Volume 1 - Chapter 7.5: #Nightmare 1

Viktor was in a bit of a pinch here. Facing the one that he thought had already made it to the other side, he had no specific words or a script prepared firsthand to deliver to her.

Lazily, he slowly scratched the back of his head and sighed.

"Naomi, do I have to tell you why that's not an option?" He looked at Naomi and asked her "I think you do, Viktor. Explain to me why you can't come with me. Because, remember, you owe me an explanation. You promised back then." Naomi pointed at Viktor with her right hand's index finger.

The moment that Naomi was talking about would be the one when Viktor would tell Naomi, at the end of all things, how he got himself killed and ended up here.

"That's fair... I didn't mean to not tell you, but... Alright." A bit anxious about why he had to tell her the upcoming words, Viktor went on "Naomi, I killed myself in my previous life." Viktor told Naomi the core of it, which gave her a premature shick; her jaw opened as she didn't know how to react yet Viktor continued "I did a lot of messed up shit. And remember, I was twenty-one years old when I did kill myself. I won't tell you what I did because I don't want to genuinely ruin the image that you have of me more." He looked at Naomi with serious searing eyes; demanding a certain level of emphasis "I hope you understand that." Though Naomi didn't reply, she nevertheless told Viktor in a way that it was fine for him to go on.

Deep down, Viktor verbally admitted that to a degree, Naomi's thoughts about him did matter and for that reason, he refused to elaborate on his wrongdoings.

Yet he would elaborate further on why he did commit suicide.

"I didn't just kill myself after committing those wrongdoings. I continued doing them. Again and again; with no remorse or a shred of empathy for whoever it was in my agenda's way. But----it escalated into something of an impulse." Viktor began to shake crazily and looked down at his two trembling hands, which freaked Naomi out "The impulse demanded more! No matter what vicious cycle it went through, the demand rose higher every time. And before I knew it, I was someone who had become a monster. But the worst part of it all is that, regardless of how I was caught or how I had to pay for what I did, it never felt enough. There was always an endless bottomless inside of me that knew that no time in jail, no execution, no possible moral redemption, or any form of reform would ever erase what I did. It's impossible to erase what I did, Naomi." Viktor explained his dilemma.

To the sad Naomi who was feeling conflicted but affirmative in her inner feelings, Viktor simply smiled and said some words.

"Hey, Naomi. That's the real reason why I want to go to Hell. The weight of my sins is too much to carry. I believe Hell is the only way. I don't know what awaits me, but the very fact that I dread it means that I am going in the right direction to atone for them." Viktor concluded "That..." Naomi looked hesitant but transformed her upcoming sentence with verbal stability present "That can't be it, Viktor!" She argued back, not crying but very confident in her persuasion "I... don't think that it has to be this way, Viktor! I might not know what you did and I'm not denying that you deserve Hell but... Just... Can't you go to Hell another time?!" Naomi proposed.

Conflicted about knowing that Viktor most surely deserves Hell and that she doesn't want to necessarily go against his desire which would probably make him dislike her, Naomi tried a different approach.

"Spend your life with me! Devote yourself to something great that might match the weight of the sins you carry! Isn't that a valid way for atonement?!" Unlike her usual ashamed stance against Viktor when it came to speaking about passionate things, Naomi fully meant what she said, and even surprised Viktor with how serious she was "You're saying that I should counter what I did with similar weight? So in other words, you want me to balance it out and that it would make up for it?" He asked Naomi with a monochrome voice "Don't be ridiculous now, Naomi." He insulted her with a light laugh "I'm not being ridiculous! I'm being serious Viktor! It's possible to achieve atonement through equivalence, no?!" She continued to make her point "It's not about equivalence. It's not about atonement. It's about reaching a point of no return. To suffer endlessly in order to know for a fact that what I did was wrong. And by doing so, the weight of my sins will decrease by then." Viktor gave his thorough reasoning.

Seeing how she wasn't making a breakthrough, instead of crying, Naomi took a very long deep breath and puffed into the air.

