Chapter 23: A Shan Without Shasha

(Len's POV)

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"Life can't be anymore harder than this," My initial comment from my childhood had become a daily slogan for me now. I had thought this multiple when I was often bullied by my other siblings.

But now, I'm saying this slogan again and again after being denied by the Shashas here. There are not many Shashas in the first place and after reaching the age of marriage, a Shan's life is meaningless if he's not mated with any Shasha yet.

I and my Brother Jemin have been trying to find one to whom we could dedicate our lives to. But, unfortunately, no one is interested. Their high demands and wishes are too much for us to cope up with in our daily lives.

The Shans now have started to make clothes and cook food which were once the work of Shashas, just to impress them. Nowadays, Shans are also looking after the cubs, to secure a good impression in the Shasha's heart  and not to get abandoned or rejected.

And here, neither I nor Brother Jemin can cook and make clothes. And looking after the cubs? Hahaha!

We had tried once to bribe a cub into our team so that we could impress his mother to make our mate, and guess what? That cub had almost his life in our hands!

From then onwards, cubs had become a nightmare for us. And adding to that incident, no more Shashas in the tribe wanted to take us in. Worst, they won't even give us more than just a glance.

So, now only Brother Jemin and I are the only ones left. We are the companion of each other and stay together. Even though I'm a lion and he's a bear.

Brother Jemin is also the most matured one and also know how to deal with a situation without making it awkward. So our reputation hadn't detoriated to that level where we would be despised or worst, to be driven out of tribe.

Still, it didn't mean we gave up on finding us a mate. Both of us had tried to impress Shashas of other tribes too, when we were out for trading, but their other mates are too much for us to handle.

And we didn't want to destroy the relations among the tribes just because of our desperation to find a mate.

Still, it hurts to see Brother Jemin getting mocked behind his back by none other than the engaged Shans trading with him. And I'm sure they also mock me when I'm not around.

Afterall, a Shan without a Shasha is useless!

Speaking of which, Brother Jemin and I weren't so close from the beginning. I only used to know him as my mother's first born cub who was the only one that survived the winter. All his other bear brothers were dead. He's seven years older than me and we had never crossed our paths before, until that day.

I had run away from my den when I had enough of my other brothers bullying me. My tail was a lot shorter than theirs and so I was often the subject of theirs to get bullied by them.

And it seriously hurt a lot. I had tried to complain to my father about it. But I only got the same reply from him again and again, "Be good. Don't behave like a Shasha. We, Shans need to be strong to withstand everything."

It was just too much for me. And I would often ask for why in the world I had to go through this. Why?

That day, I was still weeping when suddenly I heard a strong voice trying hard to be soft and gentle.

"Hey, cub! What are you doing here?"

For the first time, I thought I was hallucinating as none had ever showed a single bit of care for me. So, even though, I stopped crying, I didn't look up. I just curled myself more into my embrace, when I heard that voice again.

"Hey, if you're not looking up, I'm leaving!"

That time, I had abruptly looked up to make sure if there's really a Shan there and if he was really talking to me.

And yes, there he was.

And what surprised me the most was that unhidden concern and worry in his eyes.

'Was it... was it for real?' I immediately asked my mind who replied with nothing.

So I decided to make sure of that question by myself with him, "Are.. are you talking to me?"

I saw him raising a brow as he looked here and there. And when he opened his mouth, no good words came out of it, "I thought you were the only one here. Never mind, you carry on with your crying. I'll look for the other one who's crying here."

He said and started to walk away just like that. I remembered I had started to chase after him with my lips becoming like a flower.

I meant, that he should have at least hang on for there for a little more, right? What's the meaning of the concern when he had never thought to help me in the first place?!

It was too much!

"Hey! You! Stop!"

(No reply)

"Hey! I'm speaking to you!"

(No reply)

By that time, gone was my sorrow and sadness from before. That guy was alone for me to be so angry that no other emotions could come into my mind again.

I had followed him till his cave and was surprised to see it. It wasn't that large like my mom's but it was so neat and clean. Even it was decorated a little with straws and animal skins. I fell in love with that cave and was looking at it with a awe struck face, when I heard his voice again.

