Intrigues and Encounters: The Holy Grail War Begins

Scene Break - Within Yhwach's Mind

In the depths of Yhwach's subconscious, a shadowy figure cloaked in darkness hovered over the unconscious form of Yhwach. The figure exuded an aura of power, its presence ominous yet strangely soothing.

Fullbringer: It appears that the amalgamation monstrosity has gained unprecedented control over your being.

The voice echoed in the darkness, resonating with a sense of urgency. The Fullbringer's hands emitted a soft glow as they hovered over Yhwach's body, channeling healing energy? into his wounds.

Despite the Fullbringer's efforts, the darkness that enveloped Yhwach's mind remained unyielding. Zaegar's influence loomed large, a menacing presence that threatened to consume Yhwach's very essence.

Yet, the Fullbringer persisted, determined to free Yhwach from the clutches of the hollow that held him captive. With each passing moment, the battle for control waged on, a silent struggle hidden from the outside world.

Scene Break - Back to Zaegar

Meanwhile, back in the physical realm, Zaegar continued his banter with Emi as they made their way through the bustling streets of Fuyuki City. His demeanor remained as cocky and irreverent as ever, much to Emi's chagrin.

Zaegar: So, about that villa... I was thinking we could have a pool shaped like a giant cup of Mountain Dew, complete with a slide made of Twizzlers!

Emi rolled her eyes, a mixture of exasperation and amusement crossing her features as she listened to Zaegar's outlandish ideas.

Emi: You do realize how ridiculous that sounds, right?

Zaegar: Ridiculous? Nah, it's genius! Imagine lounging by the pool, sipping on an ice-cold Mountain Dew, with the sun shining overhead...

Emi couldn't help but smile despite herself. As infuriating as Zaegar could be, there was a certain charm to his absurdity that she found oddly endearing.

Emi: Fine, fine. But let's focus on finding a suitable hideout first. We can discuss your... unique taste in amenities later.

Zaegar grinned triumphantly, pleased that he had managed to sway Emi even just a little. 

Emi: Can we please focus on finding a safe place to hide instead of your ridiculous fantasies?

Zaegar: Hey, a man can dream, can't he?

Scene Break - Earlier, Fuyuki Church

Within the lone chapel residing on a hill of Fuyuki, another force in the war was at play. A middle-aged man was sipping a cup of wine as he struck up a conversation with his colleague.

???: Kirei, are the preparations proceeding as planned?

Kirei, with his usual air of detachment, responded evenly.

Kirei: Yes, everything is proceeding smoothly. Assassin stands ready.

Tokiomi: Excellent. However, Archer's stubbornness may pose a challenge. His formidable power is matched only by his pride. What are your thoughts on this matter, Kirei?

Kirei: So long as Archer remains useful, his pride is of little concern.

Tokiomi: Agreed. And where is Risei at this moment?

Kirei: Father is overseeing the summoning of all Servants and investigating the incident at Mount Enzo.

Tokiomi: Ah, the incident indeed.

Kirei: One of our Assassins has been dispatched to assess the damage and track the perpetrator.

Tokiomi: Hassan of The Hundred Faces. A fitting choice for reconnaissance. I shudder to think of the consequences had the Greater Grail suffered irreparable harm.

Kirei remained silent, contemplating the gravity of the situation alongside Tokiomi.

Tokiomi: It appears we may need to address certain nuisances once our plans are set in motion.

Kirei nodded stoically. They soon perked up as a shadowy smoke manifested in the middle of the church. It dissipated, revealing a female figure. She had long purple hair and charcoal skin and although her frame was lithe, she boasted rock-hard muscles.

???: Master.

Kirei: Assassin.

Tokiomi: Ah, speak of the devil. Has your search been successful?

Assassin: Yes, but there were... complications.

Tokiomi: Excuse me?

Assassin: We have indeed confirmed the culprit was a Servant and their subsequent location after fleeing the destroyed site. Their identity, however, was not discerned.

Tokiomi: How so?

Assassin: One of us was dispatched for surveillance on their base of operations. But before we could have a clear visual image of the Servant...

Flashback

One of them was perched on a tree overlooking a villa on the outskirts of Fuyuki. No matter how trained the eye, they would not be noticed.

???: HEY BITCH, NO FUCKING PEEPING IN MY FUCKING TERRITORY!

And their world exploded into flames... Flames that smelled oddly sweet.

???: ...Shit, okay, I need to hide all this ice cream and put out the fire.

???: WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE?!

???: Ah, Fuck me sideways, Freed's nowhere to be found when there's trouble to pin on someon-

Nothingness.

Flashback end

Tokiomi and Kirei stared, not knowing how to make sense of that occurrence. Assassin, seemingly nonplussed, pressed on.

Assassin: Prior to our dissolution, we managed to observe several distinguishing details. The Servant appears to be an elderly male, while the Master, based on her voice, seems to be a young woman. The Servant was garbed in attire reminiscent of a Nazi military uniform. The residence they've chosen is rather ostentatious, but we anticipate they'll soon relocate.

Tokiomi: You were noticed? Even with your Presence Concealment?

Assassin: Yes. Instantly so.

Tokiomi frowned, as did Kirei, showing emotion for perhaps the first time. Assassin's A+ Presence Concealment skill should have made them practically undetectable.

Whoever this Eighth Servant was, he was a dangerous anomaly that required the utmost caution.

Scene break

Emi's frustration was palpable as she demanded an explanation from Zaegar, her tone laced with exasperation.

Emi: I want you to tell me exactly how this happened.

Zaegar: Don't you have that Root thing to tell you-

Emi interrupted him, her patience wearing thin as she pressed for a clear answer.

Emi: HOW. DID. THIS. HAPPEN?

Zaegar glanced back at the burning villa, the chaotic scene a testament to his recent antics.

Zaegar: Now hold on, before you get angry, the answer MIGHT surprise you.

Emi: Elaborate.