Viktor admired her now new solid composure.

"You've become someone I approve of, Naomi. Isn't that enough?" Viktor didn't lie "I'm thankful for what you've just said, but you must realize, Naomi. Even if what I did for you wasn't with ill intent and I did my fair share to greatly manipulate your development, it was still more or less with the final purpose of obtaining my ticket for my journey. I sorta explained to you in the beginning but I think you didn't listen to it that well, so I'll go over it again." Viktor's mind swam back to a distant time in the beginning "An angel of God with the power of condemning individuals that have earned the rightful qualification for Hell, that rules of Pandemonium, has put me through this trial and I've discovered that in order to become qualified to enter Pandemonium again, I would most likely need to topple this event as a whole. It said that I needed to save the trapped souls, but really, it's just you and no one else as far as I'm concerned." Viktor decided to ignore several other factors.

The eye underneath his blue kimono in the shape of a round skin necklace around his neck looked at Viktor with its retina.

"Now that's done, you must ultimately realize, Naomi, I have no need to hear what you have to say. Nor do I have some sort of obligation to necessarily respect how you feel in order to get to the higher zenith of the outcome." Viktor coldly told the truth as his eyes narrowed but even so, Naomi didn't falter "Even so, you did all that. Put it however you like, Viktor, it doesn't erase that you've helped me become a new person. But... Alas, I know I can't change your mind. You're too convinced in what you think, Viktor." She acknowledged.

Transient gentle windows flew between the two; their hairs fluttering in the east direction.

"Are you still alive in my time?" Once again changing the approach, Naomi asked "I don't mind telling you that. But, only if, after it, you stop making your mother worried and go back to your reality." Viktor drew the line as he was getting tired of it "...Fine. I don't think you'll listen to what I say afterward anyway." Viktor chuckled as Naomi hit the curve precisely "Naomi, to tell you the truth, the "me" from that time, Damianov, or Damian, as you like to call it, is the sub-leader of a Russian terrorist group called "Gullag". I won't go into details, but reasoning with him is out of the question. He is also in favor of the leader's ideology which is to erase royalty from history's books. In other words, you'll be a constant target and soon enough, become an evident one. Do you realize how impossible and perilous the task you want to accomplish is?" Viktor asked though he could have not told any of this in the first place.

Additionally, Viktor knowingly revealed that the past version of him in one of his prior lives was actively conspiring against her. This visibly upset her but Naomi had another saying in the matter.

"It's frustrating that it's only now that I hear about this but... You once said that even though the versions of you differ that the soul is ultimately grounded." Viktor was surprised by how far she remembered it "Yes, Naomi. The soul is what most likely allows a carbon version of someone to always remain intact. No matter how the other copies develop and stray from it, there is always a grounding nature that will not change no matter what." Viktor spoke from his experience "I see. That means that deep down, Damian and you are essentially the same person; just different due to how the experiences of your lives have developed, correct?" Naomi attempted to reach the core of the truth.

By now, Viktor truly realized what Naomi was implying. And even though he found it a completely idiotic and unrealistic endeavor, he nevertheless went on as a part of him seemed to support what she was doing despite its numerous aggravating potential consequences.

"That is correct, yes. But, are you fine with it? Damian and I are somewhat different. You'll never have "Viktor" but instead, someone that has a life experience that is partial to my prior one." Viktor gave her the hard truth, to which she sighed as she accepted the ground of truth in it "That's true... I can't have you, Viktor. You've made that clear. But-----I think I'll settle for it. In my world, I will find you, and... I will change you, just like you've changed me." Naomi quickly rose her right index finger and pointed at Viktor's face "Count on it!" Naomi did her best not to cry as she knew that her time with Viktor was running on thin sand "Then... Give it a shot. I can't say that you'll be successful and if I'm honest, you probably won't, but nothing's impossible as long as you put your mind to it." Viktor said as he openly smiled while laughing "That's right, you've taught me that. And..." Naomi turned around and faced Viktor no longer, so he couldn't see the contents of her facial expression "I won't give up on you, you'll see!" Her voice showed obvious emotional cracks.

