15. Overnight Success (Genderbent)

Linka walks into her room with a six-pack of Coca-Cola in her grasp. She places it a cooler she had for tonight. "Tonight's a big night for me, readers." She says. "Claudia's coming over for a sleepover!"

"I know what all of you are thinking. "Linka, so what? Claudia comes over all the time." Comes over, has never slept over. Most importantly, sleepovers in the past have always gone terribly wrong. I'm not a snitch but…"

Lynn had a sleepover with his friends and they thought it was a good idea to play soccer inside the house. The ball was passed to Lynn. He kicked it and it flies out the living room window, breaking it.

"Lynn Loud Jr.!" His father yelled, enraged.

At Loni's sleepover, his friends were using various electrical devices, overloading the living room's outlet.

"Hey, Loni! Why don't you make us some of your smoothies?" One asked.

"Coming right up!" Loni walks into the living room with the kitchen blender and plugs it into outlet mentioned before. The action caused not only his house to lose power, but the entire neighborhood to lose power.

"Loni Loud!" Lynn Sr. yelled, pissed.

Luke's sleepover was of him performing a little concert for his friends.

"Good night, living room!" He screamed in a British accent over his cheering guests. He stood on the coffee table and smashed his electric guitar on it.

"What are you doing?!" Lynn Sr. scolded. Luke's roadie, serving as a bouncer, tapped his shoulder.

"Hey buddy, I don't see your name on the list." Cheryl said. She then locked Lynn Sr. out of his own house.

"Luke Loud!"

"Thanks to my brothers, sleepovers were banned. So when I wanted to have one, I had to step my convincing game up. I made a video presentation of me getting Chris out of a tree, helping one of our neighbors and her cat cross the street, and taking care of Leon to prove I'm responsible, respectful and reliable. That ended with me getting mauled by those cats; Chris twice. Thank God Dad loves cat videos."

She inspects her inventory. Drinks in the cooler, snacks piled up, couch cushions ready to be built into a fort, the movie chosen for the night, haircare and makeup products.

"I also got an itinerary all mapped out." She rolls out a ridiculously long piece of paper. "Every minute is guaranteed for us to have fun tonight. All that's missing is my guest." She takes out her walkie-talkie. "Sleeping Beauty, this is The Sandwoman. What's your location?"

"Sleeping Beauty here." Claudia answers. "I'm right next to the target. Prepare for contact in 3…2…" Linka hears the doorbell rings. She opens and greets the family on the other side.

"Hey, Claudia! Hi, Mrs. and Mrs. McBride."

"Hi, Linka. Ready for your big night?" Harriet asks.

"More than!"

"Great. We just came to drop off a few things Claudia will need." Holly says. "Sleeping bag, footsie pajamas, white noise machine, humidifier, dehumidifier, earplugs, inhaler, and allergy medications." As Holly lists the items, she hands them all to Linka to carry.

"Here is the list of numbers to reach us if our cell phones fail." Harriet hands Linka a piece a paper. "Restaurant, movie theater, gas station."

"Gas station?" Holly asks.

"In case we have to pee."

"Oh, right. And here's a picture of us." Holly gives her daughter it and gets teary-eyed. "Since we're not going to tuck you in tonight." She hugs Claudia tightly.

"Remember Claudia, no nuts, gluten, sugar, or pulp." Harriet tells her.

"My baby girl is growing up so fast!" Holly hugs her wife.

"Come on, Holly. You know what Dr. Lopez said about letting go, now let go."

The McBride parents walk down the pavement with Holly screaming "I love her so much!"

"Have fun, Claud!"

"Yes, we will!" Claudia closes the door behind them. "Your house is like NYC, it never sleeps!"

"And neither will we! I have a whole itinerary planned for us. Beginning with our first viewing of the newest movie musical, The Greatest Ringmaster. People at our school were raving about it a while ago, so I figured-" Linka sets the supplies down and sees Claudia wasn't in front of her anymore.

"Claudia? Claudia?" She goes upstairs to look for her. She checks the bathroom and finds her friend, sniffing shampoo?

