Tony Stark is a Mess

Tony Stark is known for many things and being a father is not one of them. Not until recently. He'd been in bed with a model, a beautiful blonde chick that he was very much attracted to. He'd also had a few too many drinks, so when he got a phone call from his private doctor, he didn't pick up. The next day he didn't even bother to check his miss calls, but he did check his emails and he was glad he didn't pick up the call because he had- has a kid. A living human being is going to look at him and say "Oh that's my biological father" while pointing at him. He wasn't cut out for this. So he did what he did best. Drink his feelings away.

It numbed him a whole lot. Sure, he neglected his projects but that wasn't the only thing he was neglecting. He is 30, the prime of his life, he should be out partying, drinking, and doing whatever he wants. He was out one evening, each arm draped across a different model when one of them pointed out a couple with a child. The woman was dressed in a luxurious silk dress and she was clinging to a man, the child, her son, was following after her in his little tuxedo. The kid looked young and in Tony's hazy mind, he thought, my kid's probably the same age. He froze. Shaking the thoughts out of his head he continued into the bar.

It didn't stop him from being curious though.

After even more days of pondering he decided to look the kid up. Conveniently his computer was sitting right in front of him, so with a few clicks he got all the files up. He felt sick.

He assumed the kid had a nice family, maybe his mother remarried or they were living happily as mother and son. No- he wanted that. He wanted the lack of responsibility for the kid. He shouldn't be having a kid. But there's a child out there, carrying his blood all alone in an orphanage and he's lazing around getting drunk. That's just the peak of it, the kid- his kid's mom is dead, and he watched the whole thing happen.

He pulled up the files on the case and that's a news-level story. A 6-year-old kid watches his mother die out as she commits suicide using a kitchen knife. He can already see the News channels eating it up, but he couldn't find anything more than some police reports. Not only that, the pair had been kicked out by Lauren's ex-husband. He can feel his head pounding as he recalls glimpses of a party, a little boy with black curly hair and big brown eyes(like his-) and his parents pressed on either side of him. He was there, he saw his biological kid and he didn't know.

He doesn't know what to do.

Jarvis would but his dad (in all but blood) wasn't here to tell him, "Tony-" ( he's never been in this situation. What will he tell him?)

He doesn't know what to do.

He feels lost.

So he picks up his phone and calls the place where Allen is staying.

He doesn't know if it's a good idea but the kid is all alone and Tony needs to try. He doesn't want to have another kid like him, bitter and resentful of their absent father.

Tony knows he's not going to best father in the world, but he wants to try. He just needs to do whatever Howard didn't.

They set an appointment for him the next week. He can feel his fingers itching for the smooth surface of beer bottles and the pleasant taste of alcohol. But instead, he goes to a bookstore and gets himself a stack of books on parenting. But at every moment he feels weak, his throat feeling dry and his mind begging to be all hazy and weightless again, he pulls himself back and grabs another book.

Sitting in the meeting room of the orphanage- foster home, Tony can feel the cold air conditioning fanning his cold sweat. His heart thumping so loudly in his chest and his stomach doing acrobatics. He regrets this, he's not fit to be a decent human being, let alone a father. (His dad somehow managed to be both, but that's different).

He can feel the hems of his pants pressing uncomfortably on his ankles, he can taste the remnants of his breakfast, a croissant and he can hear footsteps outside the door, then the creak of said door opening, revealing a little boy that looks a little too much like him.

He expected to feel some kind of never-ending love towards the boy or a sense of parental devotion. But instead, he felt scared. Knowing him, he's going to mess it all up and he'll end up being the kid's little fact about me in his introductions and a single Christmas card bought half-heartedly at a store. So he tries to not mess it up.

And of course that didn't work out well. The star wars joke wasn't that well received by his little human. Has the kid even watched it? His thoughts were running a marathon whilst his face rested in a well-practised nonchalant smirk. He tried to analyse his kid and the poor thing looked so lost and i̶n̶s̶e̶c̶u̶r̶e̶ like him. He tried giving the kid a stable bond between them. He took another test just to make sure the kid knows that, yes, they are biologically related and Tony won't just ditch him. He even managed to bond with Allen (the parenting books helped a lot with the questions). And when they got back the positive results and Allen had sobbed, Tony's heart hurt a little.

