9. 11 Louds a Leapin' Part 1 (Genderbent)

AN: Like a traditional Christmas story, the narration is going to rhyme. This symbol, -/-, means a flashback is in between.

The Loud House was decorated with tinsel and lights all around.

And all the Loud kids was running up and down.

"It's Christmas Eve, readers. That's what all the hubbub is about." Linka says in her room, as she gets dressed in her winter clothes. "And there's no better time to be in the Loud House."

She steps out to find her scarf, to see that Leif has snatched it.

She pulls it off of him, he spins into the bathroom laundry basket.

Meanwhile, Luke with his guitar, works on this year's Christmas song.

Sadly, whatever he sings, comes out wrong.

"Christmas time is totally rad. I want those gifts or I'll be sad! Aw, come on!"

"Having trouble with this year's Christmas song, Luke?"

"Sis, I'm stuck like Santa in a chimney. Ooo, that sounds good! I'm stuck like Santa in a chimney! Been an angel all year, so gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme! Ugh! Bull crap!"

A Lane in reindeer antlers pops in.

To spread some holiday humor, so be ready to cringe!

"I'll say! Those lyrics make no frankincense! Hohoho! That's one!" He clicks on his counter.

"I have to bunk with this." Luke walks away, annoyed.

"My Twelve Puns of Christmas are off to a great start. I only have to come up with eleven murr! Hohoho! that's two!"

Lane laughs heartily, proud of the gift of humor he possess.

Leon walks in and blows a raspberry, not impressed.

Loni comes upstairs. He's wearing a plaid suit, red and green.

A perfect Christmas outfit must be worn for the stylish teen.

"Hey, Link. What do you think?"

"It looks awesome! But where did you get the fabric?"

"Has anyone seen my plaid Christmas tablecloth?!" Rita calls from the living room.

Loni shushes Linka and walks into his room to try again.

Loki walks out, on the phone with his girlfriend.

"Don't stress about buying something special for me, Babe. I mean yes, it's our first Christmas together and I already got something for you. And if you do come up short, I'll probably never let you live it down. But, no pressure."

Bebe is at the mall, in a toys section.

She's stressed and worried, what a way to begin vacation.

"Yeah. No pressure, Loki Bear." She hangs up.

What, in this mall, is "boyfriend-material" to buy?

All she think of now is to drop to her knees and cry.

Meanwhile, Linka is looking for winter boots

To match her winter suit.

She pulls out a pair, but they are her mother's.

Another pair, but they are one of her brothers'.

"Oops. Sorry readers, this is going to take a while."

As she prepares to jump into the shoe pile,

Lexx rushes in with a really creepy smile.

"Hey there, my lovable big sister! Allow me to dive into that pile of smelly footwear and retrieve your winter boots for you."

He says with a bow.

Unusual behavior for the boy in the crown.

He jumps in the pile and finds hers easily.

He puts her boots on for her and gives compliments shamefully.

"There you go, mademoiselle! Two big sister boots! Boy, these are stylish!"

"What do you want, kid?"

"To get a huge haul from Santa!" He confess with an evil grin. "A blind person can tell you that I am no angel. So, if I'm going to get on Santa's nice list, I have one day to undo twelve months of naughty!"

"You're wasting your time." Levi tells him, candy cane in his mouth like a cigar.

Levi wheels in a white board with equations and such.

Scientific proof why the belief in Santa is a bust.

"Factoring in sleigh speed, time zone changes, and reindeer bathroom breaks, it is scientifically impossible for this so-called Saint Nicholas to deliver gifts to the one, maybe two billion qualifying children. As you can see, X equals no freaking way."

Lexx glares at the smug boy in specs.

Doing his best to keep his temper in check.

"You're lucky I'm being nice right now!"

"Levi, you can't just walk up to a person and be a smart ass. Telling someone their beliefs are "illogical". Linka says. "We don't want a repeat of last Christmas."

-/-

Last year, in a church of the Deity,

Levi explained to mass all things wrong with the nativity.

The Louds aren't exactly allowed back, if you catch my drift.

After Levi's lecture, they were certainly not missed.

-/-

In the living room, Gina is in a Santa hat and bell as she tread.

Charlie's sleeping by the tree, sugarplums dancing in her head.

Chris plays with the Christmas lights, enthusiastic.

