Bitter pill

"I've been thinking of becoming more independent and responsible for my own needs. I feel like dabbling in the "yahoo" world o."

I was stunned by the message Tobi sent.

I reasoned that I had a sense of responsibility to advise him not to go down that road.

"I hope you know that this yahoo is not all it seems on the outside. Many young men who fell prey to it have had to do terrible and fetish things just to be successful in the business.

"I suggest that you look for a more legit means of making money and forget about this yahoo," I advised.

"You're right. The thought just crossed my mind. Well onto better things, when did you say you're resuming for your first academic semester again?"

"Next month. 5th of November to be precise."

"Oh, that's close though. I guess you've gone shopping for the necessities?"

"Yes, my dad gave me one hundred thousand naira for shopping. I saved some of the money and used the rest to purchase a lot of clothes, shoes, and a shiny new school bag."

"Ahn Ahn, funds dey o. Do you have a picture of you in any of the clothes you bought? I'd love to see," He asked.

I scrolled through my picture gallery; found the picture where I was wearing one of my favorite outfit combinations from the clothes I had bought and sent it off to him.

"I love that outfit. It hugs your body so well," He praised.

I felt blessed to have him in my life. He never failed to make me feel beautiful every single day.

I was falling harder for him with every passing day.

It wasn't love I felt; I didn't even know what love felt like but all I knew was that I couldn't imagine my life without him and his charming beautiful smile.

.

.

We were hanging out at my house again after I luckily received permission from my parents to invite him.

Amidst our talks and longing looks, a nagging feeling arose at the back of my mind.

I tried ignoring it all to no avail so I decided to throw caution to the wind and express myself.

"Do you still have feelings for your ex-girlfriend?" I asked bluntly.

He looked taken aback as he asked.

"What brought about this now?"

I fumbled to choose the right words without seeming jealous.

"I just remembered how you talked about her with so much reverence when I asked you what you liked in girls and I felt uncomfortable and I'd been wanting to ask for a while but I didn't want to ruin the lovely moments we'd been sharing."

I tumbled out the words as fast I could.

"Look at me, Chisom."

He put his hand under my chin and made me look up at him.

"I like you. She was a wonderful girl but what matters right now is that we're broken up and I'm here with you."

"You didn't answer my question Tobi," I said.

"Of course I did. What do you mean?"

"You didn't say if you still had feelings for her or not."

"Oh my God, you are an infuriating girl, do you know that?" He sighed and pressed his thumb and index finger against the bridge of his nose.

"Just answer the question honestly Tobi," I pressed.

"Fine, look, I still have feelings for her. We dated for a long time and our breakup wasn't due to a fight, loss of interest, or our feelings for each other no longer being there."

I knew I asked for honesty but the truth was a bitter pill to swallow.

I clenched my fist and waited for him to continue.

"She was my first love but the keyword here is "was". You are the one I like and though residual feelings for her are still present, what I feel for you is a lot stronger." He kissed my forehead and all seemed right in the world again.

.

.

"Hmm. Chisom Maduewesi!" This Tobi is seeming fishy now o!" Emmanuel said.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked as I propped up my phone on my reading table so he could see my face better through the video call.

"He hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend yet and he's telling you that he still has feelings for his ex-girlfriend but still likes you? And they parted on good terms? Ha! Isn't that suspicious to you?"

"See, I don't even know if I want to be his girlfriend yet. I like him but relationships scare me to death.

"Although sometimes, I catch myself imagining how it'd feel to be in a relationship with him but I don't know what I want. And as for his girlfriend, I trust his words.

"People still have feelings for their exes. What matters is that what he feels for me is stronger," I said.

"Okay o. I'm just worried about the manner of their breakup. I just think that the girl might one day want to get back together and I feel that he won't hesitate.

"Many people prefer going back to what they know and are used to than leaping into something entirely new. Just be wise. I have lectures in a few minutes. Take care of yourself. Bye!"

He ended the call as I whispered my goodbye.

I picked up my favorite fantasy novel, Chaos from the moon, from the bookshelf next to my bed and began to read until sleep carried me on its fluffy wings.

"I'm sorry, Chisom, my ex wants to get back together and I just realized how much I missed and loved her. This, whatever this is, is over." Tobi said and walked away from me.

I called and called out to him but he ignored my cries and continued walking till I couldn't make out his form anymore.

I woke up from my sleep with tears streaming down my face.

It was pitch black outside and my novel was still rested on my chest.

A sense of relief washed all over me as I realized that it was all a dream brought about by what Emmanuel had said earlier.

I returned the novel to my shelf and drifted off into a more peaceful sleep.