Zaegar: Okay, so I was minding my own business-

Emi: OH, WERE YOU NOW?!

Undeterred, Zaegar continued his recount, unfazed by Emi's sarcasm.

Zaegar: But it's true tho ask them.

Fou and Ophis exchanged glances, their expressions mirroring Emi's disbelief.

Fou: Fou

Ophis: Eh, no comment.

Zaegar: You fuckin' traitors! Whatever. And then there was this one guy in black that tried to be all Splinter Cell on me, buuuuuuut... 

Emi pressed for further details, her frustration evident in her tone.

Emi: And?

Zaegar recounted his unorthodox method of dealing with the intruder, his casual explanation doing little to assuage Emi's growing irritation.

Zaegar: Well, I had an abundance of vanilla ice-cream and strawberry marmalade to make myself a baller float with alcohol and Mountain Dew. In truth, I just hoped to kill him by chucking ice cream marmalade at the speed of light.

Emi: and the fire? 

Zaegar: No idea, but hey, I ain't gonna waste a good round of arson

Emi: ...So, Assassin tried to spy on us, you noticed him, and instead of disposing of him efficiently and quietly, you threw subtlety to the wind and burned him and the villa to the ground with ice cream and marmalade, making this spot a beacon for the other Masters, just like you did at Mount Enzo. Did I miss anything?"

Zaegar's nonchalant response only served to exacerbate Emi's frustration.

Zaegar: I murdered another servant-

Emi: No. No, you did not.

Zaegar: ...Okay, now before you do something there, you MIGHT want to sit down and-

Before he could finish his sentence, Zaegar deftly deflected an incoming attack, his casual demeanor belying his quick reflexes.

Zaegar: -not do that sort of thing.

Fou chimed in with a questioning sound, prompting Zaegar to suggest their next course of action.

Fou: Fou?

Zaegar: Yeah. There's another villa not too far from here. Wanna go and, uh, check it out?

Emi: (Sarcastically) Oh, yes, we could just settle down CLOSE TO THE PLACE WHERE A SERVANT SKIRMISH JUST HAPPENED FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE!

Zaegar: Right. Well, we might as well go to the other side of the city. 

Emi had no time to react as he casually grabbed her by the back of her dress and took off in what amounted to be the longest jump of all time. She ignored vertigo and focused on cursing her Servant.

Emi: I HATE YOU SO MUCH!

Zaegar: Yeah, yeah, sure thing. Now, if I were a villa with a soda/alcohol fountain, where would they build me?

Emi: BUILDING?!

Zaegar: (sarcastically) Yes, that is a verb I just said. How observant you are, Master.

Emi: A BUILDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!

Zaegar's hollow eyes glowed and looked ahead. 

Well, that was a nice-looking hotel he was about to crash into.

Scene break - Earlier, Fuyuki Hyatt Hotel, 32nd Floor

Inside the lavish penthouse suite of the hotel, Kayneth savored the taste of fine wine as he gazed out over the illuminated cityscape below.

Kayneth: I presume the Servants have been summoned. Thus, the Holy Grail War can truly begin.

His attention shifted to the handsome man kneeling nearby, holding two spears with an air of quiet contemplation.

Kayneth: You seem thoughtful, Lancer.

Lancer: It's nothing of importance, milord. I was simply pondering on which Servant is responsible for the destruction of the city's temple.

Kayneth acknowledged Lancer's observation with a nod, contemplating the implications of such a brazen act.

Kayneth: Ah, yes. Sola-Ui is recalling her familiars to recount the events herself. The Master of said Servant must not be an experienced tactician. Who would blatantly let themselves be known in a war where anonymity is perhaps the greatest weapon of all?

Lancer offered a suggestion, prompting Kayneth to consider the possibility of a deliberate challenge.

Kayneth: Hmm. A good point, but it is still an outrageously reckless move. However, the Servant soon vanished into the night, so their identity is as good as unknown.

As Kayneth reflected on the altered course of the war, Lancer's attention was drawn elsewhere.

Lancer: What the fuc- INCOMING!

With swift reflexes, Lancer pulled Kayneth out of harm's way just as a black projectile crashed into their room, leaving chaos in its wake.

Zaegar: HOUSEKEEPING BITCHES!

Emi: WHYYYYYYYYYYYY WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???!?

As quickly as it arrived, the intruder departed, leaving Kayneth and Lancer bewildered by the sudden turn of events.

Kayneth: ...What.

Lancer: I, er, believe that may have been another Master and Servant, milord.

Their confusion was interrupted by the entrance of another unexpected guest.

???: ...What.

Kayneth realized with a sense of resignation that this Holy Grail War would be far from ordinary.

Scene break - The Other Side of Fuyuki City

On the outskirts of the city, Waver and Rider navigated the streets with contrasting demeanors. Waver's exhaustion was evident, while Rider exuded confidence and vitality.

Waver: My... money...

Rider: Gahahaha! Don't look so gloomy, Master. Once I've conquered the world, I will pay you back a thousand-fold!

Waver's skepticism was met with Rider's enthusiastic explanation of his motives.

Rider: Hmm? Oh, we've got incoming.

Waver: Eh?

Just as he said this, a black projectile came rocketing down a few meters in front of them at an alarming pace. Waver yelled in shock, while Rider nonchalantly stood his ground.

The projectile impacted the ground, creating a dust cloud. They watched as it slowly dispersed, revealing the cause of this sudden occurrence.

Zaegar: Man, that hotel's bathroom had 5 different shampoos. Why did you waste all of them on yourself? Not that I don't approve of haircare, but come on.

Emi: THAT'S WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY?!

It was a pair of young individuals. A tall, old man? He was currently smirking down at the young woman next to him. Her hair was currently drenched in what appeared to be shampoo and was staring at him in a fiery rage.

Zaegar: Well, what else would I say?

Emi: The fact that you just barged into the Archibald Master's abode doesn't mean ANYTHING?!

