93 Wakanda prison life and

Ulysses Klaue

Klaue sat in his cell, singing softly to himself while wearing the gray clothes of a prisoner. He'd been inside for a while. Could have been months, could have been years. He wasn't sure. So far, all that had happened was trials and mining.

All they did here seemed to be that. He'd sit in trial while very angry people yelled at him for his crimes, then he'd work in the mines picking up vibranium with other criminals while under heavy guard. Well, more cleaning up hallways that had been emptied of any vibranium so that workers Wakanda actually trusted not to steal it would be able to go deeper into the mountains. They'd been ready to brand him with the Wakandan word for thief, but he already had one. Still, most of his days were the same thing over and over.

Thankfully, he'd memorized a thousand songs!

For some, prison might have been boring. That was the problem with the snowflake generation. Always whining about being 'bored'. Come on! Used to be you had to make your own fun, and prison was the perfect test for that!

Take Wakandan Prison. The guards here were even more stoic than most. Which meant it was more fun to make them annoyed.

The second he felt the vibrations of footsteps through the floor, Klaue grinned and turned up the noise, getting louder and louder.

"I believe in a thing called love! Just listen to rhythm of my heart! THERE'S A CHANCE WE COULD MAKE IT NOW! WE'LL BE ROCKING UNTIL THE SUN GOES DOWN! I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLE-"

Someone slid open his food port, an accented voice shouting through it. "For the love of Bast, shut up!"

"Can't we soundproof his room?" Someone else asked.

"We tried. He is really loud."

"It's part of my charm," Klaue said with a grin.

The door slid open. Two guards glared at him, both men armed with spears and shields. "Come on," one of the men snarled, walking in and dragging Klaue to his feet. Klaue's hands were bound in front of him with tough metal bracelets. Probably some variation of vibranium. "You're on mining duty again."

"Ah, perfect," Klaue nodded wisely. "You know, fellas, there's something to be said for a day that's scheduled out."

"Please be quiet," one of the men said tiredly.

"Now, understand, as a man who worked for himself, I've been able to make my own schedule, and there is a wonderful sort of freedom to that," Klaue said wisely. "But having my day laid out for me has a certain charm."

"Just stop," the other guard mumbled, pushing Klaue along.

"It's the routine, you see!" Klaue said, delighted. "It helps me stay focused, clear-headed, leaves me to think about what really matters in life!"

"I swear to Bast, if you keep talking, I will taser you and carry you to the mines myself!" One of the guards said, smacking Klaue in the head.

Klaue winced at the hit, stumbling along the hallways. "Ow! Okay, never start with the head! The victims head gets all fuzzy, and he can't feel the next blow."

"...Was that in a movie?" One of the guards asked.

"Probably. I'll have to get back to you on that."

One of the guards snarled, opening his mouth to say something.

Then an explosion blew up the wall to the right of them.

Klaue didn't give himself time to be surprised. The former weapons dealer immediately twisted, reaching behind and grabbing one of the guards by the face. The guard, well trained in Wakandan martial artists, was ready to fight despite the explosion that had thrown him off. He wasn't ready for Klaue to headbutt him six times in succession. The viciousness and speed of the attack threw the man off. Klaue laughed as he attacked, ignoring the shouts of the other guard, who was wrestling with something.

The guard recovered from the headbutts just in time for Klaue to stab him with the man's own spear. Klaue didn't stop, turning around to get ready to fight the cause of the explosion.

"Huh," Klaue said, confused. "Pink."

The tall and lanky being was extremely pink and made of metal. It looked like… like someone had stretched out a damn Iron Man suit.

It had also impaled the other guard on fingers of steel. The guard had stabbed the metal thing in the chest, his spear erupting in a spray of oil and sparks.

As both guards began to die, the being spoke. "Damn. I'll have to develop stronger mechanical beings."

More beings, exactly like the first, strode in. Six in total, coming through a tunnel that had apparently been dug all the way to the hallway. Despite all having humanoid forms, they were like crash dummies. No faces for example. Just metal on a bipedal frame.

"Ulysses Klaue," the 'lead' robot said from a speaker in it's chest. "I am here to offer you freedom. In return, I want you to work for me."

Klaue cocked an eyebrow, intrigued. "Huh. Well, I've never done business with a robot before… feels oddly familiar though."

"...Quite," the robot said, sounding annoyed. "You have little time, Mr. Klaue. What is your response?"

He grinned. "Hell, sounds like fun! But tell me, does your uh, CPU, connect to the internet? Cause I'm dying for some music."

The robots were silent for a moment before the lead robot spoke as it raised a hand. "You know what. You already I agreed. I don't need you conscious for the next part."

Then electricity filled his veins, and Klaue passed out.