"Are you trying to get high? What is this?"

"I'm just inhaling Loki's sensational arabica coffee fruit shampoo." She sniffs it again.

"That's my shampoo. The guys borrow it without asking." Claudia test this claim by sniffing strands of her friend's hair.

"So it is."

"I'd appreciate it if you don't sniff my hair again. Let's bail before Loki comes and you pass out again."

"Please. I'm always cool around Loki."

Loki then exits his room. He doesn't even acknowledge the preteen girls but the sight of him was enough to set Claudia off.

"Abort. Abort. Systems overheating. Shutting down!" She says in awkward robot mode and falls down, pulling the shower curtain down with her.

"We have to start The Greatest Ringmaster in the next thirty seconds, or we'll be cutting into precious pedicure time." Claudia comes to after she said that and Linka pulls her out of there quickly.

"Ok, we may have to do pedicures during the movie. Also french braiding each other's hair. It's alright, I can make this work." Claudia walks into Lane's and Luke's room unnoticed. To listen to Lane's stand up comedy routine.

"Why's six afraid of seven?"

"Oh, I heard this one. Because seven ate nine?" Claudia asks.

"No, because seven is a registered six offender!"

Claudia laughs and claps. "You got me! Lane, that was a good one!"

"Thank you, my fair lady. Let's hear it for the house band!" He points to Luke playing a solo on his ax. He does a couple tricks with it before dropping to his knees and turning on his strobe lights.

"Luke, your raw talent moves my heart and my feet." Claudia tells him.

"Cheers, love." He says in his British accent.

Linka comes in and takes Claudia back. "Stop bothering Claudia. We have a long night ahead of us." They leave the room and Linka checks the itinerary again. "We're now a full minute behind schedule. But we can make that up if we don't waste time buttering the popcorn."

"No problem. My moms say I need to watch my cholesterol level." A hackysack comes out of Lynn's and Lars's room.

"Heads!" Lynn pokes his head out.

"I got it!" Claudia catches it with her foot and does tricks with it.

"Ok! I see you, Tiger Claud!" He joins her in a short game.

Loni comes to the scene with a tube of acne cream. "This is messed up! It says the cream might cause hives. Can someone else try it out first?" He spots Claudia, pours a generous amount on his hand, and slaps it on her face.

"Christina! Perfect!"

"Actually, it's Claudia. This doesn't have peanuts, right?"

Levi enters with a helmet he created. "Time for my Friday night brain wave study. Ooo, new brains!" He puts the helmet on Claudia, turns it on, and control her movements with a remote control.

"Dance, sister!"

"Levi! This… feels…amazing!" Claudia says in between the helmet's surging pulses.

Lane sticks his head out of his bedroom door. He proceeds to blow a kiss to an unseen audience. "Goodnight, everybody!" He says, breaking the fourth wall. He then closes the door.

A constrictor frees itself from the twins' room. "Look out!" Leif warns the others, chasing after it. It gently wraps itself around Claudia. She's afraid of it, but her face loosens when it rubs its head on her cheek affectionately.

"Aw, El Diablo likes you!" Leif and his brothers go "awww" at the moment.

"Guys! Leave Claudia alone! We're on a schedule!" The white-haired girl demands.

"It's ok, Linka. We can hang out with your brothers."

"No! I see my brothers every waking moment! This sleepover is supposed to be our thing, Claudia!"

Lexx walks up to the group with his phone and Bluetooth speaker. "Broadway Roleplay Time! Tonight's production will be Dear Edwin Hanssen, brought to you by Lexx Loud."

"I love DEH!" Claudia says.

"Perfect! I'm starting with the song "If I Could Tell Her"."

"Oh no, you don't!" Linka grabs her arm and pulls her away.

"Hey! That's my Zoey!" Lexx grabs her other arm. The siblings engage in a tug-of-war for the young African-American.

"I hate to disappoint the kid, Link. Start the movie and I'll be right down."

"Excuse me?!" Linka lets go of her arm. "You would rather spend time with my idiot brothers…"

"Hey!"

