Boxing day

The quiet Christmas night ended, and the dawn broke. They lay next to each other, facing opposite directions, their eyes frozen wide in shock.

"WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID COLLEN? WHY WOULD YOU KISS HIM?"

"WHY DID SHE KISS ME? Was I meant to kiss her back? No, there was probably something left on my cheek and she just ate. Yeah...yeah that was probably it."

"AHHHH! What we're you thinking? I can explain it to him...he deserved a gift? No that sounds like you want to give him your body. There was something on his cheek... and I ate it, because I'm super weird. Yeah...yeah that's gonna work."

"I AM THE IMMORTAL IRON FIST!"

Andrew and Colleen shot awake, facing each other, in silence.

"Did...you...sleep well?" Colleen hesitantly asked her eyes darting around.

"Yeah.yeah.yeah best sleep of my life. What about you?" Andrew stammered, struggling to maintain eye contact.

"Oh yeah, best sleep of my life as well." She scoffed.

*They did not sleep at all.*

The silence in the room was cut by the chanting. Andrew and Colleen sitting in front of each other fidgeting.

"ALRIGHT! F**k it, we need to talk about last night." Andrew snapped.

"NO! No we don't."

"Colleen did you even sleep, because I didn't. I've spent the last 5 hours trying to rationalise why a girl like you would even kiss me."

"I don't know why I kissed you, it was not the move, and what do you mean a girl like me?

"Beautiful, cute, pretty, amazing, funny, and whatever other descriptions I'm missing."

Her face went red in an instant.

"Andrew stop! What happened last night was that there was something on your cheek..."

"And you ate it, because you're super weird, so it wasn't a kiss."

"OH my god, can you read my mind?"

"No, I thought of the exact same thing. Colleen I think we just let this happen, and stop fighting it."

"What happened to, there is no reason to listen to the magic sword or gods?"

"That was before last night; when you were gonna kiss me and I realised I had a shot."

"You said those things, because you thought I wouldn't get with you? And you're wrong I wasn't going to kiss you."

"OH don't you even think about lying to me or yourself, you leaned into it."

"I 'LEANED' INTO IT?"

"Yeah you did, I felt your breath on my face."

"Only because, you forced your face into mine."

"HEY! Last I remember you were literally dragging me closer."

"So I could push you off the edge, and play with the wolf armour."

*Knock* *Knock* A man wearing a jumpsuit holding a tool boxed walked in.

"Hi, I'm Dave. Here to fix your door aye."

Andrew and Colleen stared at him in silent disbelief and confusion.

"Oh, sorry didn't mean to interrupt you two. Don't mind me I'll just listen to my music and get to fixing your door." He said casually blasting music through his earphones getting to work on the door.

"Okay... ignoring him, you were gonna kiss me Colleen, and we can prove it. Our Chi flickers when we lie about feelings. You ask me about last night and I'll ask you. Then we'll find the truth out."

"Fine! But this is just gonna prove that you forced a kiss on me."

"Were you going to kiss me on the roof Colleen?" Andrew asked looking at her aura.

"..............yes................" she said her aura didn't move.

"Okay, now you can ask me about last night."

"Do you love me?"

"I....uh....you were supposed to ask me about last night."

"Answer the question, do you love me?"

"I don't know..., this is all so weird. We haven't even known each other more than a month; can you really fall in 'love' with someone that fast?" His Chi flickered erratically as he buried his face into his hands.

"I have no idea, this is so complicated. I mean did you really mean all those things you said about me?"

"Which things?"

"That you think I'm beautiful and stuff."

"...Yeah I do, I arghh...this all feels so damn weird. When I say or do those things, it feels right, but then I take a second to think about what I just said or did. And then it feels like I should get suplexed off a skyscraper afterwards."

"Sounds like you two just need to f**k and stop worrying aBout it." Dave said in his thick Canadian accent.

*SCHING* Colleen pressed the cold steel against Dave's throat, his face turning blue immediately.

"The f**k did you just say?"

"I...I...I..."

"Colleen stop we need him to fix the door, let's just talk about this outside."

"Fine. When we come back there better a fully repaired door here, or else."

Dave nodded eagerly getting back to work.

Andrew and Colleen sat in the park.

"What now?" She asked.

"I don't even know; normally in situations like this I would go talk to my best friend about these issues. But that doesn't really work if the problem is with said friend."

"I'm your best friend?"

"I didn't really have friends in high school; they were just friends by proximity."

"Oh so by default then."

"No, you really are my best friend. I...I feel like the best version of myself when I'm around you. ARGH! Listen to me; I keep saying stupid crap that's not helping this situation."

"Andrew...we could solve this entire problem right now."

"How do we do that?"

"We kiss."

Andrew went completely red, his eyes frozen in wide shock.

"Kiss me and if there are 'sparks'. We just stop fighting whatever stupid notions we have about us being love or not."

