19

The soft sounds of rain drops tickled his ear as Jungkook gently sucked Jimin's bottom lip. Jimin's arms was rapped around the younger's neck as cold tears ran down his cheeks, skin heated in blush.

"Jungkook...." Against all the wishes his body and heart desired for Jimin pushed Jungkook's lips away from his own. "What are we doing?" He whispered.

"Please... just let me kiss you without worrying about the consequences..." Jungkook begged willing to do anything for another taste of Jimin's sweet saliva.

Jimin softly stroked the scar on Jungkook's cheek, he lifted his head slightly tilting to the side kissed the scar sweetly, then moved on to softly suck Jungkook's upper lip.

Jungkook pushed Jimin back into the pillows, no inappropriate touching, no lust. All either of them wanted was to stop time in this very moment, they just wanted to be with each other. And they were finally letting their hearts decide what their bodies would do, finally.

It's been nearly a year of unintentionally hurting each other over and over again. They've kissed before, but they were drunk, Jungkook was asleep, it wasn't real.

This felt like the first kiss, and they both savoured each other's tastes. They both memorized this moment and tried to make it last for as long as possible. But nothing lasts forever....

"Jungkook stop." Jimin managed to say and push Jungkook away once again. "Okey.... I'm sorry, I promise it won't happen again," Jungkook's excepted that it was over, his shaky legs sat down next to Jimin, "We can just forget about this, right?" Jungkook basically begged praying to God that his romantic feelings for the older didn't get in the way of their 'perfect' friendship. But Jimin couldn't just forget, not again.

"No, we can't," Jimin said firmly sitting up as well, "First I need to know; did you actually want it? Did you... actually want me?...." Jimin asked crossing his legs shyly. "What?..." Jungkook asked not wanting to answer truthfully or lie either.

"Jungkook, I can't keep going on like this. Never knowing if you like me or not, always having to guess.... It really hurts Jungkook-ah. And if you felt anything for me at all you would tell me! Even if it's an answer I don't want to hear, especially if it's an answer I dont want to hear. I'm in love with you Jungkook, and I thought I could just continue living with you while hiding my feelings but I can't. I feel like my brain is going to explode and I just can't do it anymore! You're not a slut because you got rapped, you're not a burden to me because you can't talk, you're not just a mute idiot that can't do anything right. You're the love of my life and I need to know if I should stop before my life turns into a living hell cause I'm already on fire... I need help putting it out the fire.... " Jimin explained his emotions, he finally did it. But the question is, will he just go to sleep and pretend it never happened like he did before?

"I-i.... " Jungkook paused and stared at Jimin's eyes, he couldn't say it. He couldn't say what he needed to say. He just couldn't....

"I need to go...." Jungkook got up and ran out the door as fast as his weak and shaky legs could go. He said nothing yet Jimin understood, he understood the worst possible outcome....

"I'm going for a drive, don't wait up. I might stay at a hotel for the night." Jungkook scribbled into a peace of paper and grabbed Jimin's car keys and left without looking back, not even to get a coat. All he had on was his grey sweatpants and an over-sized t-shirt.

"I might stay at a hotel..." Jimin read the message on the fridge out loud. It took him twenty minutes to stop crying and manage to get up after he heard the front door slam shut. Slowly his knees gave out and he fell onto them sobbing. He wanted an answer and he got one, unfortunately it wasn't the one he wanted.

The next morning Jungkook came back, he'd clearly been crying. Jimin was sleeping in Jungkook's room clutching onto one of Jungkook's hoodies. His nose was pink and eyes were puffy. He hoped he would wake up before Jungkook came back but seeing as he only fell asleep at 4:23 A.M he was still sound asleep. That is until Jungkook woke him.

"Jiminssi..." Jungkook lightly shook Jimin's peacefully sleeping figure and woke him up, with a scare too. "Jungkookie?" Jimin asked softly getting a bit of a fright. "Yes, it's me." Jungkook smiled softly, he was pretty fucking miserable. Just like Jimin.

"Jungkookie..." Jimin repeated softly taking a hold of Jungkook's thumb. "It's me Jiminssi." Jungkook whispered as if he was sad about who he was.

"Do you want some coffee?" Jungkook asked wiping Jimin's sweaty hair out of his face. "I need another beer." Jimin burped halfway through his sentence trying to get up. "Beer? Another?! " The moment the realization hit him he instantly regretted not staying last night. "Jimin have you been drinking?!" Jungkook caught Jimin from stumbling then held him by his waist.