Zaegar: Nope. Now, where's that villa...?

At this, the girl seemed to entirely give up on life and simply threw her hands in the air, screaming to the heavens. He watched with amusement before he turned to Waver and Rider.

Zaegar: You wouldn't happen to be real estate agents, would you?

Waver tried to make sense of the situation before his eyes caught something on the girl's chest as she kept screaming.

Waver: Command Seals!

Rider: Ah, an unexpected adversary at the outset of the war! What fortuitous timing!

Waver: What do you mean?! They're the enemy!

Zaegar shot Waver a dismissive glance, his attention drawn to the Command Seals etched on Waver's hand.

Zaegar: Those Command Seals, right? Two Masters in one night, we're off to a good start, don't you think?

Emi: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Zaegar: Give her a moment. So, kid, your buddy's your Servant, I presume.

Waver: Um...

Rider: Indeed! Salutations, fellow Servant! Meeting our foes so soon is an unexpected boon! Let us engage in honorable combat!

Zaegar: Hold your horses. We're on a house hunt, and you look like you just got back from the grocery store. Plus, my lovely Master here is...

Emi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Zaegar: Yeah. Let's hit pause on the battle and reconvene later, alright?

Rider: Very well! I have some video games to acquaint myself with. Agreed!

Zaegar: Sweet. But this one might have different plans-

Fou: Fou!

Rider and Waver exchanged puzzled glances as they noticed the small creature perched on Zaegar's shoulder.

Emi: YOU!!

Zaegar: Me?

Fou: Fou Fou Fou!!!

Ophis: Yeah, you're not helping.

Zaegar: Before we continue, there's another Master and Servant over there-

Emi: I DON'T CARE! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I'M GOING TO-

Zaegar: Whoa, hold on. Didn't we agree to skip the BDSM, Master?

Emi: I... YOU... KYAAAAAAAAAA!

Zaegar: Well, I've got to run. Catch you later!

With a mischievous grin, Zaegar deftly dodged a potent Gandr and dashed off in the opposite direction, leaving Emi seething in pursuit, her rage escalating with each passing moment.

Emi: GET THE FUCK BACK HERE! I'M GOING TO SUMMON ANGRA MAINYU WITH YOUR CORPSE AS A CATALYST, YOU STUPID FUCKING SERVANT!

Her only response was cackling as they both disappeared into the night, with the only sounds heard were her strings of curses and various spells being used.

Waver and Rider stood there before the latter broke into a hearty laugh.

Rider: Gahahaha! They have spirit! I must have them join my army!

Waver: THAT'S all you have to say?! What kind of Servant even was that?! Also, what in the world just happened?!

Rider: Hmm. Well, I'm honestly at a loss regarding his class. As for what just happened? This is how The Holy Grail War! works now Gahahahahaha!

Waver groaned. The realization of what he had gotten himself into was slamming into him like a freight train.

Scene break - Fuyuki Outskirts

Zaegar: HEY, WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG IN THERE?!

Emi: What the...?!

Suddenly, the bathroom door was blasted open from the outside.

Zaegar: Seriously, we're waiting for our turn! Hurry up, damn it!

Emi blinked, stunned, then quickly grabbed a nearby towel to shield herself.

Emi: What are you doing?! Can't you see I'm in here?!

Zaegar: One: Obviously, I'm talking to you. Two: You're acting like you've got something worth hiding. You're just a kid, after all.

Emi: I am NOT a kid! I just turned 19! And I'm still growing!

Zaegar: 19? You?

Emi: YES, YOU CREEP!

Zaegar: Well, if anyone's a creep, it's you. Why are you naked in front of a minor?

Emi: What do you mean?!

Zaegar: I'm technically only three months old.

Emi's eyes widened in disbelief.

Emi: What?! How is that even possible?

Zaegar: Ah, the mysteries of life, huh? But seriously, can you hurry it up in there? I need to freshen up too, you know.

Emi: Freshen up? You're a Servant! You don't need to bathe!

Zaegar: Hey, just because I'm a Servant doesn't mean I don't enjoy the finer things in life. Plus, all that ice cream and marmalade makes a mess.

Emi sighed in frustration, realizing she wouldn't get a straight answer out of Zaegar anytime soon.

Emi: There are literally 7 other bathrooms in the villa and you choose THIS ONE?!

Zaegar: Yeah, this is the most baller one in my opinion, so I want it.

Emi: Guh, I bet you're just doing this to annoy me!

Zaegar: (innocently tone) Nooooooo way! How could you think that? Of course not, dear Master.

Emi: I... You...I give up.

Timeskip - The Next Morning, Fuyuki City

As a king, Saber thought of herself as a person of patience. 

Irisviel: Saber, Saber! Look at these dresses! They'd look so cute on Illya, right?!

Saber: Er, yes, they would.

This same patience was being put to the test. 

Irisviel von Einzbern had spent her entire life isolated from civilization and thus wanted to experience the outside world to its fullest. Unfortunately, Saber was subjected to the dreadful chore they called 'Shopping'.

She mused it would have been a terrifyingly efficient torture method had it been introduced in her era.

As rigorous as the process was, Irisviel herself was very endearing. She couldn't say the same for her true Master, however. At the very least, she could understand his approach of using every method possible to achieve success. Kiritsugu Emiya was the kind of man that sought results, methods be damned.

Irisviel: Oooh, let's buy that one! Come on, it's on sale!

She was brought out of her musings by Irisviel dragging her along, not unlike a younger sibling would to their older kin. Saber couldn't help but smile at her earnest disposition as she followed along.

She watched as Irisviel quickly ran towards a dress that had caught her eye, but her path was blocked by a... peculiar pair that gave them pause.

Emi: Why do we have to waste time in a place like this?!

Zaegar: Because if you're gonna be my supposed Master, then you'll be a fucking Master with fucking drip. 

Saber froze. She could see Irisviel stopping in her tracks as well.