*Gulp*

Andrew and Colleen sat on the cold bench, the dim rays of sunlight shining around them. The steam from their breaths clashed in waves, as they leaned closer into each other. Their eyes closing, her hand tenderly clutched over his, their lips about to touch.

"HEY YOU GUYS OKAY, IF I DON'T INSTALL A CHAIN LOCK!" Dave screamed from the window.

Andrew and Colleen broke away from each other.

"JUST DO YOUR F**KING JOB!" Colleen yelled.

"Alright f**k this, we're gonna go get some answers together." Andrew said, storming back up grabbing a wad of cash.

"Give me your phone Dave, I need to call a taxi."

"I can't do that it's against my work policy to let anyone use it, and who uses taxis in this day or age?"

He summoned his shield, winding his arm back for a hit.

"ALRIGHT! Just take it. Do you both just resort to violence if things don't go your way?"

"Yes, now shut up and fix this door, 'DAVE'."

"Where are we going Andrew?"

"Just get in, and bring the katana."

They arrived at Uncle's massage parlour.

"What do you think Uncle is even going to tell us?"

"He knows more than he's letting on. I need to know if these 'feelings' we have are ours. Or if that katana's magic seal made us fall in love."

"You think that the seal on the sword is making us feel this way?"

"It's the last theory I have. If it's not we can say with full certainty that these feelings are real."

Andrew and Colleen travelled in silence, before arriving, to find the place completely locked up with a sign on the front door. Wang go holiday, be back when Wang happy.

"OH you got to be f**king joking!"

"He's never gone on holiday, in the last ten years I've known him."

"Well, he's gone now! You know any other old secretive people that know about magic swords?"

"Sorry I don't...so what now?"

"I have no idea."

"Why are we so against this?"

"Let me show you, I'm gonna ask you something and without thinking, answer it."

"Okay..."

"What's your perfect partner?"

"Ripped, smart, funny, handsome and at least over 6ft tall. Ooooh, that does make a lot more sense."

"There you go; I'm only 2 of those things."

"Out of curiosity, which ones do you think you are?"

"Handsome and funny."

"You don't think you're smart, but handsome?"

"I once tried tripped while wearing loafers and tried to play it off by tying my shoe laces. I am not the smart. Also yes, why else would a Valkyrie sleep with me?"

"Ahahah, well that is dumb, but I still won't believe the Valkyrie part ever."

"Wow, you can't give me anything will you?"

"Sorry, if I give that to you, you won't ever stop riding that high."

Andrew begrudgingly nodded in agreement.

"So what's your 'perfect' partner?"

"She can cook, has a sense of humour, and has good hygiene."

"You didn't say anything about she looks."

"Oooh no, I'm not falling into that trap. Anything I say, with my weight and height, just makes me look like a douche."

"I'm not trying to trap you, I'm serious. What's your type?"

"...theylooklikeyou..." Andrew rapidly mumbled under his breath.

"What?"

*Clears Throat* "Not important, I'm gonna go get breakfast you coming?" He said quickly walking away.

"Hey wait up, what did you say?"

"Are looks really important in this day and age Colleen? It's time to grow up." He said, picking up his pace.

She grabbed his shoulder, spinning him around, his face turning red.

"What did you say?"

Andrew shrugged her off and took off running.

"Oh. You want to play this game, fine by me." She said dashing after him with a grin.

Andrew could feel the cold wind whistle past his face, running faster than he ever could before. However he could hear the loud sounds of shoes slapping the ground, creeping ever closer to him. Suddenly Andrew was yanked backwards by his collar. *HYUCK*

"Ha..ha...you can run pretty fast now, but now you're gonna tell me what you said before." She said holding him like a lion cub.

"I said I like fat women, I need them to be thicc. So thicc that when I'm the little spoon, it feels like I'm getting eaten by a marshmallow."

"Lie, tell me the truth."

"Ahhhh, I hate that we have lie detectors on each other. Fine, let me go and I'll tell you."

"Don't try running again."

"I said you. You're my physically my ideal women. Happy?"

"Oh! Why? That's a terrible type to be into."

"Wait what?"

"I mean, I'm cute but I don't have any... 'Assets'. Like you're way thicker than me, rocking with solid C cups. "

"Hey! I'm a tight B cup crossing to A. Also It's never been about the size, it's the shape and...I don't know why I'm saying this."

"So what you're saying is...that you want to get up on this?" she said rubbing her hands over her body.

"After that tantalising display, who could resist you? But keep going, you looked like a blind person trying to read Braille tattooed on their body."

"I'd still have more sex appeal than you."

"Wow! What a terrible bar to set yourself above. Might as well say you run better than a paraplegic."

She shoved him aside, both starting to laugh.

"You know if you lost the weight you would still be 90% of my perfect match."

"Sorry no can do. All good foods are bad for you, but all foods that are good for you, are bad."

"You could just eat less."

