FIREWORKS
“Excuse me miss?”
Sitting down at the Tokyo Police station, officer Yoshi Takao, a man around the age of 42, bald, more than chubby, and serious looking, approaches me. As a firsthand witness I have to go and report what I saw. Still in shock, I wasn’t in the mood to deal with the police.
“Hi officer. How are you?”
“Never mind about me, how are you feeling?”
“Like I had just saw a Demon got mowed down.”
Officer Takao goes silent after that remark. I already know why they have me here. They want to confirm that it was a Demon. They want to take thatDemon’s body and run all kinds of crazy tests on him or her. Not that I can be so sure that they even recognize gender.
“That’s what the driver said.”
“So, what do you want to know?”
“Outside of that, what happened? What do you think caused the accident?”
“I don’t know. It was the definition of a freak accident.”
“I get that you’re in shock, but can you think a little harder?”
“What is it that you’re looking for officer?”
“You see that driver, he was involved in an accident a few years ago where a young lady was killed crossing the street. It was deemed her fault and he has been able to continue driving city buses since then. And now today we have him involved in another accident that resulted in a death of someone, well in this case something, trying to cross the street. Even though it was Demon, if this was a case of driver negligence, then we must know. Cannot have accident prone bus drivers on our streets.”
“I honestly think that the Demon didn’t know what he was doing.”
“Entirely possible. But the question was, where were the driver’s eyes?”
And that is problem. His eyes are on me. In a way, you can say that I was the one who distracted him. I was in a good mood and wanted to share. Hell, if I knew that the driver of a bus would run over a Demon. I had no idea who this guy was. He could be a shitty driver. But he seemed like a nice guy. I did no just want to run his life. I don’t think some 18-year-old third year student should be capable of that.
“He was focused on the road.” I answered. Officer Takao looked at me a moment, surely studying why it took me so long to answer him.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Yes I am.”
After that, officer Takao asked a few more questions, took my information and that is that. I am free to go home. When I walk outside, I feel as though I am in a different world. What has happened is more or less beginning to settle into me. The chaos is so dramatic. A Demon was killed in front of my eyes. And the guy who did it may be a ticking time bomb who blows up at random.
“Say what? Hina asked as we and the girls took our usual walk to school.
“Yeah.” I started. “He accidently ran over a Demon. And apparently it wasn’t his first accident.”
“What do you mean?” Himari asked.
“He was involved in another accident that a pedestrian was killed it.”
“Wow.” Akari said. Sounds like an idiot. What do you think caused it?”
“He was looking at me. But, I’m not so sure…”
“I would say that sums it up.” Akari stated.
“Come again?”
“He once again fucked up. He was just lucky that it was something that we don’t want.”
“Isn’t that harsh?”
“I mean, he did run over someone with his bus twice.” Himari added.
“Accidents do happen.”
“Yeah, but twice? That’s no good.”
“What did you tell them?” Hina asked, getting us back on track.”
“Not much really.”
“So, you let him go?” Himari asked.”
“I mean, how do I know?”
“I guess it’s hard. But, at the end of day, what is right? And what is wrong? You know what I mean?”
I would like to slap Himari. I do not know what her silly little riddle me this mumbo jumbo of a sentence means. But still, what is right? And what is wrong? What is reasonable and what is too much? Where did that bus driver fill in within the gaps of grey that came with everyday life?
“Ethics.” Sensei Watanabe proudly said. “What are ethics? Yes, Hina.”
“Ethics are what is right and what is wrong. Am I right?”
“That’s not bad. Go ahead Akari.”
“Ethics show what kind of soul you have.”
“An interesting way of looking it for sure. Webster’s dictionary defines ethics as moral principles that govern a person’s behavior or the conducting of an activity. So, in other words, how you act above all shows what your morals look like.”
“What would you consider being good ethics?” Francesca asked?
“I believe that ethics are subjective. However ultimately, I always judge a person’s ethics solely on how they interact with me and how they are interacting with others.”