While Willa flirts with the partridge, made out of plastic.

Rita is hanging the family's stockings in a row.

Yet there's no room for everyone on the actual chimney, you know.

What Rita is doing is strange, I don't mean to fuss.

Who begins decorating the day before Christmas?

"All I want for Christmas is a bigger fireplace."

Lane stands next to her. "Say again, Mom? I can holly hear you! Hohoho! That's three!" He clicks on his counter.

Leon pops out of his stocking and blows a raspberry.

He thinks that Lane's puns are anything but merry.

"Leon, why are you stocking me?" He picks up his stocking. "Hohoho! That's four!"

Around the corner, Lynn and Lars are on their own mission.

Finding their presents from their parents in ambition.

Lynn lifts up the dresser and Lars checks under it.

"See anything?"

"Nope."

Lynn drops it and stretches in exasperation.

But they're not done there; is that selfishness or dedication?

"Looking for your presents, huh? Have you checked Dad's underwear drawer?" Linka suggests quietly.

"This girl asked have we checked Dad's underwear drawer." Lynn rolls his eyes and walks away.

"Linka, please, this isn't the first time we've done this." Lars walks with the athlete.

Linka smells something delightful from the kitchen.

Lynn Sr. is cooking a number of dishes.

He walked all around the kitchen, eyes in a glimmer

Preparing the Loud Family's Christmas Dinner.

"Dashing to the stove-" He sings but stops at the sight of his daughter. "Hey sweetheart! You're just in time! I need a taste tester for the pièce de résistance…" Lynn Sr. holds out a pot and opens the lid. "The figgy pudding!" Smoke comes through the open window.

"And ruin the surprise at dinner? No way!"

Lane enters the kitchen. "Look at Dad getting figgy with it! Hohoho! Number five!"

"I love the Twelve Puns of Christmas! Lane, you want to try my figgy pudding?"

"Sorry Dad, yule have to ask someone else. Get it? Number six! I just sleigh myself! Ooh, that's seven!" Lane and his father laugh as Lane clicks his counter twice.

Every Loud in the Loud House liked Christmas a lot.

"LOUDS! What's that awful smell?!" Someone shouts from outside.

But Ms. Grouse, who lives just next to the Louds, did not!

Ms. Grouse hated Christmas, the whole-

"Diamond, let's stop right there." Linka scolds.

Sorry.

"But indeed readers, Ms. Grouse really lives up to her name. Especially around Christmas time."

Ms. Grouse stood at the window, shaking her fist.

She screamed what she didn't like and ooh, what a list!

"LOUDS! Turn off that annoying music! LOUDS! Shut off all those horrible lights! LOUDS! Stop acting so predictable!"

Linka steps outside. "Sheesh! Well, I'm not gonna let Mr. Grouse take away my Christmas cheer. I've got two weeks off of school, ten inches of fresh snow, and this baby!"

She gestures to her sled. "The Fearsome Flyer 8000! Or as I affectionately call her, "Big Red". We've been waiting all winter for the perfect sledding conditions. So if you'll excuse us..."

She walks down the stairs in glee.

Then gets caught in a net that belongs to Leif.

"Woo-hoo! My reindeer net worked! Oh, sorry Linka. I'm just getting ready for tonight." He gets Linka out as he explains. "I'm gonna catch a reindeer to keep as a pet."

That seems surreal, but if he succeeded

Where will he put it? Know how it's treated?

Car tires screech and a car crashes nearby

The driver is stuck in Leif's trap, mortified.

"Woo-hoo! My reindeer pit worked! Don't worry buddy, I have a winch!"

Linka's in the yard, on top of the slide.

Ready to give her sled a test drive.

"Ok Big Red, let's do this!"

She puts on her helmet and slides down at full force.

Suddenly, the sled hits a rock and throws her off course.

She lands in the snow headfirst, not scarred.

But Big Red lands into Ms. Grouse's yard.

"NOOOO! This is a disaster, readers! When stuff goes into Grouse's yard, it never comes back!"

Exactly! Linka wasn't lying!

Ms. Grouse takes the Louds' stuff and it's multiplying.

She took Loni's beach ball, Leif's plunger, and Lexx's cape that means authority.

And every time, she exclaimed: "my yard, my property!"

"Well, I'm not gonna let the same thing happen Big Red. Especially on the first day of vacation."

