Chapter 36: "I really loved you."

He was stupid. He felt stupid for loving someone who used him yet he tried. The vivid nightmare he had the previous night became a reality. The reality was cruel and harsh, Jungkook did not want him or their unborn offspring. Jimin took the initiative and left, for his and the baby's chance at living a life of love.

"Neo neun na~" Jimin sobbed and hung his head down with his black hat covering half of his face waiting for the elevator to reach the lobby. Thankfully, no one had unexpectedly joined and he was glad. The adrenaline coursed through his veins from standing up to his now ex-boyfriend and his body didn't hurt for now.

"Na neun neo" He used his right index finger to press it against his own belly. "It's just you and I... now. He won't hurt you, I promise. Over my dead body will he ever hurt you." He added, a recollection of memories with Jungkook came to his mind, and then he realized that he had just done exactly what Taehyung told him to.

"I really left him when the time was right." He chuckled bitterly and used his hands to lean on the railings with his eyes boaring a hole down the floor.

He left the building with a crying heart, and drove to the only place where he could confine in someone he loved. His hand felt heavy, like bricks of guilt were hanging over it when he raised it to knock on the apartment where it all began. But he knocked.

Once

Twice

Thrice

F-

"Yeontan! Stop barking, you don't nee- What the fuck happened?! Who do I need to murder?" Taehyung opened the door with a barking Yeontan in his arms. He instantly pulled the male inside his apartment and let Yeontan on the floor before taking the black hat off Jimin's head and threw it back. "I broke up with him..." Jimin chuckled bitterly, his body ached, all adrenaline gone from it.

"What did he do to you?! You're shaking." Taehyung gently used his left hand and pulled on the writer's neck with his right hand on the waist to engulf him in a hug. "You're okay, Chim. I'm here." The writer sniffed and hugged him, his cheeks squeezed between the taller's neck and shoulder.

"He went too far. My nipples hurt, my back aches, my ankles are burning and my pride has been shattered." The warmth of his best friend helped ease the pain inside his heart but not permanently. The scars would take time to heal, but the mark will remain forever. "But what hurt me the most was... that h-he had the fucking audacity to say he wanted to a-ab- I can't even say that word." Seeing Jimin act so weak was painful. The writer was a strong man, his emotions were usually calm yet giddy with a joke or two, but it was almost never when he cried, more like sobbed.

"I'm going to kill him. I'll chop his balls off and wrap them inside a condom before shoving it up his ass." Taehyung gritted his teeth as he spoke, his words made the writer flinch. The memories of Jungkook explaining how he suffered because of Min Woo filled his thoughts and no matter how much he despised him, he loved the man. And even if he went too far, he couldn't let Taehyung say that about him because Jungkook had also gone through much worse.

"Don't say that!" Jimin jerked his head back and slapped the younger's back. He calmed down after a few minutes and then Taehyung insisted they sat in the living room and just talked in order to distract him.

"Hobi hyung must be arriving soon. I'll cook something up for the three of us." Taehyung became Jimin's anpanman, he already was and always will be. "What are you craving?" Now, Jimin really became hungry. "I want ...Lachibolala." He giggled; it was their inside joke.

"Tony Montana?" Taehyung wiggled his eyebrows and laughed along with him. "Carbonara it is! Let me search up for the recipe, though I'm not responsible if you don't like the taste. I'm not a professional like Seokjin hyung." The inside joke for them was how one time Hoseok wanted to eat Carbonara at a restaurant and since Jimin was wearing headphones and listening to music, he mistook the word for Lachibolala and Tony Montana. The trio had a good laugh that night.

When Hoseok arrived, he, Taehyung and Jimin had small conversation here and there but the couple were there for him. The model even insisted on him staying the night after they ate and that's how Jimin found himself between tears again.

The sight before him was too much adorable. Taehyung and Hoseok sat at each side of his stomach reading a bedtime story to the offspring. "I love you three." He mumbled when observing how the two males mimicked the character's voice, adding their natural dialects in it. If Jungkook didn't love him, although it hurt him deep inside, he wouldn't pay attention to it anymore because now he had someone who will love him just as he will love them; unconditionally.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

March 15, 2019

"You better have a good reason as to call me on the day I decide not to go to work. You woke Beomgyu up and now I have to cook breakfast." Director Min practically growled at the phone clearly irritated that his peaceful morning was interrupted and now it was full of a whiney three year old wanting to eat breakfast. And he was about to give up and add some milk to a bowl of corn flakes.

"I have. Good morning to you too Yoongi hyung." Jungkook's voice sounded off to him. It was plain. No acting, not his chuckles or snarky comments or any of his usual confidence or the unusual happiness whenever he was with Jimin.

"Speak up before Beomgyu starts throwing his toys at me. He's feisty today." Yoongi eyed the little boy who pouted and curled his small fists to show he wanted food now.

"I need a huge favor. Can you change the days scheduled for Jimin and mine's recordings of the soundtracks, so we won't collide or run into each other? Um... Jimin-ssi and I are not on good terms. ...Probably for the rest of our lives." Jungkook chuckled bitterly now. Wenever he spoke, he felt his morning breath fill his nostrils and it disgusted him, but he did not attempt to move from his bed to brush his teeth.