"If you plan to stay there like that even after following me here, then it's better for you to shoo away from here."

My lips immediately formed a blooming flower, "What do you mean by that? I'm staying here from now on!"

I said determinedly. That place was so awesome that I didn't want to go back to that depressing cave anymore. And as my lion instinct was saying, this new place would be the safest and best place for me to live from then onwards.

And surprisingly, he didn't reject me, so I became bold and even sat near him. He was roasting three fishes. That day was my first time trying a fish and it tasted awesome.

Awesome because no one snatched it away from and I got to eat my full meal for the first time. And it was made by someone who didn't make it for me, with hatred or as if forced to.

I remembered my father always used to roast meat for us, but he would always growl in irritation as he would stay away from his mate for that responsibility.

Well, whatever! We came to know each other's name while eating the fish and I was surprised to know that he was the bear cub of my mom. He's none other than Jemin, the bear.

After that little introduction, we chatted a lot. I never thought a Shan like him who appeared stoic and strong would be such an easy guy to talk to.

And I also realized one thing that night. He's also like me. Though our situations were different, we only had one wish. That was to genuinely have someone who would stay with us, hear us, care for us and not despise us of who we are.

That night was the best night as I remembered that guy had took me in his arms to sleep. He had even covered me with an animal skin.

Next day wasn't a good one. As the first thing I saw in the morning was the angry face of my father, who was being blocked near the cave by brother Jemin. His roars woke me up.

And since I was a lion and also his son, it was easy for me to know what he was saying in his beast form.

"You, b*stard! How dare you to run away from home and making your mother worry about you? Don't you know how to behave? Get back here!"

But that day, it was different from other days. I didn't look at him with hope or fear. I looked at him just like how I look at a stranger.

I guess, even he was shocked by that so his struggles calmed down a little as he changed into his two-legged form and said in a soft voice that I had never expected to hear from him before, "Cub, what's wrong? Let's go home. Your mom is worried about him. Let's meet her together, okay?"

'Mother? She is worried about me?'

I was almost tempted to follow him back and even go back with him. But then, I saw brother Jemin's hardened jaws with clenched fists, who was standing besides my father. Immediately, I shook my head and changed my mind.

And it also struck me. Mom might get worried about me now. But what about in the next second? She'll either look for her other cubs or her mates? Can she even spare her time for me? The answer was obviously no. A big NO!

So, even I had a soft spot for my mother, it wasn't that soft that I would abandon the one who truly cares for me.

Hence, I did the thing that I never thought I would ever do. I walked besides Brother Jemin and said in my determined voice, "Father, please go back and tell my mom that I'm safe. No need to worry about me anymore, because I won't go back and will stay here with my brother."

I think he was surprised by my words as he wanted to grab my shoulders like he used, but was stopped by Brother Jemin from coming closer to me. Father had glared at him as he turned to look at me, "Len, listen to me. Let's go back. You can't live here well. You-"

I didn't know why but that time I felt a sense of crisis in him but I ignored it as I took Brother Jemin's hand and said, "I can obviously live here well than there. At least here, no one will bully me or look down upon me. You don't need to worry just like how you never worried before, Father!"

The last line was unintentionally a little bit harsh, and even though I regretted it, I didn't say any other words to cover it.

"Len, what are you saying? You're my cub! Of course, I am worried about you!"

I didn't know why but that time, I was constantly feeling a strong desperation from him in his voice. Yet, I didn't want to entertain that small thought in me so I harshly said to him, "No, you aren't worried about me! You never were! Don't fool me as I won't be fooled again. I just don't understand what's wrong with you! I'm doing fine here and I know brother Jemin will also take care of me. So, why don't you just go away?"

I turned back my face on him and I started to walk into my new home. I just didn't want to see him anymore. His new look on his face was making me so annoyed on him and more annoyed on myself.

As I remembered something, I said the words that I wanted to say him for all my life in that place, without turning back, "And I really hope that when you have another set of cubs, you'll truly worry for them. Not being forced to. Even though I don't want you to have anymore cubs, as you don't deserve to be a father."