Hail PB&J!

Idris. POV.

"IM THE RHINO!!!"

"I can see that." A literal giant rhino man was charging me. I could not make this up. I really wish I was though.

I was taking a stroll around the city to scout for new apartments maybe, when I saw this massive mound of muscle crash through multiple buildings with a bunch of bags of cash. Like those old cartoons with the dollar symbols on them. I thought it was funny so I followed him. He didn't like that very much, leading to this interaction.

A fist came flying past me as I rolled out of the way and held my arms out to him.

"I just got this jacket. So, lets hold off on the fighting thing." He didn't seem to like that because he growled at me and kicked me in my chest. I went flying through a building and fell into some ruble.

Fuck me in the ass. I crawled out of my hole and took off my jacket. I threw it to the side and started walking towards the Rhino. He looked at me confused as I just seemingly shrugged it off.

"I'm going to break your kneecaps you giant furry." He smiled and swung his arm down towards me. I side stepped and grabbed his arm and slinging him over my shoulder to the ground. He formed a crater with a 'umph'.

"What the?" He muttered as I ignited and flew into the air. His eyes widened when I came crashing down flying right into his stomach. His body folded around me and I sent his body deeper into the earth. His attempts to grab me were null and void as his hands just passed through me and ended up burning himself.

I flew out of the hole waiting for him. My super suit was still in perfect condition. I deactivated and looked at all the people surrounding us. I waved at some of them, and they waved back. That's when I heard a pounding and turned around to see the Rhino climbing his way up out of the pit, I put him in. He looked dazed and confused and his eyes weren't focused on anything.

"What are you?" He asked me and I smiled.

"Justice." I ran towards him and sent a huge uppercut at him. He flew back and landed on his back.

"I said I was gonna break your kneecaps right?" He groaned and breathed heavily. I just sighed. He's not making the banter fun.

"Freeze!" I heard a shout and I was surrounded by 10 cops pointing guns at me.

"Ugh, what?" I looked confused then remembered Rhino totally stole that money. "Hold on. I caught the bad guy for you." I pointed towards rhino who groaned and I just kicked him to shut hum off.

The cops all looked confused about what to do, and I just tried to walk away. No point in hurting the boys in blue. Their just doing their job.

"No. You freeze too!" I turned around to look at the voice, I was met with a cowering figure who didn't look all that impressive.

"For what?" I threw my arms up in confusion and that's when I was shot right in the kidney. The bullet bounced off of me and I just looked at the person who shot me. I saw a young guy who looked to be sweating bullets.

"I'll let that slide. Shoot me again and I'll end your bloodline." I pointed at him and he gulped.

"What are you?" There were whispers and people were hiding behind cars in fear. I just smiled and ignited. That's when they all unloaded their guns at me and I just stood there.

"Are you guys happy now? Now seeing as I committed no crime you can't hold me here and or arrest me. I'll be leaving." I heard a car screech to a stop and out came a tall African American man.

"No, you won't." He had an eyepatch and a black trench coat. "Nick Fury. Director of Shield. I'd like to ask you a few questions." I just stared blankly at him.

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?"

"Yes. It means you're coming with me."

"No, I'm not." He didn't falter and just gestured for the man next to him to hand him something. The man next to him was a white man in a generic black suit, the stuff you'd see in spy movies. He handed him a grenade of some kind.

"This here is a cyro grenade made specifically for you. Now, come willingly or not." I just laughed in his face.

"Yeah. I'm still not coming." In a blink of an eye, he pulled the pin and threw the grenade at me. It hit me square in the chest and activated. Safe to say I was frozen.

"Now, Mr Rosario. I have some questions for you." I just raised an eyebrow and broke free. Both he and his agent looked surprised.

"Right. You guys missed it when I flew a literal Rhino man into the concrete. So, fire isn't just my power. I'm just gonna go now. Clean slate and all that." I reignited and blasted off. From the air I could see the Rhino getting chained up to a helicopter to transport him. I really liked that jacket.

Idris. POV. Week later.

I was chilling in the crib when suddenly a bunch of ninjas came crashing through the windows and door. Neena was on apartment duty right now, so I was left watching the apartment.

When I saw ninjas I don't actually mean Japanese ninjas. It's just the people were dressed in all black and had a variety of weapons on them. It was about 4. I was eating some cereal when they all came in and I just sighed and placed it on the coffee table.

