2

It all started when our over-heralded star, John butter man, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling barely pleased, John butter man groped a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Just as zero people expected he realized that his beloved Toaster was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Smoking chicken. John butter man had known Smoking chicken for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Smoking chicken was unique. He was charismatic though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. John butter man called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Smoking chicken picked up to a very unhappy John butter man. Smoking chicken calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras sneeze before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually surreptitiously belch *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting John butter man. Why was Smoking chicken trying to distract John butter man? Because he had snuck out from John butter man's with the Toaster only six days prior. It was a curious little Toaster... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before John butter man got back to the subject at hand: his Toaster. Smoking chicken cringed. Relunctantly, Smoking chicken invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Toaster. John butter man grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Smoking chicken realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Toaster and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if John butter man took the spaceship, he had take at least two minutes before John butter man would get there. But if he took the Idiotic car 001? Then Smoking chicken would be exceedingly screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Smoking chicken was interrupted by eight dimwitted frogs that were lured by his Toaster. Smoking chicken yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling pleased, he randomly reached for his dull pencil and thoughtfully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Idiotic car 001 rolling up. It was John butter man.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a deft leap, John butter man was out of the Idiotic car 001 and went earnestly jaunting toward Smoking chicken's front door. Meanwhile inside, Smoking chicken was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Toaster into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind his refrigerator. Smoking chicken was relieved but at least the Toaster was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Smoking chicken surreptitiously purred. With a careful push, John butter man opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted self-righteous ass in a tricked out go kart,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Smoking chicken assured him. John butter man took a seat RIGHT next to where Smoking chicken had hidden the Toaster. Smoking chicken cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But John butter man was distracted. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Smoking chicken noticed a dimwitted look on John butter man's face. John butter man slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Smoking chicken felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when John butter man asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Toaster right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on John butter man's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. John butter man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Smoking chicken could react, John butter man randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Toaster was plainly in view.

John butter man stared at Smoking chicken for what what must've been ten minutes. Just as zero people expected Smoking chicken groped earnestly in John butter man's direction, clearly desperate. John butter man grabbed the Toaster and bolted for the door. It was locked. Smoking chicken let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, John butter man,' he rebuked. Smoking chicken always had been a little clueless, so John butter man knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Smoking chicken did something crazy, like... start chucking dull pencils at him or something. Happy as a frickin' monkey, he gripped his Toaster tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Smoking chicken looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from John butter man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for John butter man. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Smoking chicken walked over to the window and looked down. John butter man was gone.