When Klaue woke up again, he blinked up at the ceiling for a moment. He frowned. "I gotta admit. The prison had better ceilings."

He looked up and slowly raised himself into a sitting position. He was in the middle of a large cave, with ceilings about twenty feet high. A nice cave too, none of that watery look to it that made Klaue tempted to reach for an umbrella. The robots that had broken him out circled around the entire cavern, standing at attention. In the center, a massive computer sat, with more machines around it beeping.

"Ulysses Klaue," a man stepped out of the shadows. His voice was deep, almost foreboding. "I am the Leader. Soon to be the ruler of your world. And the man who freed you, at great cost. And I-"

"What the hell happened to you?" Klaue interrupted, staring at the speaker.

"...Yes, I imagine my mutation may be rather off-putting-"

"Nah, I don't give a crap about that, I mean the bandages."

The Leader scowled. Besides his green skin and an enlarged head, he was covered in bandages, one of his arms in a sling. He was being helped by one of the robots and seemed to be trying to hold himself with a regal demeanor.

"These bandages were the cause of me surviving an attempt to destroy me. Only my brilliant knowledge of anatomy and medicine allowed me to survive, and recover far beyond what any mortal mind could comprehend-!"

"Oh, good for you," Klaue cut him off again, leaving the Leader to sputter in shock. "So, you got me out. What do you want?"

"You imbecile- Fine! I freed you because you have been presumed dead in the unfortunate prison explosion. Wakanda, due to their isolationist nature, is unlikely to tell the world of your escape. You are now a man with connections who is currently under the radar. Something I could use as a part of my new enterprise," the Leader stood up to his full height, the pink humanoid robot behind him helping him up. "I need resources. And you need my brilliance. I could make you rich, Mr. Ulysses, if you follow my orders."

Klaue nodded slowly, listening to every word. He stood up from the cot he'd been laid down on, noting that he was still wearing the prison jumpsuit that Wakanda had given him. He rubbed his chin. "I don't mind the idea. To be honest, my former prospects were rather less fun. But, I'm going to need some guarantees."

"Guarantees?" The Leader sneered. "What do you want besides your freedom and money? Or must I remind you," he snapped his fingers. The robots around him moved into position, surrounding Klaue in a thirty-foot radius. "I have your life in my hands. I do not mind making you rich, even powerful. But continue to disrespect me, continue to push for more than I feel you are due… and I will kill you."

Klaue looked around at the robots. He cocked his head from side to side. Then he nodded. "Coffee."

"Coffee?" the gamma genius asked, surprised.

"Yes, I'd like some."

"...D-Do you have any idea-!?"

"I have many ideas," Klaue narrowed his eyes. "You rescued me. And I am thankful for that. Hell, I'll give you a discount on my services. But you clearly don't understand business if you have to resort to violence so quickly in the negotiation."

"I have read more texts on the art of business-" the Leader was about to say, scoffing arrogantly.

"See, there's the rub. You read them. Business is about experience. You need to feel it, to discuss, to give and-" Klaue clapped his hands. "Take! It's all about knowing your audience. Like you!"

Klaue paced the room, pointing at the Leader, who was watching him in surprised silence.

"You're injured, which means you have enemies. You're hiding in a cave, which means they're trying to find you. You have robots, sure, but look at these things," he pointed around himself. "I'm a weapons dealer, I know when something is shoddily made. I mean honestly. Pink?"

"Pink absorbs aggression from those who see it!" the Leader shook his head. "I am going to-"

"Kill me?" Klaue stopped walking, turning to narrow his eyes. "No. No, you aren't. See, that's what I mean about understanding business. If you're the kind of man who would kill me, someone you need help from, just because I'm rude? That's not a man I want to work with. Hell, if I was coerced do my work on pain of death, why would I do it to my full ability? Fear is good for temporary motivation. Then I decide to look for better prospects, maybe even try to screw you over."

The Leader scowled. "You are making this complicated."

"Life's complicated," Klaue shrugged. "But you want something, Big Head."

"The Leader."

"Nah, too pretentious," Klaue ignored the sound of a robot charging its head. "You're arrogant. I can tell. But I can also guess those pretty wounds you got came from an enemy. Someone you underestimated?"

It was a shot in the dark to be honest. This Leader fellow seemed like the type to piss people off unintentionally. He'd electrocuted Klaue, then expected him to work for him? The hell kind of narcissism was necessary to think that was okay?

Klaue was apparently right, because the Leader became thoughtful.

"...Yes, I suppose you," he looked as though he'd swallowed a lemon. "Have a point. Despite your rudeness in the face of my generosity."

"You get used to it," Klaue said with a shrug. "All right mate. You want my connections, I want your money. Let's get started."

"V-Very well," the Leader straightened. "Then the Intelligencia has begun!"

"..." Not much of a gift for names then.