Major Grom: Everything

"Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who they should be." Anton Chekhov

***

Dima understands everything perfectly. There's no happy ending, like in romcoms that his sister loves, for him. It won't happen not only with Igor, but also with any other person. Dima has no delusions about himself: he knows who he is, how he looks and how people perceive him. And also, he is tired to be "not enough", "not very", to impose himself and, most of all, to slowly watch them moving away and having no means to change that.

But even with the acceptance of all these facts Dima wants to.

Feel.

Dima wants to feel "special", to be the one you would think of, falling asleep or spinning in front of the mirror in the morning. Meeting with whom you are always looking for and can't help but smile a little awkwardly when you see him. Someone you'd secretly draw in your sketchbook more times than anything else. Someone you want to spend time with and would risk everything to save.

Yes, Dima is in love with someone. And this «special» person for him is Igor Grom.

And with all his heart Dima wants to be «special» for Igor too.

How did it happen, why did it have to be Grom? So far, Dima can only mumble in the dim light of his bedroom, looking through his sketches.

At this hour Dima would admit to himself that Igor is rough, irritating and painfully straightforward. Also, he is smart and witty, but good half of his jokes are terrible. Then, browsing more recent drawings, he would notice that Igor is tall, a foot taller than Dima, therefore, when kissing, he would have to stand on his toes and also...

Usually, at this moment, Dubin realizes what he just said and how stupid it sounds, considering it has zero chances to happen, he shuts up and heavily groans. Being glad that no one heard this, he goes to bed, trying to think about something else. But it rarely helps.

***

Igor himself hardly sleeps: he builds theories, keeps searching for connections and tries to overcome constant urge to share his thoughts with the «trainee».

But he grabs the phone again and starts typing, but then he sees that it is already two o'clock in the morning, and his partner should've been asleep for some time now. He immediately discards the message, but Grom is in no hurry to close the dialogue.

Skimming through it, Igor reads work related messages and it seems to him that something is wrong. For some reason, he just wants to write to Dubin. He wants to ask how Dima is, what he likes to do, what films are his favorite. Igor would really like to know more about his partner.

Grom didn't even notice how he got used to the word "partner". And how Dima's presence and opinion became important to him. Not only his ideas about some investigation, but Dima's thoughts about him.

Yes, about Grom himself. Not about him as a major or a partner, but about just him. Does the guy consider, like Igor almost every night, to write him something stupid or insignificant? Is he looking forward to meet Grom at the station? Igor even wonders about the name Dima used to save Grom's phone number in his contacts: is it «major Igor Grom» or just «Igor»? Cause this is exactly what Grom did: he changed «trainee» to «Dima». All his other contacts are listed by last name, well, except for his mom — he wasn't so fucked up by the service.

Just at one point, Dima became important. Highly. Before leaving the house, looking in the hallway mirror, Igor for some reason thinks about Dima. Will he be late today, or maybe they will meet right in front of the station. And then Igor will smile at him. The only way he can, because Igor does not know how to just smile at a person. An important person. If this word is even applicable to someone like Grom, then he would call his smile at Dima awkward.

At the station everyone stays away from Grom except Dima. Igor doesn't blame them, because he knows how difficult he can be, how difficult it is for him to really trust somebody. And it's just easier to keep the distance, then to be eventually sold out.

But strangely Igor is grateful for such unusual support. Before, everything was simpler: crime happens, Grom investigates it, knocks down some doors, receives a reprimand from Prokopenko and complaints from his colleagues, then he proceeds with the lead, kicks the shit out of criminals and, finally, arrests them.

But Igor is not that reckless anymore.

Now out of the corner of his eyes he constantly catches small flicker of reflected light from the glasses his partner wears. Dima always walks beside him, talks a lot, cutely squints in the rare sun, carefully listens to Grom, grumbles and bickers with him, but most importantly, he is still with Igor.

Grom is afraid (it's very unusual feeling for him) that one day the guy will get tired, that Dima will be disappointed with this profession, the station or… his partner — he will be disappointed in Igor.

