Yet

Maybe you're giving me many clues, maybe many spaces to think about. But I'm so tiny, so little to not understand any of it. I wasn't reacting, you know why? I was storing your each letter under my Fear, under a clock, my mom once gifted me. Silly reason, she always loved to maintain a routine life, wanted me to do also. I didn't listen to her, so she bought me an alarm clock and used to set alarm at 6! God... But I used to it.

Yeah, I sleep at midnight but wake up with the sun. That is the difference, created problem to you. I CHANGED THE HABIT, I 'USED TO' sleep at midnight, and yeah, I don't now. I sleep before 12! And wake up at 9... that's why I stored the clock also in my desk where I stored all of your letters under it.

'Mom once changed me, now You, who are changing me'

Perhaps it's a silly point to write here. I'm writing on a diary that my father gifted me, told me to write each desire, though I'm not writing any of it, but he mentioned an oyster, a pearl. Lol dramatic. He told me to see who comes. I don't know about that.

Then, what can I write? About you, more...

I didn't see you at the parking lot at Royal Exchange. Slightly saw the glimpse, the warm feeling flies across, I can't lie to myself, I love you. If it's a lie, Lie is better. I wanted to see you, I promise years later, I'm showing you my diary how I was actually feeling when I desired off you. Can you hear?

I want much, right? You know I never had things I wanted. That's why I have fear to want things, I freaked out, I cried out, I burst out when I can't have it. Not for rudeness, I never ever have any. It's been a-- I can't name it. Pardon me. I wished many of the things I needed. It's not an impossible one, maybe I deserved it.. but in the end, Lord showed me my Deservation. I don't know, I don't know anything. Like I never admitted to me, I bowed down to all of my fortunes, what aren't either a fortune. They told me to wait, I WAITED, I'm still waiting. When it's too late, I CRIED. I shouted. Not even the boundaries could hear, and not even all eyes could be captured. I've learnt to survive, still I'm surviving. I've learnt to hide me, I'm still hiding. I put a simple, smiley face, what everyone accepts. Accept my reflection, deep down, I don't think it's me.

I don't know I can't stop myself from writing. I'm stopping it cause I assume my eyes got heavier. Maybe I'm not writing more. Let me promise one thing, I will write when I know you.

-Jimmy's Diary

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Jimmy hasn't said anyone that he is still receiving letters from that unknown. He found something else in words as he also relates himself to unravel each knot. The Imbroglio maintains fewer hesitation inside him. But he felt once the sun wasn't burning, he kept words inwardly.

Same things he used to do but not the same self he used to have! He doesn't sit on his coach after taking his deserts. He directly goes to sleep. Without any over thikings, without any hesitations. Is it that life Jimmy imagined? He is enjoying, though... no out of something still has the courage to maintain the previous capabilities turned into Deficiency. He isn't seeking greatness or regardless, having a sorrowful heart shows by its every step that how worthy a heart can be!

Wakes up early in the morning, and the sun is shining outside. Lazy Sundays in London, making Jimmy stay in home today. Had no mind either to get out. Maybe a sleep ago, he was excited about getting himself on the near Cave. But he hates sunlight, too. He changed his mind and decided to watch a movie alone. He finished his breakfast and watched the clock, knows he wakes up earlier today, still guessing why. It's only 23 past 6 on the clock. He hasn't opened his windows yet. When he was about to open windows, he looked like one postman came and put his letters on the mail box with a bouquet of flowers. He shouted- "WAIT!" After then, he runs downstairs and heading to the front door. He opened it, but the postman was already left. "God," he breaths in and his face suddenly turns into melancholic. He wanted to ask the address and why even the address isn't written on his letters. He couldn't. He sighs again and pulls his letter from the mailbox and takes the flower. Glanced, again no address, no name. Looks at the reddish flowers, puts a smile. Leans down to smell it but found no special smell out. Ignores it though.