Chapter 227

It may not be clearly visible now but I believe that in the future, we would understand it better and properly. It seemed that I stare into space a lot more frequently than I did before, it must be because, although I am surrounded or in the midst of people, I did not feel welcomed or included. The only option available for me was to get lost in my head and think of present and past occurrences and the day that I feel like, I may imagine what I want my future to be like. Although I do not want to admit it out loud and to myself, but it must be said, slowly and slowly, I am starting to forget what Lucas actually look like again, I know that it was said that absence makes the heart grows fonder but this is not a fairytale that we imagine or wish for, this is reality. The absence only made me long for him the first few months we were apart, now I start to question the feeling that I thought I had for him, it is very possible that it was just infatuation and not love or anything close to it.

I start to ask myself that maybe it was the forbidden nature of the would be relationship, that made me fall and fall harder than I expected. It is norm that most people like to do things that they were warned to stay away from, it maybe because they want people's attention on them but for now I cannot adduce a valuable reason as to why I did such. The only way that I would be able to verify that our supposed relationship was meant to be, would be if I would ever have opportunity to meet him again face to face, then would I be able to see my reaction to seeing him again after a while and probably relay the answer to my question that I have being having. I wanted to keep a open and rational mind towards our relationship but it seems impossible as I have allowed the inputs of others to override my decision,

All that was ringing in my head was the fact that he only wanted to use me like the others did to Itoh and Italula, we can see that there did not leave the relationship unscathed, there was always a detriment attached to it but it was mostly on the girls. In as much as I wanted a fairy tale love, I did not want such that would have repercussions that would be weighing on me alone and would lead me to distance myself away from my people who are my only family or would lead to something worse such as death like in Itoh's case. My heart felt burdened and heavy with all these thoughts, I let out a gust of air from my nose, I decided my current situation was not the right place to think of such matters.