20 Voice

"Be careful," Chao said behind him, he could recognize his voice whenever. But Yitian only smiled for himself, not even turning around. It was quite funny how Chao was protective of him.

"I'm always careful. Bye-bye." He waved and ran out of doors. Their new apartment was close to his faculty, so he was walking there. Yitian had enough time before his morning class would start.

When he arrived in the classroom he took out his book as usual and started to read.

"Ehm, can I talk to you?" Yitian was startled by an unknown voice standing close to him. He jumped pretty high and looked up at the source of the voice. It was his classmate. He moved a bit away, creating some distance between them, and raised eyebrows.

"Ehm, me?" Yitian looked around, but there was no one around him. 'Yeah, probably me, huh?' he chuckled to himself.

"Yes, you, your name is Wang Yitiang, right?" the classmate asked and Yitian just nodded. He had no idea what was this about and he wasn't that comfortable with strangers yet. Not even his classmates, this was the first time in more than two months that someone said to him more than one word.

"We need something from you," she said and without any excuse, she sat beside him. It took a great amount of self-control not to move away. But he learned something from Chao. To be kind. Under any circumstances.

"What do you need?" Chao asked, hoping it wasn't anything bad. He knew how hurtful people could be.

"Teacher Hua is asking for your help. You could do something too. Not only play a hard-to-get unfriendly person. You won't get any girl like that with your look. You are pretty useless for us anyway." She flipped her hair like in some drama and walked away. Yitian breathed out. He knew he shouldn't take her words to heart. He wasn't playing hard to get, just… He was speechless and his mood dropped below zero. He was afraid of them. Only classmates he ever had bullied him. And she wasn't different. None of them helped him. They saw bruises but did nothing.

Yitian got up and went to help teacher Hua without saying anything, but he walked with his head down. He got to the teacher's room, knocked on the door, and walked in when he was called. Without uttering a word he helped to carry some miniatures and walked back to the classroom. He went back to his seat, her words replaying in his head over and over again.

'Playing hard to get… Stupid mind. Stop! Stop!' he was shouting at himself. He didn't even notice that his lesson ended. Only when someone bumped into him, by accident, he woke up from his thinking.

Yitian quickly packed his things and did not care about his other lessons. He ran away from the room, from campus, into a nearby park. He found some quiet corner behind a tree and, exhausted, fell hard on the ground.

'Unfriendly person!' His mind continued shouting at him. 'Useless!' the voice said.

'No! No! I'm a good person. Chao said that.' Yitian was fighting with himself using Chao as a shield. But it was useless.

'You are nothing. Without him, you would be dead already.' Yitian started to cry. He hugged himself. Burying nails into his arms. 'You should die, so you won't be in his way!' Yitian was losing to the voice inside his head. He tried to fight but he was useless after all. He bumped his head into the tree behind him. Once, twice and many times after that. He felt no pain. He was trembling, crying, and hurting himself.

'Nobody wants to be friends with you!'

"STOP!" he shouted aloud, his voice full of his emotions and then he collapsed on the ground.

***

Yitian woke up because of the cold, when it was already dark outside. Nobody was around him. Nobody cared about him.

He dragged himself up, brushed off some dirt, and went home. He was walking slowly, his head down, eyes full of tears. He was still trembling, breathing hard, but he went there. Where his new home was. But nobody was there. He was all alone again.

Yitian did not turn on the lights, he just let his backpack go in the middle of the living room and went to the bathroom, and locked the door behind him. Still in the dark, he turned on the hot water and sat down. He was trying to warm himself up. He was so cold. So cold. But not even the shower was helping him.

He heard the front door shut and his worst fear came true. Hurting. He would be hurting again. He crouched into the ball in the furthest corner and listened.

"Fuck, why is it in the middle of the room? Yitian!" Someone shouted, his mom. No! She was here. He started to tremble. "Where are you?!" that voice again. He was glad that his sobs disappeared in the sound of running water. The door handle moved. "Are you there? Open the door or I will kick them!" A different voice, his hazy mind knew something. Yitian sobbed. Calm murmuring was heard from behind the door. This voice. He knew it. That voice was safe. Was it? Mom was supposed to be safe too…

Safe.

With a loud bang, he let the showerhead fall on the tiles and crawled to the doors. He unlocked the door and rolled into a safe ball. A second later the door opened and the light flashed.

"Yitian!" the safe voice shouted. Someone kneeled beside him and took him into a hug. He was nice, warm, safe, helping him melt the ice inside him, warming him up. The person was swaying him carefully in his cradle-like arms. Whispering calm words to him.

"I'm here." Swing. "No one will hurt you." Swing. "I'm here for you." Yitian listened to this person's heartbeat, breathing, calming down. He soon stopped crying and fell asleep.