Silent conversation

But when Shan touched Hyun, his eyes opened out of nowhere. They both stared at each other, nothing moved, only their upper eyelids. 

"What are you doing here?" Hyun asked, and suddenly got up. It was so sudden that Shan didn't have the time to dodge and their faces were only centimeters away for a few seconds, before Shan got up.

"I… was… I knocked, but no one answered, so I came in." He had no idea why he was stuttering. He did nothing wrong. So there was no reason for him to be embarrassed, but he was, so much, he could feel his ears heating up.

"Okay," Hyun got up, too, the water flowing down his clothes. He stopped the shower and took a towel. Instead of using it, he threw it at Shan, who skillfully caught it, and he himself took another one.

Again, they said nothing and just made themselves dry. Hyun took the hairdryer he brought with him and instead of using it on himself, again, he came to Shan and showed him the machine.

"Can I?" he asked, not knowing whether Shan could take someone touching him or not. But he nodded, so Hyunyeong turned it on and proceeded to dry Shan's hair.

Somehow, a silent understanding and weird chemistry were in between them. If someone else was in the room, he would feel it. They behaved so intimately even though they just met.

"Why did you come?" Hyunyeong asked after turning the hairdryer off. Shan stepped away, his eyes wide, looking unsure, shy.

"I told you already," he said. Hyun nodded, but that wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"I mean, why did you even knock? Why even come up to my room?" Hyun waited. Shan was silent. They were staring at each other. The air around them was really awkward.

"Nevermind," Hyun mumbled out of nowhere and went out of the bathroom, just to flop himself in one of the beanbags in front of the huge ass windows that were almost over the entire wall. He hugged one of the pillows and just stared out.

"I'm sorry for the slap before," Shan said, when he came out of the bathroom too, after a few minutes.

"It's okay. I don't care." Hyun didn't even look at him and, for some reason, that hurt Shan even more. Hyun paused.

"You don't have to apologize anymore. Just go on your way…" he continued. He still stared out of the window and Shan completely missed the dismissal Hyun shared in his words. Instead, he sat down on the other bean bag that was there, still watching Hyun.

Then he scanned the surroundings. It was similar to his room, the default design of male rooms. Nothing to be worried about. No glass shards, no knives, nothing that could be used… Shan closed his eyes and started poking the skin on his fingers again. Because some painful memories surged up.

He was sitting on the bed in his room, and he was going crazy. He saw the faces, and heard the voices, telling him he should die with them. Saying that he abandoned them. That he shouldn't have run away. And a particularly loud voice was calling him a liar. Calling him a murderer.

Shan shook his head to go back to the present. He was slightly sick in his stomach again, but it wasn't something he shouldn't get over with some deep breathing.

"What happened to you?" he asked out of nowhere. The version he heard from Lucy was not enough to satisfy his curiosity.

"Nothing." Shan was now feeling even worse. It was as if his personality did a one-eighty. Just like his own personality changed after coming to Hong Kong.

"If it was nothing. You wouldn't be like this." Hyun jerked his head Shan's way and blinked at him, saying nothing. Shan nodded to encourage him to speak. But nothing happened.

"Should I go away?" he asked, already being desperate. If he did nothing to make Kim Hyunyeong feel better, Lucy would destroy him. 

"Yes," Hyun answered and Shan's chest was painful again. He placed his hand on the middle of his chest and frowned. He knew it was probably sadness. But Shan had no idea why he felt sad.

"I can't come back if I go away now. I need to train…" Shan tried to play this underhanded strategy, but it certainly had the opposite effect. Hyun now felt bad. He was stopping him from training.

"Yes, go. I'm okay, and you need to train. I'm sorry to hold you back." Shan got up because he knew everything was futile here. But he stopped after a few steps and came back.

"Give me your phone," Shan said and reached out with his hand. Hyun just moved his head in the way of the coffee table, where his phone lay. Shan went to get it, but it was locked.

He decided to not bother Hyun again and just took the notepad on the side, wrote down his number, and placed it on the back of the phone underneath the case. He actually laughed because there was something unexpected there. His picture. It was actually his and Yitian's picture that they took together and later it was posted as a gift for an event.

"If you wanted to talk, or just were bored. Call me. I put my number under your phone case." He did not answer back. Nothing.

Shan walked out of the room but stopped with the door open.

"Bye," Hyun said, but did not turn around at all.

Shan saw Lucy standing in the corridor, waiting. He sighed and went to tell her what had happened.

"Fuck!" she swore and surprised Shan with it. It was in Czech, but he knew exactly what it meant. But didn't know why she used it.

"Is it so bad?" he asked, hoping for a negative answer, but Lucy nodded.

"You don't get it. After breaking up with his boyfriend, he was totally devastated. He spent his days in his room. He didn't want to eat. The only fun when he came to me was for your streams. Because I interpreted it. That was his only social interaction. And slowly during those months, he healed. Even after he got molested, he still kept his composure because of the words you said on your stream. So now, when he doesn't even look at you... I don't know what will happen." Lucy's long rant ended with her sigh, which was perfectly synched with Shan's.

He fucked up. And royally.