Chapter Eighteen: I'm Sorry Min Jinu

She cut through her pale skin, causing blood to pierce out of her wrist.

Tears leaked out of her eyes and fell down her cheeks.

Dark red drops dripped down onto her white dress, staining it red.

Her eyes were puffy.

Her voice was raspy.

Her hands were shaking.

Blood slowly left her body, little by little.

Her body laid freely on her once white tiled floor.

Her sobs filled the room.

Her hair was messy.

Her mascara ran down her once pretty face.

She knelt down next to Min Jinu's suicide letter...

And she sobbed more.

She couldn't help but read it as she wept.

She still couldn't believe that he was gone.

It didn't feel real.

She blamed herself.

She cursed herself. Her stupid, selfish and ignorant self.

She pushed the blade onto her wrist once more.

Nothing was important to her anymore.

She just hated herself.

Her life was once complete, but now it was broken and weary.

Soon it would end.

She never wanted life to go this way...

She never wanted to treat Min Jinu that way, hanging around like she never really cared.

She wept and sobbed.

The world is cruel.

As it has always been.

"I'm sorry for not helping you when I had the chance. I'm sorry for not being there with you when you needed me the most. I'm sorry for not being there when you are struggling on your own. I'm sorry for not being able to save you. I'm sorry for not telling you how much I love you. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry Min Jinu."

I opened his letter:

I'm sorry.

Whilst I write this,

All the memories are coming back,

I remember all of the little things about you that I'm going to miss.

Like telling you good night,

Or kissing the top of your head.

But since I can't keep the thoughts out,

I'll write you this poem instead.

I'll always be there,

In my own little way.

Just keeping watch,

And making sure you're okay.

I'll have a cherry blossom fall on your head,

Just so I can touch your hair.

And write messages in the steam of the mirror,

Just to remind you that I care.

I'll hold you safe and tight,

In all your dreams.

And you'll see my reflection in glass,

Or in lakes and streams.

Into the wind,

I'll whisper your name,

And still make you smile.

Everything will still be the same.

When I'm missing you or feeling sad?

I'll make it rain.

And I'll make sure no one will hurt you,

You'll never be in pain.

I'm sorry, my love,

I wish I couldn't but I hear the knife calling.

For hours now, into this abyss,

I've slowly been falling.

I'll always love you,

You'll be the only one for me.

But you will find someone new,

And I'll watch you be happy and let you run free.

You'll be with someone who can hold you,

And not hurt you.

Who's free from bad thoughts and pain.

I can't be with you and, watching myself destroy you... It's driving me insane.

I can't be the one who makes you cry.

This is the best way. Love, it's time we say goodbye.

All I'm doing is hurting you in my own fucked up way,

You'd tell me you still love me but you're too afraid to say.

I'm going to miss the way you whisper my name.

Without you, nothing will be the same.

I can't hurt you like I already have done too much.

I'm destroying you but the only thing that calms me is your touch.

Believe me, this is best.

I'm just a burden to you and I'm putting you through an unfair test.

I hate the fact I won't be able to wipe away the tears when you find this and cry.

I could try to tell you I don't love you anymore, but it would be a lie.

I'll be gone, and I won't be able to hurt you anymore. That's all that matters.

When I finally pass, I will feel your heart as it shatters.

Baby, I love you, but it's time to say goodbye.

Please don't cry.

xxx

I love you.