HIS LETTER ♤

In another city on an Airplane.

We will be taken off within 5 seconds, " The Pilot announced.

While a girl seated in her chair , preys for 5 seconds to end fast as every second felt like an hour.

Tears rolling down her cheeks as it spoiled her expensive make-up even her wedding dress she was wearing looked a bit spoiled with her makeup, she look like a broken flower but no matter how broken she looks , it couldn't compare to her heart ..

Kerry pov

Within 5 seconds the flight was taken off , I breathed a sigh of relief, I made it .

The flight is 23 hours so I would have time to pull myself together.

There was no need to cry but I just wanted to let out all of the pain so I could move on, in 23 hours.

We passed above , which was supposed to be my wedding venue. I was surprised to see the wedding was still going on .I am happy they probably found a replacement, which is good now Rohan is married. I don't think they will search for me ..

God for the past 7 months my life had been a living hell , with nothing but everlasting pain , and pertenece, the pain in my heart , have me screaming for help but no one hear as not a word come out of my mouth , i was surrounded by many people but felt lonely without Dwayne, I just wanted it all to be over , i chooses this , I accept the singhs proposal not just because I had too but because i wanted to get rid of Dwayne or get at him , it felt like both .

the second Dwayne gives up , apart of me hopes that with the thoughts of losing me Dwayne will try to find a way and explain things to me but he didn't , until the very last moment al he did was give me a letter , letting me go forever, fuck him …

After reading the letter , Michelle came up with an idea. She told me I should run away. I didn't have a ticket , money or anything. She gave me her pocket money and let me use her private jet. As she travels a lot she had her own private jet ..

I looked at the letter in my hands , i read it before but i want to read it one last time before… well before–everything changes …

…the letter …

Waring , do not destroy this letter , I took 3 hours to write this but you might take 1 to read it , please hear me out .

To my dearest Kerry Charles Walter , princesses of single Goddesses.

Well , I would have to change that to married Goddess soon .

God, I can't believe you're getting married today.

I know it's what you always wanted to get married and start your own family.

As you're getting married today, I wanna tell you something I never told you as I always knew you won't allow me to finish it , the way I wanted .

I fell in love with the most wonderful girl I ever known . High school was the best day of my life , because I there is where I got to know her,

She is absolutely flawless , she held the power over everything around her, even my heart .

She made it beat way faster than it should. She breaks it whenever she wants and she heals it every time it's broken .

She kept me up late in the night with memories, thoughts, and even images that I painted in my mind and heart .

She lives rent-free in my head.

She was funny and always made me happy , laugh when I felt like crying.. smile when I forgot how to , make me love myself when I didn't know how too. It's all because she loved me more than anything ,

It was a give and take thing , I gave her my shoulders to cry on , she gave me her chest to rely on when I am down , she shares her pain makes me forget mine , she shares her funny joke. Makes me laugh , I give her my heart , she gives me heartbeats ..

She was my sunshine on a rainy day , my moonlight in the darkness nights , my comfort zone , my most trusted person and most of all my lover , my past lover, my present lover, my future lover , my first crush , my childhood sweetheart, my first love and my future wife..

She is my first and last, she will always be.

She is innocent like a little girl, but her nastiness and boldness came out when we were alone. That is why only I know that about her .

She never fights for anything that isn't hers but what is hers is hers, she becomes the evil villain from Cinderella..but sometimes being kind and not fighting works for her too , she knows when to give up , when to try harder and when to quit , , she knows every tales that had ever been told , she knows the way life works but still holds onto the fairy tale , hold onto the world where is just us both , no one else ..

We used to stay up late and talk about anything and everything till there was nothing but silence. Then we'll listen to each other's hearts beat, and somehow hours would pass by but we weren't bored of it , we do it again and again and again ..

she encourage me to go after what I want and what I wanted is her , I still do but I can't go after her , how could I when I know she is not for me , how can i when i made myself worthless of her forgiveness , I always knew I wasn't worthy of her but I always try to be .

I never wanted to lose that beautiful soul of hers . The one that gives me comfort, the one that mended every broken thing in my life, the one that makes me smile even when I lost one of the most important people in my life , the one that helps me move on , the one I wants in my future. Someone I wanted there for the rest of my life .

But the more I tried, the more I failed. The more I failed the more I become worthless of you , worthless of you , i don't deserve you , I don't deserve you , I can't have you and I lost you …

Until one day , I made a mess of everything, everything I ever cared about,

I hurt that beautiful soul and broke that kind heart , crushing all her hopes and dreams .

The fairy tales she believes in , the one she lives in ..

I did do anything to make her forgive me , however, I don't deserve her forgiveness, so I won't try, and I hope she never does too. I don't deserve it , so I drink in sorrow, with her in my mind , images of her being with someone else is enough to tear me apart .