"Now why would I *burp* be drinking? I'm not drunk. " Jimin was clearly still drunk. "Yes, you are! Why would you drink so much?" Jungkook complained helping Jimin stumble over to the kitchen. "Dont act innocent, you know who's fault this is! " Jimin not so complained but... teased? He definitely didn't look hurt, but Jungkook could tell. Not only for the fact that Jimin was drunk for no reason, but also the tears in his eyes.

"My fault?! You were the one that asked me about it!" Jungkook defended himself not realizing Jimin thought he got rejected, which he did but he wanted to do it in a less hurtful way.

"Look, I'm not proud of the way I responded, but you could've been a little more gentle. So yes, it is your fault." Jimin snapped back laying over the counter and trying to wiggle his way up. Won't lie, Jungkook's view was amazing. The way Jimin wiggled his butt right in Jungkook's face was so arousing to the younger.

"Help me up!" Jimin complained kicking his feet up and down getting frustrated that he couldn't get onto the counter top, why he wanted to was a mystery.

"Don't get onto the counter, in this state you'll fall off and get hurt." Jungkook tried to pull him down but Jimin latched onto the other side of the countertop while Jungkook pulled at his legs. "I don't wanna! I dont wanna! Let go!" Jimin protested trying to kick jungkook away but all he was doing was futile, Jungkook was at least five times stronger then he is. And not even Jungkook knew that.

Jungkook pulled a little too hard and forced Jimin's arms to let go and him to fall with Jimin on top of him.

"Let me go!" Jimin nearly yelled sitting on Jungkook's lap after they fell, he was trying to get off but Jungkook took a hold to his waist. "Let me go," Jimin slowly started to sob and stop fighting back, "Please... let go... I can't take this right now... please..." Jimin sobbed convincing Jungkook to hold on even tighter.

"I wont let go... ill never let go ever again." Jungkook's hands slowly traveled up Jimin's torso until he reached Jimin's neck. He took the older's chin in between his thumb and index finger and turned it towards his face.

"Please... I'm begging you.... don't hurt me anymore..." Jimin begged while he stopped fighting, he just laid in Jungkook's arms completely paralyzed. No effort to move in sight. He just let Jungkook control his body.

"I can't promise that I won't ever hurt you again, but I sure as hell do promise that I'll do more then my very best to keep you from harm's way. I promise that until l die I'll have the intent to hurt you. I promise..." jungkook swore then kissed jimins lips sweetly. The lingering taste of vomit and alcohol was disgusting, but he didn't care. All he cared about was Jimin.

(That night)

Jimin sobered up and after taking a six hour long nape monitored by Jungkook constantly checking up on him and even staring at him sleeping. It did make Jungkoom a little creeped out by himself but he didn't care at the moment.

"Jungkook-ah, I'm gonna order pizza. I dont feel like cooking, do you want a latte or something?" Jimin asked lazily walking over to Jungkook who was sitting in front of the couch using the coffee table as a desk to do his homework, surprisingly it didn't take a scolding match from Jimin and he did it on his own.

"Gasp, is the Jeon Jungkook doing his homework?!" Jimin said dramatically falling down onto the couch. "Do you have a headache? You were pretty drunk this morning." Jungkook asked ignoring Jimin's sarcasm\rudeness. He backed away from the coffee table and lifted himself onto the couch next to Jimin.

"Look, Googie. I'm really sorry, about the way I acted. I was out of line and I promise it won't happen again." Jimin apologized gently holding Jungkook's thigh completely out of habit.

"Its okey, I think it's sweet. It proves how much you care about me." Jungkook cockily said wanting to fluster Jimin, and he did, like always.

"Jungkook, if you think that any of what I've been doing or acting is purely because I was in love with you're wrong! I love you in more then just one way and I swear I'll never let it get in the way again, as long as you promise to never bring it up again." Jimin didnt so ask Jungkook to not talk about it but he demanded it.

"Jiminssi, I left last night because I didn't have the courage to say this in person. So how 'bout you read this letter before demanding promises." Jungkook handed Jimin a peace of paper and left to his room. He didn't want to be there while Jimin read the letter.