Zaegar: We're gonna buy you a few more clothes.

Emi: But I actually like what I'm wearing.

Zaegar: No, you don't, and I couldn't care less. Besides, that outfit is showing more cleavage than you realize. If that dress dips any lower, I might catch a glimpse of something pink, if you catch my drift.

Emi: Why are you suddenly worried about that?! You barged into the bathroom yesterday-

Zaegar: Yeah, shut the actually fuck up. You're not pulling that card unlike Yhwach or Aizen those don't work on me.

Saber caught the color red in the girl's chest. Command Seals. She was an enemy Master, and the old man with a mask was obviously her Servant.

Zaegar: Hey, are you actually gonna move or just stand there like dumbasses?

The Servant was now speaking to them. The Master looked in the same direction before her eyes fell on Irisviel. The Einzberns seemed uncomfortable at her intense gaze.

Saber subtly prepared for battle. If they attacked in broad daylight, that would be breaking the rules of the Holy Grail War. Then again, those rules were nothing in the eyes of some individuals.

The Servant proceeded to bonk his Master on the head.

Emi: Ouch the hell?

Zaegar: You're being creepy again. 

Emi: Again?!

Zaegar: Have you seen yourself when you deal with other people? It's either being bored or fucking creepy. There's no in-between.

Emi: Shut up! We're leaving. There's something I need to take care of.

Zaegar: But-

Emi: Yes, I'm aware they're a Master and Servant. I simply don't have the patience to handle both them and you simultaneously.

Zaegar: So, you're choosing me over them? Well, ain't that touching.

The girl growled before she stomped forward, bypassing Irisviel and Saber, giving them both a rather unsettling smile before she exited the store.

The Servant, who remained behind, rolled his hollow eyes.

Zaegar: Well, that's about... 3 other Masters and Servants we've met. Let's arrange a fight later, I've gotta teach that brat about fashion. By the way, if you're gonna buy that dress, do it. It's not high-quality enough for my standards, but it's pretty much the best this one has to offer. Toodles.

He put his claws in his pockets as he walked forward. He and Saber had a brief staring contest before he exited the store in pursuit of his Master.

A moment of silence passed. Saber turned to Irisviel, who appeared conflicted.

Saber: Irisviel, are you alright?

Irisiviel: H-Huh? Oh, yes, I'm just a bit shaken.

Saber: I understand. Encountering an enemy Master and their Servant in such a public place, during daylight, is unexpected.

Irisviel: Indeed. But, I couldn't help but feel... that girl is dangerous, both as a friend and as an enemy...

Saber's expression hardened. She shared the sentiment but was troubled by Irisviel's unease.

Taking a deep breath, Saber attempted to lighten the mood.

Saber: Shall we continue shopping?

Irisviel: Oh, yes! Illya would look adorable in this dress! And this one too!

Saber managed a faint smile. The topic of offspring was one she preferred to avoid.

Scene Break - A Few Minutes Later

Zaegar caught sight of his Master in the distance, perched on a bench with that characteristic doll-like demeanor she often displayed around others.

As his presence registered with her, that facade melted away in an instant, replaced by a flash of annoyance. He couldn't help but smirk; getting under her skin was always worth the trouble.

Zaegar: Why didn't we attack that Servant back there?

Emi: Holy Grail War battles are fought at nighttime, dumbass. If done otherwise, the world of Magic would be revealed, not that I care. But if we did that, the Mage's Association would track whoever did so and dispose of them.

Zaegar: Association? Like some clandestine society of sorcerous fools?

Emi: Precisely.

Ophis: Why concern yourself? You're linked to the Root, their ultimate aspiration. By default, you surpass them by leagues, correct?

Emi: I am. But they would stop at NOTHING to capture me if they found out that fact. They would use anything against me, even Kos-

She paused abruptly, making both the hollow and Infinity confused. She shook her head and resumed talking in an even tone.

Emi: In summary, it'd be bad for me if they discovered me.

Zaegar, seeing the blatant signal, decided to not press further. He had his secrets, and so did his Master. 

Zaegar: So, you look... Less bitchy than usual.

Emi: Less?!

Zaegar: Yeah. What's brought about this change?

Emi: You—ugh, forget it. The Lesser Grail is operating optimally, which satisfies me.

Zaegar: The what?

Emi: I won't elaborate. You wouldn't comprehend.

Zaegar: (sarcastically) Oh, so you do pay attention to me!

Emi: Cease your nonsense. Where's Primate Murder?

Zaegar: Oh, him? He's on vigilant duty at the villa.

Scene Break - Zaegar's Villa

Fou: Fou!

Perched atop a mountain of dead thugs, Fou stood with pride. The intruders never stood a chance against his ferocity and skill. They were no match for Fou, the ultimate protector of the villa.

Scene Break

Emi: Right, let's get down to business, Foreigner.

Zaegar: Got a plan?

Emi: Yes, but we'll execute it when the sun goes down. I want you to take a bird's eye view of the city and identify any possible hideouts of the Caster Servant. Meanwhile, I'll be surveilling the Tohsaka manor and keeping an eye on our primary threat, Archer.

Zaegar: Primary threat, huh? Why not dive right in and stir things up?

Emi: Trust me, facing Archer head-on is not a wise move.

Zaegar: Wanna put that to the test?

Emi: Just focus on finding Caster, alright? If you do, I'll let you indulge in that floating trick of yours.

Zaegar: Really? YAY!

Though he could have done it anyway, Zaegar decided to humor her. After all, the war was about to kick off, and a little levity wouldn't hurt.

Zaegar: But what if Archer catches sight of you?

Emi: I'll summon you with a Command Seal.

Zaegar: You can do that?

Emi: You... You didn't even pay attention to the explanation about Command Seals, did you?

Zaegar: Uh... Something something something magic, right?

Emi: KYA! YOU HOPELESS, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, UNRULY SERVANT! I HATE YOU!