I have drunk all of the alcohol i want, but i could never forget her hazel gray teary eyes when she left that night , the way I wanted,

I drink to forget, but i can't, i wish to replace they moments she left with the moment i created about when we will meet again, when she smile at me, but reality nock on the door remains me that i may never see that smile again but i kept hoping against hopes that our path will cross again.

selfishly, i want it too , i want her for myself. Despite the fact I knew there are 99 possibilities that it would never happen.

It hurts to know I am not the one for her , but I knew it all alone ,

There are things I wanted to give to her ,but I never could, and I know he would. The man she is about to get married to , maybe I felt overprotective again or was jealousy , i don't know but I did a little research and while I was at it I found he was really good , a perfect match for her . Maybe he could be the charming prince she always wanted .

A small cold chuckled escaped Kerry lips. As she read .

I know what i did hurt you more than anything else that has ever happened to you, and I choose another over you , it was something i never wanna do but i had too , i had to give you a reason to give up on me and you were right, i am immature, i never wanna accept it but you were always right

You're right. About something else, too , I am scared

Even though we were so happy— at the back of my head , I knew some things would change and . I couldn't help but feel scared , so I give space and time not because you wanted it but because I needed it ..

And what i did , i did it because i was afraid to the someday you give up on me ... it would have hurt me more to see you leaving me to be with him ,

But I still felt like a fucking hurt jerk that gave up on you

so yea, I'm that fucking jerk that breaks your heart before you break mine , cuz no matter what , some day, soon you would have had to break mine , even if you didn't want to ,

You could say I break your heart first, but you're still breaking my heart right. I guess it will be an everlasting pain.

Letting you go was never the easiest thing to do but I will. I have too .

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I knew the road i took was difficult from the start but i take my chances hoping our fate would change hoping our destiny would be destined to be together, that our future are link together , hoping against hopes that our hopes are stronger, our love is stronger ~

but no I am too weak I give up - no need to tell me I am being an asshole but somehow things make sense to me , maybe one day it will make sense to you too ..

So, kerry Walter

If our path will cross in the future, i will smile at you with happiness and joy and relief that even if am about 70 years old i get that to see that beautiful smile again and i did before i die so when i die i will be the happiest person a live but if our path will cross again and am atless 50 , i won't just hold you i will kiss you passionately that you will know how mush i miss you , i don't care if you are married by then because i know you will forever be mine evek if you try to give yourself away to someone else , you will forever be mine , even if am married, i will forever be yours too not like am planning on getting married but that is just to let you know ..

We'll talk about our past and laugh, maybe the I will explain everything to you , maybe then I understand things better, we seat across each other and exchange words , talks about our sad and happy days .

The sad ones that fill with pain, regret and tears ,

The happy ones that filled with happiness , joy and laughters.

You could say I break your heart first, but you're still breaking my heart right. I guess it will be an ever lasting pain.

Letting you go was never the easiest thing to do but I will do it …

We were young and dumb but our love was so strong , it was undeniable, it was true pure and everlasting but sometimes love isn't enough …

I took you for granted, i always knew u had to love you alittle more , held you a little tighter and keep you closer but no one day I woke up and realized years has pass us by , we fight , we solve it but sometimes don't, I mess up you forgive because of your kind pure heart ,which fell qith love but again love isn't enough it would be for me for you but not for your family..

____

I was so ready to get it all over but how–how can i wed another … with Dwayne on my mind .

Fuck Dwayne, he knew I wanted nothing but him and fuck that slut who couldn't keep her legs close , God why am I still surprised that she got him too , i had everything but i had to share with her our family name our blood. The money , the love but that one thing she didn't had was him , all though she always wanted everything I have and she succeeded most of the time fuck sake , i was still surprised that she got him too though it took three years , she still fucking did …

There are sometime in live when you listen to music to distract yourself from all the pain , its one of the way to black out your heart ,but there of also a time when you turn up the musice to all and let in sink in, let it pain all over again , you let the music reopen all those old wounds .

I let myself cry, drowned in the past and forgot my undeniable present. I was going to let it out now and later forget it ever existed…

I closed my eyes and three years ago flash before my eyes ,

They say when you close your eyes you see nothing but all I see is Dwayne, that kind heart bastard, that cheating jerk that give up on me ,the one that shattered my heart but still that hearts beats for him , >one with us in the library reading books , those happy ever after that I always hope for , one with us dancing under the moon at the Alexander's, we dance without music , our hearts beat, beats in a rhythm loud and clear , one with us kissing it was our first kiss , one with playing in the water , one with us colliding and a few others ..

I reopen my eyes , god my mind is fuck up , not only mind , my life is fuck up , my heart is fuck up ..

we did alot of our things together, things we never did before , we are always each others first that why his betrayal hurts ten times harder , I was supposed to be his first but yet am not , and if I had to choose between being his first and being his last i would Choose his last that is why I fucking hated him , I hate how much he hurt me and how much am still hurting and how much i would fucking forgive him if he ask me to-- fuck that I already forgive him and he didn't ask for it , he didn't deserve it but i fucking did because no matter how much I fucking hated him at this moment I still fucking love him more ...