The feeling of guilt

Just like he promised when he gave the files to me, he helped me fill out the online form and took the one I've filled out.

"I will have my secretary submit this for you. Currently, it's left for you to hope for the best. Should you not meet their admission criteria, I won't give you another chance. "

" It's going to work. "

Hopefully.

I've heard rumours of this particular universal when I was still studying, and let's say all I've heard about it is nothing not to be worried about.

The school is said to be one that only takes the best students. No matter how rich your parents might be, if you don't meet their admission criteria, they won't admit you to the school.

It's said that the owner of the school made it in such a way that only the intelligent and gifted ones are allowed into the school.

That's the reason there are not more than twenty students who register at a time.

Hundreds fill out the forms and write their exams, but only a choice few pass the difficult exam the school sets.

I might be a nerd, but that doesn't make me a genius. I'm quite aware of the fact there are people out there who are much more intelligent than I am, and those are the ones qualified to take classes at the university.

"It'll do you more than to hope." He gives the file an odd look, "should I submit the paper, and it passes the review of the dean, a date for your exams will be set."

Passing the first exam which is the accurate and comprehensive filling of the form is difficult.

Not only do they check how comprehensive your logs are, but they check the handwriting and the way the person who filled the form presented it.

That's why they have two methods of signing. The online signing is the one to be entered into the database should you pass the first test, while the handwritten file is the one that determines your pass and failure.

And that was precisely why I made sure I filled the form in such a way my calligraphy will surely hook one of the teachers.

*

*

Three days after I filled the form, and Sly submitted it, I've not heard any return from my husband.

Things just went back to normal as if nothing unexpected happened a few days ago.

"Haven't heard from the school?" Marli placed my fruit salad in front of me.

"No, I've not." I sigh, "I don't think I passed the first test."

According to the online form I filled out, a letter should have been sent yesterday if the signing passed the test, but I've not seen a letter.

And that means I didn't pass the test.

"I'm sorry about that. The School got your hopes up only to dash it to pieces."

Of a truth, had Sly not given me the university form to fill, I would have been much happier compared to how I am now. At least I wouldn't have been bothered about the university and its acceptance.

"It's alright." Marli sits next to me as she consoled me, "you don't have to worry about that. Who knows, more opportunities are coming your way."

"It's not possible." I shake my head, "Sly made it clear he wouldn't help me again should I not make it past the first test. He said there's no hope for me to attend university should I fail to meet their admission criteria, and I've failed." I sob into her shirt," I tried everything in my powers to get the admission I so much wish for, but I failed."

Not only did I fail to meet the criteria, but I failed in showing Sly how capable I am.

Just one task was given to me, and I couldn't complete it.

I'm just a fool.

I tug my hair in frustration.

Right now, what will Sly think of me?

He will think am an incompetent brat who only knows how to eat and relax at home without doing anything.

"Don't give up, Lee. Things might change one day."

"I don't think so."

Nothing's going to change aside from Sly's behaviour towards me. He will hate me more than he does now.

I'm quite sure of that.

After all, I didn't give him enough reason not to hate me.

He has spent enough money on me, but I've not been productive enough for him.

All I know is how to eat, and remain cute.

I'm not good enough for him, and that's the reason he hates me.

*

*

I scooped up some rice, but couldn't bring myself to eat it.

The guilt I feel right now is enough to make me contemplate doing something I might regret, but right now, it seems like the best solution to my problem now.

Sly continued eating without paying attention to me. He made it seem as if he's the only one sitting here, and I don't exist.

Watching him eat, I became more guilty.

All this is my fault.

Sly is shackled by marriage, all because of me. Had it not been for me, he would have been free to have the time of his life, dating any model of his choice.

But no,

I had to weave him into my web and caused him pain.

"I'm heading up to my room." I finally drop the spoon on the table, and made to stand.

"Are you through with your meal?" He gave my untouched food a look.

"I'm not hungry."

Who will ever be hungry in such a situation?

"Ok." He nods, "if you say so."

"Good night." I turn to leave, tears already welling in my eyes.

"I almost forgot. On the table in the parlour is your admission exam letter. The university sent it to…"

Without waiting to hear more from him, I ran into the parlour and took the letter from the table.

"Oh my God!" I squealed when I read what was written on the envelope.

This is true. Did I get the letter for the admission exam?