He chuckled at her frustration, only serving to fuel her anger. This Holy Grail War was shaping up to be quite the spectacle.

If it didn't turn out that way? Well, he could always find ways to annoy his Master. That would never get old.

Timeskip - Nighttime

Emi nodded to herself. Her plan was straightforward and progressing smoothly.

She stood at a distance from the Tohsaka manor, keeping watch over the abode of the Master controlling the formidable Archer.

To ensure her safety, she had erected a protective barrier around herself. Better safe than sorry.

As Foreigner scouted for Caster, Emi couldn't shake the feeling that he might have disregarded her orders and returned to the villa.

This thought would have infuriated her if she didn't have a mental link with him. It was time to test it.

Emi: (Mental Link) Foreigner? Can you hear me?

Zaegar: Oh, great, another voice in our head. And it sounds like that BDSM-loving kid. Lovely!

Emi: (Mental Link) Tch, it works. Listen, Masters have a direct mental link with their Servants. I told you this before, but, surprise-surprise, you didn't listen.

Zaegar: So I can annoy you without even being there? Convenient!

Emi felt a sense of dread creeping over her, but she pushed through it.

Emi: (Mental Link) Where are you?

Zaegar: You should know that, Ms. Root.

Emi: (Mental Link) I don't. Anything related to you is unknown to me. But I can't predict your actions.

Zaegar: You sound thrilled about that.

Emi didn't deny it. Though she found the unpredictability exhilarating, she refused to admit it.

Zaegar: Still looking for Caster. Couldn't find him at the local pub, ice cream store, arcade, or the pub again. Elusive bastard.

Emi: (Mental Link) YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEARCH, USELESS SERVANT!

Zaegar: Sheesh, not so loud, Master. Or should I call you Mistress? Yeah, I'm sure you'd like that.

Emi: (Mental Link) BDSM has NOTHING to do with this!

Zaegar: Oh, you'll realize it sooner or later. Where are you?

Emi: (Mental Link) Outside the Tohsaka manor. Assassin is about to engage Archer, and almost every Master will send a familiar to investigate.

Zaegar: Didn't I kill Assassin?

Emi: (Mental Link) You killed one out of a hundred Assassins.

Zaegar: THE HELL? Does a Master have 100 Servants in this war? Talk about overpowered!

Emi: (Mental Link) No, it's nothing special. You have 5 minutes to cover more ground until I summon you with a Command Seal.

Zaegar: Aw, what? I was about to hit the pub again for a third time! I just know they're there!

Emi: (Mental Link) Just do it!

Zaegar: Fine. Stupid Mistress, not letting me have any fun... You're even worse than Yhwach, you know that? And you're really embracing that Mistress role, huh?

Emi cut off the conversation before it could escalate further. Stupid Foreigner, assuming things about her.

Scene Break - Local Pub

Zaegar couldn't help but smirk as the mental link with his Master snapped shut. Well, she was his Mistress now, wasn't she? Not that he cared much about titles. Yhwach remained his true master, after all.

And yes, he entertained the notion that there was some BDSM element at play in this twisted game. Emi just refused to acknowledge it.

Zaegar: Alright, time's ticking. Any bright ideas on how to hunt down that sneaky Caster?

Ophis: How about we actually get off our asses and start looking instead of wasting time yapping about it?

Zaegar: Nah, too dull.

Ophis: Figured as much.

Zaegar: You know me too well. Might as well stretch my legs while we wait for the clock to tick down.

With a nonchalant shrug, he sauntered out of the bar, not because the bartender was shooting daggers at him for draining his stock, nor because the place resembled a battlefield with its scattered bodies, courtesy of a brawl he may or may not have incited on a whim. No, simply because he felt like it.

The streets in this neighborhood were adequately lit. It wasn't downtown by any stretch, but there was enough illumination to catch the sight of trouble brewing in the dark.

He pondered the prospect of a brawl tonight. Facing off against that hyped-up Archer Servant sounded like a fine way to make an entrance and show everyone what they were up against.

A grating buzz sliced through his thoughts like a dull knife. Zaegar's annoyance flared as he pinpointed the source of the noise.

Zaegar: Tch. Alright, where are you, you irritating little—

Ophis: If you even think about using one of my gloves to swat that thing, I'll make sure you regret it.

Their synchronized disgust was palpable as they beheld the grotesque creature hovering a few meters away. It was a repulsive sight, one they were both keen to rid themselves of.

Zaegar: Begone.

With a swift flick of his wrist, he grabbed a nearby pebble and hurled it at the abominable insect, obliterating it from existence in an instant.

Zaegar: Seriously, what kind of bug was that?

Ophis: No clue, but let's make sure we don't run into one of those again, alright?

He nodded and resumed his stroll. Soon, he found himself on a hill with a sweeping view of the city (a rather odd locale for a pub).

Time was running short before he'd be summoned, so he decided to simply take in the scenery. Even he could appreciate a serene moment every now and then. ...Or so he thought.

Zaegar: Hmm?

His instincts pricked at the unwelcome presence behind him. He smirked. Looks like the real party was about to kick off.

Turning around, he sized up the newcomer standing a few meters away.

Zaegar: Hmm... Definitely not Caster.

???: ...

Zaegar: Let's see... Assassin, Lancer, Rider, Saber... The bitch is keeping tabs on super-hype Archer... So you're not Caster... Who does that leave?

He cocked his hollow mask in puzzlement. His opponent, a menacing black knight, seemed... rather agitated.

Almost as if it was about to go berserk...

Zaegar: Oh, you're the Berserker I've been hearing about, the one resembling those ravenous hollows.

Both Zaegar and Ophis were intrigued. 

Zaegar: ...That armor is sick, man.

Ophis: I wonder what sets this one apart as a Berserker...

As if answering her question, Berserker suddenly tensed and let out a deafening roar. Literally.

