Saitama vs the Former Titans

"A-and here is your 10 ounce sirloin steak, sir," the exhausted waitress stammered as she placed the plate next to the growing mound of empty dishes in the seating booth. "A-are you finished with your large coleslaw?"

"Yeah, you can go ahead and take it, make room for the meat HAHAHA!" Saitama grinned as he rubbed his hands upon watching the juicy chunk of beef being set in front of him. "Mmmm I can't remember the last time I ate this good! I need to rob banks more often."

The lady nervously scampered away to finish the clown-faced man's gargantuan order, where he'd been dining at the restaurant for the last few hours. At this point, Saitama looked quite bloated and his face had more sauce and food dripping down it than makeup.

Suddenly, the front door of the establishment was abruptly kicked open, while two police officers stormed inside, startling the hostess as they looked the establishment up and down.

"I don't know if you're aware, but there was a huge bank robbery just down the street," one of the cops explained to the terrified manager. "Have you seen a bald man with his face painted like a clown's? He's extremely dangerous."

"T-there he is!" The other officer stammered, drawing his pistol as he spotted Saitama in the booth. Dabbing his face with a napkin, the caped man waved at the police innocently.

"Well, I guess lunch is over HAHAHA" Saitama laughed as he rose to his feet and set the rest of his brick of cash down on the table next to his mound of uneaten meals. "Do you guys want anything? I need to get rid of all this food, or else I'll have one hell of a doggy bag to take!"

"Dammit, Richardson, retreat! We were told not to engage!" the other cop yelled to partner, who quickly dropped his gun and the two of them ran out of the restaurant together.

"Awe boohoo, are you too good to fight me now?" Saitama teased as he vanished from sight and rapidly appeared outside the establishment behind the police officers. "Its pretty rude of you to just pop in there and leave, didn't your mothers teach you not to dine and dash? HAHAHAH"

"Leave them alone. We'll fight you," a deep voice boomed from above. The cops looked up with relief as two figures descended from the heavens and landed hard on the road behind their parked police car.

"Hehehe oh, what do we have here?" Saitama asked as the two strangers stepped towards him. One of them was a dark-skinned man who was half machine, with a portion of his face silver and one of his eyes large and red, while much of his body was shiny and metallic. The second person was a gorgeous woman with long, flowing red hair, bright green eyes, and orange skin beneath what resembled a purple, armored onepiece bikini.

"I'm Cyborg," the robot man stated, his arm transforming into what looked like a large cannon.

"And I'm Starfire. You killed a couple of friends of ours," the woman growled as she held up her hands, which became awash in a strong green light as she glared at the bald man.

"HAHAHA you'll have to be more specific, I killed millions of people in that smelly city alone," Saitama teased as he cracked his neck.

"Bastard, did you seriously eat Beast Boy?" Cyborg roared as he fired a massive red blast out of his arm-gun, sending a huge laser into the asphalt.

A large scorch mark was all that remained where Saitama once stood, where the cybernetic man grinned with relief until his internal computer systems warned him of a threat right behind him. In a blast of flames and smoke, Cyborg narrowly avoided a half-assed punch from his bald opponent by flying into the air with the jets on his feet.

"Hehehehe awe c'mon, I wanted to see if any of that metal would be durable against my fist," Saitama mocked as he watched the half-metal man hover over the city.

"If I didn't dodge that attack, then there's a 100% chance that I would have died," Cyborg stated in disbelief as he went over his computer's calculations. "Star, be careful with this guy!"

"This is for Dick!" the orange-skinned woman yelled as she flew towards Saitama and shot at him with several energy beams from her hands.

"For Dick? Ew, too much information!" the bald clown teased, easily dodging each of the blast with the smallest of movements. "Oh wait, you're talking about the Nightwing guy HAHAHA yep, sucks to be him!"

"Get his name out of your mouth, you murderer!" Starfire growled as she shot towards the clown faced man and coated her hands in the green energy as she delivered a barrage of super powered punches to his neck, sending him flying backwards into a building.

"Yeesh, this is nothing compared to the Superman guy, and even he was sorely lacking HAHAHA" Saitama again mocked as he brushed the dust off his shoulder from the wall that he'd been blasted into and again vanished from sight.

In the skies above, Cyborg's electronic eye attempted to track where the villain had disappeared too, where he was finally able to get a lock on the disturbing sight of Saitama running up the side of one of Metropolis's skyscrapers.

"Crap, I can't fire, civilians might get hit," the cybernetic man groaned as he held his arm cannon locked on target but was unable to shoot.

"Keep locked on him, I'll get him off that building!" Starfire replied as she flew towards the skyscraper and chased Saitama up it. "Get back here, you clown freak!"

Reaching the top of the tower, the clown faced hero did a stylish flip before landing on the edge, whistling at the impressive view as the purple-clad woman again charged at him with her hands aglow with powerful energy. As she reached for his neck, Saitama smirked as he opened the palm of his hand and whipped it across Starfire's cheek, hitting her with an all-powerful slap.

Cyborg was helpless to watch as his friend was reduced to a massive splash of blood, which splattered down over the glass skyscraper and no doubt terrifying the occupants.

"Starfire? More like Splat-fire! HAHAHAH" Saitama laughed cruelly as he clapped his bloody hands.

"B-bastard!!" the metallic man yelled as he turned his arm cannon to rapid-fire mode and let loose a blitz of laser shots the bald villain, which seemed to shred him in the bright red flashes.

"TARGET MISSED" read Cyborg's onboard computer.

"Wait, what? I swear I saw those blasts hit him!" the superhero argued.

"WARNING: CRANIAL DETACHMENT DETECTED" the computer continued to read.

"W-what?" Cyborg stammered as he realized that his head was indeed ripped from his body and was now in the red-gloved hand of the one punch man.

"Hey, do you want to become a shooting star?" Saitama asked down to the head in his hand, which was still functioning due to Cyborg's computer-integrated brain.

"Like hell! I can still move my body, Jackass!" the cybernetic man roared as the bald clown touched down back on top of the skyscraper. Cyborg's body, which was still flying, moved on its own towards them as its hands reached for his detached head.

"Too slow!! HAHAHAH!" Saitama laughed as he reared his shoulder back and threw the detached skull with enough force to blast it into orbit. "Why wish upon a star, when you can become one? HAHAHAHHA"

"AAAARRGGGGGG!!" Cyborg yelled as his head quickly disappeared into the dark blue sky up above. The metal man's body promptly ceased function and fell to the ground hundreds of feet below.

"Well, apart from that Superman guy, this world really doesn't have much in terms of a challenge," Saitama sighed as he leisurely sat on the edge of the skyscraper. "Hehehe hmmm, I wonder what else that Joker guy did for fun…"