(Contents of the letter)

Jiminssi, *scratched out with pen*

Dear Jiminssi, *scratched out with pen*

My Jiminssi, *scratched out with pen*

From Jungkook to Jiminssi, *Scratched out with pen*

I'll start here instead; Jiminssi, ever since I met u i knew that I wanted you. At first it was just common lust, but as time passed bye my feelings for u grew stronger and i started to notice that sex wasnt the only thing i wanted from u anymore. And then we had our first real fight, i realized that I was pushing you too hard so i backed off hoping you would notice my feelings from a distance. Then I got raped, and i started believing myself to be a disgusting slut and I started thinking that I was nothing more to u then a burden that needed taking care of because no one else wanted too. I'm a fucking screw Jimin, thats why I cant be with u. I'm not good enough yet, and i don't think I will never be. U're just waisting ur time. And let me stop u before u try to say something like "let me decide what's good for me or not" or "u r good enough". U wont change my mind, even if this hurts you. It's for your own good that you stop loving me. I'm sorry for hurting you, it was never what I wanted to do, and I don't want to do that now. But loving a person like me will never end well. But, i won't lie to u, the man Jeon Jungkook, is fucking head over heels for you Park Jimin. And I promise you that that'll never change.

(Back to the book)

At so many parts Jimin wanted to loose his shit and yell at Jungkook but he managed to keep cool until it was over. Then he broke down into tears.

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!" Jimin yelled sobbing, now came the panic attack.

"YOU DONT GET TO DECIDE!!!" Jimin continued screaming punching the wall repeatedly. "YOU DONT GET TO FUCKING DECIDE WHATS GOOD FOR ME!!!" He continued screaming and his knuckles were started to bleed along with his knees that were also being punched against the rock hard wall. At least it was supposed to be rock hard, Jimin was easily denting it.

"YOU DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!" Jimin was completely losing it, but Jungkook didn't want to budge. He stayed in his room for as long as he could not wanting to make it worse. But when he heard a glass shatter he broke and ran to find Jimin immediately.

Jimin was standing in front of a mirror in the living room punching it not caring about the unbearable pain of his flesh brutally being ripped apart. "Jiminssi!" Jungkook tried to yell but nothing came out as he ran towards Jimin. He grabbed him by the waist and pulled him back and forcing him into the floor.

"YOU DONT GET TO FUCKING DECIDE ASSHOLE!!! ITS MY CHOICE TO LOVE YOU MINE ITS ALL MINE YOU CANT JUST DECIDE FOR ME!!" Jimin kicked and punched Jungkook to the point of a bloody nose, bruised legs and possibly a cracked rib. He was completely out of his mind, he didn't even realize how tight Jungkook was holding him. He just kept screaming and kicking while Jungkook never budged from holding him on the floor.

"HOW DARE YOU SAY YOU FUCKING LOVE ME AND THAT YOU DONT WANT TO HURT ME?!!!!! THATS THE ONLY THING YOURE DOING FUCKING BASTARD." Jimin kept fighting Jungkook who was desperately trying to say "I'm sorry" "I do love you" "please forgive me" but he was scared to death and nothing more then whimpers escaped his lips.

"FUCK!!! " Jimin yelled then suddenly stopped fighting and screaming, now all he was doing was panting heavily laying nearly unconscious.

And Jungkook took this opportunity to whisper, "I'm so sorry, I didnt mean for this to hurt you so much. I'm sorry."

Jungkook slowly let go of Jimin's body and picked him up to put him on the couch and examine his injuries ignoring his own. Jimin remained silent through everything.

Jungkook groaned in pain trying to pick Jimin up again, he was losing a lot of blood and needed a hospital. His whole body ached especially the right side of his ribcage. Jimin kicked it with his knee full force and considering the rest of the damage he did to not only himself but also Jungkook it wasn't hard to imagine he caused a bad injury.

Jungkook carried Jimin to the kitchen counter and placed him on top, he then bulted to get his phone and call an ambulance. While still on the phone he went back to the kitchen to try and stop Jimin from bleeding.

"Sir, speak up. I can't hear you." the lady at the other side said sounding worried, it took so much of Jungkook's courage to blurt out their address, and luckily that was enough for the lady to understand and send an ambulance.

"What the hell happened?! I was told to bring an ambulance not a police squad!" The ambulance man asked exclaimed seeing the state of their apartment. Jimin was immediately taken into the ambulance barely conscious while it took Jungkook a little longer to move.

"Im mute." Jungkook managed a whisper to explain why he wasn't talking, once he was with Jimin in the ambulance he was given a note pad to write on because nobody understood sign language. His hands were shaking which made it hard for him to write but he managed "He had a panic attack and started distroying shit. Including me"

"Why is he like this then? " Jungkook was asked about why Jimin laid almost completely unconscious just staring into nothing, but he just shook his head indicating he didn't know.

(At the hospital)

Jungkook got treated and was told he had two cracked rib bones and a broken nose but those were among the worst injuries. Jimin however nearly died bleeding out. The cuts on his hands and wrists were really deep and the peaces of mirror hit a few veins which is why he lost so much blood, his right knee took damage too but it wasn't as bad or as much of a worry as the rest.