She attempts to jump over the fence

But stop in the process as Ms. Grouse yells more nonsense.

"LOUDS! Take down that thing! You're bringing down the property value!" She yells at Rita after she put up air dancers dressed as elves.

"It's too risky to go in alone." Linka decided. "I'm going to need back up." She takes out her walkie- talkie. "Claudia, come in!"

Before Claudia answered, she tied a mistletoe to her hat.

We already know what she will do with a hat such as that.

"Hey, Linka! Just working on my mistletoe. This year, I'm not gonna squander my one chance to get a holiday smooch from Loki."

"I'm rootin' for you, girl. But, there are more pressing issues! I've got a Code Six emergency!"

"Oh no! What over the fence this time? Was it Bebe?"

In Claudia's fantasy, Bebe is on the other side somehow.

But if it means Loki's free, she'll allow.

"My yard, my property!" Ms. Grouse would say,

Then Loki and Claudia happily skip away.

"Negative. It was Big Red."

"NOOOOOO!"

"Put on your snow boots. It's time to put Operation Jump the Fence and Retrieve Big Red Before Ms. Grouse Finds It and Takes It Into Her House Forever and Also Think of a Shorter Name For This Operation into action!"

Claudia didn't listen to a word Linka said.

Her turtleneck was stuck over her head.

"Sorry, could you repeat that? Never mind, I'm on my way!" She hits her head on the closed door on the way out.

Meanwhile, Lynn and Lars continue their quest.

They checked under the sofa, leaving quite a mess.

"No presents for us under here." Lars reports. A look of dissatisfaction from the guy who loves sports.

"We could look in the basement. How do you feel about lifting the water heater?"

Lynn tightens the belt around his waist. "Let's do this!"

After they left, the oldest brother enters the room.

With a look of mischief, he knew exactly what to do.

He creeps to the stockings all in a row.

He takes Lynn Sr.'s present to Rita, all wrapped in a red bow.

"I'm sure Mom wouldn't mind if I peel back the corner a little."

Before Loki could commit his action non-lenient

He is stopped by the younger comedian.

"Hold it! You are mistletoe-tally busted! Hohoho! That's eight!" Lane clicks his counter. "But seriously, what's wrong with you?" He takes the present from Loki.

"I can't help it. The sound of the paper tearing, the smell of the tape, that moment when you get tangled up in the ribbons! Gimme that!" He tackles Lane for the present.

"You gotta beat this habit, Loki. We don't want a repeat of last Christmas."

-/-

What a Christmas that was for him!

Loki opened all his siblings' presents before they could get to them.

"You guys got some great stuff." He's embarrassed by his decision.

He was also tangled up in ribbons!

-/-

"You're right, Lane. I gotta fight this!"

"Well, there's no time like the present! Hohoho! That's nine." He clicks his counter.

Loki returns the gift. "You can do this, man." He tells himself. "I will not open another gift until Christmas morning."

The doorbell ring and there's the delivery woman, short as can be.

"Package for Mr. Loki Loud."

She stuffs inside a red and green gift that's taller than Loki!

"To Loki. Open immediately." He reads the tag. He groans and shakes his fist at the ceiling. "Why me?!"

The delivery woman steps outside so she wouldn't hear Loki's rage.

Three steps later, and she's trapped in Leif's cage.

Leif comes outside. "Woo-hoo! My reindeer cage works!"

Loni comes downstairs, his second outfit done.

Plaid? There is none.

"Hey guys." He greets, modeling a white coat and ribbon bow tie. "Forgot that suit from before. This is my Christmas fit!"

"Has anyone seen the tinsel?!"

Again that was their mother.

Loni shushes both of his brothers.

"Ooh, I'm going tell!" Lane says.

"No no no!"

"Just ribbon you!" He pulls on Loni's bow tie and Loni groans. "Hohoho! That's ten." Lane clicks his counter.

While Loki hauls the present inside,

Lexx kisses up to his mother with fake innocent eyes.

"Oh, mother. You've done so much to make our Christmas perfect. Allow me to look for the tinsel and after I find it, I'll rub your tired, aching tootsies."

Rita grabs more decorations. "Thank you, Lexx. That's so nice of you."

Lexx gasps and look toward the sky in pride.

"Did you hear that, Santa? She said "nice"!"

