7 Bitterness

[Johan's POV]

The journey back home was comprised of muddled thoughts and heavy feelings. When Adrian let go of the plastic bag, it swung to his side and felt a hundred times heavier. It's as if someone sneaked a rock inside without him knowing.

Johan stared outside the bus window, feeling miserable despite the magnificent view of Subic Bay. Why? He did the correct thing. He needed to draw the line before he got too hopeful. He shouldn't feel guilty for doing what's right.

Yet, as he stepped out of the bus upon reaching his stop, the urge to call Adrian almost overpowered him. If it wasn't for the two grocery bags in his hands, he would have taken out his smartphone and called him.

"Get a hold of yourself," he whispered and hailed a tricycle towards their subdivision.

Johan heaved the bags in one hand as he kicked the wooden door shut. He slipped his feet out of the shoes and left it on the floor, having no energy to put it on the shoe rack. A sigh escaped his lips after dropping the plastic bags onto the table.

He contemplated whether he should leave it on the table and just went straight to bed. The day wore him out. But what's the point of buying fresh fruits and vegetables if he will not refrigerate it?

Adulting was hard, but dealing with feelings was harder.

After cleaning and carefully arranging them inside his fridge, Johan stripped off his clothes and went to sleep.

Days passed by and the once lively department had gone tense and quiet. Johan and Adrian had kept things civil and professional, but the emotional tension between them didn't go unnoticed.

The teasing stopped. The juicy gossips no longer involved them. Their nights went back to normal boring days, and it's slowly driving everyone insane. Okay, not everyone. People from different shift schedules had no clue what's going on, but some were getting a whiff of the drama brewing in a certain part of their department.

Johan swore these people had a strong sixth sense or something. He's starting to believe they weren't hired based on educational background, work experience, and capabilities. The company brought them forth using paranormal means, and their company was a huge syndicate of gossip hunters.

He sighed for the umpteenth time, stabbing the finely chopped bitter gourd he stir-fried with egg. Adrian and Rhia sat five tables away from him, eating whatever his girlfriend brought for their lunch.

This was how it's supposed to be.

Adrian had his eyes fixated on his phone, probably playing some games as Rhia spoon-fed him, like they're in a fucking lovey-dovey restaurant.

Johan brought his own food to his mouth, wincing at the acrid taste of the vegetable he cooked. He should have marinated it with salt, but he's got no time to do it.

"What's the taste of unrequited love?" Thesa asked from his side.

"Bitter!" Christy and Jacqueline chorused.

"Like the bitter gourd," Irene quipped with a laugh.

Johan scrunched his face and gave the girls an incredulous stare. "What are you doing here?"

"It's our lunch too," Thesa and Irene said.

"Fifteen minutes break." Christy supplied for both her and Jacqueline, who was busy tapping on her smartphone.

Johan went back to eating his lunch, shrugging. It's not like he owned the table to shoo them away.

"So, what's going on between you and your crush?" Thesa began. She twirled the straw of her frappe. "You're not being your usual selves."

He saw this coming since the day Adrian distanced himself from him. Johan quirked his shoulders to appear dismissive. "Nothing's going on and we're just being normal."

"Exactly!" Christy propped her elbows on the table and leaned forward. "Both of you are acting like normal officemates. You're not stealing glances at him anymore, and he's no longer being touchy-feely with you."

"Is that a problem?" Johan was more concern at how creepy her statement sounded. Have they been watching him? And for how long? Fuck!

"Of course, it's a problem! Just when we thought your relationship finally progressed after centuries of pining at each other, you're suddenly back to square one."

"He's got a girlfriend. I hope you realize that." Johan didn't finish his lunch because he has lost appetite. "I don't know what you're expecting, but I am not going to wedge myself between them."

"Yeah, but it's not like they're married yet. Don't you want to be happy?" Christy reached for his hand and squeezed it. "You're a wonderful person, and we know Adrian's the one who can give the happiness you deserve."

"All you need to do is be assertive and get your man," Jacqueline said. "We can see the potential, Jo. You have a chance!"

Johan transfixed his eyes at the couple five table away. Adrian had an arm wrapped affectionately on Rhia's shoulders, staring at her eyes as she conversed with him, smiling.