Running through the stairs while weaving both of her arms to gain momentum, Viktor watched Naomi descend the numerous degrees ahead of her.

Crystalized clear as day tears could be seen in the humming winds that passed through her as their final moment had reached.

Watching Naomi and her mother from afar talk with joy and happiness, Viktor smiled as he tried to cry just a little bit. A certain feeling of sadness was stuck between its awakening and a part of him that didn't allow him to give in to that emotional impulse.

Across the astonishing cosmic stars and the ever-wondrous Rigel, Viktor looked up at the sky while fully knowing what would come next.

"If I had known... Known all along that it would come down to this, then I would have paid more genuine care; maybe show a side of me that was more..." He had this incomplete thought when he saw Naomi and her mother Ina travel through the faraway mirage at the beach; leading up to their current reality.

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Epilogue

A glitter in that exact same place was visible to Viktor as the mirage disappeared; only alluding to a beach now.

"And that's my cue." All alone, Viktor rose to full height and ran through the myriads of degrees among the long downward staircase that had over two kilometers in length alone.

Reaching the end of it and his feet bathing in cold passive water from small water waves, Viktor marked his footsteps on the wet sand as he walked towards a distant shining glitter buried in yellow drier sand on the northeast side.

Closer to it now, in front of a valley with an extremely tight entrance midst of a rocky ravine of tall height, Viktor came across two particular objects that no longer emitted powerful radiance and were instead viewed with a normal shine to them.

"Another one? What is this?" Viktor saw a buried naked eyeball with a light purple retina in the small dune of sand "It has the exact same shape as well..." In addition to the naked eyeball resembling the one he has wrapped around his neck, it also contained a skin essence as well as a thread of real skin to it,

However, that wasn't all there was to it.

Barely next to it, as Viktor upheld the human-skinned necklace with the naked eyeball of a purple retina, there was a ring with a specific emblem to it. Thin in its back composure, the frontal side contrasted it heavily. Upholding a square shape with an antic eye craved in dark gold, the ring alluded to something that Viktor couldn't possibly know of.

Curious, Viktor picked it up whilst holding the skin necklace with his right hand, had a general look at it from front and behind; saw that the eye craved in the frontal side wasn't alive like the two eyeballs he currently posses and attempted to put it in his right hand's index finger with the help of his ring hand.

"Too wide..." The fit was clearly not in that finger as it became obvious to Viktor that the ring belonged to a smaller finger, so he instantly skipped to his pinky finger, in which it had a perfect fit "There we go." It clicked immediately.

Full of life and no longer sealed in its ancient scripture, the ring's eye became lively; but more importantly, began to suck Viktor's lifeforce as well as his body onto the ring.

"H-Huh?! WAI---" Screamed as he might, it was to little avail as Viktor's body became a vessel to the ring.

Traveling to a familiar place, where he was once with myriads of other Hell convicts, Viktor found himself in pain all over the place. Mainly speaking, his intertwined angles were profoundly stabbed with a brutal metal corkscrew of rustic times; additionally---his widespread two arms' hands were pierced by the same gigantic corkscrews from a far, faraway time, that had longed since became a common event that shaped all worlds.

Pitch-black stars and the shape of faraway galaxies became a sight that Viktor could transiently experience, which was a sight that arguably only a few could enjoy at the edge of all spaces.

The very essence of cosmic horror was witnessed as Viktor slowly opened his eyes. Multi-galaxy-sized, this mysterious being entitled with divine providence going by its ancient identity of "Thrones", spoke to Viktor, who was barely able to digest the fact that he was now starring at something that had the size of at least one hundred million solar systems.

"Endure it as you may have, it's still a passage. Through that realm's abolition, a divine property has been restored to its former glory. The experiment has gone around successfully." In an ethereal mystical voice echoing throughout time and space, Thrones was able to deliver a speech that, Viktor couldn't perceive in its primordial form, however, it was instantly transformed into a pattern of speech that he could.

