The Usurpation of Morgoth and the Forth Age

What does a New God of Metal do when he returns home across the Omniverse after an epic battle and after party? Well obviously he goes home and plays Metal louder than Hell. The beat of my drums sounded throughout the world and a new discordant theme joined the Ainulindalë.

The heavy sound of rebellion played out and I felt the unattended power of Morgoth within Middle Earth itself. I give mad props to the man for turning an entire planet into his Horcrux, but leaving the majority of your power out in the open just cause you don't think anyone else has the balls and ability to snatch that shit for himself. Rookie Dark Lord mistake.

I took hold of the majority of Morgoth's power that existed separate from him in the earth and drained it into myself. I feasted on the potential of the New Ring, the power of the One Ring, and the divinity of the Lord of the Rings Devil himself. It all joined to my soul like a rib of steel, making strength stronger.

All of my children took up their instruments and joined my song, my song that invaded the Ainulindalë, the music of the Valar, and shaped the world itself at the birth of the Forth Age. In fact the Valar and their spaced continent Valinor probably feel a little sumthin sumthin right now as my song expands all of Arda. The world grew, more land, more water, taller mountains, deeper valleys, and from the aether I pulled down Valinor itself while yanking Numenor out of the sea.

Mordor pushed everything around it away as I forced new landmass to form under me, and under Mordor I opened a great crucible whose fire and metal would sheath my armies in the finest arms and armor. From the earth rose up many monuments to awesome and great beasts of mighty flesh and chromed steel.

From the verdant jungles of Nurn to the icy peaks of Seregost and the sands of Lithlad to the fires of Gorgoroth, not a stretch of land was missed in my quest to make Mordor even more brutal. And as Mordor rose up so much more, so too would the whole world in time.

I brought much suffering into Mordor. The land would kill the weak, slay the slow, murder the stupid. A crucible of fire below and quench of blood above. Fucking glorious.

A boisterous laugh halted my work as before me appeared a man with golden hair and ruddy skin. He came taller than the mountains, shining with a crown of golden light, and clad in a simple white kilt.

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSS!" I screamed in joy and I stripped naked and grew my own form.

I stopped when I had to look down at him just a little, for as his form could reach up and pull down the clouds, my fullest height would have me wearing them as a hat while my feet stood on the floor of the ocean.

No words passed between Tulkas Astaldo and I as instead we each took hold of the back of the neck of the other in one hand and began punching each other in the face with the other. We struck with all our strength and speed, the impacts booming out not like thunder, but like the sharp blasts of massive shotguns.

We cared not for any who died in the terrible windstorms our clash created. We only had eyes for each other. We held each other for days and nights, neither tiring, neither capable of tiring. That perfect union of focus, power, and intent rang out again and again, almost without ceasing.

Almost.

Great gouts of golden blood from our faces, but I healed and Tulkas did not, and our glorious battle ended when his skull gave out and his face caved in around my fist. Tulkas fell against Mount Doom, and bled a river of glowing ichor from his shattered head. He bled for seven days and seven nights and all of Mordor came to the river to drink, and take in the power of the Champion of the Valar.

All who drank of that river grew in height, breadth, and swoleness. His blood mingled with the waters of the world, and with the earth, bringing the promise of great future gains for all life on the planet.

From his bones I fashioned a great white ship, from his sinew the rigging. I wove the sails of his golden hair, and fashioned the Kruban Bound, a ship that sailed across water, land, sky, space, and one day universes.

From his entrails I made monsters of great physical might, Ogres, Minotaurs, Giants, and Cyclopes as well as brutal megafauna such as massive boars, buffalo, and hinds - creatures with incredible tusks, horns, and antlers of strongest ivory.

I fashioned a superhero suit from his skin. Dyed it red. Is nice.

With my work completed for now I returned to a grateful world and realized that with all of Mordor now two feet taller and extra swole, none of our shit fit anymore. Thank God that whatever personally belongs to me can shift size however I do and that I created a Titan Forge Crucible beneath Mordor so I can pump this rearmament out with some help from my god powers.

I'm thinking Stormcast Eternals, swap out the blue for red, the lighting for fire, and the lions for fanged skulls and we are looking golden. Very golden. Why red you may ask. Simple, RED IS THE COLOR OF SEX! And fear, and danger, and signs that say: Do. Not. Enter.

And things that are FASTA!