As You Say

I'm so stupid

I'm so fallen

I'm so anxious

I'm so distressed

I'm so depressed!

Why?

Because its the harshest reality

That I've finally realized

Is that I don't love You,

At all times,

Not even when I'm feel so sad and cold!

Not even when I feel happy and bold!

I just feel this love, this bliss,

Only when You decide to reciprocate,

Only when You decide to distract

My mind away from material attachments,

But most of the time, it's in bewilderment.

I just love You

When I feel like I should,

I just serve You

When I feel like I should,

And let me tell You my Lord,

I'm number one selfish living entity,

Who always tries to use You

For her sense gratification.

No, I don't love You at all,

I just only love myself

And that's why I want You to do all the work,

While I'm sitting back!

My stony heart is rude,

It always tries to delude

I always end up caressing this body

That is already dying day by day

Without You, its just a nonliving clay.

But just look at my blackened heart

It doesn't feel anything at all!

Because I only want to feel loved by You,

Just for the sake of attaining bliss,

Because I only pine to get away from my own created distress.

No, I don't love You at all,

For my darkened heart is big and tall,

This unfortunate and heartbreaking reality does nothing to me,

For my eyes still stay silent and tears free.

How can I now blame my mind for this?

Whereas its me who see the negative patterns as bliss,

How can I now rectify my unlimited mistakes?

When all I need is just to do as You say,

I don't even want to feel this bliss,

For my mind tricks me into thinking its all I need,

For it disguises You away,

When all I need is just to do as You say.