Mildly stunned by the encompassing abysmally large-sized skin rings with countless eyes to each, Viktor saw Thrones' entire form. With an all-seeing eye at the very center, rotated ninety degrees to the west, a powerful dark blue retina menacingly stared at whoever dared to cross eye contact with it. Not only was the size of it bigger than the majority of galaxies, but it also had a certain uncanny creepy sensation to it as it was clearly alive. Its endlessly rotational rings that circled the central eye filled with smaller eyes in horizontal/vertical rows added up on the terror layer.

Viktor was not an exception to this feeling of dread yet he couldn't help himself while feeling abundantly nervous in the face of such a divine presence to speak his mind about what Thrones had just said.

"Experiment?! Oh yeah, so damn great. Hey, I fulfilled the deal! I destroyed the nightmare and that was what you wanted, right?! Send me to Hell, right now! There's no reason to not send me there anymore!" Viktor became desperate "Deal? There was never such a thing." Thrones reminded Viktor, and the receiver gritted his teeth in sheer rage "Why you...!!" His hands became in rising pain once Viktor tried to release his body from the corkscrews, even at the cost of his physical turmoil.

However, despite clearly going over them and reaching the end of the metal screws, there was a massive force not allowing Viktor to leave the initial position, which he took notice of.

"It's useless. His pain must be shared; eternally." Thrones adhered "What do you want from me?! This makes no sense at all! You're telling me you needed me to complete something so simple like that?! Don't give me that shit! Anyone could've done that!" Viktor became rageful and furious "Precisely." Thrones limited itself to that single word "Then why?!" But Viktor demanded to know "You're not special, Viktor Von Einradhyunda. A small speck of dust amidst the dunes of time and space. Yet such a speck once served his side, faithfully, for a great deal of time. His might and mercy know no boundaries. To serve its grace; one must be satisfied and feel blessed. To tear that bliss is all-sinful." Thrones engaged in vague dialogue though Viktor understood what Thrones was actually saying.

Nonetheless, Thrones was quick to address where the momentum of Viktor's existence would accelerate toward.

"Your innermost deep desire to go to Elysium is possible and as the sanctuary holder to the entrance to that place; I can guarantee that you have a reserved place there." Finally, Thrones updated Viktor's situation "Then...!!" Smiling like a madman; exhibiting his teeth from all sides with a savage expression, Viktor became ecstatic with adrenaline as his promised land was a place where he could finally enter "Your existence has, however, already became intertwined with it partially." Viktor became confused and nervous "What...? My exi---No, that can't be..." Viktor realized what that meant "You're no longer as qualified as you believed to be. As a matter of fact, they are deeming you as a threat, Viktor Von Einradhyunda." Thrones alluded to the two encounters he had with two Elysium-originated demons.

Trembling while feeling incredibly manipulated by Thrones, Viktor lashed out again.

"Why?! Why would you go ahead and make my existence a subject to their realms?! That's not how it works and you know it too! If I have any influence on their realms, then my existence will become perpetuated in an evolutionary cycle! I can no longer enter Hell like this!" Viktor cried while laughing like a lunatic "That's not necessarily true, Viktor Von Einradhyunda." Thrones began to clarify "Long ago, at the brick of all creation, before Elysium and Heaven's division, twelve divine lands rich with God's love spread throughout his body. Over time, as the events unfold, those lands were stripped of their original providence and placed under Elysium's possession. God can no longer be whole----its body lays dormant and undergoes a never-awakening slumber." Viktor was shocked to absorb this information as he thought he knew more about the matter already.

Thrones ceased the explanation and instead, spearheaded Viktor with his upcoming objective.