Berserker: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

Zaegar: (sarcastically) What an eloquent fellow. How is this guy a Berserker, we shall never know.

Ophis: Definitely Shakespearean.

Suddenly, Berserker seized a nearby lamppost and effortlessly tore it from the ground, the metal morphing into an ominous black and red hue.

Zaegar: ...Well, when in Rome...

He replicated the action, hoisting his own lamppost with a cocky smirk.

Zaegar: Alright then. Any witty banter?

Berserker: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

Ophis: (sarcastically) Cutting.

Zaegar: Again, when in Rome... Umu, do as Romans do.

Ophis: ...Umu?

Zaegar: No idea where that came from. Ahem. I CAN SPEAK IN ALL CAPS TOO, PAL!

Both Foreigner and Berserker charged forward, engaging in a lamppost duel.

After a few exchanges, Zaegar noticed his own weapon faltering, unlike Berserker's. The black knight had evidently reinforced his lamppost with some method.

Berserker, despite his madness, displayed impressive skill. Kudos for breaking stereotypes.

Zaegar: ELEMENT OF SURPRISE BITCH!

He abandoned his weapon, resorting to his trusty method: pummeling. It never let him down.

Berserker staggered from the sudden blow, retaliating with a furious swing.

Zaegar deftly punched his own lamppost, reducing it to rubble.

Zaegar: If violence doesn't solve your problems, you simply aren't using enough of it.

Undeterred, Berserker continued his onslaught, displaying monstrous yet refined ferocity.

Zaegar casually dodged every strike, landing a light tap on the chest plate, sending the knight flying back before he gracefully regained his footing.

Berserker appeared angrier than ever.

Zaegar mockingly yawned, then realized something. He smirked.

Zaegar: Well, aren't you lucky? Catch you later. 

With a burst of green light, he vanished. Berserker stood still for a moment before roaring to the heavens.

Berserker: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

Scene Break

Emi: By my Command Seal, I summon you to my side... Foreigner.

Feeling one of her three Command Seals fade, a burst of green light emerges right in front of her. Her Servant emerged with his usual smug smirk that she was beginning to despise.

Zaegar: (sarcastically) Angry Matthews, reporting for duty. Should I destroy the world or something like that?

Emi: Oh, shut up. What did you find?

Zaegar: wellllllllllllll.

Emi: You didn't search and instead goofed off, did you?

Zaegar: Well now, hold on there; I DID, in fact, find something.

Emi: Oh?

Zaegar: I was chillaxing and waiting for you to summon me when suddenly this eloquent scholar came at me for an autograph. He used a metal pole as a pen and his face for the paper. I used my fist as a better pen. I think I left a good impression.

Emi: ...What?

Ophis: We found Berserker.

Emi blinked. This was certainly some interesting news. To her knowledge, Berserker wouldn't attack any other Servant other than the Saber Servant.

Emi: (In thought) Hmm... The Matou Master must've been looking to attack Foreigner the moment he identified him as a threat and eliminated the competition quickly.

More importantly, she was curious about the conflict. Her Servant looked in perfect condition, and Berserker was nothing to underestimate.

Emi: How did the battle go?

Zaegar: Eh, 'Berserky's a pretty cool Servant. Also, his armor is cool as FUCK, man. anyways what up chief

Emi: I want you to see that.

He followed her finger at looked at the luxurious manor where a battle was taking place. His first thought, however, was a different one.

Zaegar: ...Why the fuck didn't we get that villa first?

Emi: ...Are you kidding me?

Zaegar: Whatever. There's a skeleton fighting a, uh... A guy who tries WAY too hard to compensate for something. Golden armor? Pah.

Emi: Yes. Those are Assassin and Archer.

Zaegar: Oh, so THAT'S the super-hype Archer... Not impressed. Very punchable. The skeleton's dead.

She nodded as he had numerous blades coming out of golden ripples that manifested beside the man in golden armor. The projectiles were fired with tremendous force, killing Assassin on the spot.

Zaegar: You said that Assasin was 100 dudes, right?

Emi: Yes.

Zaegar: There you go. A set-up. Goldilocks and Skeleton's Master must be workin' together, and since you said the other Masters were watching, this gives the illusion of Skeleton being out of the game.

Ophis: And since they're 100 people, they can use the facade of being dead to freely move around and spy on the others.

Emi was honestly stunned. His Noble Phantasm wasn't that shocking, but her Servant himself had provided a very accurate analysis of the situation. 

Looks like he was much more than an arson-loving and childish jerk after all.

Zaegar: By the way, what are those portals that Goldilocks using?

Emi: The Gate of Babylon. It's where an ancient king stored all of his treasures, be it organic or inorganic. As long as they're in the Gate, any object can withstand the passage of time and not age even a day. That Noble Phantasm is what makes Archer the most dangerous foe.

Zaegar: He's a cheat!

Emi: ...Pardon?

Zaegar: THAT'S MY TRICK! I CALL COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!

Emi: Enough!

Zaegar: HEY, GOLDILOCKS! YOU'RE A CHEATER! TAKE A HIKE, FAKER!

Ophis: Heads up.

Emi didn't have time to question the warning as she saw three projectiles coming towards her position at blinding speed. She grew very alarmed.

Emi: (In thought) He managed to see through my Bounded Field, and this idiot's shouting just blew our cover!

She couldn't move in time. She closed her eyes, expecting the pain that would come from being impaled from the treasures of the Gate of Babylon.

But there was nothing. Slowly, she opened her eyes... and saw her Servant grasping a rapier, a halberd, and a sword between his claws. He clenched his hand in a fist, crushing the weapons into golden dust.

Zaegar: Was that it? Pathetic.

Emi struggled to find words, stunned by her Servant's unexpected display of prowess.

Zaegar: Still kicking, kiddo?

She only gave a weak nod. She found two words to say and uttered them in a whisper.

Emi: Thank you...

Zaegar: No sweat. Head back to the villa little Goldilocks is royally pissed.