"Jungkook-ah, that's not professional of you. You've already asked me tons of things for this movie. I casted Jimin, I turned a blind eye when you two fooled around backstage as if hiding your supposed relationship wasn't a big deal, I even had to pay some media for them not to upload many news outlets. And I never told Jimin and dealed with it alongside his Literary Agent, just like you asked me to." Yoongi peeled a banana while balancing the phone on his right shoulder and spoke. The tone of his voice wasn't rough; more like a hyung scolding his dongsaeng.

"I know... But please hyung, do this last one for me." Jungkook rolled to his left side, he was still hurting a little on his right under thigh.

At the other end of the line, Yoongi sighed very loudly. Beomgyu's pout could be heard faintly as well. "Fine. I'll call my secretary and deal with this. Don't go to the studio today." He complied and it made Jungkook sigh in relief.

"Thank you hyung. Oh- and please. Don't tell Jimin that I called you for it. Make something up." The actor added and there was a chime in his phone while the call was still on. "Yeah yeah kid. I do this because although you're a spoiled brat, you're one of my dearest actors. You better remember this. Now I have to go. Bye." And he hanged up without waiting for a reply; totally a Yoongi thing to do when he was busy.

Jungkook looked at his lockscreen and suddenly jerked forward on the bed. He gasped rather loudly and his eyes really did tear up but he didn't cry.

09:20

Friday, March 15

MESSAGES

한메지 1m ago

The police just made an arrest warranr for Le...

His heart started to increase the beats it made. Would justice finally be served? His finger started trembling when he unlocked the phone and once he began reading, he shouted. "Fucking finally!" But it wasn't one of anger, it was a mixture of sorrow and pain.

IMESSAGE

한메지

MEJI: The police just made an arrest warranr for Lee Min Woo. They found a total of three men and four women inside his property held against their will. Seunghun was safely taken out along them and now Min Woo is under arrest. He's being held at the Jongnam Police Station for questioning. Don't worry, he won't get out of there, not on my watch. There's enough evidence but don't lower your guard.

MEJI: Seunghun and the rest of the men and women found have been safely taken to a hospital for check ups, psychological help, etc.

MEJI: I'm assuming you and Mr. Park must find these news good for now. I'm heading myself to the hospital to check on the witnesses. Don't claim your victories yet, it seems Mr. Lee's lawyer is very good.

MEJI: I'll do everything in my power, as your lawyer, to win this case.

MEJI: Take care both you and Jimin. I'll text you the details for when the trials start.

Han Me-Ji was acting as his savior, she was completely set on winning their case and it hurt him because Jimin had found her for him. Now, he just forgot one detail. Would Jimin still act as a witness, or would he stay by his side when the trials start until the end. He didn't know. He knew he didn't deserve it, so he didn't hope for anything. Those news brightened up his day, so much that he got out of bed and finally brushed his teeth as well as his face. Although he was hurting, something good happened.

~ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ~

Jimin found himself cleaning his teary eyes. The instrumental music in the background just made his heart ache even more but he had to do this. It was how he expressed himself; not through actions, not through his voice, but through written words. He did what he did best. He wrote.

The last words he'd say to the man he loves, it was a form of closure. To make Jungkook know of his intentions, his emotions, he handwrote him a letter. And he drove himself back to the apartment where the man he shed tears of love and pain for was. Frankly, he felt stupid for doing this, but it was the only way he'd calm himself.

It took him over seven knocks until Jungkook opened up the door. Through the same black Radios cotton bucket hat he used the last time he had come over, Jimin looked up at him. It was like when they first met. Gravity suddenly seemed heavier on both of their feet as soon as their eyes met. But instead of lustful desires behind their exchanged glances, it was full of longing and sorrow.

"Mr. Park, What are you doing at my apartment?" Jungkook tried not to stutter through his broken composure because he clearly remembered how Jimin broke up with him. He was clear, they would only meet if not during professional meetings, then through their managers or agents.

"Take this. It's me finding a type of consolation for myself. Don't open it now, wait until I leave. I'll send you your belongings at my apartment through mail but I had to give you this personally." Jimin searched for the inside pocket of his dark blue coat and grabbed the closed white envelope. He pushed it onto the raven haired's hands and turned around to leave.

"Wait!" Jungkook grabbed Jimin's arm and turned him around. The touch against the clothing of his arm still sent a certain wave of goosebumps around his skin and the writer flinched. Instantly, his free hand protectively hovered above his stomach and he lowered his head with closed as if he was about to be hit.

"Let me explain what happened-" The actor noticed how much his touch scared the writer but he didn't let go. "Let me go Mr. Jeon. This is harassment." Jimin spoke after facing him, the free hand still protectively holding his clothed stomach.

The writer's action forced the actor's eyes to trace his hand. "Y-You're really..."

"Goodbye Jeon." Jimin forcefully broke free from his hold and Jungkook couldn't move. He didn't get the chance to explain himself, but frankly Jimin shouldn't know even if he needed to. It would break him even more if he found out that Min Woo was present that day watching them. But the news would come to light soon, maybe then it would be time for Jimin to know; he just began to hope it wouldn't break him further.