Jimin passed out during the ambulance ride and still hasn't woken up, so Jungkook was just sitting next to his hospital bed crying silently. He didn't want to disturb the other patients and thought he'd just make trouble reacting badly. So he silently stared at Jimin crying.

He leaned in closer and softly pecked Jimin's forehead, "I'm sorry..." he whispered after coming back up. Jimin decided to pull a Sleeping Beauty and wake up after his Prince Charming kissed him.

"Jiminssi?" jungkook whispered softly and Jimin nodded his head slowly. "I'll go get a nurse." Jungkook just got up and left. He didn't say anything he didn't look back, he just left.

He didn't want to talk to Jimin, he was so fucking mad at him. Not for the obvious reasons, but because he hurt himself. So much so that he ended up on his death bed. That was unforgivable right now.

(after discharge)

Jimin stayed in the hospital for one week to get his blood flow where it should be, Jungkook didn't have bad injuries so he could leave after only one day.

He visited Jimin every single day, he brought Jimin clothes, he brought Jimin his favourite coffee. He even helped Jimin shower because he couldn't lift his arms or walk properly without getting dizzy.

But he never said a word, he completely ignored Jimin. Not even a nod to a yes or no question, not even a smile. He had his poker face the entire time and speaking was like finding a cat in the middle of the ocean. It NEVER happened.

Jimin even broke down about it right in front of Jungkook but he still just ignored him.

Jimin walked through the door first and when Jungkook entered he walked straight to his bed room completely ignoring Jimin once again.

"Please don't do this to me...." Jimin begged and Jungkook stopped in his tracks. "Why not? " Jungkook asked leaving Jimin speechless. "You deserve this. " Jungkook continued staying turned away from Jimin.

"You can talk normally again?! How did you do that? " Jimin stepped closer and tried to turn Jungkook to look at him, but Jungkook turned around before he could even touch his shoulder.

"Dont be so modest, after all, it you who gave me back my voice. Fitting isn't it? If my memory serves me right, it was you who took it as well? Wasnt it?" Jungkook's whispers were gone, and all the blood left Jimin's body and his face became pale as a ghost.

"You don't remember do you? Well, this song fits it perfectly;" Jungkook said then started singing while slowly creeping closer to Jimin and Jimin backing away just as slow.

"Loving and lying, accusing denying. I can't imagine a world with you gone. The joy and and the chaos, the demons we're made of. I'd be so lost if you left me alone." Hitting every note perfectly Jungkook creeped closer and closer, "You locked yourself in the bathroom, laying on the floor when I break through. I pull you in to feel your heartbeat, can you hear me screaming please don't leave me?"

Jimin's eyes spilled waterworks still backing away from Jungkook scared to death.

"Hold on, I still want you, come back I still need you. Let me take your hand I'll make it right, I swear to love you all my life." Every word Jungkook sang held special meaning, these ones pointing to the events of that night.

"Long endless highway, you're silent beside me. Driving a nightmare I can't escape from." Those were for the ambulance trip.

"Helplessly praying, the light isn't fading." The way Jungkook felt during that time.

"Hiding the shock and the chill in my bones." The way he acted while ignoring Jimin.

"They took you away in the table, I pace back and forth as you lay still. They pull you in to feel your heartbeat, can you hear me screaming please don't leave me." The way it felt when they got to the hospital, and the way Jungkook waited for Jimin to wake up.

"I don't wanna let go, I know I'm not that strong. I just wanna hear you, saying baby let's go home." Those words meant the most to Jimin, he knew what they meant to Jungkook.

"Lets go home. " Jungkook's eyes finally let go of the built up tears he's been hiding.

"Yeah, I just wanna take you home." Jungkook paused singing and looked down at the older's hands, "Let me take your hand I'll make it right. I swear to love you all my life." Jungkook gently reached for Jimin's still-bandaged hands.

"I'll hold on if you keep your promise, and love me all your life.... Take my hands and make it right. You owe me that...." Jimin was now the one whispering, Jungkook gently placed his forehead against Jimin's.

"I will, as long as you promise to never do that to me again.... Hyung... I watched you die..." Jungkook's voice broke to a whisper once again. "I watched the light fade.... please never do that to me again I'm begging you." Jungkook pleaded staring at Jimin's hands.

"I'll try..." Jimin whispered and that was good enough for Jungkook. "I love you...." Jungkook whispered then bent down a little bit more to kiss Jimin. This time, nothing could possibly go wrong.