“What do you consider to be bad ethics?” I had to ask, wondering where I fitted in.”
“In a word, incongruence. Meaning, you say one thing, but your actions and even solely your body language doesn’t quite match up.”
“So, in other words, a fake?”
“That is a word that has become quite popular isn’t it? I wouldn’t necessarily call an incongruent person a fake. Just someone who has issues with being authentic.”
Well, there it is. I am inauthentic. Instead of airing on the side of safety, I aired on the side of not having momentary guilt. In reality, all I did was trade it for long term self-loathing. Should I have just said the truth and that guy was looking at me? I wonder what he was doing right now? Is he just driving around looking at other girls who happen to smile at him?
“I believe what is more important than knowing what good and bad ethics are is deciding for yourself what lane you want to take. Who you want to be? And not in the career sense, while that is certainly important. What do you want your legacy to be?”
“What do you want your legacy to be Sensei?” Hina asked.
“Being remembered as a good teacher would be nice. But most of all, I would to be remembered as a good person.”
“But isn’t that subjective?” Akari asked, of course. “Like, you’re only good if you do something that fits in my lane, wouldn’t you say?”
“I’ve always seen it as if one goes into every interaction with the concern of the highest good of all involved, then they are a good person. It’s when you deal with someone in a way that does not acknowledge their feelings, but maybe you donate to charity is where we get into the subjectivity of being a good person.”
“Though wouldn’t you consider someone who donates millions of dollars a good person?”
“No. I don’t consider Bill Gates to be a good person. Seriously, donating to charity has many benefits that have nothing to do with the cause. Tax write offs are obvious. Yet, the true dark side of donating that most people do it because it feels good. And that in it of it’s self is a selfish act.”
“Does that make it bad?” I asked, trying to not sound to desperate.
“Every living organism is selfish to a degree. You can’t even help it. As a human you have desires that are simply beyond you.”
“Beyond you?”
“Like eating for example. You got to eat. You cannot control that. You can fast. But even Buddhist Monks eat before noon. You can repress different desires for years, decades. Eventually, they come up and everyone must reckon with them.”
“That sounds so animalistic!”
“We are human animals after all. So, wouldn’t you agree that the behavior fits the bill?”
“What about social etiquette?” Himari asked.
“Social etiquette starts with social. Social conditioning is where that coms from. Not that it is a bad thing to have social etiquette, it is more about what is dwelling within us every single time we do something just because we were told to do it. Each time that happens, we give up our freedom. Where you all should be striving to head to is a place of agency.”
Agency. The word keeps going through my head as I stand outside of the school’s building like a sick puppy. Developing any sense of agency never crossed my mind. Truth be told, I have always had to do what my mom told me to do. Well, at least a variation of it. With all that is going on in the world and the city bus driver, I have come to realize just how little agency I have in my life.
“Sara.” Hina started. “You’re beginning to get that weird look on your face again.”
“Sorry.”
“Still thinking about that bus driver?”
“Yup.”
“Well, why don’t we practice some agency?”
“By doing what?”
“Let’s pay the driver a visit!”
“Are you crazy?”
“I can’t tell if that is a serious question or not.”
“What am I going to do when I get to his home? Ask him why he’s ran over a person and a Demon?”
“Nah, that would be way too blunt. Just go over and talk to him. Get to know him. I’ll be there so it’ll be no big deal.”
“This all just sounds so intense.”
“Isn’t that the point? To go out and seek these experiences?”
“Huh?”
“It sounded better in my head.”
“Maybe it should have stayed put.”
“Do you think you can get his address?”
“I’m sure that the police will give it to me.”
“Then let’s do it! Why be afraid?”
Loaded question. A good one. Still, loaded. Why would I be afraid? The only reason that I would be afraid is that I am confused. Ever since the Demons came around, I have been amid confusion. In a way, I have been sitting inside of it this whole time. Jumping out just looks so daunting.