"Well I could, but that means you could always learn how cleaning a towel works."

"I'm not going to explain myself again." She said annoyed.

"You shouldn't be defending this case it's very gross, and I still haven't been properly thanked for getting you new towels."

"When I clean myself, I am cleaner than I was before using the towel. Theoretically that towel should be cleaner every time I use it."

"If any scientist hears you say that, they're going to commit Seppuku on themselves."

"Shut up, the logic makes sense."

"I'm going to ask the first person we see, and you're gonna look like the biggest idiot ever."

Running out to the main road with Colleen following, Andrew noticed something peculiar. The roads where empty, no cars driving or people walking, an eerie silence rang hollow throughout the streets.

"Where is everyone?" Andrew asked cautiously looking around.

"I don't...know... this is super weird. Whoa! Your armour just appeared!"

"What? Is something trying to kill us?" he said, both them looking around confused.

*thud* *thud* *THUD* *THUD* *STOMP* *STOMP* *CRASH* *CRASH*

Colleen instinctively pushed Andrew to the side, readying her katana as he summoned his shield. Suddenly a gigantic muscled man, wearing plates of red armour burst out of the building, with a woman attempting to push him back. Each step shook the ground; his speed growing with his momentum, the sound of metal scrapped the asphalt. The woman attempting to hold him back wore a full black and grey costume with red eye sockets. A singular claw protruded from the top of her foot, planted into the ground, his momentum still building.

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She roared, flipping the man over her shoulder.

Two platinum coloured claws stuck out from both of her hands, dripping with the man's blood. She reeled her arm back ready to end his life, *BAMF* suddenly a black and purple creature with a tail appeared grabbing her arm. *BAMF* suddenly they were gone leaving a black and dark purple smoke.

"MOTHERF**********************KER!" She screamed as she plummeted to the ground.

"THROW ME AT HER COLLEEN!"

Quickly grabbing Andrew, she hurled him into the woman, crashing through the side of a building.

"Are you okay?" Andrew asked.

She grunted quickly shoving him aside.

"Stay out of the way! You're gonna get killed furry."

"I just saved your life, and what the f**k is going on?"

*BAMF* The black and purple humanoid figure stood behind appeared behind Andrew, wrapping his arrow tipped tail around his throat. *BAMF* Suddenly Andrew felt weightless *BAMF* the figured appeared in front of him with a demonic grin, his eyes a golden amber with no pupils, he waved him goodbye with his three fingers. Andrew started to plummet to the ground, from roughly 40 feet in the air.

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

The gigantic man wear stumbled to his feet, and from above the woman jumped down plunging her claws into his neck. He screamed out in agony flailing around to grab and throw her off. Cutting in deeper into his flesh blood started to spurt out, when a red laser beam vaporised her arm off in an instant, leaving nothing behind, except a metal skeleton. The man finally got a hold of her throwing her into the side of a building.

Andrew falling to the ground summoned his shield bracing himself for the fall, crashed into the ground leaving a small crater. Colleen used the dust cloud to hide herself and quickly dragged Andrew behind a corner.

"Come on out! I know that isn't enough to kill you!" A voice shouted.

"Arghhhhhhhhhh you f**kers really need to kill me fast or f**k off!" She screamed, holding her skeleton arm.

"Are you okay Andrew?" Colleen whispered.

"What? f**k no I just got dropped out of the sky by a blue demon." He whispered back.

"Okay you're fine, we need to get out of here."

"It's 1 vs 3 she needs our help."

"We have to get the f**k out of here now, that's 'the' leader of the mutant revolution."

"There's no way, they would attack such a populated area. Now we need to help that girl, because she just got one of her arms vaporised." He said readying to attack.

The dust settled, a man wearing a single slit visor and full body blue spandex with yellow accents. Covered with accessories emblazoned with a red X on his chest. He stood by the gigantic man, his armour red armour branded with an X over his chest, and the devil like creature wearing a red and black jumpsuit also emblazoned with an X on his chest.

"Our offer still stands, come join us. The revolution would love to have the wolverine with us."

The muscles, blood, sinew and skin grew back in an instant over her arm.

"Hahahahahahaha, it gets funnier every time you ask me Cyclops. I'm never gonna join your merry little band of dipshits."

"Tsk, drop her from the sky a few more times Nightcrawler, maybe that will change her mind."

*BAMF*Nightcrawler teleported behind Wolverine.

"Up we go Madame." *BAMF* dropping her from the top of the nearby highrise.

"Andrew we need to go now! Andrew? Andrew?" She said looking around.

Hurling his shield at Cyclops, the gigantic snapped his hand out protecting him, the shield ricocheting off his arm, falling to the ground.

"You survived your fall, colour me impressed. Do you have name?" Cyclops said.

"Andrew, I want you to leave the girl alone, and walk away." He said staring him down.

"OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU SO DUMB ANDREW!" She said dragging her face down.