"…then do all the stuff I had planned for us? That's bullshit! You're ruining the sleepover! Crocheting bracelets are out the window and I seriously doubt we'll get to play Truth or Dare!"

"Linka, we can still do the other stuff you've planned. And besides, fun doesn't come in an order."

Linka stomps back to her room. "You know what?! Forgot it! The sleepover is officially canceled!" She slams the door shut.

"That's tough." Lynn comments.

Claudia sighs. "I need to talk to her. Dr. Lopez said the first step to conflict resolution is communication."

Loki walks up to Claudia with his phone. "Claudia, I need a woman's opinion. Bebe texted me hey with four 'Y's, does that mean she's amorous?"

"Error! Does not compute! Systems shutting down!" She then faints in a lovesick trance.

"I think there are peanuts in this cream." Loni says.

"I didn't get mauled by cats just to have this sleepover go to waste!" Linka paces her room in frustration. Then she gets an idea. "Maybe it doesn't have to."

She invites another girl to her house. Later, she opens the door for the local farm girl, Leah.

"Leah! Welcome to the best night ever! Come in!" Leah steps inside and the first thing she noticed is the sound of chaos from upstairs.

"Sounds pretty loud up there."

"Keep it to yourself, Leah. They attack your weakest points."

In Linka's room, she shows her the movie. "Behold, Leah! The movie everybody's singing about, The Greatest Ringmaster!" She puts the disc in the player of her laptop.

Lexx barges into the room. "Broadway Roleplay Time!" He notices Leah. "Hey kid, how well do you know Dear Edwin Hanssen?"

"What's that?"

"What's that?! Let me get you into this!" He plays the song "Waving Through a Window" and sets the Bluetooth speaker at full volume. Both girls cringe at the noise.

"Sorry, Link! But I can't stay over with a theater nerd like him running around!" Leah yells over the music. "I'm out of here!" She runs out the front door. Lexx turns off the music and stands at the doorway.

"Some people just don't appreciate the arts. It won a Tony for Best Musical! What are you doing with your life?!"

Linka invited another girl over. They are sitting in the living room, the opening to The Greatest Ringmaster playing.

"Catherine, my new sleepover buddy. Get ready for an upbeat and fun two-hour movie musical about a greedy and really cruel historical figure." Linka was met with dark facts when she googled the main character.

"Really?"

"Don't worry. Based on the trailer, it looks exactly as it does on the box cover."

Levi pops up from behind the couch and looks at Catherine. "Hi, new test subject!"

"Say what?"

Levi pulls out some jumper cables and starts laughing like the mad scientist he is. Catherine runs out of the house like mad.

"Why are people so scared of science?" Levi asks. Linka just facepalms.

She brought over yet another girl. "Thanks for coming, Arty. You were my… first choice for a sleepover." Linka says, never mentioning the two girls before her. They were walking to Linka's room when stopped in their tracks by Lars.

"Hey. I'm starting a practice funeral and I need a corpse." He looks at Arty. "Are you claustrophobic?" Arty speeds down the stairs and bolts out the door. There's his answer. Linka glares at him and he just smiles.

Linka invited three different girls after that. But the first one couldn't handle the smell of Leon's dirty diapers. The second one got hit by dodgeballs during a game her brothers were playing. And the third got chased out by El Diablo.

"Ok, so not everyone can handle the Loud House, readers." Linka says. "But I think I've found the perfect girl. She lives in between a freeway and a circus!" The doorbell rings and Linka opens the door for the seventh girl.

"Zara! Come on in!" Her greeting is followed by one of Levi's experiments blowing the windows out.

"Oh, hell no." Zara says then walks away.

"Wow." Linka says bluntly and closes the door. "Isn't there anyone who can handle this house?!" She hears Claudia's white noise machine and turns it off. All of Claudia's stuff is still here.

"Claudia! Of course! She doesn't just handle it, she likes it!" She pulls out her walkie-talkie. "Sleeping Beauty, this is The Sandwoman, do you read?"

Static noises.

"Wow, she must still be mad. Was I that big of a bitch?" The white noise machine turns on as if to say yes.