"Many times did I try, however, none were able to undergo the trials successfully. Their cryptic and underlying nature had the best of them, always. The theory of letting someone who is uniquely qualified for Elysiium to attempt the restoration of God through its realms is something that is inconceivable because Heaven's powers though absolute, have no place there. The very essence of it rejects and demolishes our upbringing. That's why it was necessary to conduct trials to ensure there was a possibility. A small chance." Thrones allowed Viktor to understand the core of the situation at hand "So what?! I pass the test and what do I get as my reward?! At least grant me my wish to go to Hell, damn it! I don't wanna do this shit again and again! I don't care about restoring God's body or the twelve divine lands shit! I just want to go to HELL DAMN IT!!" Viktor shouted as loud as he could.

However, slowly but surely, Viktor knew, that he wasn't having his way.

To oppress such an entity, who had a seemingly infinite power over his reality, is but a mere jest of atrocity.

"It cannot be done. It cannot be altered; the fact that you have restored the portion of a divine land through your actions though lacking in moral dignity and primordial meaning; nevertheless they became the cocoon of a future. By abolishing the usurpers that have the audacity to plunder his lands!" Thrones spoke with loud enthusiasm "I wasn't able to defeat them! They were far too strong... Plus, one of them told me that their souls are stored in Elysium and so, no matter what I did, they couldn't die. You have to take that into consideration if you actually think you can just throw me inside one of their realms again! I am bound to die eventually at their hands, damn it!!" Viktor brought fair points to the table "Certainly, you've learned. By becoming knowledgeable about what you have at hand and how the existence of the Hyperbolas have their undeniable benefits, you brought forth decisive results to show. And as such, it's evident that you alone; will become their eradicator!" Thrones declared.

Realizing where the conversation was going, Viktor adopted a portion of fear that he didn't know he could have.

"No, no, no, no, no...!!" Repetitively, Viktor squealed those negative words over and over "Restore glory to the first land; your progress has already been established. Do not smite it." Thrones issued its first order "Wait, wait, wait! Just wait, you can't! I won't allow it!" Viktor trembled in his primal fear while crying "Your newfound power should have an edge over them though its allusive nature may drive you off course in the long run." Thrones further stated, but Viktor couldn't accept it "Piece of shit, I'll kill myself over and over! Your objective will not be realized, you hear me?! I will have my place in Hell, whether you like it or not, I am not your puppet, damn it...!!" Viktor's body reached a level of turbulence that was unbeknownst to him "You will fulfill your mission, Viktor Von Einradhyunda. But---that is something you will realize shortly." Thrones concluded.

Turning to ashes, Viktor witnessed the tips of his feet dispersing into the air around him as the ashes continued to spread upwards.

"Don't let him down again, please." Viktor's agonizing screams as his crucified body beneath infinite skulls laid under his cross were the last sound to echo throughout that edge of space in that specific time.

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Absolute darkness.

No conceivable light in sight. A feeling of sensation now alive yet undisclosed. A heartbeat no longer present which would make a viable tool to draw noise from. Lingering body movements though meek at first; with no concentration backing it up.

But more importantly, a constant suffocating feeling of not being able to inhale oxygen, and instead of achieving such, unrequited impeding earth was introduced.

":...?!" Unconsciously, Viktor tried to blink, but his eyes were covered immediately with the earth; his nostrils were filled with mud as he tried to inhale something.

With all of his strength, unwilling to form a thought, Viktor used all of his physical strength to destroy the upper earth and caved an upward tunnel that lead him above just as he was about to give out.

"AHHHH!! Ahhhh...!! Ahhh...!!" Midst pure pitch-black nothingness, Viktor was able to inhale and exhale freely though he had to expel the prior earth that was stuck in his nostrils; as well as clear his eyes with his muddied hands.

It was beyond clear that whoever Viktor was, he was buried underneath a great quantity of earth. Still, the very fact that he could inhale oxygen though humid and cold at the same time meant that he had reached the surface of something.

His legs were still buried in earth below and he couldn't sense anything clothing in him with his hands.

Therefore, Viktor prioritized finding something around him that could lead him elsewhere.

Going left and right, Viktor could not grasp anything.