Emi: But...

Zaegar: I'll handle it. Just make sure no one tails you and if they do kill them. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a cheating hack to punch in the face!

He snarled as he rocketed towards the Tohsaka manor, leaving a dumbfounded Emi. Her brain finally rebooted, but she was too late to stop the conflict.

Foreigner, enigmatic as he was, would lose to Archer. That was fine, he was a sacrifice. Foreigner was an accident and she would use him as a sacrifice. ...Damn it. Stupid Servant, she was about to waste another Command Seal. She had to move fast. 

Stupid Foreigner, she should let him die because of his foolishness. Stupid Emi, she shouldn't have grown attached to her infuriating and reckless Servant.

Scene Break

Zaegar crashed in the rather nice-looking garden of the Tohsaka manor. He was rather immersed in his childish bout of anger to care.

He stared at his enemy. The man in golden armor stared back.

Archer: How dare you meet the gaze of the king in all his glory, mongrel.

Zaegar: So, you're the Archer everyone's trembling over... Doesn't impress me much.

The air grew heavy with the weight of their egos, threatening to rupture reality itself with their monumental arrogance.

Archer: You are not fit to lay eyes upon my majesty. Consider yourself honored to meet your demise at my hand.

With a flourish, Archer unleashed a storm of projectiles, hurtling toward Zaegar with lethal intent. Yet, Zaegar remained unmoved, allowing the weapons to strike him. To his amusement, they disintegrated upon impact, failing to leave a mark.

Zaegar: Is that the best you've got, Golden Boy?

Archer: Tch. For a mere mongrel, you possess a bark worse than your bite.

As more portals materialized, Archer's eyes gleamed with malice, signaling the arrival of deadlier armaments.

Zaegar: Oh, looks like you've got something on your face...

Archer suddenly jerked to the side in alarm. His instincts reacted, but his body was too late to stop it.

Zaegar: IT WAS MY FIST!

Without warning, the Foreigner did the unthinkable and punched Archer in the face. Hard.

The golden Servant was sent flying out of the Tohsaka manor. Zaegar grinned and gave chase.

Scene Break

Tokiomi Tohsaka dropped his glass of wine in shock.

Someone had struck Archer. Gilgamesh, the King of Heroes and the most powerful Servant of all failed to draw the first blood in a battle.

It was simply impossible, yet it happened right in front of his eyes.

He tried to rationalize who was the culprit, then his memory fell on Assassin's explanation of the night before.

Tokiomi: (In thought) The Eighth Servant?!

Scene Break 

Fortunately, Zaegar's punch had sent Archer flying southward, away from Fuyuki City, minimizing potential collateral damage. Yet, the clash was far from over.

Archer: HOW DARE YOU LAY HANDS ON THE KING, YOU FOUL CREATURE! FACE YOUR DEMISE!

Zaegar: GO TO HELL, YOU PHONY!

Ophis: Technically, he's an ancient hero, so-

Zaegar: SHUT IT, OPHIS! I'M BUSY PUNCHING THINGS!

Crashing into the dense forest south of Fuyuki, the adversaries wasted no time in renewing their confrontation. With Archer seething with rage, he wasted no time summoning a barrage of weapons from his Gate of Babylon.

Zaegar, deftly dodging the onslaught, contemplated returning the favor with his own array of surprises. A smirk danced across his lips as he conjured forth an assortment of small, enigmatic objects from thin air, causing Archer to momentarily falter in his assault.

Archer: What madness is this?

Zaegar: Oh, you know, just a little something to spice up our non-existent friendship. After all, you're the Servant everyone's quaking in their boots over, right?

Zaegar: Let's see how you handle this!

With a swift motion, Zaegar brought his hand down, sending the mini Zaegars hurtling towards Archer. The projectiles whizzed through the air, their trajectory unpredictable as they homed in on their target.

Archer, undeterred by the incoming onslaught, summoned even more weapons from his Gate of Babylon. Spears, swords, axes - a veritable arsenal materialized around him, ready to intercept Zaegar's attack.

The forest erupted into chaos as explosions rocked the surroundings, trees splintering and vegetation disintegrating in the wake of the intense battle. Neither Servant showed any signs of slowing down, their determination unwavering as they clashed in a storm of steel and magic.

Zaegar: Not bad, Golden Boy! But let's see if you can handle THIS!

With a flick of his wrist, Zaegar unleashed another barrage of mini Zaegars, each one pulsating with chaotic energy. They streaked through the air with ferocious speed, aimed directly at Archer's position.

In the blink of an eye, Zaegar materialized before Archer, but the astute golden Servant was ready this time.

Archer: Futile.

From beneath Zaegar, another volley of portals materialized, unleashing a barrage of weapons at point-blank range.

Zaegar: NOT YOU!

Despite their increased potency, the weapons failed to inflict any harm. Archer's eyes widened in realization of his vulnerability. He paid dearly for his oversight.

Zaegar: EVEN THE SOUL KING HIMSELF CAN'T PREDICT THE CHAOTIC ONE.

With each strike, Zaegar's fist met Archer's face with precision, leaving a satisfying impact. They exchanged blows with a strange camaraderie.

Archer: ENOUGH!

Zaegar effortlessly leaned back to dodge a blade summoned by Archer himself. Deciding to create some space, he allowed the golden Servant to vent his fury.

Archer: The king's divine countenance besmirched... by a mere mongrel?! YOU DARE ASSAULT YOUR KING, INSIGNIFICANT INTRUDER?!

Zaegar: (sarcastically) Oh, please. I'm just sharing an intimate moment between my fist and your face. It's a match made in heaven, really.

Rather than escalating in fury, Archer surprisingly regained composure, assessing the situation. Even an A-Rank Noble Phantasm seemed ineffective against this audacious mongrel.

Archer: So be it.

Zaegar: Hmm?

With a flourish, Archer summoned two exquisite golden blades, connecting them at the hilts to form a bow with a radiant streak of light between them. In short, Archer was actually using a bow.