"Now. I don't know what your boss told you. But I can say with full confidence that it is ]\within your best interest to leave." I raised my arms and looked around at all of them. They didn't seem to consider my offer because they pulled out p90's and unloaded into me. I sighed and walked towards the nearest one. I grabbed his throat and lifted him off the ground. The gunshots stopped and I just shot an eye beam of fire right through his skull and threw him out of the window.

I looked around the room and saw bullet holes in everything. All the walls, furniture, even the TV was destroyed. The ninjas looked stunned at my display, and I just shrugged.

"No second chances." That's when I charged at the next one, grabbed his arm ripping it off and using it to club the one closest towards him. He flew to the last one that was still standing and he was helped up. Now It was just two vs. me. I feel kind bad for them. The armless guy was screaming and crashed onto the floor in his own blood. I hissed and kicked him out of the window and threw the arm with him.

Neena was going to kill me. Oh well. I eyed the last two and they pulled out swords.

"Really. Swords? You saw me shrug off bullets and you want to use a sword against me?"

"Hail Hydra" They said softly and charged at me. Might as well entertain them. They both slashed at me, one going to my head and the other to my legs. I quickly stomped the wrist of the swordmen going to my legs breaking his hand. Then I let the sword coming to my head smash against my face breaking the sword. One stared at his sword in disbelief and the other was holding his wrist in agony. I just grabbed the face of the one staring at his sword and seared my handprint into his face, and threw him out the window after.

"Now, it's just you and me." I turned to see the last one crawling towards the door.

"You're not human." He whimpered as he kept crawling, his hand was hanging useless as his arm pulled him closer to the door.

"No, I'm not." I stepped on his back, pressing on his spine and he screamed in pain. "Who sent you?" he didn't answer, and I applied more pressure on his spine. "Answer me and I'll end it quick." He got to the door and pulled himself up to lean on the doorframe. His mouth was bloody. I might have over did it with the whole spine thing.

"Hail Hydra."

"What's Hydra?" I kneeled down and he just spat in my face. A splash of blood was on my face and I was seething with fury. "What does Hydra want with me?" His smile brightened as he looked out towards the window. I followed his gaze and saw a beam of light enter the apartment. It was blinding. Then gunshots filled the room and I just stood up.

It was an attack helicopter. This is just perfect. The gunshots were bouncing off of me and I just looked around the apartment in disbelief. Neena was going to kill me. I looked down at the unfortunate assassin to see him full of bullet holes and hardly recognizable. The shots ended and I looked back at the helicopter. I could see the pilot look at me in disbelief and I just gave him the middle finger.

He went to pull off and fly away but I didn't let him. My eyes started burning and I shot a highly concentrated blast of fire out of my eyes and mouth at the helicopter. Melting it in half and causing it to crash into the buildings below the apartment.

"What the hell!?" I turned around to see Neena with a pair of keys in hand and a bag.

"This is not my fault at all." I pointed around the room at all the carnage.

"Then explain why my apartment is ruined beyond repair!" I just held my hands up and sighed.

"I was attacked by assassins. Some weirdos from Hydra or whatever. You literally just missed them. I would consider yourself lucky. Please don't be mad at me." I said the last part in desperation.

Technically she's the only person with a real identity. I found out the Director scrubbed all data of me from public databases after my job with him. Makes me wonder how Nick Fury knew who I was. What if these guys were sent by Nick Fury? I was knocked by my thoughts with a pair of keys to the forehead.

"You are so lucky I found us a new place. You don't know how much I want to drown you right now." She seethed and rushed to her room to survey the damages.

"I'll just come back, again." I said softly not really caring if she heard me. She came back out with the lockbox full of money and a bag of clothes.

"Come on. Not much survived this 'assassination' and we don't want to be here when the cops come. It's not every day a helicopter falls out of the sky." She handed me the bag of clothes and I just nodded.

"Lead the way, madam."

"Shut your mouth you stupid matchstick. God, I don't understand why I'm still sticking with you." I pouted and followed her.

"Don't be like that Neena. We need each other. We're like Peanut butter and Jelly. Both alright on our own, but together the ultimate team."

"Well Jelly just wrecked our apartment."

"I'm definitely Peanut butter."

"Does it fucking matter!" She hissed out and pressed the elevator button to the ground floor.

"You know I am sorry."

"Don't give a shit. Shut up."

"Will do."