37 Prologue

In a world of strife and struggle; where chaos lurks in the dark, and where obscurity lies ahead. Hope is the remnants of a treasure only you can hold on to. It is important we keep hope close to our hearts. For without hope, life becomes unbearable.

Hope is the brilliant star in this hopelessly dark universe. Through ages and civilizations, its light fills our inner self. Hope makes us smile within and outwardly.

Hope isn't only a feeling. It is a guarantee that grinning and chuckling are around the bend. Hope often lays dormant until something calls its astonishing quality. Providing a sheer conviction, you will survive, preserver, and endure everything that comes your way.

Hope is the voice from a dying star, instructing us to look past its dimness and into the brilliant light of expectation.

It is the steadfast determination of a young girl who has cancer, but fights through each day amidst the pain she feels inside, facing the fear of losing her parents, and yet, believes a cure will come. Hope is what tells a fighter when knocked down by the opponent to get up, count to nine, stand upon their unsteady legs, and win the match at all cost.

Hope is what burned within me when I encountered Jeff for the first time. I felt as if my whole world had been consumed by one person. I had finally found someone to share my worries with; someone I could call my own, someone that would comfort me when the storms of life sets in.

Hope is sitting in front of Jeff and his would-be wife, watching them exchange vows, and expecting him to say, 'I don't think I can do this. I have only one person in my heart and that person is Sav.' and join me so together, we would spend the rest of our days as he promised.

But this hope sunk deep down to the ocean of pain that lay within my heart when I was called to deliver the speech of the 'best friend'. I gripped the microphone tightly, my hands shaking at the same pace of my heart. I tried so hard to hide it. Hope no longer existed as I faced this momentous event alone.

"What is love?" I asked, pausing to observe Jeff. His eyes met mine, a glint nervousness reflecting on his face as he moved in his seat. He slowly reached out to his wife, squeezing her hand gently before nodding at me.

He nodded as if answering my thoughts and confirming my worst nightmare. Everything was real--it was actually happening.

"...love is a tricky thing. It varies in intensity and in the specificity of emotions. It is sometimes the most beautiful thing in the world, and at other times, it's the most horrid thing we've ever come face-to-face with.

It's odd how one thing could be the cause of so many different feelings. But that's what makes love so beautiful - it's the closest thing to perfection that exists in the world.

When we think of love, we think of the happy type, the kind that is the beginning of something beautiful - something that breathes new life, something that makes everyday of our lives worth living-" I paused, my heart in shattered disarray pieces. My legs shook, trembling in the black lace paneled long-sleeve floor length dress I wore. I read these words aloud from the script I prepared.

Feeling as if an insatiable fire has burnt all the oxygen in my body, leaving me listless and empty, I attempted to finish my speech.

"I hope that the two of you live a life together that is long. I hope that this shared life of yours is full of joy, laughter, abundance, love, and many other good things."

The audience of well wishers, friends and family stood for the toast when I ended my speech. Their chants 'to the bride and groom!' reverberated around the room, making everything clearer than I wanted it to be.

I had lost him forever. Tumultuous emotions exploded inside of me, overwhelming me. I felt happy that I'd met someone like him when no one wanted me. Grateful, he showed me what love was. But I was angry at myself, for letting everything we had sink like the infamous Titanic. I was mad at myself for not holding onto the gift of chance Jeff had presented me with. I was also sad that Jeff still went ahead with the wedding. All of these emotions consumed me while I stood, watching him walk away with her to their honeymoon.

Jeff, the love of my life was gone.

'How can that be?'

This hollowness, this loss would impact impact every part of my being.

***

"You did a brave thing back there. Even I… " Adobi paused and looked over to where I sat. "Oh no Sav," she shuddered when her eyes met the ray of sorrow I had become. She pushed a little closer to me and placed my head on her shoulders.

"It is ok, dear friend. I know exactly how you feel. Let it all out," she said as she ran her hand through my hair. Tears continuously spilling from my helpless eyes.

Between the moment we left the wedding reception and the time I returned to the orphanage, I broke down. I wanted to give up on life. It felt like the past repeating itself all over again. I just wanted everything to end.

Then I had a moment of enlightenment. The words of Mother Superior Kali, burst into the forefront of my mind. I hunched on my bed, letting it all sink in.

'This situation is like the philosophical concept of the Yin and Yang. All things exist as inseparable and contradictory opposites. Darkness is needed to complete the light, and light is needed to complete the darkness.

Often, we need pain in our lives to create balance. And within every spectrum, there is a smaller spectrum; every beginning is a moment in time and there is an ending to that. So why don't you look at the brighter side of all that is happening?

The darkness has come but see beyond the pain, and make a decision for yourself. It is good to hold onto the memories you two made, but don't allow yourself to be beaten down by the past mistakes. Jeff has already moved on and is enjoying his happiness. Don't you think you deserve to be happy too?

I say this without in any way attempting to de-emphasize the intense suffering the loss of love brings, but you have to be strong for yourself. And if you think you are not reason enough to make you clear up the tears and see a brighter side of all these, do it for Addo.

That little boy would need you more than anyone in his life and you have to be there when the time comes.

I don't know how you will do it but do it, my dear. Just do it. This end is surely an end but a beginning in itself.'

I stretched out my legs in front me, my prosthetic leg making a mild screeching sound. I wiped away tear drops I didn't realize were there with the back of my palm. Sniffing, I cleared my nasal passages, and made a bold decision.

To come so close to pure love then lose it so violently and abruptly is something no medication can heal. However, I wanted to believe in time. I wanted to believe time can heal a broken heart.