I decide to go with Hina’s whim. To her it is an adventure as we get the driver’s name and address from the downtown Tokyo police station. Daisuke Okamoto. He lives Nagoya. It’s like a field trip as Hina and I have to take the train down there. Nagoya is such a beautiful city. To me, it is what Kyoto would be if it were more industrial. The building ranged from old school temples, dojos, to skyscrapers. The nature is immense as green filled each open space that was not occupied by something man made. In a twisted way, it is a ‘wonderland.
We reach Daisuke’s home. It’s a genuinely nice and quaint home. The land is traditional Japan. However, his home is modern Southeast Asian. He has chic white looks paint, silver roof, quirky looking orange and reddish windows. Complete with a front porch that has an action figure of Dio from JoJo standing guard.
“Well, ring the doorbell.” Hina told me.
“Thanks for the support.”
“What? You are the one who met him. I’m just an observer of solitude.”
“Huh?”
“Sorry, again, sounded better inside my head.”
I walk up his front porch, looked at that Dio doll, and then ring his doorbell. Standing there, partly hoping that no one will answer, a woman, who I assume is his wife, answers the door. She looks to be in her forties. But her skin is so smooth. Almost as smooth as my own. She is in yoga pants as Koto music plays in the background.
“Hi!” She brightly said. “Can I help you?”
“Hi, um, Mrs. Okamoto?”
“You got her.”
“I’m here to speak to your husband, I was around fpr his last accident.”
“Oh, I see. Just wait a second. I’ll grab him.”
As she goes back inside, I begin to consider running away. But Hina is standing right there, seemingly enjoying herself. I guess I can truck her, knock her out and take her with me. Though, I don’t know how long that I can carry her. And a lyft back to her place would be too expensive. I am stuck.
Mulling over my limited options, Daisuke comes out. He is in a very casual t-shirt and shorts. Must be his day off. He looks at me like he had saw Casper. I stand there, wanting to end the awkwardness of the silence, but the feeling of awkwardness obviously made that a hard process.
“Hey.” Daisuke started with. “You’re that girl that was on the sidewalk yesterday?”
“Yeah. Daisuke, the driver, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Sara.”
“And I’m Hina!” Hina blurted out.
We gather on his porch as Daisuke’s wife, Rie makes us all iced green teas. The seeping is the perfect amount of time as the taste is so easy, yet a hint of crispness is present. It is a whole lot of character. Wanting to get lost in the perfection of the tea’s texture, I refocus myself onto Daisuke.
“Are you okay after yesterday?” I asked.
“Yeah. The city was cool, their giving me a little time off to relax a little bit. It’s a weird deal you know?”
“I could only imagine.”
“What was it exactly that brought you two down here.?”
“I’m here for the green tea.” Hina said.
“After everything the police officers began to ask me some questions on where your eyesight and focus was leading up to the accident.”
“Oh. What did you tell them?”
“That you were looking straight ahead.”
Daisuke lets out a sigh of a relief similar to a man that has gotten away with something. Checks out. I wonder what the last 24 hours had been like for him? I’m sure that everyone around has been questioning, at least deep down, what would happen to him.
“Well, thank you for that.”
“I did want to ask, what happened a few years ago?”
“Come again?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but the police officer told me that you had been involved in another accident that resulted in a pedestrian dying.”
“He told you that?” Daisuke asked as a slight sweat began on his forehead.
“Yeah, they did.”
“Yeah, that was a terrible day. That young lady ran across the street as if I wasn’t even coming. I was cleared of any criminal wrongdoing.”
“I’m not saying that you were responsible for her death. It’s just that, and don’t take this the wrong way…”
“What are you trying to say?”
“It’s happened twice now.”
“And what does that mean?”
“That it’s not just some bizarre incident anymore. That some consistency has been shown.”
“Are you accusing me of being a murderer?”
“No!”
“Then what are you doing?”
“I’m just confused okay? I don’t know what to think!”
“How about this? I accidently ran over a creature that has been called a Demon. What is so bad about that?”