Rhia was a girl of few words and would exchange small greetings with him on some occasions. Never once she acted rude to him even when he intruded on her supposedly alone-time with her boyfriend. She's modest and just simply beautiful even with little to no makeup adorning her face. If he was born straight, he would pursue a girl like her.

Johan shook his head, retrieving his hand from Christy's grasp. "I appreciate the sentiment, but I have no intention of hurting someone just so I could be happy."

"But—"

"I deserve to be happy, yes. But I don't think Rhia deserved the pain of being cheated on. Trust me, I know what it feels like. And I refuse to become the person who once hurt me." He grabbed his belongings and walked out of the pantry, leaving the four girls to themselves.

Johan was in the middle of stuffing his things inside the compact space of his locker when Adrian appeared on his side. Their eyes met for the first time in days when he looked up, but quickly averted his gaze.

"Did you enjoy your lunch?" Adrian asked while inserting a key to his padlock.

Did he? He could not even finish it. "Yeah."

Their conversation ended after that. His chest ached when Adrian walked past him without ruffling his hair.

He also stopped putting a hand on his waist.

He stopped giving him a ride on his motorbike.

He stopped calling him 'Han'.

Adrian had stopped doing the little things that gave life to his boring days.

And it's killing him inside.

Why does doing the right thing hurt?

Johan rolled to his back and stared at the white ceiling of his room. Weekend came, and he's just lying on his bed doing nothing at all. He can't bring himself to open a book because they're filled with romantic shit. Scythe hopped onto the bed and curled to his side.

"Did you decide to give me cuddles because I'm feeling like shit?"

The cat didn't answer. It just purred softly and brushed its head on his armpit.

With nothing much to do, Johan grabbed his smartphone and opened Facebook. The first post on his newsfeed was a tagged photo of Adrian. Rhia posted it, and from the looks of it, they went on a date and watched a movie.

He tapped the back button to close the application. The last thing he needed was to see their joyous faces while he's drowning in misery.

Damn you, Facebook! Maybe he should uninstall it for good.

Nah. He will look more like a loser if he does that. Pressing the blue icon again, Johan refreshed his newsfeed. He scrolled past any post related to Adrian and watched anime clips.

Right. Anime. That's all he needed.

He exited the application for good and grabbed his laptop. It's best to watch Anime on a bigger screen. But what series should he watch? He finished watching the good ones out there. And it's not like he's a hardcore Otaku who would watch every single anime released.

He's not about to watch any Shoujo Romance anime. And Yaoi was the last thing he needed, for fuck's sake.

While browsing the internet for a good anime to watch, an advertisement popped up. He would usually close annoying ads appearing out of the blue, but the message caught his attention.

'Hey, Roommate! Are you bored, lonely, or just looking for someone to talk to? Come join us at VRM and meet your Virtual RoomMates!'

Johan moved his face away from his laptop, staring at the box with distrust. This advertisement looked hella suspicious and their pitch looked completely made for him. Yes, he's bored, he's lonely, and he needed someone to talk to. Badly. Without judgement. Without people knowing who he really was.

He should stop watching Anime in a pirated site. It's not supporting the creators, and he's getting suspicious ads that woke his curiosity alive.

Instead of clicking it, he opened an incognito browser and searched what in the world was Virtual RoomMates. Upon checking the website, it appeared to be a chatroom where you can talk to strangers.

Creepy!

Then again, there were sites like that and some of them were even popular. As long as it appeared on a standard search engine, he's gonna be okay, right? The website link looked normal as far as he could see.

Shrugging, Johan clicked register using a dummy email address. Hopefully, they don't require photos and don't secretly take videos. He covered his laptop's camera with tape and paper and turned off his location, just to be sure.

He's still a paranoid little shit. Yet, he's checking and entering the damn website like a curious cat.

After filling in the required boxes with fake information, the screen went blank for a second before a virtual door appeared.

"This isn't a portal to the dark web, is it?" Johan mused to himself, heart hammering across his chest in apprehension. With a shaking hand, he clicked on the doorknob that the virtual gloved hand was pointing at.

The door gave an ominous creaking sound, and the fucking sound effect almost killed him. Holy shit!

"Welcome to Virtual RoomMates, Han_Frostii!"