Sitting in the car and starting at the retreating figure of the foster home, Tony thinks he's not at a stage where he'll die for Allen, but he wants to try and get there.

.

.

.

.

.

Bringing Allen back to his house to decorate his room terrified Tony because it meant he was committing to this. But seeing the way Allen light up as he picked all the little knickknacks for his room erases the thought. He wants this. He hasn't known the kid for long but he's slowly lodging his way into Tony's world.

Tony is a mess but he hides it very well. Every time the kid talks and asks questions, Tony would put up a big smile and answer him eagerly (he's not too sure whether it's real or fake). He tries to ignore his thoughts screaming at him that he's doing it all wrong and he's found to mess it up. He's got a fake it till ya make it mentality at this point and it seems to be working very well because no one suspects a thing until Rhodey comes along and ploughs a truck to his very carefully built lie.

He had invited James and Obi for breakfast to meet his son, Obi wasn't too happy. The three of them talked,

"Tony what you are doing is very stupid, send him back to his mother, you should know better than anyone you are unsuited for this." Obi lectured him with disappointed eyes.

Tony squirmed, he hated that look. "He's all alone..." he tried explaining. "His mom is dead and he's been staying at a foster home."

Rhodey looked understanding. He stopped what he was going to say and instead patted Tony on the back. Obi left quickly, telling him to send the boy back. But Rhodey just stayed there and ask, "Are you ok?"

Tony felt his world-shattering. "Yeah, I will be."

His best friend didn't look convinced.

"I know I'm not good at this but I want to try."

Rhodey smiled, "and ill be here whenever you need me," then with broad arms, he guided Tony to the dining room, "Introduce me to your son."

Tony may be a mess but he's not alone.

.

.

.

.

.

Well, he spoke too soon.

He managed to last for so long until he caved into his dark thoughts and he just blacked out. Self-deprecating thoughts and insecurities blinded him, paralysing his every action. He can't raise a kid. He shouldn't be allowed to raise a kid. These kinds of thoughts were just so loud and he couldn't bear it. He reached for his familiar source of comfort, alcohol.

The day blurred into short segments of laughter and a painless world. He didn't even notice the sun turning into the moon until Happy decided to pull him out of the warm embrace of various women and back home. His hazy mind guided him around the familiarity of his home until it stopped at an unfamiliar figure.

Oh.

The dark thoughts returned like a tsunami, nearly toppling him down. He feels horrible. He can see his kid stepping back (away) from him. He can see the haunted look on his little face. His murky brain wants to comfort the poor thing and so he reached out and Allen flinched. The small body forms a tight ball with practised familiarity. Like he'd expected Tony to hit him.

The alcohol left his system faster than ever. His heart breaking into bits. He's such a bad father.

He doesn't know what to do.

So he just stood there. He wants to wrap Allen up in a tight hug and protect him from all forms of harm but he's scared that if he follows through with the action and Allen rejects him again, he doesn't think he can take it. He watches the small body tremble and then fall limp.

The doctor said Allen will be fine.

But Tony feels so disgusted at himself for causing Allen to be like this. He's never been in this position and doesn't know what to do, so he makes pancakes. Allen seemed to like them. He knows he's not forgiven but that ok. He won't do it again. The thought of drinking makes him sick to the stomach.

(The horrified look on his son's face is enough to fuel his sleepless nights)

.

.

.

.

.

When school started for Allen, things seemed to be getting better between them. There's a thin barrier between them still but Allen is slowly warming up to him again.

Slowly things were starting to get better until his world went crumbling down again.

Allen is in a car crash and missing nearly pushes himself back to drinking. But he can't. He needs to find his son. He needs him back home, where it's safe. He should have been there. He's willing to do anything to bring back Allen.

He wishes he could swap places with his kid. He knows that he can die for Allen.