Full of sorrow, Jungkook stared at the wall at the other end of the hall, the white envelope was still on his hand, but Jimin's arm was no longer there. His presence disappeared again, and for him it really kicked in again.

Right now, Jimin wasn't the only one that left him.

And now it was breaking down his walls. Jimin was breaking his walls. His disappearance from his life was all it took for the tears to come down again from his eyes. He returned to his bedroom and slid against the locked door until his knees were stretched out on the floor. The emotion causing all of this was the sole reason his heart was shattered. And it was late. Too fucking late. Because when he opened the envelope, he realized he didn't deserve the man called Park Jimin.

His legs had given up on him. The floor of his bedroom now felt cold against his still aching bottom but it didn't hurt as much as his heart did when he began to read the letter Jimin wrote to him.

To: 꾹

How could I let myself fall this deep?

I let you be

The epitome of my happiness, The sun in my life

The moon in my dreams

The stars in my eyes

The flowers in my lungs

The sweetness of my heart.

I felt used and I had a feeling.

My heart is torn

The same phrase is consuming me

I love you

Doesn't mean anything anymore

Oh ocean you're dragging me down

If at any time you felt the love I gave you How could you not see it true?

I opened up myself

I was a fool

Those captivating eyes

Those captivating brown doe eyes

Those inviting lips

Those inviting rose precious lips

I gave in to temptation

and let you claim me

Oh how much of a fool I was.

Like rose petals my skin shined

In the closed space

I stared upon the lion like a lost prey

One smirk terminated me

Oh had I fallen deep for you.

You once asked me

If I believed in love at first sight

My first answer was yes

Now I look back and don't regret it.

But I don't believe in love at first sight

I don't anymore...

I don't believe in how the love

you said you had for me

Was true love

Yet the one I did for you was

The one I still have

Like Anakin and Padmé

Like Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanoff

Like Daenerys and Khal

Like Chuck and Blair

Like Min hyuk and Krystal

Like Kim Tan and Cha Eun Sang

Like Gu Jun Pyo and Geun Jan Di

Like Song Joong Ki and Song Hye Kyo

I was the Harley Quinn to your Joker

This infatuation over my eyes

This possession over my lips

This obsession over my body

This is not how we were meant to be.

I want you to see for yourself

You may be following into someone else's footsteps

And this probably sounds cliché

But I have to say it...

I don't want to let go of you

But you're too toxic.

I don't want your love

I want your smile

I want your lips on mine

I want your eyes on mine

I want your body on top of mine

But...

If all you do is hurt me

Hurt me in a way nobody had done

I can't stay by your side.

I need to protect myself from your thorns

Because I already fell in your web

But now I'm breaking free

If all you see in my eyes is brown

Don't ever call me again

Because you haven't changed

And when you realize this...

You may still be the same

If you ever look back to our memories

And see something else in my eyes

Tell me what you feel

Show me what you feel, and

I'll be there for you

That's what I wany to say

But after all this time

I realized why a star shines

No one tells a star to shine

She shines for herself

Not for anyone else

I won't blame you for this

I can't find it in myself to do so

I have an angel

One you gave up on without a blink

That really broke my heart

The innocence of a pure being

Carrying your blood

Would love you unconditionally

But you gave up on that

Blinded in the darkness

A for Affectation

R for Rapport

M for Magnetism

Y for Yearn

This is my Valediction

The last time I'll share this

Because you still deserve to see

What the shape of love

Really looks like

This was your second chance and you wasted it.

Good bye Jungkook-ah.

너와 정말 사랑했다

-지민

And Jungkook was crying, worse than he'd done when Jimin broke up with him. A few tears stained the white paper in his hands, but it wasn't the end. It was the beginning of an ocean swarming up. The cup was full and it spilled all the water held for years when he saw the other paper below the letter. With glistened eyes, he sobbed loudly looking at the picture.

The words BABY written in white marker forced anorher loud whimper to leave his throat. He turned the picture around and had to clean his eyes to be able to read the note.

2020년 3월 5일, 화요일.

4주! ❤︎

First appointment, average of 4 weeks.

Although you may not know what love is Jungkook-ah, know that you had the chance to learn of it. This is the shape our love has, but it'll grow into something more beautiful. Sadly, one you didn't want to see. I don't regret this. I don't regret loving you, but I regret not finding out about your real intentions beforehand. Maybe then, things would be different.

This is the baby you wanted to give up on. Don't you dare say you want to be part of our lives after seeing this because it'll make me hate you and I don't want that because I know that deep down, the Jungkook I fell in love with is there but he will never come up again.

Stop ruining yourself.

"I didn't know that... you could be so loving yet cruel at the same time. I'm sorry." Jungkook bent his knees and held the picture close to his chest where his shattered heart was. Just like Jimin had said to himself, an unconditional love. It's a pure instinct that comes naturally to you. Now it had come to the raven haired male who cried his heart out for it was too late.

They both left him for what he was and he needed to change, even if it was too late, for them and for himself.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