23 Failed Mother

It's been hours, how many? I have no clue, at least 7 or 8. I glanced over at my mom, asleep in the chair. Aaron took Layla home and said he would pick us up tomorrow. I can't wait till tomorrow, Vincent needs me now. I have no idea if that dream was real or tricking me like all the others. My brain says the smart thing to do is don't believe it and learn to live without Vincent while my heart is crying out the opposite. I quickly noticed my mother rubbing her eyes as she sat up. That's when I realized that it was just me and her now and I had my chance to ask her the questions I've been holding in. She smiled at me when she pulled a chair over to sit beside my bed. Her hands glide across my hair in a soothing motion as if she knew I was upset and wanted comfort.

I wanted to smile to reassure her but the stress about Vincent was bottled up inside my chest, making it hard to lie on my face. Her other hand was placed softly ontop of mine. She took in a soft breath before letting it out "Where did you go Sky? Did you really miss me while you were away? Did you ever think about coming back? Coming to save me from your father once you grew?" She asked in a disappointing tone. It gave me shivers down my spine at her words and how it landed heavily on my heart.

Her hand squeezed mine tighter as she continued not letting me say a word, "Do you know what your mommy has been through? Losing her baby, not seeing him grow up, being abused by her husband, being sold off as a sex slave. Your father chased after you that night and ran away himself. I thought you would have come back so I waited but some years passed and I thought you and your father were dead. Until he appeared at the door and took over the house once more. Drugs and gambling took him over and he never let me leave the house or have a phone to call for help. I would pray for you to come back and maybe.. just maybe.. we could run away together... instead I was sold off to support his addiction..." Her hand squeezed mine even tighter to the point of pain but I dealt with it as she continued.

"I always thought of you as my angel, the one I would see once again once I go to the other side. I was waiting for the day I could die to be with my baby until I met Layla. She reminded me of you, such bright eyes... Strong words... Innocences... she gave me a reason to stay... but... You never missed me, did you? You never thought about me... not even once. I could tell by the look in your eyes when you first saw me again. You've forgotten you had a mother..." Her eyes filled with tears that soon fell onto my arm. I was lost for words, I didn't know what to say. It was true that I didn't miss her as much as a child would normally miss their parents. I was so distracted by Vincent that I even forgot I had any.

I tried so hard to erase my past, I wanted nothing to do with it but by doing that... I hurt my own mother... Before I could apologize she placed her finger on top of my lips "Shhh" she responded before pulling away "You don't need to say anything... I know I am a terrible mother. I know I should have been the one protecting you not the other way around. If I were a good parent, your father would be in prison, and you would have been living with me. You should have never been through all the things you did. I may not know all the suffering you went through, all the happiness you received, all the sadness your keeping in, but I do know that as a mother I should have been there through it all and I wasn't..." She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly "All I wanted to be as a young girl was a mother. I dropped out of school for your father and took care of you once you were born. You were my only reason to stay alive. You gave me the job I've always wished for and yet... I should be fired. It didn't take me time to know what I must do and it may seem too much or idiotic to you, my dear. But to me, it's the only way for me to find inner peace." She said chilling words that only gave me terrible vibes. She kisses my forehead before standing "I love you son and I always will" She smiled letting go of me and leaving the room.

"Wait! Mother! Please!" I yelled as I sat up and pushed my weak body out of the bed. As soon as my foot touches the ground it gave out, not able to hold my weight. The cord I was hooked to unplugged and cause a loud beating sound that echoed through the empty room. Little by little I crawled after her, watching her figure fade away into nothingness. Nurses rushed in, helping me back on the bed, I didn't try resiting. I just sat there while the nurses tucked me back into the bed... feeling lonely even though I was surrounded by people trying to make me feel better. They told me to be still and they will call Aaron to come to see me. I couldn't get my mind off of the words my mother said. She talked about how she failed as a mother but I felt as if I failed as a son. Not only a son, a boyfriend, a friend, a person... I sat surrounded by nurses and yet no matter how hard they tried, I felt like everything was coming to an end real soon...