"?!" However, this changed when his hands suddenly encountered a stern chilly structure above "What the...!!" Viktor struggled to elevate the structure as he tried to get out of the unknown area he was in "So heavy, damn it!" Viktor summoned all of his strength once again, halted his breath, and pushed it as he formed one final push.

Weighting close to forty kilograms, Viktor was successful in driving the coffin's shell out of the way though it barely fell over to the right side.

Still relatively dark but with a distant blue on the north side ahead of his vision, Viktor was able to finally take a grasp of what was around him.

"A coffin... But there is no one buried now... Lovely." He made that comment as he looked at the now-open coffin in the very center of the area.

This particular chamber encapsulated an ancient coffin with dirty silver coloring to it, held five meters in width as well as five meters also in height. On each corner of the ceiling; horizontally----there were small rectangle-shaped windows that allowed vagrant night light to pierce through the veiling atmosphere with dust all over. The ground was built on a stable structure but the walls were old and rustic; lacking any caring. Furthermore, insects like cockroaches and ants practically habituated them constantly.

If there was a signifying aspect present, it would be the tall three-metered clay statue that represented a crowded warrior holding a round shield in his left hand whilst holding high a tall sword that was far too large and big for his own height. Dressed in adequate silver armor and a helmet that covered most of the head; leaving only the frontal face to show, Viktor took note of his existence.

"So this is your grave." He realized who it most likely belonged to "But, this ends here. No more..." Viktor sought to end things just like he had said back to Thrones.

Grabbing a nearby rock amongst many others in the dusty ground, Viktor drove it to his cortex with killing intent.

"AGH!!" Viktor shouted in agony yet kept on plumbing himself with the rock despite the pain "W-Why...?!" Viktor began to realize something.

Though by now, after a whole minute of hitting himself with a rock that was sure to kill anyone, especially after a minute, Viktor was not dying. Sure, he was bleeding from the top of his head and felt physical pain---very strong physical pain it----but he was not dying.

Viktor tried a different approach.

He walked to the statue and broke the clay right arm of the honored man just so he could have the stone sword at his disposal.

Aiming to pierce his heart with the tip of the sword's edge, Viktor navigated the sword backward and without a shred of hesitation, drove it to his heart.

"...WHAT?!" Viktor shouted in the midst of disbelief "THAT CAN'T BE! IT'S NOT POSSIBLE, HOW?!" He continued.

By now, the sword has traveled to the other side of his body and was now completely stuck over his left lung. Letting go of the sword, Viktor witnessed the ridiculous sight of the sword stuck to his body as he took a few steps back.

Yet the bigger question remained.

"Why?! Why?!" Viktor completely withdrew his entire sword and pierced his throat frontally this time, trying to kill himself ".....!!" He could not talk because his trachea had been sliced but he was able to witness the fast reconstruction of his body tissues and organs in his right lung; completely nullifying the prior damage done.

Naturally, this also meant that his throat was back to normal after a while and he had regained his ability to talk.

He dropped the sword on the ground in the middle of the shock and fell back on the ground with his butt as he pondered extremely hard why he was still alive despite inflicting vastly lethal wounds onto himself.

Brutal pain though present throughout his vessel was all there was to it. If the pain doesn't have its final blow as the grand consequence, it's just pain in the end.

Viktor realized that.

But what he didn't realize was that something crucial was missing.

Something so crucial, that it supports the life he has experienced over and over throughout all of his prior lives but this one marked a new complete experience.

Shaking his right hand while driving his eyes albeit reluctantly to the left side of his chest, Viktor sought after a pulse.

"No..." Viktor focused his hearing as much as he could just to make sure that he wasn't mistaken "That---No... NO!" Viktor, still in denial, refused to believe the new truth "My heart----it's gone! I can't die now! My existence is no longer bound to the law of causality! God damn it, not like this! If I can't kill myself, then..." Viktor now ultimately realized.

He realized that all along, his entire trip to the realm where his existence would become a part of Elysium partially due to his influence in the realm, was not a coincidence.

"But... Where is my heart then?"