

"You don't want to talk about my mom with me, aunt Monika. I won't be able to keep my silver sharp tongue inside my mouth if I do, and I'll end up being rude to you... again. So, no," I turned my bike on again. "I made you two breakfast, I'll try getting back by the time Cyryl wakes up."

She pressed her lips together and got out of my way, "Thank you, sweetheart. For being so good to my son."

I softened my gaze, "It's weird to think that by being your son he's my cousin, but he's also my little brother, aunt Monika. I love him with all my heart and I don't want him to grow up to be fucked up like me. He has nothing to do with the problems we have from the past. He's innocent and pure, and I want him to stay like that for as long as possible. I don't know if I'll ever be able to mend my relationship with you, but you have nothing to worry about. I'll forever be the best sister I can to him. He's part of my family, and I would kill for him."

"I hope you know that I love you, regardless, sweetheart. I always did and I always will. I know it's weird, but I'll give you time, one day, I hope you can accept me like this!"