Fair enough. The news has already made the Demons out to be not just menaces to society, but the biggest threat that humanity has perhaps has ever seen. Even the Spanish Flu was not as hyped as this. With all that being said, does that excuse that fact that he had ran over and killed the Demon? It could have easily been…me.
“I know that their supposed to be bad. But…”
“But what? Their bad!”
“Sir.” Hina interrupted. “Be nice.”
“Be nice? You two are the ones who came to my house giving me the fifth degree!”
“Wouldn’t that be the third degree?” Hina asked.
“We’re not here to cause any trouble. Just making sense of all this.”
“Hasn’t anyone ever taught you not to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong?”
“But I was there. I had to talk to the police. I was involved.”
“You were someone who was at the wrong place at the wrong time. No different than me. It is a part of life. What you are doing right now is adding meaning to it. Meaning that doesn’t need to be there in the first place.”
Daisuke’s defensiveness is coming out boldly. It makes sense; I would not be so happy if someone kept talking about how I have killed two people in an instant doing my job. Part of me feels bad, but there is another part that feels he deserves this. He has gotten away with two accidents without much insight regarding how and why they happened. The light that is being shined on this feels necessary.
“Is it really that simple?” I asked, knowingly stirring the pot. “Isn’t there always more to things than that?”
“Do think that I’m a dangerous driver?”
“I can’t say. And that is the problem. I have no idea who you are.”
“Okay, what do you want to know? My home prefecture? My high school? University?”
“What was the name of your first pet?” Hina asked.
“Please, if you two have nothing more than speculation, leave.”
“How long will you be out of work?” I asked.
“For as long I it takes.”
“Are you getting paid?”
“Of course. What kind of question is that?”
“Sorry. Thank you for your time.”
The sun is setting halfway during the train ride back. Still thinking of Daisuke, he just felt like a tortured soul. I would have to imagine that he has been questioned about this several times. His own wife has had to have her own doubts. He did not seem like a bad man. Whatever was inside of him that caused him to attract these situations had a strangle hold on him. Or he would not let go.
“You want to get dinner?” Hina asked.
“Sure. It’s take-out only now, right?”
“Yeah it is. I remember when they did that. On the last day I went into a restaurant and had some sushi. Little did I know that everything would change.”
“Little did anyone know huh?”
“It’s like that song, life is a highway.”
“From Cars?”
“Yeah, sounds about right.”
“Hina, what do you think is going to happen?”
Hina’s shows a sense of seriousness that was only reserved for moments that were, well…serious. In a lot of ways, she is the yin to my yang. We balance each other out in ways that I could not understand. When I think about it, I respect her opinion more than anyone’s.
“I think a better question might be how bad is this going to be before it gets better.”
That soft silence that comes upon us gives me the space to see what she means. It is not a matter of if things were ever going to be getting back to normal. It is the fact that the lives that we used to lead are slowly but surely ending. And we are all being pushed into a new age for humanity. The problem is giving it a label is proving to be elusive.
“You know what I’ll miss the most?” Hina said.
“What that?”
“Going to the beach. Especially when there are fireworks. Remember last July? That was amazing. That sky looked like a warzone.”
“Yeah, that was something.”
“What about you?”
“It would have to be going to cafes. I know that it’s basic. But, some of my favorite times with you, Himari and Akari were spent talking about whatever stupid idea that came in our heads as we acted fancier than we really were.”
“Speak for yourself. I am fancy as hell.”
“Oh yeah? What makes you so fancy?”
“It’s in my blood. You know what I’m saying?”
“No, I don’t know what you are saying.”
“It’s because you are not in the know. And you must be in the flow first before
you gain access into the know.”
“Wow. Sounds hard.”
“It’s so hard that most people give it before even getting close!”
“I would imagine that would be a common occurrence.”
I am grateful that we can still have these pointless moments on the train with Hina. As weird as it feels to say that it is one of the last slivers of normalcy that is still in my life. At this point, I am more than willing to grasp onto anything that reminds me of that. Though, I guess Hina is not be behind the grasping part.
Oh well, she will just have to understand.
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