And Dima will leave him.

And there will be nothing Igor can do, only to watch him leave. The door will slam shut behind Dima, and Igor will just pull the cap down, hiding his eyes. Then, probably, there will be even more complaints about his inappropriate behavior, Grom will be even more rude and... alone.

Igor clearly doesn't want any of this to happen, and he feels that this future is inevitable if Dima disappears from his life.

The whole thing is so messed up. He has to do something about it.

Think.

But so far, the fearless Igor Grom only stares at the cute (all of this is extremely weird for Grom) guy with glasses and drags him everywhere, constantly defending. Igor does not know how else to express his affection. More precisely, how to show it, still remaining himself.

***

As soon as the doorbell rings in the apartment, Igor hurries to open the door, stumbling over everything on the way. With agonizing pain in his pinky toe, the major opens the door wide open.

Dima Dubin just stands there, staring at Igor, who's wearing only sweatpants. Grom tries to catch his breath after rushing to the hallway to meet his favorite light green eyes.

But this is not destined to happen, the warmth of the apartment unfreezes Dubin, fogging up his glasses.

"Oh, Dima. Come in," Igor pretends to forget about his arrival.

It takes a lot of willpower for Dima to overcome this sudden flood of emotions and thoughts about Igor. He tries to focus and realizes how hard it is to just move. Move his legs like a normal person. One part of him hopes he won't stumble, when another has already pictured how Grom would swiftly catch falling Dima in his muscular arms. Like a lady in distress. Of course, Dima is not a lady, but a real policeman. As for the distress... Dima is in huge distress for sure.

"I brought you… here. As you asked." Dubin takes off his jacket and at the same time tries to get folders with new cases.

Reinstatement proved to be more difficult and time-consuming than Grom had imagined. To be honest, everyone expected the process to be fast. And after their near-death experience with the Plague Doctor Grom decided to take this time as a vacation, but after day and a half he called Dubin to bring him the first batch of unsolved cases.

Igor walks up to Dima in one step and takes off his jacket from the left shoulder. The jacket is thin, weightless. And it's between them.

It would've been more correct to pick up the cases that the bored major so «badly» needed. And Igor from the past would've done so. And Igor would never think for a couple of hours about an excuse to see someone. That Igor is straightforward and rough, in contrast to this dumb one.

Grom just looks at the soft features of his partner's face and is afraid to make any movement. Everything is so strange.

"I, ahem, I'm going to hang it," says Grom, dragging himself away, "I'll make you some tea."

"Tea? You? At this rate, the door to the toilet will appear."

"I'm unemployed. I have no money for such a luxury."

"Temporarily unemployed." Dima sits on the sofa and really wants to be right. Igor returns, carrying a mug and a glass of black tea.

"Next time I'll buy you a mug."

Both of them secretly hope for the next time to happen.

"Here." Dima hands «required» folder to Igor, and Grom just nods. He sits down next to Dubin and starts to read. The guy nearby is trying to drink hot tea. It's bitter and tasteless. Grom is unlikely to have sugar, so the tea cannot be saved. But Dima drinks, takes small sips, playing for time. He frequently looks up at Igor, trying not to completely forget about his tea.

At the same time Grom is struggling to grasp anything from suddenly jumbled words. It seems like "banks" and "princesses" were written somewhere, but the head does not let them in, it insists to be busy, to have no place for such unimportant things. Everything is given to the sunny guy with glasses. And also, to the thought that his tea ends too quickly. Dima's going to leave now.

Think, think, think.

"Okay, I'll go. Thanks for the tea." It becomes empty nearby, and Igor cannot move. He's frozen with a folder in his hands. Either now or never.

"Dima! Wait." Everything stops inside. "I want to..." — Grom's heart is waiting in anticipation, it does not beat — "Thank you for stopping by."

Think.

"And for bringing all of this."

Think!

"And I'm glad that you... I mean, we..."