"Shut up!" Linka turns it off, annoyed.

Linka walks over to the McBride residence and climbs through Claudia's unlocked bedroom window. She sees a lump under the blankets of the bed.

"You know you should really lock your windows at night. Robbers enter through here, too." She lets out a dry chuckle.

"But seriously, I'm really sorry for acting out. I was so focused on having the sleepover going exactly the way I planned, that I didn't care what you thought. I didn't realize how lucky I am to have a friend like you…until I tried to replace you seven times. I'm sorry about that, too."

Silence.

"The old silent treatment? I deserve that. I hope you can forgive me someday." She hears another noise machine.

"God damn! How many noise machines does one person need?"

Linka is back in her house and trudges sadly up the stairs. She hears animated chatter from Luke's and Lane's room. Claudia was in a sleeping bag surrounded by nine of the Loud brothers; everyone's wearing pajamas.

"Claudia? You're still here?"

"Sorry, Link. I passed out when I saw Loki. And every time he came to check on me, I passed out again." Her friend explains. That's why Loki's absent. And that's why Claudia didn't notice those other girls come over.

"No, Claud! I want you to stay. I was just at your house apologizing to some lump on your bed."

Claudia walks up to her. "Ah. Those must have been my stuffed animals. I got too many to count. They kinda keep me company at night."

"Right, because you're an only child."

"Yeah. Sometimes it gets pretty lonely at my house. I've wished for a sibling. And you have the luxury of 10. I've wished for someone who can depend on me or I can count on. Someone who I can get into pointless fights with. Besides you, of course."

"No wonder you like hanging out with my brothers."

"Mm-hmm." While Claudia was telling her sob story, Luke played his violin.

"Dude, your story moves my heart and my bow."

"Can we start this sleepover over?" Linka asks Claudia.

"You mean it?"

"Absolutely! Only this time…" Linka rips her itinerary into shreds. "We're gonna do what you want to do."

Claudia and the Loud siblings gathered together in the living room. Loni's applying hair gel to Claudia's hair.

"Cassandra, my new gel may cause baldness. So, let me know what happens."

Leon is giggling next to her. "Hi!"

Claudia takes the baby in her arms. "Hello to you, too! Who's the cutest baby in the world? You are!" She kisses both his cheeks, causing him to giggle more as she set him down.

Lexx stands in front of the two eleven-year-olds. "Girls, sing a trio with me!"

"Come on, Lexx. I don't know the musical as well as you." Linka says.

"But I know you know this one!"

Lexx:

Cause all that it takes is a little reinvention

Lexx, Linka, and Claudia:

It's easy to change if you give it your attention

All you gotta do is just believe you can be who you want to be

Sincerely, Me!

Lynn is kicking around his hackysack. "Tiger Claud!" They both play a little before an energetic choir sings "woah" from the TV.

"The Greatest Ringmaster! This is gonna be great!" Claudia says. "Pun intended?"

Lane shrugs at her attempt. "Cheap. But nice try, Claud."

She turns to Linka. "Link, thanks for coming through for me. I love you."

"Love you too, girl." Both girls raise their sodas in the air.

"To the best sleepover ever!" They say together.

The brothers join them in raising their drinks. "Best sleepover ever!" They cheer.

Loki enters in his pajamas, too. Unfortunately, he only sleeps in checkered blue and white boxer shorts. "Okay. Who wants pizza bites?" He offers, carrying the tray.

Claudia's nose bleeds profusely and goes into robot mode again. "Must abort! Abort! Systems shutting down…" Her voice drops an octave as she passes out again.

"Goddamn! Are there peanuts in everything?" Loni says, holding up his gel.

"No, dumbass!" Loki tells him and passes the food to his siblings. "More for us, then."

Edit 6/20/18. Disclaimer: "The Greatest Ringmaster" and "Dear Edwin Hanssen" are parodies of The Greatest Showman and Dear Evan Hansen, respectively. I'm attempting to make references to pop culture more subtle in my writing from now on. Yes, I still used lyrics to the actual songs from DEH.