Archer: Rejoice, mongrel, for you shall be the first to bear witness to the king's treasure in its glory. Face the heavens and bask in its radiance, for this shall be your reckoning.

Ophis: Holy shit, he's actually going to be an archer.

Zaegar: Dope, Come at me.

Zaegar crossed his arms as Archer prepared to unleash his attack. But just as the bowstring was about to be released, Zaegar intervened.

Zaegar: Whoops. Sorry to disappoint, but the drama queen isn't feeling it right now. Save your theatrics for another time. Toodles. Oh, and FUCK YOU, YOU CHEATER!

He vanished in a burst of green light. Archer glared at the spot he was standing before he dismissed his weapon. He then vanished in a cloud of golden dust, leaving behind a destroyed forest. 

One thing was clear, though. This was not over not by a long shot.

Scene Break - Fuyuki Outskirts, Zaegar's Villa

Zaegar stepped into the familiar opulent confines of the villa, only to be greeted by the all-too-familiar sight of a Gandr aimed directly at him.

With a casual flick of his hand, he deflected the spell, chuckling to himself. Some things just never get old.

Zaegar: (sarcastically) Angry Matthews reporting for duty. What's the-

Emi: SHUT UP!

Man, she looked livid. He caught a glimpse of Fou snickering in the background. He'd have to make him pay for that later, one way or another.

Zaegar: Now hold on-

Emi: DO YOU REALIZE HOW RIDICULOUS YOU WERE?!

Zaegar: How could I, if I'm stupid?

Emi: I WASTED TWO COMMAND SEALS AT THE START OF THE WAR!

Zaegar: Can't you just recharge them with your infinite mana or something?

Emi: ARGH! WHY DID I EVER CHOOSE YOU?!

Zaegar: Aw, you always know how to make me feel loved.

Emi: I...! YOU...!

Zaegar: Relax, I'm unscathed.

He couldn't help but grin as Emi's fury slowly ebbed away, collapsing onto the nearby couch in defeat.

After a moment of venting her frustration into the unfortunate cushions, Emi turned to her Servant with a weary expression.

Emi: Just... Promise me you won't do that again...

Zaegar: Sweetheart, I'm practically indestructible. That golden-coated Archer is just a glorified cheater.

Ophis: He's an ancient hero, he—

Zaegar: A CHEATER! Anyway, let's call it a day, shall we? Time for bed, kiddo. I'll even read you a bedtime story.

Emi: ...I'm older than you, idiot.

Zaegar: That's the spirit. Off to bed with you, you chuunibyou. The real fun's only just beginning. Oh, and I SEE YOU THERE, YOU LITTLE RAT!

Fou: Fou, kyu!

Zaegar: GET BACK HERE, YOU! I'LL TURN YOU INTO A PLUSHIE!

With that, he took off after the mischievous creature, leaving Emi to her exhaustion and thoughts.

Emi: (In thought) Stupid, reckless Servant...

Scene Break - Tohsaka Manor

Tokiomi rose anxiously as Archer returned, relieved to see his golden Servant unharmed. However, Gilgamesh's expression betrayed his annoyance, making Tokiomi uneasy.

Tokiomi: Welcome back, Archer. I trust—

Archer: Spare me the tedious pleasantries, Tokiomi.

Tokiomi winced, bowing his head in submission. In this dynamic, the roles of Master and Servant seemed almost inverted.

Archer: The jester, who is he?

Tokiomi: Jester?

Archer: You will answer the question that you were asked.

Tokiomi: Forgive me. You must mean the eighth Servant.

Archer: His class.

Tokiomi: Unknown. This has never happened before in the history of the Holy Grail War, so we have little to no information.

The king scoffed before he crossed his arms in a mix of his usual arrogance and contemplation. Tokiomi took a risk and decided to ask a question.

Tokiomi: Your thoughts, my king?

Archer: None. The jester is merely a mongrel that can provide a measure of entertainment. Make no mistake, however, he will soon taste the king's wrath before meeting his demise.

Tokiomi, who had watched the battle through a familiar, wisely kept his mouth shut and did not mention the fact that Gilgamesh failed to deal damage.

In simple terms, the King of Heroes had lost this encounter.

He needed a new strategy, perhaps begrudging alliances with other Masters.

Scene Break - Forest, South of Fuyuki

Standing amidst the desolate aftermath of the once-thriving forest, a lone figure surveyed the devastation, a cigarette dangling from his lips.

Kiritsugu Emiya pondered whether fate had played a hand in the battle unfolding so close to the Einzbern castle. Fortunately, the clash had ceased before spiraling into catastrophe.

His gaze shifted to the combatants.

The enigmatic Servant, possibly a Berserker. Engaged Archer in a stalemate, impervious to his onslaught. Notable Magic Resistance and remarkable Madness Enhancement, evident from coherent communication. Noble Phantasm remained elusive, save for the relentless barrage akin to Archer's. Threat level: Exceptionally High.

Could Saber prevail in single combat? Uncertain. Her odds would improve drastically with access to her legendary sheath.

Making temporary alliances with the other Masters was a certain possibility. Speaking of which, he needed the identity of Berserker(?)'s Servant. With it, a quick elimination was possible. 

The threat of Archer and the Unknown Servant needed to be prioritized and eliminated. No matter the cost.

Scene Break - London

???: ...Oh, dear.

???: Is something the matter?

???: No, of course not. I simply want a vacation.

???: A vacation? Why so suddenly?

???: What is a man if not whimsical? 

???: Of course, sir. Where will you be going?

???: Fuyuki City. 

???: The Holy Grail War?

???: ...Not necessarily. Just to visit an acquaintance of mine.

???: You sound unsure, Lord Schweinorg.

???: That acquaintance of mine may or may not punch me in the face once he sees me.

Author: A question for you my dear readers who do you think is the fullbringer?