T H I N K!

Someone doesn't know how to talk. At all! Igor pauses and rubs his eyes. Everything went from strange to stupid. Why is it so hard to speak?

He sighs heavily.

"I'm trying to tell you «this», but I don't know how."

"This?" Dima finally speaks, and he is unusually quiet.

Dima stands there, trying not to hope. Very hard. He knows firsthand how it might all end for him. He misunderstood, saw wrong, just imagined everything, and as a result he is a fool. Every time Dima swears not to fall for it, to be more cautious, or at least try to be. And… he still jumps headlong into the abyss, like for the first time. He knows that he will regret, knows that disappointment and night thoughts will follow, playing out a thousand and one different scenarios to show him what really Dima should've done.

But he never learns.

"Me too."

"What?"

"You are to me too."

"Too what?"

"Oh." — It happened again — "Forget it, it's nothing."

"You too what?"

"Where is my jacket?"

"Dima, damn it." It's impossible to ignore Grom. Dubin is caught quite literally: Grom holds him by the wrist. Silence cuts, someone has to speak.

"I... I kind of understood," Igor looks at a slightly frightened Dima, and it seems that now everything falls into place, "I understood, about «too». I have this «too»... too... Feelings."

And everything explodes. So weird. Reciprocity. Dima tries to stand, looks for something to hold on to, and grabs Grom's other hand. Warm. He just smiles, smiles at Igor and cannot believe it.

"You meant this «too», right?" While Dima tastes something similar to happiness, Igor, on the contrary, is on pins and needles.

"Yes. I like you. Very much." — Now it's Igor's turn to smile. — "I probably have to lie down."

"What for?" Igor asks.

"My legs are trembling."

"You are such a nervous Nelly", Grom smirks, but Igor is like that himself. He needs time to believe in all of this. They wouldn't fit on the sofa. Igor leads them past the old punching bag to the unbroken door and into the bedroom.

They just lie on Grom's bed and count the cracks in the high ceiling. Their shoulders touch, and Dima feels Igor's hot naked skin under his shirt. Dubin takes a deep breath and decides to risk it again.

He turns his head towards Igor and swallows nervously. Grom continues to stare at the ceiling, gathering his thoughts together. Dima stretches his hand and clumsily interlaces their fingers. Dubin turns away because he feels himself starting to blush. The palms are sweating, the pulse is racing, the only thing in Dima's head is "please, don't move away, don't let go."

All this time Igor just looks up, not daring to move. Everything is strange. Again.

But only his fingers tightly squeeze Dima's palm in response.

A stupid smile appears on the face, but inside everything finally makes sense. It's so surprising to realize that the answer to all Igor's questions (except for the Plague Doctor, of course) was Dima.

They share this warm indescribable feeling which spreads through their bodies, starting from the touch, and only grows stronger. Igor's thumb gently strokes the back of Dima's hand, drawing simple patterns on it.

"Will you stay?" an unusual whisper only confirms that all of this is true. It's really happening to the guy with the glasses.

"If I can… then yes."

Igor turns swiftly at these words and rises on his elbow. Igor's gaze is finally directed at Dima.

"Sure, you can."

"Cool."

"Cool. Your ears are all red. Is it always like this with you?

"Only next to you," Dima is no longer in control of what he says. He swallows nervously and waits for something.

And Igor reaches forward and kisses him. First on the cheeks. Light weightless kisses. Then gently on the corners of the mouth. Groms's lips are chapped and dry, while Dima's are soft and thin. The guy's hands tremble, but they reach for his partner's brown hair. And finally on the lips. The world freezes. There's only here and now. Only two of them together. Everything is in its place.

Igor draws back and looks at Dima with tenderness. They both want more.

"Your cheeks are all red."

"I am not surprised."

Grom removes glasses from Dima's nose.

"What's your vision?"

"Igor, give it back."

"Tell me."

"Bad."

"How bad?"

"Well, I can see you perfectly."

"And what do you see?"

"Everything."