"Wasting your time with this." Levi walks past him.

"Control yourself, Lexx." He says to himself.

"He's not worth it."

Linka ran outside and climbed up the slide with binoculars in hand.

She takes view of Grouse's house and waits for her friend, to commence her plan.

"Hey Linka!" Claudia pops into view so fast.

Linka gets startled, slides down and almost busted her ass.

"Claudia!"

"I'm okay!"

"I see you turn down the mistletoe this time." Linka points to the mistletoe tied to a branch on her hat.

"Yeah, I don't want a repeat of last Christmas."

-/-

Last year, Claudia adorned a bush of mistletoe on her head.

On her lips was lipstick that was red.

"Pucker up, my Christmas King." She did say.

Then an eagle swooped down, picked her up, and took her away!

-/-

"Anyway, what's your plan?"

Linka had it figured out.

She used the snow and a stick to map it out.

"You'll go to the front door and sing Christmas carols here. When Grouse comes out to yell at you, I'll hop the fence and grab Big Red here."

"Strategic genius!" Claudia gives her friend laud.

"But something looks wrong."

She points to a yellow puddle in the snow.

"Ew! Charlie!"

Linka scolds the dog.

She shrugs and went along.

Claudia is at Grouse's front door, in position.

She calls her to get the cue to start the mission.

"Turtledove to Sled Girl Walking. I'm in position."

"Copy that, Turtledove. Commence caroling."

As soon as Claudia got her sleigh bells and started singing,

Ms. Grouse opens the door and begins complaining.

"Stop that off-key racket! I don't care for carolers!"

Linka hops the fence and goes behind a tree.

Her sled is still untouched she sees.

She crept toward it, careful with every motion.

But when she goes over the wheelbarrow of logs, some fell out, causing a commotion.

Ms. Grouse hears and stops yelling at the caroling girl.

"What in the world?"

Claudia sings in the tune of of Jingle Bells:

"Don't look in the yard. There's nothing there to see. Got lots of songs to sing. So keep your eyes on me. Hey!"

Ms. Grouse pushed her down and she fell.

Linka sees Ms. Grouse coming and she hides.

Ms. Grouse picks up the sled. "My yard, my property!" She cries.

And to Linka's defeat, she takes it inside.

Linka and Claudia sits on the steps of the Loud House with dread.

"I can't believe I lost Big Red." Linka says.

Luke steps outside, guitar still in hand.

Singing out lyrics with no plan.

"Merry Christmas, honey.

If you don't have a gift, I'll gladly take money.

It's all on my list and yes, it's a lot

If I don't get these gifts, someone's gonna get-"

"LOUDS! KNOCK IT OFF!" He was shut down by Ms. Grouse.

The last thing she said before she left her house.

Luke goes inside, out of the cold.

Linka stands up, a new opportunity unfolds.

"Claudia, do you see what I see?" She coerced.

Claudia looks up and finish the verse.

"A star? A star? Shining in the night?"

"No. Ms. Grouse just left. I can sneak into her house and get my sled back."

"What? You're crazy! That's Ms. Grouse's property."

"But that sled is my property. I'll just slip through the doggy door, grab Big Red, and that woman will never know.

"But what if you get caught and go to jail, and they only let family visit? You know I haven't married Loki yet, so the guards won't let me see you-"

"CLAUD! None of that's gonna happen, because you're gonna be my lookout."

Willing to commit the crime,

Linka sneaks into Grouse's property and through the doggy door in no time.

She takes out her walkie-talkie to see if Claudia is still there.

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere."

Claudia, outside with binoculars, did say.

She steps on a catapult and it launches her six blocks away!

Leif runs up to his catapult. "Woo-hoo! My reindeer catapult worked! In hindsight, it may not be the best way to catch a reindeer."

Back in Grouse's house,

Linka looks about.

"Now if I was a cold-hearted sourpuss, where would I keep a sled?"

Lo and behold, she reunites with her sled once more!

She hugs it, grabs it, and head toward the door.

But before Linka can leave with her (the sled)

She stops in her tracks when she noticed a peculiar picture.

"Whoa! Is that Ms. Grouse as a kid? And is she holding a Fearsome Flyer 1000?"

Just then, Ms. Grouse comes back! She's right at the door.

Linka has to hide or else she's done for!